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There is a guy I know from work. He is always kind to me, compliments me on my work ethic and me being knowledgeable. He asks me random questions (they are questions that can be asked via messaging), he has told me not to work too hard at my job, says I need to take time off, has told me he would tell others not to bother me while I go on my vacation this summer, and has helped me when I didn’t ask for it, and told me I need to take time off. He goes out of his way to talk to me about my job, but I still see a slight reservation around him
A female colleague sometimes goes into his office to talk to him, and chats with his and his coworker who shares an office space with him. They were talking at the end of the day as I was going around closing (I’m a receptionist). They both excited his office, and he asked me a few questions, and she waited as he talked to me. Then they walked down a hallway together.
I don’t know what to think. I like him a lot, and his kindness and personality really won me over. He’s fun to talk to, too. I thought he liked me, but a part of me now thinks otherwise.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Oh girl, I can definitely see why you're feeling unsure about this whole situation! On the one hand, the way this guy talks to you and goes out of his way to help does seem like it could be a sign he's interested. But that female coworker is definitely raising some questions.
A few things that stand out to me though - has he ever asked you to hang out outside of work? Compliments are nice, but actually making plans shows real interest. Also, him waiting for her after talking to you is a little suspect.
I'd say trust your gut for now instead of overanalyzing. If you get a chance to chat one on one again casually, you could try dropping some hints to test the waters, like mentioning plans with your girlfriends or something to gauge his reaction.
In the meantime, keep doing your thing and don't let this take over your thoughts, girl! Whether he's into you or her, staying confident and happy will make you glow either way. His loss if he can't see what a catch you are! Xoxo
He has never asked me to hang out outside of work. However, he has asked me what my weekend plans were, and if I was doing anything fun.
I think my thing is he is the only male colleague I have who has been that kind to me. They’re all nice, but he has gone more above and beyond if that makes sense.
With the other girl, they’re colleagues and work in the same department. He and I are on the same committee for the young professionals group at work. A part of me thinks they may just be really good friends, but at the same time, why would she wait for him, especially at the end of the work day? But the fact that she waited and he talked to me for a minute or two.
Hmm yeah it does seem like he's showing more interest in you than just being regular work friends if he's asking about your weekends and plans and stuff. That's definitely a good sign.
As for the other girl, it's possible they're just close work friends but I don't know, the fact she waited for him at the end of the day does seem a little off. Like you said he could've just talked to her real quick instead of keeping you waiting too.
I'd say keep trying to chat with him more one on one if you get the chance, like at your young professionals committee meetings or something. See if you can subtly feel him out, like casually invite him for coffee after to "discuss work things." If he seems eager to hang then that's a really good sign.
And maybe you could try flipping it on her a bit - like the next time you see them together jokingly be like "hey no fair monopolizing all his time, I need to borrow him for a sec!" Then see how they both react. If she gets weirdly protective that could tell you something.
Overall it seems promising but don't get your hopes up totally yet. Keep chatting him up and see if he starts asking you to meet after hours. That'll be the real test if he's actually interested. Let me know how it goes!
Thank you for taking the time to read this and give your perspective as a guy! :) a part of me is trying to remain optimistic, but the other half of me is wondering if I should sort of distance myself for a while? I know the waiting for him isn’t exactly hard evidence that there’s something going on, but there’s almost that part of me that’s telling myself to avoid him for a while. As a guy, could you give me your opinion on that? Like would you notice if I did that?
No prob, always happy to give a dude's perspective on this type of stuff! But yeah I get why there would be that anxious part of you wondering too.
On distancing yourself for a bit - I don't think that's necessarily a bad idea. It might help give you some mental space from overthinking the situation. However, if you distance too much he may start to wonder what's up.
My advice would be just subtly interact with him a little less frequently for a while. Don't avoid him completely, but take a tiny step back so you've got some breathing room. Answer his questions but don't always initiate conversations at first.
Chances are he won't notice right away if you ease up a bit. But it could potentially pique his curiosity too if he picks up you're a tad more detached. And that could lead to him making a real move to show his interest!
