Why wait so long to tell me?

[Anonymous]

Last night my boyfriend said that he didn’t love me anymore. I asked him how long he’s felt this way & he said at least a year now. He followed it with you’re not my person, you’re not my soul mate, & I just don’t love you. We have been together 3 and a half years now, & I thought everything was fine. He hugs/kisses me before/after work. He tells me he loves me with the biggest smile. He acts like a child around me, all giddy & laughing. Earlier in the day he had told me he loved me and that he was very happy… Why wait to tell me? Why drag me along? Why couldn’t he be honest with me a year ago? I am crushed… I feel so empty…

[TommyMountainFigure]

It sounds like he was building up the courage to tell you but was too scared of how you would react. In effect he has been lying to you for a year, leading you on.

It is important now you put things into context.

A man has been lying to you for a year, pretending to be in love with you, leading you on, whilst the whole time using you for hugs etc.

I get you are crushed by this, I do, but you must, for the sake of your sanity and well being, Nip those feeling of hurt in the bud as soon as you can.

Turn all that hurt into anger. The guy has used you for a year. You should spend a few days grieving the relationship and then make all that grief and anger you must feel about being used like that, and get rid of everything he has meant to you. Keep a few photos if you like, but hide them away until you have the inner strength to look at them without it upsetting you.

You take back the control and power he had over you back, and say no more. Never let him see you cry or upset. That will hurt him more than you will ever know!

And when you get stronger, he will be get weaker. I promise you.

[slatyb]

Sorty. It's shitty behavior but it's all too common. Were you hoping for a proposal?

To the young women reading this, if your goal is to be married, don't wait indefinitely for a proposal. If you move in together, set a deadline: one year and we're either planning a wedding or we're breaking up.

When you meet someone, it's better to early to talk about goals. What does he want in the next five years? What do you want?

[Asker]

I don’t want to be married, no. I don’t even want to be engaged.

[slatyb]

I'm sorry for the breakup. Best wishes for the future.

[_Maya_]

Could be any number of reasons. I see some users that have pointed out some things that came to mind right away. He was comfortable with you. You don't have to love someone to be around them. Maybe you were fulfilling the roll he needed in his life at home. He could be lazy and didn't want to do things you normally did. He also may have been hoping things would change. Maybe there is something specific that made him fall out of love and thought that it would change at some point. Really only he knows the reason.

[Asker]

I’m not sure, he wouldn’t tell me anything last night other than he didn’t love me. I just wish he didn’t play with my emotions the way that he has. Those inevitable questions come to mind… What did I do, why doesn’t he love me, is it me or was it him, etc. I wish he’d open up & tell me because at this point, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings… he’s already done that.

[_Maya_]

I totally understand where you are coming from. A decent person would at least say why so that you can have some closure and not always wonder. I totally get what you are going through and how you feel.

[Asker]

I am questioning his decency at the moment. Such a harsh thing to do to someone randomly, only hours after you’ve laughed & said you were so happy. The confusion is real & the pain runs deep today.

[_Maya_]

I absolutely feel for you. I am so sorry to hear what happened. 💜

[Abbycado]

Could be that he was hoping that the feeling would change. That is possible.

[boggboss]

Because he still wanted the comforts that came with letting u think he loved u I would guess

[Asker]

I do everything. Cook, clean, work. He doesn’t have to do anything… he’s just taken advantage of me, then?

[Asker]

He works too - but as far as everything else he doesn’t have to do anything.

[boggboss]

It would seem that way unless he can give u a reason

[Asker]

He doesn’t have one. It’s almost like I’m suppose to always care but he doesn’t have to. I dont even know if that makes the slightest bit of sense.

[boggboss]

If he doesn't it just shows he is selfish

[boggboss]

Or lying and hiding somthing

[Asker]

He’s been acting normal, nothing seemed out of the norm for our daily life. It came so randomly, he’s awake now & I can’t even look at him nor do I want to talk to him.

[boggboss]

Fair enough that's understandable the only thing I could think is him just being a selfish lier that wanted you to look after him whilst he picked and chose to patent to care

[AnAmazingGuy]

what r u still waiting? throw him out of ur life

[Asker]

I’ve applied to different places today, planning to move out as soon as I can.

[AnAmazingGuy]

applied to different places? Means?

[Asker]

Condos/apartments/houses. I don’t have family & my friends are hours away from me.

[AnAmazingGuy]

be careful and take care of your mental health too

[DrPepper12]

Be glad he did tell you. Remember the good times when you've processed this.