If you buy a girl a drink, what is the minimum you are hoping for?

[_Maya_]

So what are you hoping to get? Good conversation? Digits? In her pants?

Girls, what do you think guys are after when they buy you a drink?

[dynamicyandere]

If I was going out with an acquaintance, friend, or date, I’d buy buy them a drink or treat them to food, just as a kind gesture — without any ulterior motives. Just good vibes.


I’ve never bought a complete stranger a drink. But, if I ever did, we’d have to already be chatting. If they seem cool and we’re vibing, I’d perhaps order the next round of drinks, on me.


I’d treat them the same whether they’re a guy or a girl or if we’re platonic or if I was interested. I’d just be there to vibe.



The minimum I’d expect would be a thank you and them simply not being rude. Other than that, it’s all good.


By buying them a drink, I’m not buying anything from them. I’d see as just a kind gesture.


It’s more about self-expression than it is about value-exchange.


I don’t need anything from them, nor do I feel entitled to anything from them.


I’d just be focused on having a good time, being in the moment, enjoying good vibes, and living my best life.


If they’re good company, I’d want to hang out again. If they’re not good company, I’d find better company to hang out with next time.

[lightbulb27]

good conversation, laughs.

don't mess with drunk chicks... ever. very hazardous creature, more dangerous than a hungry T-Rex at a state fair. Can't trust em, they will change by next day, whatever they said was a lie, might throw up on you and laugh about it, possibly claim rape, and maybe 30 years later they recall it as rape and destroy your life in court. Sex ya say... how many diseases she got that will wipe ya out?

women's perogative = guys common sense training.

this why I don't cry for either sex when they do stupid stuff and get in trouble. don't jump off cliffs without a parachute... ya know?

[_Maya_]

Yep I know. 3+ years of bartending and I've seen my fair share of stupid girls... and guys

[Beckybooboo]

I’m sure they wanna talk, which is fine, I’ll talk with them. I’m also sure they wouldn’t turn down sex but I’ve never had a guy pressure me into anything just because he bought me a couple drinks. They’ve always been nice. I actually feel bad sometimes because I don’t drink, so I feel like they’re wasting their time if they’re looking to get me drunk and “have their way with me”. 😝

[_Maya_]

Totally agree with you that the least we can do is be polite and talk to the guy. Thanks for sharing!

[SolsticeSnow]

Reminds me of the best laugh my pal and I had on a night out.

These two guys approached us and went 'OK, we'll buy you both blue wkd, but one of you better be up for a shag!'

Gotta appreciate the forwardness haha.

We turned down the drinks though. She had a boyfriend and I fancied the flatmate that was out with us.

[_Maya_]

That is direct lol 😆

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well, if that's alright. Thank you very much.

[Billlewis]

I'm always on the lookout for what I refer to as 'toe shots' -- a brief glimpse of her arches, soles, heels and of course, her soft, succulent red lacquered toes.

[_Maya_]

Dude why ya always sending formal invitations out to follow? Does followers mean that much. Sounds counter to your persona.

[Med_guy1978]

shag is very English, or do they use it in US?

[DannyUk2017]

I'm hoping that she will Laugh WITH ME not AT ME, and not make a Fool of myself, so i won't leave her a bad Taste, once she leaves, or meets someone else... Usually that's the worst part (to become someone else's gossip)... like..
"Hey u see that guy? He is soo Lame, and Dumb, he start talking about this & that"...😅🤣🤣🤣
Rest of it? Just go with the Flow... if there is a good song i'll break the stage (not my neck 😅), and if any woman joins, even better...😁

[SherriMarieValentine]

My friend, Charles R. Williamson Jr. tells the women he dates, "I am the only man that will ever make you laugh BEFORE, I have my pants down. He's well endowed, but you get the idea.

