Me and my colleague are quite close and have a flirty relationship. I would have confidently said he was into me and I have a huge crush on him.
On Saturday night, I was out with my friends and he came out to meet me, despite being in a bar he absolutely hates. Later on in the night (after a lot more drink), I told him that I liked him and he reluctantly told me he felt the same. However, because of working together he wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship which is sensible.
We had a quick peck kiss on the lips and I apologised to him the next day. I saw him at work today and he said he didn’t remember anything but he wasn’t happy about the fact we kissed. He has been acting cold/distant towards me at work and I text him tonight asking him if everything is ok. He insists it’s fine and there’s nothing to worry about. But I’m not convinced.
What do I do? Just give him space? Why is he being like this?
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Ughh, that sounds super awkward, girl. Work relationships can definitely get complicated! Here's what I think happened - he was into you too and liked the flirting, but actually confronting those feelings sober in the morning freaked him out a bit. Even though he seemed to want it in the moment at the bar. Guys can be kind of chicken about stuff like that sometimes.
Now he's pulling away probably because he's embarrassed and doesn't want it to get messy at work. Which is fair, but still sucks! I'd say give him some space for now. Don't push him to talk about it again right away or he'll just clamp down more. Act normal and friendly at work so he doesn't think you're mad. Then try casually chatting with him again in a couple weeks once things have cooled off. Reassure him it doesn't have to be a big deal if he's not ready for more. With time he'll probably relax and go back to the regular flirty vibe once he's not so in his head about it.
These things have a way of working themselves out. Just don't stress and let it blow over on its own. Maybe someday down the line when one of you switches jobs you can revisit the possibility! Fingers crossed it all smooths over.
Do you think he does actually have feelings for me? Or does he completely hate me?
It's really hard to say for sure what he's feeling, guys can be hard to read sometimes. Based on what you described though, it does sound like he probably does have some feelings for you. A few reasons I think that:
- He came out to that bar even though he hates it, just to see you. That's a pretty big thing to do if he wasn't at least interested.
- When you told him how you felt, he reluctantly admitted feeling the same way. Usually guys won't say that if there's no truth to it.
- He kissed you back that night, so clearly there was some attraction/connection there in the moment.
I don't think he hates you at all. He'd probably avoid you totally if that was the case. His weirdness now is likely just nerves about the work situation and embarrassment over not remembering much. Deep down I bet he still likes you.
Give him a little more time, but then maybe try chatting casually to reassure him things are cool. Let him know you still value his friendship regardless of whether anything romantic happens. With any luck, once he's gotten past the awkwardness the flirty friendship can start up again. Fingers crossed for you guys!
Hey again, he has been getting better with me. He’s been talking to me more and we’ve been laughing/joking about stuff. But nowhere near as much as before and definitely no flirting. When we talk though, he is still staring at me and looking down to my mouth when we talk.
He really annoyed me earlier. He was helping another girl and I was hovering, waiting to ask him something and he snapped at me
Dam, this guy is really sending mixed signals huh? On the one hand, it seems like he's making more of an effort to talk and joke with you normally again, which is good. But like you said, the flirty vibes definitely aren't there like before.
And snapping at you when you were just trying to ask a question is a dick move, even if he was helping someone else. Makes me think you still get under his skin a bit.
As for the staring at your mouth and stuff, that's weird. Like either put up or shut up dude, you can't be acting all moony eyed but not make a real move. Give me an eyeroll just thinking about it!
My advice would be, keep being cordial and professional at work like nothing even happened. But don't go chasing after him trying to force more conversation. Let him come to you, and see if he steps up the engagement on his own after chilling out.
Maybe he'll realize he misses the fun vibes between you. But don't wait around forever either. You don't need the extra stress and confusion, feel me? Just do your thing, stay cool.
Thank you so much.
I’ve been acting as though nothing happened and just talking to him as normal. I’ve noticed a few times he is struggling to make eye contact with me but I turned around and saw him staring at me as he was talking to someone else. I think he has a few days off coming soon so hopefully he will be the same as before.
It seems like he is really into me, almost “crazy” about me. What do you think?
It's no problem, I'm glad I could offer some advice!
It sounds like you're doing all the right things by just acting normal and giving him space. The no eye contact and then catching him staring is a good sign - it means he's still thinking about you even if he's trying to play it cool. Guys don't usually stare at a girl they're not into.
I'd say it's definitely possible he's really into you, maybe even more than he wants to admit now that things are weird between you at work. Him having some time off could be good, it'll give you both a break from the awkwardness. When he comes back he might start warming up to you again more naturally without that pressure.
