My boyfriend prefers curvier women but I'm petite, why does that happen?

[Anonymous]

I'm just trying to understand a little better so please don't hurt me Lol.

When I asked my boyfriend about his preference he says he likes petite girls like me but yet he has posters all over his room of big thick women and even a tattoo on his arm of one ( poison ivy tattoo but she's extra thick in that one LOL). It's pretty obvious but I wanted him to be honest, he was down on his luck apparently when he picked me so I just wanted to know if he was actually attracted to me.
Then I asked him months later once again and he confessed that he does like thicker women and that it will be nice if I was thicker.
He says he loves my body but also says he would like it if I was thicker, which makes me kind of confused and a little insecure about myself that I'm not enough. What do you guys think? Am I over exaggerating about this?

[Anonymous]

So I’m a slim athletic curvy and it is true, men prefer slim curvier women with a smaller breast and shapely backside. But you have to realize this is based on sex appeal. While men prefer a curvier woman, a lot of them prefer to date skinnier women because they are more of a wife material. They prefer to bang curvier women.
Honestly, it sucks but it’s just how it is. Most guys aren’t fully sexually attracted to women who are overly skinny or petite, but this is just genetically hardwired. Also in the same instance, I think it’s better to be seen as a wife than to be on the opposite end as to where yes you are a sexual preference for men, but they do not see you outside of being a sex object and it’s harder to find a man to take you seriously.
Just know, if your boyfriend is dating you, it’s because he really likes you and likes your personality. If he were just dating you for being curvy, you’re easy to cheat on because he wouldn’t like you as a person. You are good enough.

[GoodManDave]

For me, there is a decent range of women I would be interested in. I would say that I don’t even know if I have an ideal body type as there are a lot. I would THINK I would like petite, but that being said, I have been interested in rectangle, hourglass, top hourglass, bottom hourglass, and athletic. Tall, and short.


Some of the girls I dated, I probably couldn’t tell you because they’d wear big bulky clothes and bulky pants/jeans (loooooong winters where I live). The last four off and on crushes - athletic, and… triangle (?) Hard to tell. Is that a thing? And then rectangle (maybe), and hourglass.


So he might be guessing, or might be telling you the truth… but just… loves most types, so he also puts up those types as tattoos or swimsuit posters.


I can say I love blondes. But I love some brunettes (most girls I have dated or asked out have been brunettes). I’ve had crushes on redheads, blondes, brunettes, even some dyed hair. And I have been uninterested in all of the above as well with different women. So I can think of a type, say it’s my ideal… but other women outside of that type can also be an ideal in other ways.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. In general, many guys have an ideal or "dream" woman who has a certain body type, hair color, skin tone, etc., but. . . we can also be attracted to women who do not fit that ideal. I prefer petite women with pale skin, blonde hair, smaller boobs and cute little butt. However, I dated a woman who was 5' 9" and was very attracted to her. Most of the women I dated were not blonde, and some of them had 36D boobs, etc. Think of it like this: your favorite food may be pizza, but there are lots of times when the food you crave is not pizza.

2. Concerning your guy, he may be attracted to you but if he is telling you that he would prefer you to look different from how you are now. . . it sounds like he has not been telling you the truth, and what he is telling you now is so insensitive that he doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend.

[osmanthus]

"He says he loves my body but also says he would like it if I was thicker..."

Yes. You're exaggerating his dislike. If he said instead that "you should gain weight" and didn't say he loved your body in the first place, I would've given the guy the stank eye.

Normal to feel insecure about our bodies given the evidence of his preferences.

[PositiveNote]

OMG... It's a fact that most women will become thick women in their post-30s or 40s! So, it should not matter to a guy, he'll get his preference sooner or later. However, here's what we men do (and I think women do, as well.) We make up all these artificial requirements for a girl so that we can narrow down in our mind who we are interested in. I prefer women who keep nice looking hair, C-D size boobs, and not too bulgy in a dress. However, I have almost never dated someone who fits all those stupid ideas!

It only matters that we like who we are with! Right?

[Kingofkings1992]

no. Women don’t become thick because of age, that’s not how it works. Does not mean fat.

[Caroline91]

Nice answer!

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Why does it matter? Men usual do and often like more than one body type but still have a preference.

Currently I am dating a very petite woman from the Philippines but prefer taller, athletic, curvier but that in no way takes anything away from my partner. She's sexy in her own body and I wouldn't change her. I wouldn't mind of she was thicker bit I certainly don't care she's not either

[NamerOfStars]

Natural selection. See, men don't have "types" in the same way that women do; we usually do have particular aspects that we're attracted to, but they're bonuses, not requirements. From an evolutionary viewpoint, it makes no sense for us to be picky, since so many died without ever getting a chance to reproduce- starting from the 100,000-year mark, only about 20% of your ancestors were male.

