My best friend went on a trip with girlfriend and came back acting distant. Should I ask him why?

[Anonymous]

Basically the title. He took a week long trip with his girlfriend of two months and came back different. He never wants to hang out with us, he’s not answering our text/phone calls anymore, he says he’ll do something and then doesn’t. I think what’s confusing me is that he only talks to me when we’re at work. We don’t work in the same department, but we are there on the same days. He’ll say hi to me update me on his life, but as soon as we’re leaving, it’s like he’s trying to avoid being seen with me. I want to ask him what’s going on, but I’m not sure if I should.

[HollyK21]

Sounds like this isn’t geared towards you specifically but the group or friends as well, to which I’d say this just happens for some people when they get into serious relationships.


It’s a sucky adjustment when you’re used to things being a certain way previously, but if that’s the way he is as a boyfriend and mainly gives his partner his time, then it’s just something to accept. Of course you can have a conversation with him about it, but in most cases he won’t see a problem and/or won’t accommodate your complaints going forward.


If he is becoming wholly consumed with his relationship, all you can do is wish him well and focus on your other friends, then decide whether or not you want to accept him back should the relationship not work out.

[Asker]

I get some people pay more attention to their girlfriend/boyfriend/partner. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but he's cut majority of his friends off and that's what's unhealthy. But I am honestly afraid to say something because like you said, he might not see a problem with it or blame me or our other friends.

[HollyK21]

While I can agree that it isn’t healthy to isolate from friends, that’s just who some people choose to be while in relationships. Unless your concerns were in regards to his safety or well-being, there’s not much you can say about him not making time for you or his friends anymore.

On top of that, you’re a woman, and girlfriends/wives tend to dislike those opposite sex friendships. Not saying that this played any role, especially since you mentioned others he’s not around either, but it is an unfortunate aspect to consider. Personally I couldn’t care less because I’m not insecure or worried about cheating, but I know some women don’t think that way and worry too much about indiscretions.

[rosemilk]

my best guess without any further information is that his girlfriend doesn't like you and told him to stay away from you which is why he's acting distant. OR it could be something completely different and he's depressed

[Asker]

He definitely looks depressed. He actually unfollowed a bunch of his friends (me included) on social media and started following all of her friends.

[Surely]

It would be your right to ask why the change. You may not like the answer! They probably consummated their relationship if not before. While on vacation. Now he feels that it isn’t right to carry on a friendship with another woman while in a romantic relationship with a girl friend!

[Asker]

They definitely did it before so I doubt that’s it. But something happened over there that’s for sure.

[Surely]

The new girlfriend might have him on a short lease! Some guys get that way when they are 🐈‍⬛ wipped!

[Asker]

So she can have her make friends but he can’t have his female friends? She hangs out with lots of other guys and post on her social media.

[Asker]

*male

[Surely]

Thank you and good luck with your friend!

[Kokoroho]

Nothing wrong with noticing change. However, proceed with caution when asking him what you notice. Make it brief. NO ASSUMPTIONS, NO BLAMING, NO I THINK SPEECH, NO I WISH. keep it factual. And make sure it's from concern not from imbalance emotions or feelings on your end.

[Asker]

What would be a good way to start it? Should I say something like “I’ve noticed you’ve been a little distant and I’m just wondering if everything is okay” I don’t want this to end awkwardly because we still have to work together, but I also want to know what’s going on and how to help if I can.

[Kokoroho]

"Hello ( name), I understand your busy ( seeing things from his view), I was reaching out to let you know your doing great job ( compliment) if there's anything want to talk about, I'm all ears. Have great day ( ball in his court).

[boggboss]

Ask him my guess would be for some reason or not the friendship was putting a strain on the relationship and he adjusted things because of it

[Asker]

Maybe. I feel like he’s dating out of convenience because he and his girlfriend got together a week after meeting and she’s only a couple years younger than his mom. Also he never talks about her unless someone else brings her up first and even then he’s short.

[boggboss]

Fair enough if that's what u think

[moneymagnet24]

His girlfriend knows about your friendship?

[Asker]

I’m assuming not. But can’t know for sure.

[moneymagnet24]

Well don't run behind him if he distance himself from you then follow the same you also make distance.