Are these reasonable things my boyfriend gets angry at me for?

[Anonymous]

He says I act stupid and like an idiot and it annoys him, it causes fights because he gives out to me about it. One example is recently he asked me to get him one of his favourite drinks in the shop , i couldn’t see it so I got him a different one.

He didn’t believe me that the shop didn’t have that drink so he drove down and they had it. I must have been blind or in a rush but I genuinely didn’t see the drink. That has caused our most recent fight and he’s still angry because of that. He claimed I didn’t look at all.

[jennifer_bloom]

I know somebody who had similar issues with their live in boyfriend and the solution they decided on is that if you don't like how other people do things, do them yourself, if somebody else does it, you don't have the right to complain about how you don't like the way they did it. I am supposing this solution worked cause they are now married with multiple kids.

[David94358]

I mean if you asked him to do something and he didn't listen or do what you wanted I'm sure you would get irritated with him as well right?

[Asker]

How didn’t I listen or get gin what he wanted?

[David94358]

What do you mean how did you know get what he wanted? It's in your first post on why he was mad

[Asker]

Did you not read what I said, I didn’t get him the exact drink he wanted but I got him something else that I know he likes too. It’s not about me not listening I don’t know where you got that from, I knew what he wanted I just didn’t see it in the store so got something else. And no I wouldn’t get irritated at him, if he got me nothing maybe I would.

[David94358]

Correct he asked for a specific drink and you didn't get that drink, that's why he was irritated.

The "not listening" was just an generic example that I'm sure he has done to you in the past.
Has he not listened to you in the past? Or not done something you asked in the past? Did you get irritated with him in those situations?

[Asker]

He has often not listening to me yes or does things that annoy me. I may get annoyed in my head but I have never started a full blown fight because of it not gotten genuinely angry, it’s not just annoyed about this he’s angry. I came home from work to a full blown fight about he said he was pissed off all day about it and didn’t text me because of that

[David94358]

Well if this was a one off thing then he over reacted, but if this is a recurring thing then him getting angry makes more sense.

It's no different then if a guy puts his dirty clothes on the floor rather then in a hamper, does that small act warrant a huge fight? No.. unless his wife has to tell him over and over and over again, that small act when done so many times will eventually blow up into his wife getting so mad at him she starts a fight.

So how often are you doing things like this to him? All the time? Then yeah eventually it will boil over into a fight, if it's never then he over reacted

[Asker]

He says I do stupid things all the time , but they are never the same thing. I haven’t done that before I normally always get him the right stuff. And by stupid things I mean if I ask him a question he thinks is stupid that will set him off, if I don’t understand something straight away that sets him off.

[David94358]

Well sounds like one of 2 things
You do this "acting stupid" all the time and you are driving him crazy, which means you should probably think about breaking up.

Or

He has anger issues and flys off the handle all the time with little things, which you should consider breaking up over

Ask yourself this, do you want to spend the rest of your life in this kind of relationship?

[Asker]

I’m not sure which it is. No one else has ever said I do stupid things or they don’t react like that if I do. I think I do normal things. I don’t think I do stupid things more than the average person

[David94358]

It really doesn't matter which one it is, this seems like a big issue with him, it's not like you can magically change who you are as a person, and if who you are as a person is driving him to such anger all the time then it seems like it's time to do some major soul searching on if this relationship is worth continuing

[Asker]

I did say to him that it’s just the way I am and no one else gets angry or calls me stupid and he says well they’re not around you as much. It’s like walking on eggshells from my perspective. He doesn’t want to break up though cos I suggested if I bother you so much why are you with me. So he doesn’t even want to which makes no sense because I anger him so much

[David94358]

Well tell him you are getting sick of his outbursts, and he can either start treating you with respect or you are leaving

[Anonymous]

You could have called him and asked if there was anything else he wanted. I'd be a little annoyed, too tbh

[Asker]

I did get him something else just not the drink he wanted because I didn’t see it

[Opinion Owner]

But you could have called to see what else he would have wanted. Not what you think he would have wanted.

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn't flip out on you for it, but not gonna lie, is be annoyed.

[Asker]

Well he told me 2 drinks in case one wasn’t there so I got him the other one he mentioned, he’s annoyed because he says I must have checked at all. I don’t know why people think this is a reason to genuinely get angry at me for. Like I came home from work after a long day and he started a full blown fight about this that happened in the morning. I had forgotten about it. It just doesn’t seem very reasonable

[Asker]

Must not have checked*

[jshm2]

Sheesh dearie, you're a well meaning idiot, not a nasty one. He is going to end up burying you in a shallow grave as he clearly has no patience for you.

Either he gets anger management classes, or you ditch his ass to the curb.

People like you are ditzy, lovable fools, and clumsy. But you're good hearted and well meaning. Hence the opposite of quick angry buffoons who pick you up as a quick screw and punchbag.

[BoopBoopBeep]

He sounds like a petty child if he's going to get butthurt about a drink.

[naartjie]

Sounds like the end is near

[Asker]

I don’t think so , it’s been 5 years he’s been getting annoyed about small things for

[naartjie]

I could never stay in a relationship like that, sorry. I’d leave. I don’t have time for someone who acts like that. I deserve to be happy and to be spoken to with love and care and understanding. So do you. Don’t ever think different.

[laly520]

time to break up

this is super toxic

[Asker]

Is it toxic? I wasn’t sure if it was normal or not..

[laly520]

yes its super toxic n bad news he doesn't love u

[jahaims]

He is immature and you can do better

[riverrat3]

Why is he still your boyfriend