[Apple1996]

This is why I refuse to ever be with a man that has "preferences". It would suck to have to be insecure with someone who is suppose to love you

[Caroline91]

I know, right?

[Apple1996]

@Caroline91 yeah I cannot deal with men that are obsessed with looks

[Peetopico]

Men who has preferences? You mean you don't have preferences? Everyone has preferences! That's how a human's mind works.
It's worse even if the thing you're saying was correct! One who doesn't have preferences, pretty much sleeps with everyone.

[Apple1996]

@Peetopico I don't have preferences because I don't glorify physical looks. And not true we all the ability to control ourselves and only sleep with people that are good for us. Taking away physical preferences would lower the amount of people someone would sleep with because you'd acutally have to get to know them / fall in love first

[Apple1996]

@Peetopico personally I'd be extremely embarrassed to be in this woman's position and probably leave him because of insecurities. Everyone changes overtime so for someone to have preference it's really disgusting

[Peetopico]

So do actually have preferences and your preferences are about the other person's character. Besides, would you date someone who is really really reallly fat? I mean like 140 kilograms. I am sure that you also might have preferences but, yours might be less restrictive.

[Peetopico]

Yeah changes are inevitable, but believe it or not, we owe to the one that we love, to take care of ourselves, and don't be like ok he/she has to love me no matter what I do, or what I look like! I don't say that it has to be a lot, and I also don't say that it's only about what women should do. It's both for men and women.
Unconditional love is irrational! Love has to be earned, and be taken care of.

[Apple1996]

@Peetopico weight doesn't matter to me and I only do unconditional love with my husband. I'm not interested in fake love

[Caroline91]

@Peetopico I like most of what you said here. But I am curious about how love can be earned? Respect, yes. Love, I don't see how that can be earned.

[Apple1996]

@Caroline91 I thought the same thing. Why would love have to be earned?

[Peetopico]

Well feelings are not static i think. First you have a thing for someone, then it becomes a crush, then you like them and later on you fall in love. These are the steps right? But the steps are also not static. So when you take care of the love you have, respect each other and give each other things the significant other wants, you earn each others love. You basically make them love you more, and obviously there is another direction for that which leads to a decline in the feelings you or the other one have.

[Apple1996]

@Peetopico those are the steps if you eventually want to fall out of love because you put too much value on looks first

[Peetopico]

Nope, looks are the first thing, that's when you realize you have a thing, the rest actually is more of other things such as personality, character, etc.

[Apple1996]

@Peetopico thats a fake relationship then lol no real love can come from people going after looks/lusting

[Apple1996]

@Peetopico it will always eventually run dry if the realtionship is built off just looks. Maybe this is the reason so many people get divorced 😂

[Caroline91]

@Peetopico @Apple1996 I think we are dealing with some of the differences between male/female ways of looking at things. To me, what's important is finding a way to see things through the other's eyes to achieve a higher understanding. I get what Apple is saying bc we are both women and, it seems from our posts, we often tend to think alike anyway. I can see what Peetopico is expressing bc I have often been able to see the male point of view through my husband's eyes. I think it is also important to define terms bc of how different people associate ideas/feelings with certain words. For instance, in this conversation, I think there is an issue with the word "earn". At any rate, I have enjoyed the respectful tone of this discussion.

[Apple1996]

@Caroline91 maybe a lot of men think that way but I'm glad mine doesn't like I said I couldn't be with a man with preferences

[Caroline91]

Yeah, I get that. But I do think in order to try to understand each other, we need to at least look at some of the general gender differences in how men and women tend to think. I'm just glad my husband's preference is ME!

[DarkWinterNights]

Anyone without preferences is in the minority. And preferences involve more than just physical appearance.

[Apple1996]

@DarkWinterNights I was talking just physical preferences for the sake of this question

[Apple1996]

@DarkWinterNights it's acutally a bit more than you think that dont have preferences. Someone here did a poll about it awhile back

[osmanthus]

I'd say most people, regardless of existing as either sex or gender, might find certain physical characteristics appealing at any given time. For others, all it takes is a glimpse and they see what they like; whereas, for other people attraction takes longer to form. For example, a person might not think a mole on a person's face at first attractive but overtime might grow fond of the person and see it as an attractive feature. Having a physical preference doesn't always translate to whether a person will cheat on their partner or other, at best, it's just what our brains find calming enough to gravitate towards.

