Why I always find myself being the other woman?

Question

It happened for many times. Is there something wrong with me or has everyone experienced that once in their life time? I always find myself in a situation that I am the other woman. Mostly married man. Is it because of the way I talk or behave or are these guys jerks?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

I have been the other guy as well a handful of times , especially when I was single before my marriage and after my marriage I experienced being the other guy a bunch of times , I didn’t screw everyone of them but there were some that got their way with me , it’s just the way this society is today , don’t get me wrong the sex was great just the outcome afterwards sucked lol , Most people today have very selfish mindsets , I blame a lot of it on social media and the adult entertainment industry , brainwashing people to think grass is greener on the other side. Adult entertainment is one of the biggest money making industries in this world , porn is viewed more than people actually Going to church and learning the Bible and having faith in God , Most people want what they don’t already have in front of them, by thinking their lives would be better, if they run to someone else thinking that someone else is going to save them , instead of watering the grass they are already standing on , I have slept with lying women that told me they were single when really they weren’t , they were either married cheating on their husbands with me or cheating on their boyfriends with me , I know guys’ do this shit as well, so cheating occurs equivalent on both sides. Most people in general don’t really know what they want out of life anymore , they say they want love and to find someone that is loyal and faithful to them but they don’t know how to do the same for their partner in return , because most people have selfish mindsets , that only think what is best for themselves. Why I no longer jump into a relationship with a girl until she proves to me that she is in it for the long haul with me , and not the short haul , we can’t read each others minds and we don’t know what each others true intentions are , so one thing I learned out of relationships , if I end up in a relationship with a girl , she becomes my number 1 priority , I put myself in her shoes before making decisions, understanding , I can’t always be right and she is wrong , I can only treat her the same way I want to be treated in return , if she chooses to walk away from me and chooses to ruin our relationship , I just let her go and realize I deserve someone that wouldn’t walk away from me period never stoop yourself down to their level ,2 wrongs do not make a right. I realize I deserve someone that chooses me the same way I choose her , sadly these days it seems harder to find. Love is not forced, Love only grows when 2 people choose each other and remove selfishness for each other , making each other their top priority over everyone else in this world , if your partner isn’t making you their top priority or you are t making them yours , have a sit down talk with each other and express your feelings of concern , if they truly love you , they will stand by your side and try to fix what is broken between you both , if they aren’t in love with you , they will walk away and treat you like a convenience. Never be a convenience to anyone , understand it’s ok to admit you were wrong as well , no one is constantly right , if you think you are always right your relationship more than likely won’t last the long haul. Someone that truly loves you, is going to stand by your side no matter what happens , as long as you don’t cheat or lie to them . Being honest with each other, is the best advice I can give anyone wanting to be in a relationship with someone , Honesty is a huge attraction to me , it shows dignity and respect to your partner , it won’t always be perfect , because we aren’t perfect people , but when you choose your partner the same way you want them to choose you , that relationship will have a way better chance of lasting the long haul , Learn to remove your selfishness for your partner , it makes it easier for them to remove it for you , because they feel respected. When there is no respect in a relationship all you will Receive is disrespect. Never choose your family or friends over your partner , most people have a hard time grasping this concept , your partner should be your best friend over everyone else , Nile side when push comes to shove your partner will always be by your side , your friends and family more than likely won’t be , if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner Do not get into a relationship with them period , you will just be wasting your time and there's. Find yourself someone that makes it their mission to be by your side , someone that invests a lot of their time into you , that doesn't make excuses not to see you , someone that will make you their top priority no matter what , someone that includes you in everything they do , even if you feel smothered by them understand they want to be smothered by you. Someone isn’t going to invest a lot of their time and energy into you to treat you like a convenience, treat them the same way and more than likely you will no longer be the other girl. Someone that is honest with you at all times , someone that doesn’t need space from you , Space is not for relationships , space is meant for astronauts. Someone that loves you isn’t going to need space from you period , never fall for that shit

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

No, it's because of the men YOU CHOOSE. Clearly you aren't prioritizing a man's morals and values and doing a thorough job vetting the guy - you are almost certainly picking guys strictly based on physical attraction or status. Perhaps you're even attracted to the confidence that is common to people who have strong narcissistic traits. Whatever it is, you are CHOOSING these men and ignoring the men with morals and values. Perhaps they aren't as good-looking or don't have such high status, or maybe you just find them "boring" because they are reliable and not as chaotic.

