My boyfriend and his ex still texting?

[Anonymous]

I saw by accident that my boyfriend is still texting with his ex. We have been together for a year and have had lots of drama because of this ex as he kept saying they are platonic but they wanted to have sex a month before he got to know me and were flirting a lot. They know each other for 15 years and are very close. He promised he will stop texting her back then, but they did not.

After seeing they are texting I asked my boyfriend if his ex will always be part of our relationship as I would like there to only be us. He got upset and started to accuse me that I want him to soon cut out his other friends from his life as well. I said I do not have any issue with anybody else as he has not had sex with them. In the end he did not give a clear answer if he will stop writing with her. I just explained how their “friendship” is damaging our relationship and makes me feel insecure and bad. I said that he promised me that his girlfriend would always come first. He was quiet.

Guys, is it clear from this that he will stop texting with her? I feel I should check mentally out from it and start to casually see other people to keep my options open? What would you do?

[Nawlins34]

"I saw by accident that my boyfriend is still texting with his ex." - Strike 1

"We have been together for a year and have had lots of drama because of this ex as he kept saying they are platonic but they wanted to have sex a month before he got to know me and were flirting a lot." - Strike 2. This is false, there has been lots of drama because you haven't dropped him. You're tolerating this willingly. Hold this thought though, I'll bring it up again.

"He promised he will stop texting her back then, but they did not." - You stayed, so you're okay with this behavior.

"After seeing they are texting I asked my boyfriend if his ex will always be part of our relationship as I would like there to only be us." - I won't dispute you asking the question, I WILL dispute what you would like. You're allowing all of this to occur.

"He got upset and started to accuse me that I want him to soon cut out his other friends from his life as well." - He's defending his ability to speak to this person. That's another hint for you.

"In the end he did not give a clear answer if he will stop writing with her." - I'll clear it up for you; he's not stopping. He doesn't have to.

"I just explained how their “friendship” is damaging our relationship and makes me feel insecure and bad." - And via his actions (intentional or not), he's telling you he doesn't care about your feelings.

"I said that he promised me that his girlfriend would always come first. He was quiet.

Guys, is it clear from this that he will stop texting with her? I feel I should check mentally out from it and start to casually see other people to keep my options open? What would you do?"

He's in the wrong, but he's not a magician; you're allowing this BS to happen.

If it were me, I'd drop him immediately. I'm only going by his actions and they all say he values whatever he has with her over you and that you're okay with that because you choose to stay.

It's time to drop him and move on. Stop listening to his words and look at the body of work of his actions. He's made choices. Everyday he chooses her over you and you let feelings hold you in place.

Drop him and give yourself time to heal and process your emotions. If he tries to come back, don't take him back.

DO NOT "keep your options" open.

Leave. This relationship is done because you've given him so much slack that he doesn't respect your words. You can't get that back, so drop him and move on.

I hope I've provided clarity. Be safe and good luck.

[Finchie40]

Kick him to the curb where he belongs , Nobody should be staying in touch with an ex while they are in a new relationship period , people that hold on to exes are people that should not be getting involved with someone else , it’s disrespectful and a sign that they are a selfish person that only cares about themselves ,. Do yourself a favor and move on from him , he doesn’t value you he likes the convenience of you period. When a guy really likes a girl and is completely into her , he removes his exes from his life as well as other girls’ to show he values and appreciates and respects the girl he is with , he puts himself in her shoes to show he loves and adores her , hoping she will do the same for him. The fact that he isn’t doing that for you is a sign that he doesn’t truly value and appreciate you period , Realize you deserve way better that that and find yourself a guy that doesn't hold on to exes like they were these amazing people. Those people are clearly selfish pieces of shit that only care about themselves. If a date a girl that stays in touch with her ex boyfriend or she constantly talks about her ex , I kick her to the curb where she belongs , Value your self worth , you deserve better that that shit period

[Anonymous]

so why are you with someone who broke a promise? who knows you're uncomfortable with this person? and who continues to text even tho he said he wouldn't? that's straight up betrayal and disrespect. couldn't be me. it's clear he's not over her and you wasted a year.

[dancingdoritos7]

The fact that he didn’t own up an apologize and got defensive gives you an answer. He likes you but he’s also hung up on his ex and still wants contact with her. I would say break it off since you’ve already confronted this to him and got your answer.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. You didn't accidentally see his texts to the ex. You snooped because you don't trust him. That is enough reason to end the relationship.

2. He settled for you because you are available now and give him sex, but he obviously wants her. Why do you want to stay with a guy who doesn't want you as his first choice?

3. "He said [blah, blah, blah.]" He is telling you what you want to hear and it means nothing. Look at his ACTIONS if you want to know how he feels.

4. "I feel I should check mentally out from it and start to casually see other people to keep my options open?" If you do that without first breaking up with him, then you are at least as bad a person as he is.

5. You know what you should do. You just don't want to do it.

[lightbulb27]

I learned that lesson in my own domain.

If want to do some investment in relationship and him, then he needs to understand clearly she is cut out and blocked. needs to realize that she is an X for a reason... and take the loss. things that can help are men's group, therapy, asking questions on GAG, large males putting him in a headlock until he says "uncle", having him beaten in Singapore. I'm sure there's other creative ideas.

Otherwise, don't cheat, just leave. don't lower yourself, no point.

as well, you should have access to his phone.

the X by the way, has no scruples...

[DaveJord]

Yeah, i would not trust that type of behavior honestly. Makes you feel like the rebound chick, and if he and his ex were such good freinds why is he dating you?

If cared so much about you, why would need to be texting her?

So even if he is not cheating physically on you, he is violating the essential bond of trust that is required to build a healthy and strong emotional bond. So he is cheating on you emotionally if he knows it is bothering you and he is still doing and is unwilling to stop.

Yeah, I do not think it is right, and every woman I dated that has done this never works out. They always seem to be the types that get bored and move on quickly or have wandering eyes.

[artgorgeous]

If this keeps going on for that long, and he still didn't learn any lessons... do you really need this man? Why? Are you a masochist? REMOVE him from your life, because the further it goes, the worse it will become.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I text several of my exes. We work together or have shared business ventures. The three of you should hang out... make sure there's nothing there if it'll make you feel better.

[haiuyu]

Girl, wake up and dump him. If he does not want to stop texting her, even for you, he should not have a relationship with you. I don't want to tolerate that kind of behavior. Move on girl

[jeffend888]

So for a full year there has been drama going on as a result of this ex. At your age, do you really have the luxury to be dealing with nonsense like this? And at his age, he still can't figure out what he wants?

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t think he wants to stop texting with his ex

[Reem12345reem]

he broke your promise with him and chose his ex over u so that's already a great reason to dump him ,

[jshm2]

To be fair, seems the drama is more from your side then his.

[belle_kai]

That's so disrespectful. Please do not put up with that

[Xia_girl]

So I think the problem are the boundaries. You have to set clear boundaries so you can go on with the relationship. If the ex it's just a good friend, I think it's okay. But if there are weird things going on, that's not good.

[Nikki1989]

You busted him. It is time to dump this loser and move on.

[Staximus]

Tell him to go be her boyfriend and leave him.

[jujus]

Only using her for a backup plan if you and him don’t work out

[doedoe69]

Yea he has to go now if there was no sexual between them then ok but if they fucked once they will again only matter if time

[Anonymous]

you're screwed best to leave before you get hurt to bad by him

[serious_miss419]

He will only hurt you.
Dump him and check out.

[Nishi-Mishi]

Dump him and find someone better 💯

[In_Trance]

Dump him