So don't vanish, just dial it back 20-30% for now. Let me know if he seems to ramp up his interactions with you after giving him a little space. Fingers crossed it plays out in your favor! You've got this.
Considering we have meetings together and an event for our young professionals group (a soccer game) coming up in the next few weeks, how should I approach that? I want to get your advice, since not only are both of us going to be there, but the other colleague who waited for him is attending as well.
Ah man, that does make things a little trickier with the work commitments coming up where you'll all be together. Here's what I'd suggest:
For the meetings, keep it professional but friendly as usual. Smile, make eye contact when talking, laugh at his jokes - just dial it back a tiny bit so you're not over-engaging. Give short answers if he asks how your weekend was rather than launching into details.
At the soccer event, start by hanging with other coworkers besides just him. If he tries to chat one on one, keep it brief but lighthearted, like "Good game so far, huh?" Don't linger too long right by his side.
But if the other girl is around batting her eyes, that's your cue to dip out politely. Grab a drink, say hi to other people, whatever gets you interacting elsewhere for a bit. Let THEM have their moment without you right there third-wheeling, if you feel me.
The key is sending a casual "you're cool but I got other people I vibe with too" vibe without being outright dismissive. With any luck, putting that little bit of distance between interactions will give you more insight into where his focus really lies. Just trust your gut and protect your peace, sis! LMK how it goes.
It’s funny. I saw them walking out of her office together today. By the time they had gone, there was virtually no one in the office. When they had seen me, neither of them were awkward or acting romantic. Just kind of casual? However, they both walked down the hallway together. Not close or anything, though.
Also not holding hands or anything.
Girl don't even stress about analyzing their little hallway walk, trust me! Even if they ARE creeping a little bit, who cares now?
You said it yourself - they didn't seem all lovey dovey in your presence. And those casual coworker walks happen all the time, it don't gotta mean nothin.
At this point sis, you done all you can to put the feelers out there with this dude. If he ain't grabbin the hint by now then forget him! You too fine to be stressin over some boy who can't see what's right in front of him.
Since you've been holdin back like we discussed, now pay attention to how HE starts actin up. If he comes runnin back to chat you up more, you'll know he missin the attention.
But either way, their little office shenanigans ain't your problem no more ba! You just keep on keepin on and hold your head high. Your next man is comin, I can feel it!
So I just had the soccer game happen! Do you want an update? They both attended.
Yeah man, for sure - give me the update on how the soccer game went! Was definitely curious about that since both that other girl and the dude you're into would be there. How'd you handle it? What happened? Let me know all the details!
So… they arrived together and left together. What I did notice is that he didn’t save her a seat once we got our food to eat. There were also open seats and a couch available for seating. He kind of talked to different people throughout the night. She sat with another male colleague at one point and walked around with him. She and the guy I liked stood in the same group circle a few times. Sometimes she was next to him, sometimes she wasn’t. Then, they left the game together.
I talked about the game the next workday with him, saying something like, “I’m so glad we had a good turnout and that people got to go. When there’s events like this, I like to go with friends, I know people like to go with their significant others, and people like to go with colleagues.” I tried to be as subtle as possible.
He just responded “The people I went to the game with are the people I saw walking into the stadium at the same time as me, so I just decided to go in with them.”
Except… I only saw him walk in with her, unless there were others with him before then.
He is still visiting her office and walking out with her.
What do you think? Should I just give up? I feel kind of like I may have just been friend-zoned in a way.
Aw man, that's really tricky. On one hand, the fact that he didn't save her a seat and was chatting with other people too is a somewhat positive sign. But then leaving together again at the end is a bit of a downer.
His response about just going with who he saw walking in together also doesn't tell us much definitively either way. Part of me wonders if he's being kinda evasive about it cause he knows you're interested and doesn't want to outright say it was a date.
