Is it normal for a guy to act passive aggressively after a rejection?

[Anonymous]

A few weeks ago, we got a new roommate for our flatshare and we instantly got along really well. I always thought that there were flirty vibes as well what proved me right our roommates left one night and we ended up cuddling after goofing around, holding hands and he almost kissed me - but I decided to not let it him bc he was drunk and it didn't feel right to do that. I'm also only going to be here for a few more months and didn't want to make it complicated or awkward for everyone involved. He immediatly left the room, but said everything was fine. But since that, I can't read him anymore.

In the following days, he started to proclaim to me and the others that he was seeing various girls as if he wanted me to get jealous and also, began to act very sensitive over anything I said. Granted, there was one misunderstanding that I wanted to clear up, but he left the room before I could apologize or anything. Afterwards, in a group chat, he also misunderstood something I said and texted something really passive aggressive back. I decided to confront him when I got back home, but he brushed me off. When I caught him alone another time, he did it again. Total stonewalling.

And now, he's sometimes nice and then again, just doesn't talk to me at all when I'm in the room or leaves it. Also acts extra loud when he's alone in the living room with our other roommates, what makes it just the more obvious. Plus, he now started to act around our other female roommate the same way he did around me.

I don't know what to do right now. I start to feel more uncomfortable and unwelcome with each day, don't wanna leave my room. And also, I get more pissed. I don't know what's going on with him or how to deal with this, but since I've offered him multiple times to resolve things and he declined, I feel like I should just ignore him back and grit my teeth.

Or would this be the wrong reaction? Is this all over me rejecting him? Should I even bother with someone like that anymore?

Updates

8 mo

Forgot to add: He's also only 20.

Updates

8 mo

Small clarification bc I feel like my reason for rejecting him wasn't clear to everyone: My motive for the rejection wasn't because I suddenly changed my mind about him, but because he was DRUNK. And clearly going for more than a kiss, too. If he would've been sober and sound of mind, I definitely would've went with it. But I didn't want to make living with each other weird because he regretted doing something while drunk. Drunk people can't consent, after all.

[_Maya_]

Well that is the price you pay when you mess around with a roommate and you aren't a couple. There is nothing you can really do at this point. You made those choices and will have to live with them. I know this isn't what you want to hear but it is the truth. You shouldn't bother with him anymore because it didn't work the first time. Problem is that you already did reject him. You can't take it back. You can't ask him to move out... presumably. You are stuck unfortunately.

[Asker]

It's honestly not about "what I want to hear", otherwise I wouldn't make a post like this on a public platform. It's helpful to get an objective view from other people like you who aren't involved, so thanks a lot for responding. I don't think I'd ask him to move out, if he gets more aggressive around me, I'd be probably the one leaving if our landlord could move me into a different unit.

[_Maya_]

I honestly don't know what else you can do other than what you suggested. Maybe moving to a different unit would be the best option.

[_Maya_]

Thank you for most helpful opinion!

[strateguy632]

usually we recovered quickly and this stretched of term passive aggressive is almost always wrongly misused for passive but not aggressive like this only passive.

[Asker]

Well, trust me please when I say "passive aggressive". I don't want to post the messages he's sent me bc I feel like it could be too identifying, in the unlikely case he's on this website as well - and I'm a bit paranoid.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's certainly not healthy. Probably more "normal" than it should be, in the sense that it happens often.

[Iron_Man]

There’s nothing to do roommate should never get involved with each other. You’re just there to split things up 50-50 you’re not boyfriend and girlfriend.

[Asker]

To be fair, we're not dependent on each other when it comes to the rent etc. in the flatshare model we live in. But I agree that this wasn't the best idea I've had, although I tried to achieve the opposite.

[JesseP1nk]

What is point of this topic? You rejecting him and you want us to tell you if he got hurt? If you can't figure this out - how would you feel if a guy treated you like you treated him?

[Asker]

Nah, I'm asking bc other guys whom I've rejected didn't act like that, especially not when I wanted to be respectful by not taking advantage of them while they were under the influence - what would've made things weird, as I said. I didn't want him to regret having done something he did while he was drunk and that to make living with each other difficult. Well... So much for that.

[JesseP1nk]

You missed the part if someone DID exactly that to YOU. How would you feel? What is wrong todays youth? It seem like they can't put themselves in other persons shoes.
Why was it ok to cuddle and hold hands but not kiss if he was drunk. You see why he would feel confused?
Anyway i think you both should find yourselves other roommates and date other people. Dont like it? Tough shit, you caused that.

[Asker]

Because people can't consent when they're drunk. Easy as that. And to be honest? I would've been *glad* if some guys granted me the curtesy to not take advantage of younger-me when I was in that situation. Holding hands and cuddling to me seems more harmless, but it was clear he was trying to go for more than that or kissing. And since I'm the adult because of the age difference and also, was the only one with a clear mind, I decided that this wasn't the appropriate thing to do.

[spartan55]

Did you explain why you gave him the stiff arm?

[Asker]

Tried to. But he's very avoidant, no matter what it is about. Like issues with other roommates or simply talking things out so that there aren't any misunderstandings. But I suppose he can't be that hurt if he already circles our other female roommate, but his behavior tells me differently. So I don't know.

[In_Trance]

Yeah