For example, I prefer darker-haired males with 'darker' features such as black hair, tanned skin, etc., and find, rarely, Asian, but mostly Spanish/latin/hispanic men taller than 5 feet but several inches shorter than 6 feet tall to be most appealing. Physically, they fit me like a hand-to-glove but there are multiple factors as to why this is, for me, in terms of who I prefer. Just basing on appearance alone won't account for one's personal qualities such as their values, beliefs, culture, etc.

[Peetopico]

@osmanthus that's exactly what I was trying to say. You don't start a relationship in the middle of it. She talks about relationships in a way like anyone has to start it like they are at least 6 months deep in that. It's impossible!

[osmanthus]

And dark teddy-bear eyes? Yes, please. Ha-ha.

So long as he's not obese, I can accept average weight for his class. Being obese would make life hard to do everyday things.

[osmanthus]

Some women don't mind an obese man and some women even find obese men attractive. Each to her own. I don't think I would readily leave a partner who became obese but it does a number on the health of the partner and can affect future plans (especially making it difficult to raise kids); the woman in such case would have to do most of the heavy-lifting.

[osmanthus]

@Caroline91 What the person is describing is 'conditional love' wherein there are parameters one must meet to be accepted, supported, respected, etc. Unconditional love is the quality of 'God' not humans. Humans can be graceful and enlightened, yes, but unconditional love is not inherent. Sacrificial love is the highest grace humans can attain and in the past was normally attributed to women as a sex for bearing children and giving birth to them in immense pain, agony, and facing the possibility of death. Society cannot expect other humans to be sacrificially loving. Conditional love reigns supreme. We, as a species, grew and evolved to sift ourselves into groups and to value certain characteristics in a partner. Most of what respect means to one person versus another is both culturally, judicially, and religiously determined.

[osmanthus]

I hate to break it to others but the unconditional love of God is non-existent in human 'love marriages'. Love marriages are still, to varying degrees, conditional even when they are not marriages of convenience nor necessary or by choice or arranged. Many people see marriage as, in some form, an expression of sacrificial love and that's about as good as it can get short of dying in the place of a spouse versus putting in x amount of hours to caring for a newborn without begruding the other spouse.

[DarkWinterNights]

Men’s preferences are not that important when it comes to actually dating. He may have dealbreakers, but most of the time those aren’t things like your body shape or hair color. Of the things you should be concerned or worried about, this is very insignificant and he probably never would have told you if you didn't ask.

[normalice]

Thin women will always be considered upper tier. The current trend with thick women is because of high fructose corn syrup shifting the average in that direction.

[SotiCoto]

History is laughing at you, and it isn't the nice kind of laughing.

[normalice]

You aren't history, lol.

[Kingofkings1992]

I mean sure… if you like your woman to look like dudes

[normalice]

Maybe it's an eyesight problem as i have no trouble telling the difference.

[Apple1996]

Women were thick wayy before high fructose corn syrup was even invented

[Kingofkings1992]

Considering I have 20 10 vision I highly doubt it

[normalice]

Perhaps it is a scent? I don't know why I can easily tell the difference but you can't 🤷

[Vegasrunner]

You're not overexagerrating You're just confused. Girls struggle to understand that men and women are different. You have a "type" so u naively belive that your boyfriend has a "type" Guys do not, as most guys take what they can get, while he may like thick women, as you mentioned he's not HV enough, to get the ones he likes.

[Nirmroth]

Guys have types, I should know as a guy myself. Yes, I agree we are less picky than women but I would never "take what I can get".

[Vegasrunner]

@Nirmroth You're speaking specifically I'm speaking in general.

[Nirmroth]

I did both to give an example. I dont agree with your general view in that regard.

[Vegasrunner]

@Nirmroth You don't have to agree w/ it, however it's still reality and you using your personal nuisanced example isn't relevant at best if we use mine it they cancel each other out.

[Nirmroth]

Its not just me its any guy in my proximity who has a working healthy dating life. you're speaking for a minority that is desperate and without standards. Are you really generalizing men as desperate loosers without standards or preferences at all?

[Vegasrunner]

@Nirmroth I could say the same thing. You're speaking for the minority as one day around my circle would instantly prove you wrong. Yes the majority of men are desperate losers if they weren't a site like this wouldn't even exsist. Most men don't have standards if they did the dating market wouldn't look the way it does. TY for at least admitting you don't know anything.

[Nirmroth]

Then we live in different worlds and neither of us knows better as we're both only speaking from our own views or circles as you admitted. Generalizing men for having no type is thus proven wrong with the opposite beeing aswell as it seems its highly based on mindset, social circles and self value.

