Why would a guy like you but not make an effort to commit to you?

[Anonymous]

I confessed to the boy I like and afterwards I told him that I hope I didn’t make things awkward between us and that I just wanted to be honest and all he responded with was “you’re good” and “okay”, though part of me knows that he kinda liked me back too but he lacks commitment and he’s mentioned to his friends that he doesn’t find relationships interesting. All he does is look at me now which is nothing but I feel horrible now though I must move on. What do you think?

[Gr3py1]

All the people here telling you that he probably didn't like you that much are lying and don't know anything about it. What you describing here happened to me like almost 1:1.

One day a girl I've been talking to and knew from school just texted me that she likes me but was too shy to admit it and I answered "That's good" and never texted her since I was scared, I thought what if she means something else and I never been in a relationship before and I never noticed. At that age I just didn't believe that somebody likes me, my brain couldnt compute those words. It's now like 10 years and I still think about it. She even reached out 3 months after that and I didn't noticed, she was kind and different I never to this day met somebody like that. I wanted to tell her when she wrote me again but I was so ashamed that a girl has a courage to ask twice, that she doesn't deserve such coward. About 2 years back, becouse I still couldn't stop thinking about that I at least apologise to her, told her that I was scared, becouse she didn't deserved that and I didn't wan't her to think that she did something wrong. 1 year back she texted me that she wants to know how am I. But I was acting like an asshole becouse I still believe she deserves better. I had my chance 10 years back. I hurt her and after 10 years I would like to take it back, no that's pathethic she deserves someone better. I would still love to at least be in touch, but I think she's tried her best, probably doesn't wan't to hear about me again. And maybe I have it the same when she wrote me I asked myself why is she torturing me like that I just wanted to move on and forger but I still think about her now, about that I never met a girl so cool as she. But that thought is also pathethic becouse I don't even know her now she's probably different person now. Maybe she really just wanted to know how am I? I feel ashamed even thinking about it.

So to everyone writing here that he probably doesn't liked her that much: Fuck off.

[Gr3py1]

PS: I created this account only for this answer, it's like it never leaves me alone so I need to share my story for it to never happen again and becouse other answers infuriated me so much, that I needed to say why would somebody do that. They don't have a clue.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I understand now and the boy that I like is very shy and timid and doesn’t talk to any girls and only had ever spoken to me. I never held anything against him and I forgive him because I understand. I wish nothing but the absolute best for him in life and all I want is to see him be the best he can. He is still young he’s only 18 he still has a lot of life ahead of him. by the way, I’m sure the girl understands again you were also probably young and didn’t know much. So it’s okay. I appreciate your response and don’t blame yourself, please. We all make mistakes in our lives it’s okay we can learn and move on. I still cry about it because everything is fresh and yesterday was that last time I had spoken to him. I was the one always initiating the conversation first but he made the effort, he would stand listening to me talk even though he had places to be, and he would listen to the music I had recommended. I confessed to him via note and in that note all I said was that I liked him and that he wasn’t obligated to like me back but that my goal in life was not to have any regrets and I wish him the best because he is a very kind and intelligent person. thank you, again and I appreciate your kindness.

[ThatOneGuy247]

He could also potentially have an insecure attachment style? 40% of the population have an insecure attachment style according to the attachment theory of love. Eg. Anxious or ambivalent attachment style (also referred to as “anxious-preoccupied,” “ambivalent-anxious,” or simply “anxious-ambivalent”) tend to be overly needy. As the labels suggest, people with this attachment style are often anxious and uncertain, lacking in self-esteem. They crave emotional intimacy but worry that others don’t want to be with them.

[Asker]

So do you think that he may feel as if he’s not good enough?

[ThatOneGuy247]

I don't know for sure... I never met the guy. I don't want to assume. It is however always a possibility

[Asker]

I understand thank you. I perhaps that maybe I wasn’t good enough for him…

[ThatOneGuy247]

I meant, he might not think he's good enough for you. Use your law of state transference and your gut instinct. There's also 2 other insecure attachment style. We can never really know what's someone's thinking due to the fundamental attribution error. I want to empower you with that knowledge of you haven't heard of it

[Asker]

Again he is a very shy and timid guy and he doesn’t have very much friends and I was the only girl that he occasionally talked too.

