Why do exes wait so long to “realize” how badly they did you in the past?

[Anonymous]

An ex of mines from 5 years ago broke up with me and left me for another woman 4 years ago. At the time it really hurt me. I cried for days and questioned if it was me. If it was my looks. If I wasn’t good enough when it came to sex considering he was the one I lost all my first to. It was also the way he exited the relationship. He told me that he and I were done and to never call or text him again. The hurt lasted for a year. Throughout that year he would come back and message me, even though he was still with the girl he left me for, but only for sex but he made me believe it was for more than sex because he knew my feelings for him were still strong at the time so any conversation from him after he had dumped me felt great to me at that time and that only hurt me worse to know once again he was using me and not treating me right. That’s when I knew I needed to move on. For the past three years I’ve been great. Even experienced dating again. I haven’t thought twice about my ex. Randomly a few days ago I got a request on Facebook from what seemed to be a fake page. The page requested to message me on messenger and after reading it I knew it was him. He was asking how I was, he went on and on about how wrong he was for what he did to me and that he should have appreciated me more and not had used me the way that he did because I didn’t deserve that. He even started sending old Snapchat’s of us, that to my surprise, he still had and my reaction to it now vs how it would have been three years ago when I still felt strongly about him told a lot about how true the saying “The tables always turn.” Is because I remember when he left me, I just wouldn’t accept it and kept messaging pictures, snaps, messages etc of us to make him feel different about his decision but all he did was blow me off, now he’s doing the same thing and feeling regret years later. I don’t want to be mean but I really don’t want anything to do with him.

[Aysen]

It's because they don't realize what they've lost until its gone; that they have to let time runs its course until they yearn that feeling of being loved once again.

That's when regret starts to build up with feelings of guilt over time, which is why he contacted you years later because he knew what he had with you meant something, even if he didn't feel it at the time during the first year of the break-up. This is why I can't hesitate enough for couples to think carefully about breaking up because a lot of changes happen, some of them irreversible once it happens. What I find interesting is that he broke up with you without feeling regrets at the time and proceeded to move on so quickly without a second thought, like all those cherished memories and moments you two had together didn't mean much to him. That explains why you don't feel much towards him anymore, because if he really cared and loved you, he would have came back to you very quickly, realizing his mistakes and tried everything he could to fix things... but he didn't.

I feel really bad that you devoted so much of yourself to him, even with your "firsts" of all things passionate related! You sound like a wonderful girlfriend and you deserve so much more than what your ex did to you, even if he's trying to win your back. You'll know if someone loves you, when they can't imagine their life without you there. I wish you luck on finding a boyfriend who wants to be yours, always 😊

[Asker]

Yea and he has even sent me voice messages saying how he was a “little boy” back then and he’s changed and learned now and that he prays a lot more and only listens to Steve Harvey for relationship advice lol and that even if we don’t get back together right now, he feels in his heart one day we will be back together in that way because he knows I’m the one and claims everyone he’s close to, friends and family have told him the same thing, that I’m the one for him. His last voice message was him saying out of all the women he dated I was the one his family liked the most and after listening to every voice message I still feel no way about him anymore. It’s like you’re years too late, maybe you should have felt this way four years ago lol. I also think he’s exaggerating most things he said just to see if I will fall for it.

[Aysen]

Seeing what you mentioned here, I'm very sure he's desperate and trying too hard to win you back with all those voice messages, pictures, making a new profile and such, even though you made your decision already. I hope he'll learn his lesson from this and move on like you did! It'll be interesting to see how long he keeps this going for, unless you block him first.

[EssenceOfLight]

My first love realized pretty soon that her new boyfriend isn't a satisfying substitute for me. She tried several times over months to approach me until I was solo again and our common friends lured me to a party where she appeared without her boyfriend. I still loved her a bit and she used it to bring me into a triangle relationship.
This is what egoists do, who never cared about you but their own needs and interest, they want to own you and their new partner. The time frame how long they wait to approach you depends on two factors. How long they need to make sure their new partner will accept cheating. The second one is your status. If you have a partner and you seem to be happy they won't approach you but if you're single or your relationship seems to be not well, it's good time for them to check if they have still some power over you.
Don't let fool you, they don't love anyone for them are people who loved them once status symbols and assets.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Ohh I don’t know. I had dealt with this not too long ago. I think they realize that they’re lonely and that they lost someone who truly loved them and cared for them. It really depends on the person and situation.

[TrueConfection]

I don't know. I've been hurt before, but once I'm gone... I'm gone. Adios!

[jasco]

Must people don't tend to go back into their past for long periods of time or till something aweful happens to them. Otherwise they keep doing it till they check their themselves. Even than some people don't care and simply do what they wanna do

[Anonymous]

Because they need to have time to see how their choice played out. You don't know you've made a mistake until something bad actually happens.

[Wise4myage]

They were probably in denial and came to realize how wrong they were.

[Anonymous]

5 years that's very long time my goodness leave or else same thing will happen