Why would a guy keep you as a platonic friend / colleague?

[Anonymous]

Hello,

There is a guy I've got to know in the past months. We met 4 times, he often reaches out to me on social media.

We sometimes have long chats.

He lives very far away and we only meet if it is circumstantial.

Last time we met we went to his apartment and he was very sweet, there was not even a sign of him wanting to do something.

I know he would never make any advances.

Last evening he said that I'm tge only person he knows who is honest, smart, makes him laugh, who has all these qualities and that he found me attractive.

Also he said that he was cautious about how I feel and that he would only like to be platonic friends.

He made it clear many times.

At this point I don't understand why he wants to keep me around as a friend only?

Tl;dr a guy friend M36 said he only wants to be friends with me F29.

Why would he want to keep me as a friend?

[Anonymous]

in my opinion he just wants to fuck. Unless he plays for the other team. But he’s telling you everything most women want to hear, to drop your guard that he would never hit on you. I’m sure he’s not interested in you for sure as far as a relationship, but as far as sex. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d nail you if given the chance. If he had known you ever since you two were kids I’d this little differently. Although some girls who you’ve known since you were kids grow up to be gorgeous, so he may want a shot at it if that was the case. But it isn’t.

[Asker]

That was on my mind too.
The list he gave was almost too good.

I asked him why he liked talking to me /hanging out with me.

He was honest in the end saying he is a man :D but weird thing is that we've been 1 on 1 and nothing happened.

Weirdly I trust him to never make any advances...

At the same time the adjectives he used sounded premeditated...

[Opinion Owner]

Would you say you’re pretty? Cute?

[Asker]

I've been told by a couple guys that I'm pretty (face and body) both guys I've known for a while and a couple dates.

So I guess so? I do feel pretty...

What do you mean play for the other team?

[Opinion Owner]

Meaning is he gay. Plays for the other team. I ask if you’re pretty because if you are chances are even if he’s telling you things that make it seem like he isn’t interested, chances are he is.

[Cynicaldreamer]

... because he actually enjoys your company as a friend? Why is it so hard to believe that men and women can just be friends?

He's obviously not romantically attracted to you, but enjoys your company regardless: that's why he wants to be friends with you. I have lots of platonic guy friends: we hang out, play video games together, talk about work and life... you know, the same things you do with your friends. There's no underlying sexual tension, drama, or worrying about if we like each other or not; its nice!

Look, if you like his friendship? Enjoy. But if it's bothering you that much and you want more from him, let him know now.

[rosemilk]

why is it so bad for a female and a male to be just platonic friends? do you like him? do you want something more? it's not a crime that he just wants to be friends. he likes being your friend. why would you question why someone wants to keep you as a friend? do you think that about your female friends too? don't think too hard on it or over complicate things. just take things as they come and enjoy the friendship.

[Lostinthisworld94]

There are may things could be the reason for his attitude

1- he likes you but not good in bed so he is worry about it

2- you are not good enough for him. He likes you but there are few things in you that can't he go over them

3- he likes you and doesn't want to lose you but his life is unstable right now and waiting for the right time

My advice is to kiss him and touch him and put him in a situation where he can't run from having sex with you.. if he was not good in bed just make him feel comfortable and everything normal next time you try with him he will be good

[Asker]

I think it's option 2

[matchrestore]

Its pretty common to value a friendship over attraction. He appreciates your friendship and doesn't want to lose it. Pushing it towards a romantic or sexual relationship could make things messy if it doesn't work out. There are definitely girls I'm friends with that I've been attracted to but never acted on that attraction with because we were (and in most cases still are) really great friends.

[MrOracle]

Probably because he is being practical. You don't live near each other, so he knows that he couldn't keep you happy in the long run if things were romantic - the distance would get between you. Unless you were willing to move near him, the smartest thing to do is keep things platonic or end things completely.

Long distance relationships are horrible and nearly always fail as a direct consequence of the distance.

[RavVid]

There are a lot of cases where a guy might want to just be friends with a female just as you might a guy to be any more than a friend.

It is possible to be sort-of attracted and sort-of not. Simple example, you might be eminently attractive but of differing political views that would be a problem in a relationship.

[SotiCoto]

I only have limited personal experience here... but I figure if a guy friendzones a girl, it is probably because she is a good enough friend that he absolutely does not want to risk ruining it with potential relationship drama. It doesn't necessarily mean he isn't interested in her, but that it would be too much of a gamble to even try, when having her as a friend is more than good enough.

Ironically I ruined a good friendship this way... and it is probably my only regret.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear about that...

[CindyRuns]

I've always found it really handy to have a friend of the opposite sex. It's really helpful to understand how guys think... I've also had them help me pick out gifts for my husband.

It's just important to set boundaries and stick by them !!!

[Asker]

Interesting... Why do you think your guy friends chose this friendship?

