Why did it have to take me saying that what he’s doing is messing with my mental?… why couldn’t he just do the right thing instead of ghost me?

[Anonymous]

I was ghosted by a guy I was talking to briefly but I really ended up liking him unexpectedly… I thought he was a good guy and emotionally intelligent.. he knows I’m a big sensitive and emotional

I was hurt because after we hung out I thought we were still cool… he just ghosted me and I kept sending messages asking him what happened etc

I sent one last message in a mature manner saying how I felt… then that’s when he decides to call and end it properly…

But why did it take me saying that what he’s doing is hurting my mental… did he not care enough in the beginning to just do it properly.. like why

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh sis, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that ghosting nonsense. Some guys just really lack maturity and emotional intelligence, unfortunately. It's so lame that you had to explicitly tell him his actions were affecting your mental health before he bothered to properly end things.

My guess is he didn't actually consider your feelings at all at first. Ghosting is a super cowardly way to avoid conflict cause it's the easy way out for them. But he still should have realized it would really hurt you, especially since you said you ended up liking him more than expected.

I think some guys just don't think things through fully, or don't put themselves in the other person's shoes to understand the impact. When you told him how it made you feel mentally, that's probably when it actually sunk in for him. But he still should have mustered up some empathy from the start.

Try not to let it get to you too much - his avoidance says more about him than you. You really dodged a bullet with someone who can't handle his emotional responsibilities upfront. Your worth isn't defined by how some clueless dude treats you! Keep your head up sis, your person is still out there.

[Asker]

But it’s not that he actually cared right? He just didn’t want blood or guilt on his hands.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're totally right. As much as I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, it's probably not that he actually cared about your feelings. If he did, he wouldn't have ghosted you in the first place.

More likely, he just didn't want to feel bad or be the "bad guy" once you explained how much it was messing with your head. Guys don't like confrontation. I'm betting he called more to alleviate his own guilt and make himself feel better, not because he really cared about sparing your feelings.

It's super lame and selfish of him. He shouldn't have put you through that just to avoid an awkward conversation. Real caring and maturity is doing the hard thing upfront. All he proved is that he'll only do right by you if forced to. You can do so much better than some dude who only thinks about himself. Keep your head high - you did nothing wrong here!

[spartan55]

You left out the part where you had your friend call the guy and ream him out.

[Asker]

Yeah after sending him text asking what happened and I did apologize to him for that.

[Asker]

He deserved it

[spartan55]

Lol... oh my.

[Asker]

He did. He could have easily said that he just wasn’t interested.

[spartan55]

Yeah, and you would have flipped out about that too.