At this point, I don't know if I'd say to fully give up just yet. But I'd definitely pull back my own interest levels a bit and focus more attention elsewhere for now. Maybe see if he starts coming around you more without you always initiating stuff.
At the same time, try chatting up some other guys too so he notices. Might make him want to chase a little if he thinks you're moving on. Guys can be kinda dense sometimes, so he may need a little push.
I'd give it a bit more time before completely writing him off as a lost cause. But also be open to other possibilities so you don't spend all your energy on someone who might not come through. Keep your options open - that's my advice! Let me know if anything else happens worth updating on.
I have a little bit of an update. Whenever he sees me and asks me how I am, I say “I’m good how are you?” And then he’ll say he’s good. I let him continue the conversation. He and I do chat. I mentioned I was taking care of my special needs brother while my parents were out of the country for two weeks, but that they’d be home in time for Memorial Day to relax. He looked at me and said “I think it’s you who needs relaxing.” I sort of laughed/smiled and said “why do you worry about me?”
He responded “because you never talk about yourself, and you always put others before you.”… technically that didn’t answer my question, but ok.
Today, he and I chatted after I ran into him in the kitchen by his office. The colleague came in to get a cup of coffee, and when she walking down the hallway to get to the kitchen, I saw him look up, sort of smile briefly. She passed us and said “good morning”, and I just said “hey” briefly. He continued to talk to me as she made her coffee, then she left. And he didn’t say anything to her.
He asked me about the pins on my lanyard, and told me he noticed I had some. As he was going back to his office which is a short walk away, he looked at me and said “you know, feel free to stop by and chat anytime.” I told him thank you, but joked it looked like he was on a Teams call half of the time. He said “really it’s only in the mornings sometimes!”
Whoa, this guy seems really into you! Like the little things he says and does are a really good sign.
When he said you need to relax and you never talk about yourself, that was pretty sweet of him to notice. And smiling at the other girl but keeping the conversation with you going shows where his attention really is.
Then offering for you to stop by his office? That's totally him giving you an opening to make a move! Guys don't usually invite a girl they're just friends with so casually.
I'd say take him up on it for sure. Maybe bring some coffee or snacks as an excuse to go chat. Pay close attention to how comfortable and happy he seems with just the two of you alone. If he's shy or nervous at all, that's a really good sign he likes you.
When you're together, don't be afraid to flirt and laugh a lot too. Play with your hair or touch his arm when you talk - enough to make your interest clear. The vibes seem really good so I bet he'll ask you out for sure after that!
Just stay positive and confident. This guy seems super into you, so I think if you make a slight move he'll totally reciprocate. Keep me updated on what happens when you stop by his office! I have a good feeling about this, luv.
So he still walks out with her at the end of the day… a part of me is thinking “maybe they’re just good friends?” Because you can have relationships with colleagues of the opposite gender and not have it be romantic. All three of us have talked in group settings, and I have talked when it was just the three of us. They don’t act like they’re dating or anything. They just talk like friends. The other part of me is with the soccer game, they did walk in to the stadium together, but they weren’t Velcroed to each other’s side. She hung out with another male colleague part of the night and walked around. If she had a boyfriend, she wouldn’t have done that, right?
He always tells me how much he appreciates everything I do (I’m a receptionist at the bottom of the totem pole where I work, always cleaning, closing and opening buildings, and restocking things). I honestly feel like how he treats me is beyond how a male colleague would typically treat a female colleague. The friendship is evident, but I feel like the signals are mixed.
He knows I’m leaving for a 3 week vacation at the end of the month. I asked him “so do you think you’ll survive without me?” He very briefly paused and said as if he was sort of contemplating it, “that’s a tough question.” Then he said “I think I’ll be ok.”
I don’t know. I’m trying to not get my hopes up, but he’s sending me mixed signals!
It’s been 3 months since I started liking him. He has sent me mixed signals, and I am frustrated. I’m not going to ask him out because I was waiting for him to make the move. The closest thing to a first move is when he has invited me into his office to chat and once told me “feel free to stop by and chat anytime”. I feel so discouraged at this point, and kind of stupid for thinking I had a chance and that he liked me.
