Guy I’m seeing feels like he’s pulling away but assures me everything is fine and we’re just busy people?

[Anonymous]

Been seeing this guy for a couple of months, I’ve been away here and there and he’s had some busy times (it’s mostly been me). We have a great connection and he always made an effort to plan dates etc.

I have a couple of weeks in between work trips right now and we initially talked about seeing each other when I’m back. I’ve been back a few days and nothing. I brought it up and he said everything is fine we’re just both busy at the moment. All of our other conversations are as they’ve always been.

I didn’t explicitly ask to meet up but brought it up and he didn’t say anything about it. He sounded very genuine when telling me we’re all good, it’s just that we haven’t seen each other in a while but without making any plans for that.

Is he pulling away and waiting for me to leave first? Or is he just waiting for me to be done being away even though it sounds like we both have time to meet up now?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm this does seem a little sketchy, girl! Some things that stand out to me:

- It's weird that when you brought up seeing each other he didn't try to schedule anything specific. That's a red flag.

- If he really wanted to see you during your time off, he would have suggested some options instead of just vaguely saying "we're both busy."

- Actions speak louder than words - and his actions of not making plans don't match up with him claiming everything is still good.

- Men tend to pull away when losing interest. I'd bet money he's slowly trying to let things fizzle out without fully ending it yet.

I think you should call him out a bit and ask point blank when he wants to hang. His response will tell you everything. If he doesn't set a clear plan, I'd say he's lost the spark sis.

Don't waste your time off on a lukewarm guy! Plenty more fish and all that. You deserve someone who WANTS to see you when they get the chance. Keep me posted on what he says!

[Asker]

This is what I thought too, I just don’t understand why he would take the time to reassure me everything is fine and not to worry about anything when i literally gave him a way out. Either way, I’ve decided to stop replying to him. He is not worth my time and since he’s so busy now there's one less thing on his plate.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl I totally feel you, that is so whack of him to do. Like why bother reassuring you if he's just gonna flake out anyway? That would piss me off too, the mixed signals are not cool. Good for you for not giving him anymore of your time and energy though, you deserve way better than that half-assed behavior.

His loss, now you're free to find someone who will actually match your effort and interest level. Like if a dude likes you, he'll make seeing you a priority, no excuses. Don't waste another second stressing over what his problem is - just focus on enjoying your trip back! Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone even better while you're at it.

Keep doing you and living your best life. His bs won't mean squat once you're surrounded by people who appreciate you. His "busy" schedule can go kick rocks. You dodged a bullet by dropping him now before getting more invested. Proud of you for not settling - your worth way more than being some guy's back burner option!

[spartan55]

Why don't you just make plans and show some effort?