I'm not judging you here - I don't know you and have no reason to dislike you - but you have to see that you aren't just "randomly" ending up with these guys over and over again, because there just aren't that many of them statistically. You are PICKING them over all the other men because you find them attractive. Likely most women find them attractive too - which means he's used to having women compete for him and having all the power, so he feels entitled to use women as he pleases, because he always gets away with it. The most desirable men almost never commit to women because they don't have to - they have plenty of interest from women, including women who are perfectly willing to share him rather than be with a "boring" reliable, moral guy, because she's used to chaos and drama.

You aren't ever going to find a man who has everything you want - such men are both incredibly rare and are so highly sought after that you'd have to be incredibly highly sought after (supermodel, leading actress, pop singer, etc.) yourself to have any chance with him. In the real world, you're going to get some things you want and not others, so you have to choose which things you prioritize, and know that the things you prioritize will come at the expense of other things. If you pick an attractive, popular guy, you can pretty much expect that he's not going to take you or any other women seriously as far as a relationship commitment goes - because he has a million other options for women, and can replace you in 10 minutes. He might be fun at first, but it's like empty calories - they won't sustain you for long.

fatcustard · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, absolutely not. Life just has this really bizarre way of chucking us into these complicated love dramas, and figuring out the why behind it can be pretty baffling.

And honestly, the reason it keeps happening is not as straightforward as we'd like. It's not about there being something "off" about you or how you act. People, and the situations we find ourselves in, are super complex.

Noticing that you're kind of stuck in this cycle, though, that's really insightful. It could be a bunch of stuff leading you here, often stuff we don't even notice, like what we're used to or what kind of attention feels familiar, even if it's not what we truly want. Maybe talking it through with a professional could shed some light?

And about those guys stepping out of their relationships to be with you—it's really their choice, their issue. It definitely reflects more on their character than on anything to do with you. Relationships should be about respect and honesty, and they're failing at that right from the start.

Here's a bit of friendly advice from my corner: maybe take a step back and think about what you really want from a relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be someone's first choice, not an option.

So, in my opinion, being in this situation again doesn't say anything negative about you.

el_Te_de_la_Rosa · Accepted Answer

Yes. I had been there before. And I hope that phase is gone... forever. As other members suggested, maybe it's the confidence men with experiences with women have. If a man flirts with you with strong, direct gestures, it might cause you think he'd be serious. How could someone who already has a partner hit on you openly like that, right? Well, thick-skinned people can do that without shame. No moral compass to begin with.

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Personally, I find shy men attractive, but yet there's one who's so good at pretending. So, I think that we need to point out where the boundary locates right before everything else. I've learned how to ask first if a man is single or not. Even if he lives separately from his wife, it's still not enough. Evidence is needed. Time is needed.

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You are not anyone's spare part. No one is. Take care.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

I think it's because you let it happen.
Back in my dating years I had married men want to have sex with me and possibly be an affair with him.
I told this one man "I want what your wife has; a house, nice car, credit cards, health benefits, go places, etc., but all I would get from you is sex. No thanks".

Or I'd say go home to your wife. I'm sure you two have a better relationship that you and I could ever have.

Just say no! That that isn't the kind of relationship you're seeking. Say, you're already spoken for which makes you unavailable to me.

