What in childhood makes a guy a coward or brave?

[rachel776]

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I'm not sure if I can count as brave or just stupid and reckless. I've desensitized myself to most fears of getting hurt and left only with the fear of hurting other people. I rank 10/10 on the thrill-seeking side of the sensation seeking scale.

Yet if I try to trace back some possible sources in childhood assuming I wasn't just born this way, one of them is just the way adults treated us as boys. In Japan back in the 80s, when a boy fell and scraped his knee and cried, teachers didn't say things like, "Aww, poor baby, did you make a boo-boo?" like American kindergarten teachers. Instead they said -- and this was very common at the time -- "If you're going to cry and complain over such a little thing, what are you going to do when your leg gets amputated in a war?"

So that tended to toughen all of us up a lot and I especially took pride in how I didn't cry or complain when I got hurt. I wanted to not just avoid crying and complaining but excel at it above all other boys, volunteering to be first in line when we were vaccinated with the nurse patting me on the head and calling me a brave boy for not even flinching or looking away when the little boys behind me were crying and scared.

Another thing is that I sought out my fears, especially fears of danger. If something made me feel afraid, I deliberately tried to do it to overcome my fear. Again I didn't want to be the cowardly boy that cries or complains or panics when hurt or threatened by danger.

That became one of my ultimate sources of pride but also worry. I was always worried that there might be some situation I wasn't prepared to handle that might make me afraid, might make want to cry, so I deliberately tried to seek those out and face them so that I can desensitize myself to any fear or pain I might experience.

Another possibility is that I was firstborn and my parents divorced, leaving me largely to take care and look after my little sister since my single mother was busy all the time and my father remarried into a gigantic family and was busy all the time. So I needed to be brave for my little sister to protect her from harm. If she was in danger and I was a coward and ran away abandoning her, there would be no parents to protect her in my place. So I had to become like her guardian and for that I had to overcome my fear of pain and death.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

One other is that I was hit twice by cars as a little boy and hospitalized. I lived on a mountain and right outside of our house was a blind spot and a hump in the road where cars speeding down the mountain couldn't see what's ahead. I got hit twice playing outside by speeding cars and hospitalized.

It's possible that caused some brain damage with the serious trauma and injuries I took and possibly to the amygdala, the fear-regulating side of the brain. I just don't seem to register it like ordinary people at least anymore.

For example, I was in Sendai afternoon when the Fukushima earthquake happened. Everyone was panicking and screaming and my wife was horrified because I was smiling and having a great time. Of course I would stop smiling if I saw anyone hurt and want to help them, but for me that was a bit thrilling and fun and out of the ordinary.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

It might also just be hereditary. My father was a thrill-seeker, always speeding all over the place in his convertible and getting speed tickets as well as getting into brawls. My grandfather on my mother's side in America was also a paratrooper in WW2, Nascar racer, and motorcycle stunt rider. In his home are photos of him training as a paratrooper, standing on motorcycle seats on the highway, racing in Nascar races, etc. I might have just inherited it from them.

I really have only a bunch of conjectures as to why I'm this way. Maybe they all contributed or maybe only some. I don't know but I'm lacking in most fears ordinary people have to the point where it's functioning like a psychological defect. I'm not trying to boast about it. My recklessness has gotten me into so much trouble throughout my life.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I'm also a lifelong vert skater from early childhood, like so:

Skateboarding isn't the most dangerous sport. Hardly anyone ever dies from it and on vert, we wear pads to protect us from the most serious injuries. I've only received a few fractures over a whole lifetime from it like tailbone fracture, jaw fracture, and humerus fracture.

Yet it does involve being hit repeatedly over and over and over every single day. So I'm used to just taking hard and painful slams even though I rarely got any serious injuries and was constantly covered in bruises and scrapes from it.

I think that contributed in desensitizing me as well to pain and fear because one of the greatest inhibitors to a skateboarder is fear. When you're afraid, you tend to bail more, not try the most riskiest tricks, etc. So to become a competent skater, you have to overcome the fear to be able to do bigger tricks and land them.

[lightbulb27]

emotional abuse combined with personality.

successes gives him power.

even those whom are meek can be brave, if developed with strength.

Incredibl real life story of solider that most would look at as "weak" but was extremely strong and brave. worth watching if you can handle the trauma of war.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2119532/

This gets into "real men". Real men stand up for their values and protect those whom are weaker against abusers. That's brave. Some men can do that with the power of their words rather than their braun.

[236color]

I'm not sure childhood experiences is the key here. I could be wrong. I tended to be frightened into my young adulthood, but then I began taking martial arts classes. I learned that I could get hit and not die. I also learned that people that talk about how tough they are, usually aren't and that bad guys generally don't have the discipline to actually learn to be tough. These are my observations, your mileage my vary.

[Wiredone]

It depends on what type of roll model they had when they were growing up.

If they had An adventurous roll model , they would be doing challenging activities which makes a person daring.

If there wasn't much of a roll model I think the person stays to himself and doesn't socialize. They avoid contact

[Coden7]

I’d agree with this. I’d also say that when I was growing up, I was often unsupervised outside. Maybe at first it was just the home property, which extended out to neighbors properties, to the whole neighborhood. I was lucky to have a really good neighborhood to grow up in; which allowed me to interact with people on my own. For me that helped mostly with social bravery, I’d have to credit Boy Scouts for helping with “Traditional bravery”

[msc545]

Appropriate anxiety directed towards self-preservation is the substantial cause of what others might call cowardice. I would call it appropriate. Self-care. Nobody who is psychologically healthy signs up to get killed or injured knowingly.

[msc545]

That said, there are some people that sign up for protective roles for the rest of us that do so out of a sense of duty and moral obligation. That kind of behavior does not suggest psychological illness, but instead suggests a reluctance to experience the pain that often comes from doing nothing in the face of danger.

[dolemite58]

Where I grew up, it was like gladiator school in terms of constantly being in fights and playing games like smear the queer. I don’t think guys now a days get to experience it as much that’s why they’re all feminine hipsters now 😂

[nawtee_me]

I think a lot of it may have to do with fears such as afraid or heights. If I was afraid of heights I maybe a coward if it came to walking across a bridge over a high ravine.

[DJB72]

Same as in adulthood. The ability or lack thereof to face your fears

[NewgodOmega]

Its not what he faces as a child is purely who that person is that makes someone who they are

[LunarEclipse433]

I feel you are born with it. I know big talkers that are cowards. I may or may not win, but I will die trying

[fuddly]

You mean in childhood which guys fight?

I was in a few fights as kid

Not any more... i guess... not politically to be a fighting adult🙂🙂🙂

[TallAnon]

Whether he had brave people around him that did not spoil them, but served as good examples.

[laly520]

not raised well

[Dongie]

The he-man women haters club.

[Squatting_Slav]

Not sticking up for the weaker

[OtterMan68]

watching and listening to his dad

[Tstrbrainer]

Standing up to bullies

[Anonymous]

Bad friends