[CindyRuns]

Nothing wrong with being friendly with someone of the opposite sex

[Hardshell1234]

How do you feel about him? Are you interested in him? Maybe he’s saying these things to test your feelings?

[Asker]

I was interested in him at first.
I told him that after the 2nd time we met.

His reply was that we should stay friends and after that he kept saying that we are just friends. He even made sure to ask twice if I'm not interested in him so that we can continue talking as normal.

If he told me he's interested now I would say no because of all of this.

I just don't understand why he's keeping me around...

[Hardshell1234]

and he’s single? That’s annoying. If you still have feelings for him, this is going to be hard for you to keep going as friends. He either likes you and can’t admit it, wants you to somehow just take the reins and kiss him, or he likes the ego boost. If you can’t handle just being friends I would tell him to take a hike. He needs to shut up about always checking in on how you feel. It’s almost patronizing.

[Asker]

Hi. Yep he's been single all this time and now too+not dating anyone yet.

I know, I'm wondering what is the reason for this connection. I was thinking if its just an ego boost...

[LiamJHayden]

I have lots of female friends. Some I have known since childhood. Many are musicians and/or vocalists with whom I've jammed or performed. With others I enjoy their company but have no romantic inclination towards them.

[ProbablyClueless]

Have you never had someone actually want to be around you?

[Asker]

Yes, I'm not sure why you would say - someone?

Most guys I hang out with ended either wanting a relationship or to Netflix and chill

[ProbablyClueless]

Guys are people too. Some of us will want romantic interactions with you, others, most others, won't.

[Asker]

I'm from a much simpler circle though.
Got an office job and handful of friends with office jobs.

He's got friends all other Europe (quite literally) and knows quite a few important people. His usual gateway includes going to an opera, restaurant etc. He knows everyone and lives very far away.

The other day he called me "just because", we talked for an hour.
I asked him why he decided to keep contacting me and that's why he listed all the things I've mentioned above.

Of course men and human but i confused as to why he is pursuing a friendship with the opposite sex with no romantic intention that i SO far away.

He said he's got only one female friend and he's not attracted to her.
But lately he admitted that he's attracted to me and told me I look way prettier that the other girl..

In any case. Someone with such a big social circle not having reasons is what's odd to me.

I don't really have that much to offer apart from jokes and banter... 🤷‍♀️

[ProbablyClueless]

If someone think you do, then that's all that matters! =)

[Jamie05rhs]

That MFer is dumb as hell! Why would he only want to be platonic with you? That makes zero sense to me.

[Asker]

He's not dumb.
It's his choice. I'm just confused by it when I shouldn't be but mostly I lack perception of why a guy would choose tobbe friends with a girl. What are the prerequisites. As I had a few guy friends-all ended wanting Netflix and chill in the end...

And now I'm afraid I will have to cut this guy off because I've developed some weird attachment to him and I'm starting to project certain things on him.

Him having done anything wrong to deserve this...

[Jamie05rhs]

No, he IS dumb.

"Last evening he said that I'm the only person he knows who is honest, smart, makes him laugh, who has all these qualities and that he found me attractive."

And yet he doesn't want to be with you?

He's stupid, idiotic, retarded, and a complete MORON.

[Asker]

He is a food person and not stupid.
I think I'm just not what he's looking for.

But I lead a very simple life. He on the other hand knows important people, does extravagant things pretty often.

So not sure why he sometimes choses to call me. I'm not that entertaining, some banter /laughs is all there is 🤷‍♀️

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm not sure what's going on in his little head.

[Booklover_90]

He’s playing games with you. He wants to keep you around.

[Rickyboy100]

Perhaps he has an another crush or girlfriend or he is insecure and has a very small dick.

[Asker]

😂😂😂

[Rickyboy100]

You don't think so?

[Asker]

I think I don't quite meet his standards amd he is looking for a girl who is of a higher caliber. Meaning looks but more so her character. I think he finds me too boring 🤷‍♀️ the dick part... Not sure about that...

[Rickyboy100]

I don't think you are too boring

[Asker]

Thanks!
I will try to believe that wholeheartedly!

[molonski2]

He may well be gay , who knows..

[Asker]

He is most definitely not.
He talked a lot about sex (not in a creepy way).
And about what he likes about women.

But he made it clear many time that we are just friends.

Then lately he said be finds me attractive and listed all the qualities he likes.

[molonski2]

Well in that case , as happens very often ( I know for me all the time ) you are just not for him attraction wise.

[Asker]

He said he is attracted to me so think maybe it is my character... Then again if it was why he would keep contacting me..

I don't know. Maybe he's just curious is all

[Olivier-628]

Maybe he isn't ready to settle down yet?

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like u get over it

[Asker]

I'm trying...

[DreamLife7]

Ur not move on