I could never ever be "The other woman". It's all about him having an ace in the hole to get his sexual satisfaction from. You will never be treated with respect. Respect yourself.

lightbulb27 · Answer

that was my role in a sense, although I wasn't really in relationships, but comfortable with married women. I did that because fear of intimacy and commitment.

So maybe you lack self worth, trust, etc... it's easier to trust someone taken than take your own risk.

I'd put it on developmental issues, somewhere < 18yrs old. Trace back to the damage in early life and look for what went wrong, fix that. establish some scruples.

coachTanthony · Answer

You get what you allow. Ask the right questions in the beginning and you'll never become "the other woman"

Pinay_ako · Answer

You chose the taken and married men. Assuming you don’t know they were married, but you have a type. And they’re all the same two timing married types. If it happened once or twice, it’s not your fault…. if they lied to you. Third time or more. It’s a habit. A bad one

Daniela1982 · Answer

Because men lie and you accept everything they tell you. But honestly, would you really want to walk with such a dog? Guys all seem to sing the same song when they meet a new woman when they are tired of the old.

sawno · Answer

If your age is accurate its age. Most people in your age category would be married or taken, so the chance of meeting someone who is merely looking for something on the side is much more likely.

However you also have "Student" on your profile, so unless you want back to school I suspect your age is a lie. In that case I don't really know what the people around you are like since I don't know your age, but its more likely that your going after the wrong people.

Chelsdope0 · Answer

No, men are just liars and that’s what they do.. men will make you the side chick unknowingly lol… I’ve been there… you can either use him for resources or go.. it’s that simple.

Ish happens. Men are pigs.

Talk to more than one guy.

Shy_Steve · Answer

The Guys are Jerks, You Girls keep getting Attracted to those types of Guys simply because they are Confident.

What you Girls don't seem to realise is that if a Guys Confident he is going to exercise his options as much as he can with every Girl he finds Attractive, I would do the same thing if I was Confident.

You need to date more Guys that don't have as many options and he would more likely to be loyal and Caring because he would simply Appreciate you more.

annabananna · Answer

Do you look people up before dating them? If not I’d recommend that before dating. If they are married a lot of the time you can find out with some research on them.

Huntingnfishin · Answer

I guess the question is, do you find attached guys more attractive? Like are you seeking out men who are already committed or are they seeking you out?

Anonymous · Answer

When you say it happened many times how far back has this been happening? Right now I’m thinking it’s your age. But I don’t know if it was happening in your 20s as well.

WhitneySnow · Answer

You need to break up with him if the situation is making you unhappy

sheikalana · Answer

I've been in that situation in the past and luckily I've found out before it was too late.

Radiate143 · Answer

Are you shooting your shot forst? That's a good way to become a side piece.

ryanbas · Answer

Make a rule in your life and don't change it. Rule is "no flirting allowed by married men" or "i won't entertain it".

DreamLife7 · Answer

It's you sorry to say. Men don't feel you're attractive enough to introduce to friends/family and that you lack status and personality.

MrDaveAPSI · Answer

The most likely answer that you probably don't want to hear? You're falling too easily for people you probably already know you shouldn't be

Staximus · Answer

Maybe you should make sure they aren't married first

JayBones · Answer

Because you are basic and have noting to offer a real man.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably because you choose the wrong men.. I could see once or twice not being your fault, but over and over? Nah this is on you, choose better.

noohair · Answer

Well it is better than nothing. Stop picking men that lie.

spartan55 · Answer

Yeah, it's never your fault.

laly520 · Answer

u keep choosing wrong guys

Vegasrunner · Answer

Tbh it could be because you attract HV men.

jahaims · Answer

It means you are not smart

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

Cos your name is Ariana Grande 💀

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Because you are drawn to fuck boy players.

sakurayuki0629 · Answer

Girl.. set the boundaries

Kristierose · Answer

I like to be the other woman

Anonymous · Answer

Because you fell for it

Luckycharms12 · Answer

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