[MikeTheBartender]

My golden rule after bartending over a decade is never to arbitrarily buy a drink. To put it into the kid language of these days, you wouldn't match w a girl on tinder and send her money, but after some convos you take her out for drinks. Same w the bar, after some chat I buy her a drink, only expectations is that the convo. continues. now from personal experience, if she asks to buy shots, or if she buys me shots, it's pretty likely this is going to be a very late and fun night for both of us. ❤️

[_Maya_]

Nowadays when I bartend I see girls way too often act snotty. Yeah that's right I'm calling my own kind out. Sad but the younger crowd just doesn't know how to be respectful and have a convo with someone at the very least.

[Inbox]

Both of you nailed it. I’ve never bought a girl a drink because (even though some have pathetically tried to use me just to get a drink) in my eyes, she has to earn it. I would just talk with her for a few mins, then move her to a new spot at the lounge, bar, etc (if a girl doesn’t move with me it’s a sign of no interest). If she does move with me and we’re having a good time, then maybe, but by then, I’m already trying move things in a more…orgasmic direction LOL

[_Maya_]

@Inbox that's the other thing guys and girls to some extent forget. Have a conversation first and guess what? Drink is ordered in front of you. No need to worry. Guy shows up with a drink outta the blue that you didn't see made and... well you get it I'm sure. Best for girls to be open to the conversation and then be happy with the drink if that makes sense.

[Inbox]

I’ve noticed that the moment I start talking to a girl, the bartenders ALWAYS tries to get me to order something and if I say no or not yet, they keep persisting to the point of annoyance. Have you guys seen this in your profession or is it just my town?

[_Maya_]

@Inbox I don't see it at the place I work.

[slatyb]

I would buy a woman a drink because the money is insignificant to me and it would be worth it for some conversation.

[_Maya_]

OK bud

[mandyfire98]

If a guy buys me a drink I think he's definitely looking to either get my number, hookup with me or both.

[_Maya_]

Yep. Very least I will chat with him to be polite. Thanks!

[mandyfire98]

I would always usually chat but in college that could even be sketchy because some guys if you chat with them will accuse you of leading them on and they get shitty about it.

[Still-alive]

oh yeah see these are the dudes you don't want lol. so this is why i understand the reluctance of accepting the drink from these guys

[mandyfire98]

Yeah, it's hard to know who is who though. That's the issue.

[Still-alive]

yes so i understand not accepting a drink from any guy in that regard. they aren't 'rude' to me i just see them as not risking any of those entitled dudes even if the guy isn't like that.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

The last time I bought somebody a drink that wasn't a friend was my wife when we were dating. Granted, we've purchased many meals and drinks together since then, but back, then it was with my own money, not "ours". It was on our first date, so it wasn't an attempt at picking her up.

[_Maya_]

Well that is a nice gesture!

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

I'm not sure how dating is these days, but I definitely paid for the first date way back when. If I had randomly met her at a bar and bought her a drink, I would definitely hope that she would either let me know that she was taken or strike up a conversation.

[_Maya_]

I have responded to some other opinions about how disappointing it is to see girls act snotty when a guy buys them a drink. Least you can do is have a conversation with him. I see it way too often when I am bartending. Sad.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

Thankfully, I never experienced that. It was usually "I'm already spoken for, but thank you". It may be some regional dynamics playing into that as well, I grew up in St. Louis and spent a little bit of time in Minnesota before I ever met my wife. I've always felt like the Midwest was Overly friendly.

[_Maya_]

The bar/club I bartend at is a young college crowd. That might be the difference too.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

@_Maya_ I have no knowledge of the college dating scene these days :-). Probably a good thing. Hope that you are doing well and you both are happy. I've got a couple questions out there, not sure if you have seen them. I don't know that you are following me now.

[_Maya_]

Are there any imparticular you want an opinion on? I'd be happy to!

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

I'd love to hear your take on the hobbies!

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

The body language one isn't that big of a deal, but maybe you have some input on that as well. That was more for helping others than it is for me/us.