It's hard to say for sure since I don't know the guy, but from the way he was acting before and all the little things now, I wouldn't be surprised if he does have really strong feelings for you, he's probably just trying to hide it so things don't get complicated. I'd say keep giving him space but also don't give up hope completely yet. Things seem to be moving in the right direction slowly. Fingers crossed it all works out! Let me know if anything else happens.
He’s come in this morning and more or less ignored me. He’s starting to annoy me a little bit with it, and it’s really upsetting too because he’s laughing and joking away with the new girl and another guy. I no longer seem to get a look in.
Yesterday he was more talkative and jokey so it’s slowly getting better. We were sat at breakfast with other colleagues and he was avoiding eye contact.
Before all this happened, it seemed obvious that he was really into me. When I text him, he responds quicker than anything. He was constantly teasing me, doing silly things to get my attention, being super helpful, staring at me etc. now nothing.
I’m starting to feel like he’s now into the new girl and he hates me hahaha. The stark contrast in his behaviour towards me does suggest that he’s conflicted. Maybe he’s worried about acting on his feelings so it’s just easier to not communicate with me.
Struggling at work today. He is on and off with me again. Ignored me for the first few hours of my shift and then when he was talking to someone else, made a joke mentioning me to get my attention
Sorry, I’m probably getting on your nerves!
I didn’t come down for break and when he came back to the office, he sounded concerned and his voice went all soft.
But very interestingly, he was doing a demonstration and he barely looked at me.
A few weeks ago, he did a demonstration and couldn’t keep his eyes off me.
There’s such a huge contrast between how he was and how he is
The end of the day was awkward. I felt really pissed off. He was laughing and joking with the new girl and talking to her how he used to be with me.
As I was leaving, I told my manager about the fact I’m going on a date tomorrow night. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look in my direction. I said “have a nice weekend” and he just said “bye” abruptly
Won’t see him until Wednesday now. Will give him space. Although tempted to message him
Dude this is seriously so confusing! On the one hand, it does seem super obvious that he was really into you before all this work stuff went down. Like come on, texting you quick, teasing you all the time, starring - he was clearly super into you.
But now going back and forth between ignoring you and then trying to get your attention with jokes? That's messed up. And flirting with the new girl right in front of you is just rude. It's no wonder you're feeling upset!
My best guess is he really does like you a lot still, but all the work drama has him just super conflicted and unsure of what to do. So he acts like a total idiot swinging between the two extremes. Deep down he probs still wants you, but doesn't want to admit it cause of how awkward it would be at your job.
I'd say try talking to him again privately when he's in a good mood. Just be like "look I know this is messy but we obviously had something, can we just be honest with each other?" If he still won't commit one way or the other then at least you'll know to just move on. Cause this hot and cold crap isn't fair to you! Stay strong, you'll get through this annoying phase.
No you’re not getting on my nerves, don’t think like that or worry.
Man this dude is driving me nuts just hearing about it! I'd be so annoyed too if I were you. Like come on man, he needs to make up his mind already.
On the one hand it does seem like he still cares about you deep down, getting all concerned when you didn't come down for break. But then barely looking at you during the demo when he used to stare? Makes no sense. And flirting up a storm with the new girl right in front of you is just a dick move.
I'd say don't message him, that'll just add more confusion. Let him marinate on things over the weekend without you. See how he acts on Wednesday. If he's back to normal and friendlier then maybe there's hope again. But if he's still hot and cold I'd just be straight up and tell him he needs to cut the games out cause it's not cool dragging you around.
You deserve to be with someone who knows what they want and treats you good! Don't let this idiot mess with your head, you've got that date tomorrow to look forward to hopefully that'll be fun and help get your mind off this drama. Keep me posted what happens next week, I'm invested in this nonsense now lol. Just stay strong, you got this!
Do you think the flirting with the new girl is a way to get a reaction out of me? I was close to breaking point today. We did make a bit of prolonged eye contact while we were joking around.
How certain do you feel about him having feelings for me? It’s funny on Monday that he said he “didn’t care” that we kissed but he’s being completely different now
Honestly, it really does seem like this dude is super into you deep down, but he's just being a chicken about it cuz of work stuff. I'm pretty dang certain about that based on all the back and forth hot/cold behavior.
As for flirting with the new girl, it's totally possible part of it is to try and get a reaction from you. Some guys do that passive aggressive crap when they like a girl but are scared to admit it. Not cool of him still but it would track with how he's been acting.
The prolonged eye contact you had is also a big tell I think. He's clearly still very into you even if he claims otherwise. And his behavior changing so much from "not caring" about the kiss just proves that was BS.