[Vegasrunner]

@Nirmroth False. You're speaking from your own view. I'm simply pointing out the fact that if I were to do the same thing it would cancel yours our which would lead us to my general statement. Glad I could educate you.

[Nirmroth]

And you are preteding not to? You mentioned your circle yourself, however your circle doesn't speak for the majority I am afraid as thats what you declared when I told you my experience with my social circle.
Im sry but could you repeat the last sentence before your snarky remark in a way thats understandable bec it doesn't make sense.

[Vegasrunner]

@Nirmroth Only in response to your statement to highlight how irrelevant anecdotal experience is to this discussion. Anyone reading will quickly see that. You're simply fabricated an argument in am attempt to divert from the fact that you are unable to refute the original statement. This is actually a very standard female tactic, and not surprisingly being used by a "man" confused by male sexual market strategies. TY for sharing this.

[CrabCakes11]

He still thinks you’re attractive obviously. Please don’t worry about it

[BarryLiverstone]

Based on what you said you are not overthinking. Sounds like initially he wasn’t being open about what he’s into. You see examples and he’s told you that he would prefer you thicker. But can you do that in a healthy way and what do you want?

[Maebo44]

The fact that you can ask him months later says enough. He loves you, not the posters on the wall. Just enjoy being with him

[Anonymous]

If he's with you, go with it. I personally like both. I've had petite women who wondered why I dated thick women, and thick women wondered why I dated petite women. Both had reasons. Is my ass and titties big enough for the petite woman, and she's so thin and small, for the thicker woman. Us guys were like, can you just be happy we're together? But we also get why women can be insecure.

[ProbablyClueless]

He wouldn't be dating you if he wasn't attracted to you.

[DishLady]

If he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn’t be with you. Perhaps you’re a little “thicker” than you think you are (in the good way, according to his perspective).

[SotiCoto]

So he settled for you out of desperation and fear of being alone.

Guess you're both fucked then. I guess if you could both somehow make that work it would be kinda bragworthy.

[normalice]

Someone sounds mad he can't get a thin woman.

[SotiCoto]

@normalice : That'd be you. I have wider standards.

[normalice]

I was replying to you and you thought I was talking about myself? Interesting..

[Dargil]

Seems to me if I decide to be with a girl, curvy or brief, se fits my "preferences" and I will never define them for her specifically. There is no value in playing her insecurities.

[Madlc]

As an underweight person, I have personal issues when it comes to skinny girls.

They remind me of my struggles, I don’t like to date my struggles.

I don’t like curvy women but I like normal sized ones.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Well there's your preference, what you ideally want, then there's reality.

You might not look "perfect" to him but you clearly have other traits that attracted him to you and traits that make him want to stay with you.

[sheikalana]

Well, your personality and who you are outdone his preferences. Nothing to feel insecure about, dear. Means he's willing to see more than just superficial things.

[boggboss]

What are u actually looking for here u knew the answer before u asked then ask if your enough get iver it or find another guy

[Alex-Snow]

He has posters of them all over his room? KInda weird. He may have his kinks but the important thing is that he loves/likes you for who you are. How is ur sex life with him?

[Staximus]

Don't get fat for him and don't get those gross looking fake butt cheeks

[LaurenM1997]

I’m sorry but if he has his preferences then that’s gonna cause a problem cause I don’t like that

[dolemite58]

I like curvy women but petite girls are still attractive too. I think in your case u should just view it as like him just liking the pinup type girls as like fantasy but it doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive.

[LaurenM1997]

Thanks coming from a girl that’s petite ☺️

[andreasderjuengere]

Girlfriends aren't pieces of meat.

You deserve better - so show him the door.

[Kit_Kat88]

Lol you’re free to gain weight and not feel bad about it because he’ll still want you

[genericname85]

why care. he's with you, is he not? so that's what matters.

[he-takes-a-part]

Bring petite to me I will send it after a while making it curvy.

[osmanthus]

Leave it to this guy to do anything. lol

[he-takes-a-part]

Yes. She is experienced.

[handsomelad70]

He saw something besides body contours which caused him to want you to be his girlfriend.

[Kingofkings1992]

Stop being insecure. He is with you. If he wasn’t attracted to you, he wouldn’t be with you. Pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

He likes you , he can have a preference but if you are a good woman you can overcome that.

[blueonblack22]

Weird I’m the opposite.

[Anonymous]

I'm anon, so I can't say.

[Nahid1707]

Which ethnicity are you?

[whistlingwh0res]

Dump him