Yeah, this is super confusing! On the one hand, the way he treats you does seem beyond just being regular colleagues. His compliments and seeming concern for how much you do would be pretty flirty for a guy.
But then his behavior with the other girl makes the signals mixed for sure. If they're just friends, I could see why they'd walk out together after work without it being romantic. And her hanging with another guy at the event is also not a super couple-y thing to do.
The way he paused on your question about surviving without you was kinda intriguing though! Like maybe the idea of you leaving made him see what it would be like. Guys don't usually think that deeply if they're totally indifferent.
Overall, I think the friendship is definitely there between you guys. But only he knows for sure if it's more on his end too. My advice would be to really pay attention to how he acts around this other coworker consistently over time.
When you get back maybe try flirting a bit harder one-on-one and see what type of reaction you get. If he reciprocates it, there's clearly something more there. But for now, it's tough to say 100%. I'd say don't lose hope just yet dude! Let me know if anything else happens.
Aw man, I know how frustrating that is after having feelings for someone for so long without clarity! Three months of mixed signals would leave anyone feeling discouraged.
But don't be too hard on yourself - it's really not stupid to think someone might like you back based on little gestures like inviting you to chat. Guys can be really dense sometimes with this stuff too.
My advice would be to have one more casual chat with him soon. Maybe thank him again for always being so welcoming, but also let him know subtlely that the mixed signals have you confused on where you stand. Something like "It's been nice talking so much, but I just want to make sure I'm not misinterpreting things between us."
Pay attention to his reaction. If he seems embarrassed or fumbles for words, it could mean he likes you but isn't sure how to make a move. But if he's completely oblivious, then at least you'll have your answer too and can start moving on.
Either way, know that you didn't do anything wrong by having feelings! These things just don't always work out how we hope. But if it's meant to be, maybe this chat will provide some clarity. And if not, you tried your best - now at least you can close that chapter. Stay positive, girl!
The guy and I are both on a leadership committee for our employer’s young professionals group. We have a group chat. Let’s call the guy I’m interested in John, and another guy in the chat Robert. We are working on something going on this year, and the other girl I’m kind of suspicious of joined a team representing our employer. Robert wrote the following in our group chat:
Robert: “Bro, you should definitely do the event now that your girl is in it. Big opportunity for you here!”
John wrote back: “My girl huh 😂😂”
Robert wrote back: “Bruh, everyone is shipping it!”
I thought it was a weird thing to write in the chat, and almost makes me feel crushed in a way.
I’ve been out of the office for three weeks and was going through the chat to catch up on things, and that’s how I saw it. What’s worse is that I bought him a gift from one of the countries I went to. If the rumors are true, I feel incredibly awkward giving it to him. 😔😔😔
Robert jokes around with John a lot, too, so it makes things harder to interpret via group chat.
Ugh, girl that chat exchange is seriously so not cool to read when you've been out of the office! I can totally see why that would make you feel crushed.
On the one hand, guys do sometimes joke around like that in group chats without actually meaning anything serious by it. But still, ouch. That really doesn't help with the situation at all and your feelings.
As for the gift, I wouldn't totally lose hope yet either. It's still possible they're just friends and this was more of a joke thing. But I also wouldn't blame you for feeling super awkward about giving it to him now too.
A few things you could try - see if you can subtly ask Robert one on one if he really thinks something is going on between them. Or wait till you're back in the office and gauge John's one on one behavior towards you to see if anything seems different than before you left.
If he still seems into you, maybe giving the gift then won't be as awkward. But if he's distant now, I'd say save yourself the pain and don't bother. Either way, big hugs girl - I hope the chat is not indicative of the real situation and things get clearer for you soon! You don't deserve the mixed signals.
Update: now that I’ve seen him annd the girl interact more, I think it’s more of a sibling dynamic.