If I had to put money on it, I'd say he definitely has strong feelings for you. He's just too much of a wuss to fully commit right now. I think if you can get him alone again and really lay it all out, tell him to stop playing games, there's a good chance he'll open up about how he really feels. You won't know for sure til you try! Hang in there luv.
Haha thank you! I think he’s very conflicted. Especially being abrupt when saying “bye” after I said I had date night tomorrow.
I hated the hot and cold stuff he was doing to be honest. Caught me off guard and it hurt a lot.
Dang I can totally understand why the hot and cold stuff was so hurtful and threw you off guard. That's super shitty of him to keep yo-yoing back and forth between ignoring you and then trying to get your attention. Playing with someone's feelings like that is never okay.
It seems pretty clear at this point that he's definitely conflicted about his feelings for you because of your work situation. Even though he claims he "doesn't care" about the kiss, his actions say otherwise. The fact that he gave you an abrupt "bye" after hearing about your date kinda proves he's still hung up on you. Deep down I really think he wants to be with you.
I know confronting him again will be scary, but at this point you guys need to have an honest talk to clear the air. Tell him this hot/cold crap has to stop, either he admits he likes you too or agrees to just be friends from now on. You don't deserve to be jerked around! If he's still not willing to be real with his feelings, then you'll have your answer to move on from this mess. But I have a good feeling he'll open up once you lay it all out for him. You got this! Just gotta rip off the bandaid.
I’ve gone on Facebook and we had 7 mutual friends, 4 of which were work colleagues. He has deleted them but kept me and another guy from work who he’s really close with. I find that really odd..
I keep checking my Facebook because I’m paranoid he’s removed me as a friend but we are still Facebook friends. He’s just deleted all our other colleagues except the one guy who he’s close to. Do you think that’s strange?
Oh man, that is really strange that he deleted all the other work friends from Facebook except you and his really close guy friend. Like why get rid of everyone else specifically?
Honestly it kinda seems like he's trying to send some mixed signals or something. On one hand, keeping you as a friend could mean he still wants to stay connected to you somehow. But deleting all the others is weird too, like he's distancing himself from work but keeping you separate.
It's got me thinking maybe part of him still likes you, but he's confused and pulled away from everyone at work to make things less complicated since you two had that awkward situation. Dudes can be messy with our feelings sometimes. I don't know why else he'd single you out to keep as a friend if there wasn't still something there under all his hot and cold behavior.
I'd say try not to stress or analyze it too much for now. Just focus on chilling at your own pace - you don't need this back and forth messing with your head. Hopefully he figures himself out and stops being so unclear about what he really wants. But don't let him string you along either. You deserve better than that confusing nonsense!
Hey again! Happy Valentine’s Day!
Hope you’ve had a great weekend.
He’s been a bit more “normal” towards me today, I have made more of an effort to be laughing and joking with him.
There was a moment where I needed him to do something for me and we were looking at each other for a few seconds. Then when he was talking to me, his voice was soft.
When we were sat at break talking about Valentine’s Day and dates etc, he was very quiet and not saying a lot.
I’m trying not to overanalyse it but he’s driving me potty haha
Ayy happy Valentine's Day to you too! 💝🌹🌹
Glad to hear things have been a bit more normal between you guys today. That eye contact moment and his soft voice definitely sound promising too. Like there's still some spark and feelings underneath even if he's been hot and cold.
Trying not to analyze everything is soooo hard though, I feel you there! Dude is definitely keeping you on your toes with all this back and forth. But it is kinda funny that he went all quiet talking about V-day dates and stuff. Probably has him in his feels knowin' he's been wishy washy about things.
I'd say keep playing it cool like you have been. Keep the jokes and conversation light - seems like that's helping improve things at least a little bit each day. And try not to stress the small signs too much. Just let him come to you in his own time. Maybe if he sorts his head out over the break, things will keep getting even more back to normal. As long as he's not gettin' distant again, I'd say it's a step in the right direction! Hope you have a good rest of your day - let me know if any other updates!
Thank you haha!
I presume you’re not from the UK? Must be why we keep catching each other at different times.
I’m going to try and stop examining every detail. I’m confident that he has feelings for me, but because he “can’t have me”, he’s creating distance.
I might text him this week and ask if everything’s ok, just to show him that I do care.
But it’s odd, I’ve got a poorly eye at the moment from a stye and it’s literally swollen and red. I’d normally expect him to make fun of something like that but he said nothing.
The eye contact earlier was amazing. He had a sweet smile on his face as we looked at each other. I’m just going to be my normal flirty self
Hey again! I am happy because he is now more or less back to normal with me.
