Why does my boyfriend of 2 years not ask me for a normal selfie but only sexy photos with my face shown?

[Anonymous]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. I am attractive and he is insecure with his own looks. We had lots of sex and stayed together however he does not ask me for my normal selfie photo. Every time he asks for something sexier. At first I used to send him photos without my face shown but then after I had explicit photos of him I sent him ones with my face shown. He keeps insisting that I show my face because it arouses him but why on earth doesn't he ever ask me for normal selfies?

[KaitSyth]

Ok, this is going to sound harsh at first, but lets dive into psychology.

Girls are more interested in people than in things. We see this trend all the way back with 1 year olds. Girl babies will look longer at faces, Boy babies will look longer at things.

Because of this, when guys take pictures, they tend to take a picture of the cool car. When girls take pictures, they tend to take a selfie with the car. I'm not saying guys don't take selfies, but they don't take NEARLY as many as us girls do.

That said, when he's asking for a picture of you he isn't as interested in seeing your face. Not because he sees you as an object or anything, but because he doesn't necessarily want to see faces all the time like us ladies do. Its why he takes pictures of cars that DON'T have his face in them.

No, when he's asking for a picture of you, its pulling on something very different. He is asking for an intimate connection. Men are the gatekeepers to relationships. Its why we absolutely love it when a guy we like cuddles with us. Because it triggers in us a deep, primal feeling that we're in that relationship. Women are the gatekeepers to sex. Its why men become much more excited by getting nudes than we get from random dick-pics. The nude is expressing to him "Yes, I like you this much. Just like you're giving me your time and resources and making a relationship with me, I'm giving you my body." That sounds crass because our society bashes on men's primal drives while propping up as "moral" women's primal drives. But its the exact same thing. He just wants to feel like you think about him and care about him. And that's one of the ways you can do it (if you're already to that point in the relationship.)

[Asker]

That's an interesting take, thanks for the clarification, when I only send him by body he insists on also seeing my face does this have a particular meaning?

[KaitSyth]

The body by itself is really just porn. He can get that anywhere for free. While consciously he knows that this is YOU sending a picture to him and probably loves it in his conscious, the conscious part of his brain isn't the part that gets the biggest dopamine rush from getting that picture from you.

I'm sure he enjoys the nude more than the selfie for evolutionary reason. But he'd prefer that the nude showed your face because that directly attaches it to YOU, and he isn't building a relationship with the object that is your body. He's building it with YOU. He wants that intimate connection with YOU. Your expression in the photo probably also hits that subconscious dopamine hit. If you look happy or flirtatious or horny in the picture, he'll likely feel that you MEAN what the picture says. If you look bored, or irritated that he'd ask for that, then it's kind of saying "I guess I'm giving this to you if I have to."

[AmandaYVR]

Because he's seen all of you, is totally familiar to you, so he doesn't really need more photos, he's got you irl.

Guys love sex. Especially in their twenties, their sex drive is really high. They want that benefit of having a girlfriend or partner. They can all find a bounty of nudes online, but they don't want that when they have a girlfriend who is willing to share her most intimate things with only him.

And you are posting your 'normal' selfies online, for all the world to see, potentially. But he wants what is only his, and that is your body. (Your body, with your face, showing how you feel when you are taking a sexy photo only for him.)

[Asker]

I can see your point, I haven't posted my face online for a long time now that's why I was wondering.

[PeachyPie93]

If he thinks you are pretty it just helps him get off when he can see your face too. Should you send it, maybe not.

[KaitSyth]

Its not just about jacking off. Women feel intimate connection when we feel taken care of. Its why we insist men pay for meals, its why we love cuddles during afterglow. Men feel intimate connections when they're engaging in sex. It means someone has deemed him worthy of continuing genetically, and as women who control the gateway to sex, we often forget just how impactful that is for a man.
Sharing nudes with him actually triggers that part of the brain for them. It gives them a confidence boost, and an ego boost, that there is a girl who likes them enough to be willing to share with them that most intimate, private part about them. Its probably also related to why porn is more addictive to men than women and part of the reason why we've seen a massive rise in porn consumption by young virgin men over the last 10 years. While they probably don't understand the reason why, its hitting the part in their monkey brains that tells them they deserve to exist even when all the girls they know are telling them they don't.

[PeachyPie93]

@KaitSyth I been sending nudes since I was 20, it really isn't that deep lol

[Asker]

He thinks so yes I know he also gets off to them if I can't be around for work reasons but we mostly masturbate on the webcam together.

[KaitSyth]

There are a LOT of things that we do casually without thinking that have deep reasons in the recesses of the monkey parts of our brains. And its important to learn about these and realize them. As women we don't realize what we're saying when we send a nude. Hell, men don't realize what is being said to them when we send a nude. But the limbic system which works beneath our conscious thought interprets it that way, and produces dopamine and oxytocin based on that understanding.
People don't understand why they like cocaine either. But not speaking that language doesn't mean that the act of snorting it isn't deeply ingrained in our biology.

[PeachyPie93]

@KaitSyth Sure, but does knowing any of this actually change the fact the guy just likes to jerk off to her because he likes her? It is like you went to school and took a shitty psychology major now you are trying to make it useful in the real world where honestly no one cares lol. I have had guys ask for my face in nudes and he didn't give one fuck about me. Now asking for just a selfie and not a nude now that really means something special.

[Asker]

@PeachyPie93 like I also understand him and the sex is nice and all that but I wish that he would also like to look at my normal face photos without the sexual matters involved.

[PeachyPie93]

Well I get that. Some guys will want your regular selfies some won't. I suppose I'm curious do you two have good deep conversations besides the sexual stuff?

[Asker]

yes we also talk about other common interests however, he sometimes runs out of topics lol

[PeachyPie93]

Well it's probably nothing. Some guys just don't care about selfies, especially if he see's you often.

[KarinMcDonald]

He might be showing them to his buddies, or even posting them online. Be careful!

[Asker]

thanks I will, he can't sabotage me though because I told him that if I see them anywhere I'll also post his nude vids.

[KarinMcDonald]

It's good that you have insurance!

[KaitSyth]

Highly unlikely. Men don't tend to talk about sex and nudity nearly as much in private groups as they do in the movies. Not nearly as much as us ladies do when we're in private, non-male spaces. When guys have sex and then go hang out with their buddies, usually the entire story is "Yeah, we slept together." If the guy hasn't had sex in a long time and has a crass friend, he might get a high-five. But that's it.

The main reason why women freak out that their boyfriend is showing off their nudes to their buddies is probably projection on our part. I've gone to hang out with girls about totally unrelated things and suddenly been shown a dick pic with a whole story of how good or bad he was in bed.

Not saying nude postings don't happen, but you'd be surprised how little guys ACTUALLY do that to their girlfriends that they love, and how little that type of thing happens even among friends. A hell of a lot less than I've encountered with women I know.

[Asker]

so my boyfriend actually doesn't really have friends he works all day and if he has time he is usually gaming. The only male he hangs out with is his cousin and they also game together at home.

[Anonymous]

Why would he want a normal selfie if you're willing to give him the special picture. Does he ever send any of the pictures of his self to you?

[Asker]

He is very insecure in his own looks like we have many photos together and he rarely does send photos of himself if I ask him to. I have nude vids of him though.

[Anonymous]

He just want u for sex

[Asker]

like why me then

[Opinion Owner]

U are the one who do opay him and do what he ask for