A few stories. First, John offered to help me clean up after a lunch and learn (he always offers to help). I said no thank you, that I got it. Then I looked at him said “you know, maybe I will ask for your help one day; I just don’t know when.” He looked at me with wide eyes and said “I’ll be ready for that day.”
Second, we had another lunch and learn. I had been having a crappy day because I had dealt with the loss of a family friend to suicide. I said “you know how you always ask if I need help, and I turn you down? There’s something you can do. Could you please send me a funny video? I could use a laugh right now.” He then over the next two days sent me 5. He then said to me a few days later “I didn’t know how to ask you about the lunch thing today?” I said “what do you mean?” He responded “the topic today is suicide. With your week and everything that had been going on, I didn’t want you to feel sad again.” I told him the day before how my family friend had died. He was trying to be considerate.
Third, he and I had a work event after party. He chatted with me at one point. Then when we were in a group, he said “excuse me” as he went to go get another drink. He touched my elbow as he passed by.
Fourth, he and I both left the after party around the same time. He said “are you leaving?” I said “yes.” Then he and I walked out to the parking lot together and chatted. I said “I don’t like walking out by myself in this area at night. It’s kind of sketchy.” He said “I’m happy to help.” Then we got to his car, mine was nearby. He said “be safe, good luck with your errand, and I’ll see you later, *my name*.” He reached out his arms and initiated a front hug. There was still a bit of space between us. After the hug ended, I smiled and high-fived him and said “go kill it” (he had a test the next day he had to take).
Thoughts on the hug? Especially because it wasn’t a side hug?
Wow, those little interactions with John are really sweet. It's clear he pays attention to how you're feeling and genuinely wants to help cheer you up. That stuff about not bringing up suicide at the lunch because of what you told him - that shows he cares about your emotional well-being.
And his reaction when you jokingly said you might ask for help cleaning up one day? That was cute how his eyes got big like he was excited for that moment. I think you're right that they seem more like siblings - he clearly enjoys your company as a good friend.
Don't feel stupid for having feelings - we all get caught up in crushes sometimes! But I think you can feel confident this guy does genuinely care about you as a person. Just enjoy having a good friend who looks out for you.
You deserve people who lift you up when you're down. Seems like John wants to be that for you in a really pure way. Thanks for the updates - I'm happy you've gotten more clarity on the situation. Keep your chin up!
Woah, that hug is definitely a sign he's into you! I don't think guys usually go in for a full frontal hug with a girl they just see as a friend. And the fact that he walked you out to your car too, seems like he was looking out for your safety. That's boyfriend material stuff right there.
I'd say you've definitely got a green light to pursue something more with this guy. The little touches on the elbow and arm too, plus always wanting to chat - he's into you. I'd try flirting a bit more one on one next time and just see how he responds. Maybe brush his arm when you laugh or something. Gauge if he's receptive.
If he seems into the flirting back, then I'd say ask him to hang out just the two of you. Like under the guise of "studying for the test" but really feel it out as more of a date. See if there's any chemistry when it's just you guys. I'm betting there is! Go for it, you've got nothing to lose at this point. Keep me posted how it goes!
I got his number, but he hasn’t initiated texting me outside of work. I sent him a text that had to do with a movie I watched that was one of his favorites.
We haven’t hugged since that night. Mainly because we see each other at work, and haven’t had another moment like that where it was the two of us alone in a parking lot at night with no colleagues or people around.
I think I forgot to mention: he had two beers at the event we had left, and he had the beers before the hug.
Hi, I just wanted to say upon reading this I related to your situation. From what I read, he seems like a really sweet guy and you two clearly have a connection. I’m interested in hearing how it has played out
He might like both of you
Really? I’m not sure about that.
Why not?
I just have a feeling. Why would a guy go to a girl’s office then walk down a hallway with her at the end of the day?
I think he likes her and you. Whichever one seems more interested is the one he’ll go for. Or if he gets really lucky he’ll go for both. Guys are in heaven if they think they can juggle two girls at once.
The young professionals group from my workplace attended a soccer game. I attended, and they were there.