[molonski2]

I wouldn't expect anything really , but I would not just randomly purchase some drink , or send it over with a message or anything like that , I've purchased plenty of drinks but its always been after meeting someone , I would never buy what they call " lady drinks " here , which is basically a drink for a bar girl where she gets a comm , but then I don't mix with bar girls either , but lots of idiots do.

In the normal course of events , its just a gesture , no one was twisting your arm or fishing for it , then the action should be void of any expectation.

[NathanDavis]

I've actually never done something like that, not to "get something"

the few times I did it, was after I "got something" which was her attention, and her interest on a little chat or a longer chat, so yes... I would offer, and just keep the moment going

but yeah... sending some a drink that they didn't ask for has always been sketchy to me, so I just don't do that... lol

[_Maya_]

Guys do it quite a bit where I work. Mixed results...

[NathanDavis]

oh right, yes...

see, I used to sort of work too, at a bar... so I sure saw many things going, and also some very tricky things... truth be told, most girls around here are very cautious to drink anything a guy gives them "out of nowhere"

so this is also the last impression I would want to give to someone I might be interested on

[_Maya_]

Most guys here are smart enough to purchase the drink while she is standing right there and not bring it to her and offer outta nowhere. No all though lol.

[NathanDavis]

lessons learned... lol

also, sending an entire bottle, lmao

[_Maya_]

If someone tried to get me to send a bottle to a girl I'd hit them in the head with it for being stupid and save them some time.

[NathanDavis]

lmfao...

[spartan55]

For me, I am hoping for a conversation if anything. If she doesn't, and blows me off, I would be pissed. But not pissed enough to confront her about it. I can count on one hand how many drinks I've bought for women I my life, so it's not in my bag of moves anyway.

[_Maya_]

I totally agree. The least I can do is be polite... thank the person and talk to them.

[clampfan101]

A good conversation would be enough to be appreciated, though something like digits would definitely be better if I would enjoy to continue to talk to her.

Getting in her pants is something I would not want at all unless we were married. lol

[_Maya_]

That is certainly reasonable!

[Still-alive]

I don’t think I've ever bought a random woman a drink and I don’t imagine i would either unless we are already talking then i might offer to be polite.

but as a rule to guys just because they buy you a drink doesn’t mean you owe them anything in return.

[_Maya_]

I always at the very least have a conversation with the guy that bought it. Least I can do.

[Date_a_Snob]

@_Maya_ I do the same

[_Maya_]

@Date_a_Snob It is the polite thing. I agree.

[Date_a_Snob]

If I'm not interested in him I'll talk no flirting but sometimes I flirt without knowing I'm doing it

[Still-alive]

Which is fine of course. Your prerogative. But a lot of dudes have it their heads that you owe them much much more than that after buying you the drink. So I don’t blame a woman for either refusing to take the drink or accepting the drink but not wanting a conversation.

[Billlewis]

My only desire is to please her, and if the lucky guy who's dating her is there, I'll do my best to convince him to let me buy him some drinks, as well.

[_Maya_]

Interesting 😆

[Billlewis]

I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well if it's alright. Thank you very much.

[Billlewis]

Would begging help? I'd love to chat with you for just a few minutes, and explain in further detail my motivation for wanting to spoil a beautiful woman and her male partner.

[_Maya_]

Well that wouldn't be of much interest since I am dating a girl.

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, but the same psychological dynamic drives the submissive male in either case. Just thought I'd ask.

[_Maya_]

My undergrad is in psychology and working on a masters. A conversation about pysch and I would mentally bitchslap you but you'd probably like that

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've sent strangers a drink on my way out of a place just because I thought they were classy. If I'm buying it and drinking with you I expect nothing more than the same that polite society expects between any two people in proximity to one another. Good conversation would be awesome, but some people can't seem to muster that. Nobody said there was going to be a second drink.

