Why is he being cold and distant with me?

[Anonymous]

Before I go into my story - please don’t give me any abuse. I am aware that what I did was wrong.

Me and this guy work together and we both have romantic partners. We’ve worked together for over two years and we have grown pretty close. We have been there for each other and have had a friendly/flirty relationship. I’ve never acted on those feelings because I’m taken and it’s not appropriate. I developed a huge crush on this guy and I feel that he felt the same way.

On Saturday night, we were both out. And we both had too much to drink. But, I told him that I really liked him and I asked him if he felt the same way. Eventually and reluctantly he said he did, but he loved his partner, and he said he was terrified of my partner. We then said that we were happy in our current relationships and had a few shy peck kisses on the lips.

Yesterday, he was cold/distant after I told him what lhappened on Saturday because he was drunk. He looked pissed off and said “I wouldn’t have kissed you properly”. I asked if he was bothered about it and he said “no”. He seemed cold all day and I text him to see if he was ok, he said he was fine.

What are the reasons that he could be so distant? Obviously it was wrong to admit our feelings because we are unavailable. But is there a chance that he didn’t mean what he said?

[MrPoppagorgio]

I'm sure his distant behavior has more to do with how he feels about himself and less to do with you. There's at least a little truth in every statement we make, even when alcohol is involved. He probably meant what he said about you while feeling terrible about himself at the same time. Conflicted emotions don't always match up with morality. When you drink in those moments your reasoning and judgement becomes cloudy. It's not likely that those feelings for you don't exist on some level. It doesn't mean he would act on them when sober though.

[spartan55]

If you really felt like you were wrong you wouldn't be asking this. You are both gross.

[laly520]

all I see is cheaters
confusing, peaks on lips etc
if u want each other then break up n be together
no need for the drama n yes he will distance himself after the peaks on lips n after confession
he has a girlfriend afterall n u guys story won't go anywhere at least as long as u both r dating other people

[Anonymous]

Because men are wimps and can’t admit their feelings or even when they are wrong. he's conflicted. As are you. I get it. Treating you coldly is his defense to protect his stupid ego as well as looking like a “good guy”. I don’t judge you for this but I do feel frustration for you.

[Asker]

Thank you for not judging me. Not trying to justify my actions in the slightest but I see him more often than my husband because I work Monday to Friday 9-5. We get on really well so naturally the feelings developed.

It’s breaking my heart a little bit because he’s friendly and giggly with the other colleagues but he’s standoffish with me. He’s struggling to make eye contact and not being his normal friendly self. I feel like I’ve ruined things. He said we are still friends but I’m struggling.