How do I interact with males at work after realizing men don’t put any effort into friendships and ?

[Burkinbaga]

I’ve realized they don’t ask about me or show the same level of interest like asking questions about how I am or my life… but they’re happy to talk about their lives. Great. That’s not what I consider a balanced friendship. It’s a one sided weird thing.

Anyway, in other news I realIed I find it weird that men have short hair. Hey have no hair. It’s so weird to me.

[SueShe]

You don't want to talk too much about your private life, likes and dislikes with coworkers, regardless whether they are males or females.

Those kinds of conversations are best left for real friends and not just coworkers. Those come and go while real friends usually stay. Giving too much information may be working against you, depending on how those acquaintances develop.

It is best to give only that much information that they cannot take profit from what you give them. There is no need to tell them the name of your parents, the places you have been before or anything that is not relevant.

If they don't ask about you, consider yourself lucky. I hate when people want to know everything about me.

They are simply not interested in knowing you beyond being a coworker.

[MrOracle]

The men at work are colleagues, not friends. They are friendly towards you, but they intentionally keep a bit of distance between you because they are being professional, and because this is the post-Me Too era. It's nothing personal, it's simply what the corporate world requires of men, largely because of women.

As such, it's unreasonable to expect them to treat you as an actual friend (which is defined as a person you regularly spend time with alone by choice, rather than by circumstance). Asking about your private life could be used against them in an HR complaint.

[Serkee]

Like another opinion said, being friendly at work is a lot different from being friends. At least for guys. We make small talk or talk about ourselves because we really don't know what else to talk about, and it's better than awkward silence. If you want the conversation to go somewhere else, you'll have to lead it there.

[bowenw]

A lot of people are like that and only want to talk about themselves. Try telling them about you life to see if it makes them interested. If it doesn't, find other people that are interested.

[Burkinbaga]

Thanks. What type of things should a person tell another person that would make them interested?

[bowenw]

Just general things that flow with the conversation. For example, if they tell you what they did on the weekend, tell them what you did.

[Burkinbaga]

Cool. Unfortunately some guys don’t seem to be able to all about anything not work related. And do you think it’s bad to tell them they’re so smart and/or I’m dumb? I genuinely think so many times but don’t want to make them uncomfortable

[bowenw]

Do you mean some guys only talk about things that are work related?
I wouldn't comment on them being smart unless they said something that actually was very smart of them. Don't say you are dumb, because you aren't. Behave like their equal.

[Burkinbaga]

Well this one guy doesn’t seem to mention anything personal like interests or whatnot to me. Other guys are more friendly and will openly discuss their very private business.

I don’t feel like they’re equal especially if they are smart in computer science, mechanical stuff, or are handy. So I want to say that’s so cool but I don’t want to come off annoying.

[bowenw]

You may have to ask questions of the private guy to make him open up.

I would hope they wouldn't find you saying that's so cool to be annoying. I think most people would appreciate someone taking an interest.

[Avicenna]

Keep the convo short if you find it uninteresting. They may be trying to impress you.

[Burkinbaga]

It’s not uninteresting it’s just one sided

[Avicenna]

What happens when you change the subject?

[Burkinbaga]

Not sure I tried that. I usually just ask about persons life

[Avicenna]

Ah, OK, well, it sounds like they figured you wanted to know but were unsure if you wanted to tell them about yours.

[Burkinbaga]

I’m not as ready to share details especially since everyone at work is around

[Burkinbaga]

But it would be nice if some interest was shown in me or my thoughts on anything even if they don’t want to pry about my life. If they don’t make an effort back then I’m going to just shut down

[Avicenna]

You can talk about interests and hobbies rather than more personal things.

[Burkinbaga]

I’d like to but I’m not into sports and I’m not intelligent enough for talk about tech or things guys are into. I like fashion and music. I feel like it’s pointless being nice to people who can’t show interest back.

[DrPepper12]

We are generally myopic and selfish at times. I think you just have a critical mass of douches there.
Oh, I'd love to have my mullet back but I can't bring myself to shave it all. #Coward

[jahaims]

You are mistaking killing time at work as friendship. A coworker and a friend are two different things