[slatyb]

Conversation. I resumed dating after divorcing and never expected intimacy in exchange for a meal. I figured that is trust wanted to they would, and if the date went well, they mostly did.

[_Maya_]

You're a good man. Love this answer.

[slatyb]

I never asked for anything. Women made their desires plain. If they wanted to be kissed, they got close. After three dates most invited me to their place.

[slatyb]

I don't remember dumping anyone after the second date. Either it was one date or it lasted a while.

[Lionman95]

My expectation is either saying thank you or having a good conversation, I make the decision of pursuing anything during a conversation but I wouldn´t do it to have sex with her.

[_Maya_]

Good man.

[BoobMan]

Pretty much just continuing what must already be an interesting conversation (as I wouldn't buy a stranger a drink unless we were already chatting and having a good time. From there maybe I could get digits or in intro to her group which could have decent prospects if she's taken or not interested.

It's kind of tough to have a high bar--it's only a drink after all!

[Grond21]

I am happily dating, but if I was single and buying a girl a drink I would always be hoping for a good conversation and maybe a connection. Nothing more than her time and attention.

[_Maya_]

You know? I have seen way to many girls these days just ask snotty when a guy buys them a drink when I am bartending. I would at least talk to the guy. That is the very least I can do for the gesture.

[Grond21]

You have a good heart. It is really clear in all your posts

[_Maya_]

Aww that is too kind. Thank you.

[Grond21]

Thank you for sharing it with us!

[Sparkie460]

It would be nice if we could have a good conversation and I get a thank you. I never expect anything else.

[_Maya_]

Good man as always

[Sparkie460]

Thanks Maya. 😊

[HereToHelp88]

To get to know her. I don’t have any sexual expectations before hand; also you don’t know her history and whether you’d want her to suck hour lollipop (I. e is she clean?)

[_Maya_]

Fair point but guess what happens when a little too much liquid courage is involved? That rationale and inhibitions hit the bricks and people make dumb decisions unfortunately.

[HereToHelp88]

I see you are a bartender (your profile). I get liquid courage, but if a guy bet you if he could fill a shot glass with cum, you’d have to shoot it would you?

I like to know the people I have sex with. Even then I’d still wear a condom until I knew you were clean.

[_Maya_]

God no I wouldn't take that shot if someone paid me.

[HereToHelp88]

Haha, not to mention that’s a lot of cum. But you get the point; why enjoy a blow job or sex for 15 minutes if I’ll be itching myself for life

[stratford]

If she has touched my arm or leg softly during the encounter, I would be hoping it would develop into something romatic, flirty and then see where things go...

[_Maya_]

That's fair!

[Worst]

a receipt, so I can fraudulently expense it and reduce my taxable income

[_Maya_]

Well that is fucking brilliant.

[Worst]

Yep, that usually gets the panties wet

[_Maya_]

My digital undies are soaked.

[Worst]

Which I can thankfully afford : )

[_Maya_]

The gift that keeps on giving. Happy birthday again! 💋

[Worst]

You're too sweet 😋

[syncheart]

I would love to get into her pants, but at least I hope a friendship might start. Actually I have never bought anyone a drink because I don't go to bars and drink.

[_Maya_]

I actually only go to bars to work lol.

[syncheart]

@_Maya_ I read that on your profile but forgot about it. Please forgive my bad memory.

[_Maya_]

It's no problem sweetie.

[syncheart]

@_Maya_ I'm not sure what a girl means when she calls me sweetie. That might be a good question for me to ask! Sometimes online females will call me sweetie. It never happens in real life. Anyways If I was any sweeter I'd be sticky. lol

[_Maya_]

That would be a great question for the "Girl's Behavior" topic! I would be glad to answer there if you ask the question!

[syncheart]

@_Maya_ I just created the question. It reads like this: "When a girl or woman calls me a sweetheart what does she mean by that?" And then I have a short paragraph that goes along with it.