[ThatOneGuy247]

What about social anxiety or a lack of confidence? What do you think?

[Asker]

Yea he definitely lacks confidence and he’s extremely awkward

[Asker]

When I used to talk to him he would get very awkward and nervous but he would get comfortable

[Jay-_-]

Id say yes leave it in the past, also to answer your question on top, some guys are afraid of commitment or afraid of the thought of what were happend next if you were dating each other. Unless he wasn't into you which could also be a slite possibility.

[Asker]

The boy is pretty timid and shy and I was the only girl he’s ever spoke to. But yeah you are right. Thank you for your comment.

[Jay-_-]

Im leaning towards more he's nervous, that is me guessing, but if I were to see you too conversate I'd probably be able to give a solid answer.

[Asker]

Our interactions with one another was sometimes awkward, though we would have decent conversations they were never deep. I would occasionally recommend him music and he would give me feedback, we would talk about languages and he even told me about his mother and where she is from. He would stop himself from using the restroom just to listen to me talk and his class was far away. The same day I confessed to him was the same day he had added songs like “crushcrushcrush” by paramore which was weird. Though, that can be just a coincidence. Now ever since his friend and him just look at me now. I don't know.

[Jay-_-]

I don't know what to say about that.

[Asker]

It’s okay I’ve given up I just want to better understand him that’s all.

[Jay-_-]

That's okay.

[HollyK21]

He’s just not that into you. Even if you felt absolutely certain he was interested, without confirmation from him you must accept that your interpretation of his feelings were inaccurate, babe.


On top of that, you have to keep in mind that when you choose to pursue someone, that is you making a choice, not them. In other words, you decided to act on your feelings because you are in a place in life where you’re ready to date. Unfortunately that does not mean the person you’re interested in will be looking to date someone as well. That is another factor as to why confessing feelings is a risk. Anyway, all you can do now is move on.



Try not to focus so much on him and let this phase pass naturally. I’m sure he will come around, except with a more restricted approach as to not give you the wrong idea from now on.

[Asker]

Thank you I really needed that.

[HollyK21]

No problem, hang in there, this too shall pass 🤍

[dustybiker2]

This depends on how much you want this relationship and what it feels like to you.
Does he ever kiss you just to kiss you, and you really feel a connection?
You can push for answers such as "Do you think we have enough to stay together?"
But this will either annoy or reset him depending on where he is in his own head.
Maybe the idea of losing you will ignite him. Maybe it won't.

[Asker]

We were never a thing but I appreciate your comment.

[dustybiker2]

It sounded as you were. Okay.

[IslaTheWitch]

I think he doesn't have the same feelings as you have. So, there is no need for him to commit. He likes you and accepts your feelings toward him but that doesn't mean he will reciprocate your feelings.

[Asker]

True

[Anonymous]

I had that happen to me. We were friends for some time. And I told friend of mine she was attractive. And he went off and told her and she came back and asked me out. She was attractive. But I'd never considered dating her. And when she did she really caught me off guard. I responded seemingly the same way as this guy.

[Asker]

Were you just not ready?

[Opinion Owner]

I can say that now. But I'm not sure I was ever ready though. What I mean by that was at the time we were really young. And i didn't feel our relationship was that kind of energy. She was a good friend, an attractive friend, but still just a friend. But as we've gotten older I see more what I think she saw. I see what we had in common. Why at least on paper why we'd have made a good connection. I just wasn't smart enough to see it at the time. I regret that i never said yes to her. I regret that we never dated because I'm left with "what if". But I at the same time don't regret it because if I wasn't capable of loving her the way she deserved then I didn't deserve to date her. Either way, she met a guy, had a few kids and is happily married to this day. We're still friends and I'm happy for her.