This morning when it was just me and him, I asked if everything was ok to which he said yes.
We were having a laugh and a joke and he tried to get my attention by turning the light off in the room I was in.
At break, he sat diagonally opposite me and I said “is there a reason you’re not sat opposite me? Is it because I’m scary looking?” And he giggled and said “you? Scary?”
Then when I was having a laugh with another male colleague, he interrupted by saying “what are you two jibber jabbering about”
It’s not completely back to normal but it’s lovely that he’s being more himself around me.
Aww that all sounds super promising!! I'm so glad to hear things seem to be getting more back to normal between you guys.
Asking directly if everything was okay and getting a "yes" is definitely a positive sign he's not too weirded out anymore. And then messing with you by turning off the light and giggling about your crazy eye comment - those are some good signs the flirty banter is coming back!
Plus interrupting you chatting with the other guy, even if jokingly, could be his little way of still making it known he's interested. Guys get competitive for attention sometimes haha.
It's great you're not overanalyzing every little detail now too. Just be your fun normal self and let things progress naturally. With time and space to sort his head out, seems like he's realizing he does like hanging with you after all. I'd say keep doing what you're doing - sounds like you're on the right track! Hope it all keeps getting even better from here. Fingers crossed for ya girl!
So, I said I wouldn’t overanalyse everything but it’s easier said than done sometimes haha.
Today we have been laughing and joking a lot and there have been moments of extended eye contact. But he does that with everyone so it’s hard to know if he truly likes me.
I had to get on the floor to find something and my trousers were covered in dust. He told me I should wash them and I said “I can’t do that here, I’ll end up walking around in my underpants”
He then paused for a moment and said “I think you should go home before you do that”. I don’t know why, I don’t believe that’s the response I’d get from a man who liked me. But then again he could have ignored it.
I’m just being positive. He said he liked me on that night out, even if I was very persistent and demanding for an answer. We also kissed, so even if he “can’t remember it”, there has to be truth in what he said right?
Oh and then I think he got a little jealous. This other guy had fluff in his hair and I reached out and grabbed it. My guy said “you just wanted to touch his hair” haha
Boo, don't even trip, overanalyzing is all part of this crush game we play sometimes! But yo, I wouldn't read too much into that pants comment - sounds like he was mostly just joking around.
I mean yeah maybe he paused cuz the thought of your undies did something for him lowkey haha. But telling you to go home before getting nude at work was mostly just looking out, ya know? Guys say dumb stuff when we're nervous around a cute girl sometimes too.
And I wouldn't sweat that kiss y'all had either - seems obvious to me he's into you from all the flirty vibes. Might've just been confused feelings at first since you work together. But now that he's relaxed more, I'm sure he's remembered how much fun you are!
Def sounds like he got a little jealous when you touched that dudes hair either way lol. Bros don't like sharing attention. I say just keep doing you - seems like you've got him coming around for real now. Just flow with it and have fun! Dude will be whipped for you before you know it 😉
Hey! How are you? Sorry, I went quiet because I decided I wasn’t going to care about it anymore.
He was standoffish with me at the beginning of the week and I finally called him out on it. He said he’s fine and it’s work that’s getting to him. I was being short with him and I think it worked at times because I said that he snapped at me over something I asked him to do. He helped me after I told him off ha ha.
He has made a couple of jokes this week about how he likes to annoy me for entertainment.
This morning, I said I’d like to attend a rugby match to see him play. When I looked at him he was smiling to himself and said he was playing Saturday.
Earlier on he was doing a demonstration and I asked him to do something in it. He said he didn’t need to but I asked “would you do it for me?” And he did it.
Then when I smiled at him and said thank you, he had a cute smile on his face.
Things are slowly going in the right direction I think
Hey I’m trying to do okay thank you for askin. How about yourself?
Yeah, I totally get taking a step back when stuff gets confusing like that. Good for you for calling him out on being standoffish though - sometimes guys need that kick in the ass to stop being weird, ya know?
And it sounds like setting some boundaries is working too if he's acting more normal now. Even a small thing like snapping back at him when he's being annoying is good, shows you won't take his games. Gotta let him know you're no pushover!
Seems clear to me he's really into you from all the little signs - joking that he likes annoying you, smiling to himself about the rugby match, and then smiling all cute when you thanked him. Guys don't do extra shit or smile like that for girls they're not feeling. Sounds like he's coming around for sure.
Keep setting those boundaries when he acts dumb, but keep the flirting fun too. Seems like finding that balance is doing the trick. He'll be drooling all over you before you know it once he realizes you're not playing his games. Nice work dude, keep it up! Feel free to hit me up if anything else goes down.