[Asker]

I’m glad she’s moved on and I hope you are doing well now. This gave me hope thank you. Even though I’m hurt I still understand him he is still very young and I don’t want to get in his way. I’m just sad I wasted so much time and not going to lie I did start pondering my worth after. Maybe if I was good enough he’d date me but I don’t know. I respect and appreciate him and the time we spent together. Thank you for sharing your story and I appreciate your comment.

[laly520]

commitment isn't for everyone
liking u a alone isn't enough to commit to u
to commit is to invest time, energy, money etc
some can't provide that, some dont want it n rather keep it casual cuz busy of other more important things, some selfish, some wants to use u without having any attachments
so stay safe n be careful

[WhyohWhy69]

Because he’s immature and listening to bad men who wish him to be as miserable as they are. If you are kind bd good to him, he will regret it someday.

[Asker]

to be honest I think he may have lead me on.

[Sonorous]

Because he likes you but doesn't see much value in committing to you. Here's a video that might give you more insights:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/k3WCMMbsZJ0

[Asker]

Why wouldn’t he find the value in wanting to commit to me? I’m not asking for much.

[Sonorous]

Well I don't know him to say anything for certain. Could be that he doesn't want to be tied down by a relationship yet or maybe he's just not that into you? Iono could be many reasons.

[Asker]

Possibly I’m not sure but it’s okay I’ve given up.

[Sonorous]

Yeah I think that's for the better tbh.

[ProbablyClueless]

Commitment is a pretty huge investment; lots of time, lots of emotions, usually lots of money as well. Liking someone isn't anywhere near as risky as committing to them.

[Asker]

True.

[AmyHew1tt]

"If he wanted to, he would." I used to be critical of the saying, but now I believe full-heartedly, and I think we all should.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right

[TommyMountainFigure]

The question is.. Can you move on, or are you stuck?

[Asker]

I can move on though this is fairly new to me and it’s been two days so I’m just processing and trying to understand.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Then I think you should. There is nothing worse than developing feelings for someone who is dead inside (in matters of the heart I mean)

[NibirX]

Well commitment actually cost time, energy, sometimes money... for some people, they are not always ready for that. You may just declare it to him before you move on.

[thegreenyogi]

He won't make an effort to commit if he's not interested in having a long term commitment with you.

[Asker]

Why?

[DreamLife7]

Because he doesn't like you🤣. Omg talk about brain rot.

[Asker]

That’s okay he doesn’t have too

[Asker]

by the way you should try being kinder to people I understand that you just want to be honest but just because your life is not the best doesn’t mean you get to spread negativity. I hope you feel better.

[DreamLife7]

The truth is the truth. You chose to chase a man lol. If a man hasn't approached you that means he's not interested. The fact you're so aggressive and chasing a man is insane. He doesn't like you that's why he's not committing and he's not obligated to. Get over it and move on

[DreamLife7]

You're just mad you didn't get the response you wanted. Grow up

[Asker]

I’m aware and I understand. I expected the response anyways. Maybe you shouldn’t judge people based on a mini portion that they shared online nor should you assume. I understand and I even told him that I was not expecting much nor was he obligated. You don’t think I know that? Also every man is different so don’t category a whole genre of men based on if they are interested or not. I’m not mad and I appreciate your honesty and I respect you for that.

[Asker]

I just don’t appreciate your approach. If you are going to be honest say it with manner and kindness.

[DreamLife7]

I'm embarrassed for you smh

[Asker]

Don’t care never asked😜😍

[soe11]

He is selfish guy.

[Asker]

How so?

[soe11]

It is a very simple, who he not put effort or strive for relationship, expecting from other side are selfish according to me.

[sheikalana]

He doesn't like you enough to commit. Move on.

[Asker]

Yeah I’m moving on I just want to understand so this doesn’t happen again.

[sheikalana]

Honestly dear you're still so young. A lot of guys in your age are not yet mature enough to commit. You'll eventually learn from experience.

[Chelsdope0]

He doesn’t like you that much

[In_Trance]

Doesn't like you that much