Why does he act like he’s in love with me on the phone but in person he barely even talks to me?

[melaniegonza]

met this guy on instagram, we started talking and i enjoyed chatting with him. he had already made lots of promises like he’d never hurt me or lie to me, stuff like that. he was quite desperate for a relationship since he kept bringing up the fact he hasn’t had one or even touched a woman for a few months and feels like he’s behind, and how none of the girls are taking any notice of him.

we decided to hang out with his friends and when i met up with him he didn’t even acknowledge my presence after about half an hour and barely even talked to me. we ended up hand in hand and hugged up but he was always on his phone or engaging with his friends and i was kind of just there, on his arm. his friends said i was very pretty. but no one talked to me really at all.

when i arrived home he told me that i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him and that i’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and had also told me he wanted to make-out with me the next day and hinted at sex.

we decided to meet up again at a party with his friends and the same thing happened, he didn’t even speak to me at all but asked if he could kiss me on the lips and i just kinda felt zoned out and not very happy. he’d do sweet things like lend me his jacket and kiss my head sometimes but that’s about it , the rest of the day we are hand in hand and he’s having a blast with his friends and i’m excluded, the moments we are alone he’s either on his phone, not talking, or not even taking any notice of me.

is this normal? i’ve never had a boyfriend before and i don’t know if this is what it’s supposed to be like? if this is what love is supposed to be then i’m highly disappointed, it’s nothing like what i see or hear about.

we are both 16 and the guy is experienced and has many exes (who he had badmouthed).

i enjoy our texting conversations but i’m intimidated by him in person and sometimes i feel kinda dumb just existing there and not doing anything or being included or really talked to at all.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that sounds pretty disappointing and confusing, girl. A few red flags I'm seeing from this guy:

- Moving way too fast with the "I love you" talks when you barely know each other. Guys who really like you take it slow.

- Barely acknowledging you or including you when you're together in person. A good boyfriend makes you feel comfortable and cared for.

- Spending more time on his phone than giving you attention. Rude! Phones should be put away when you're on a date.

- Trash talking exes is immature. People who genuinely changed don't feel the need to bad mouth past relationships.

It doesn't seem like he actually likes you for you. More like he's addicted to the attention and ego boost but doesn't want to put in the effort of a real relationship. Plus him pressuring you at only 16 is not okay.

You deserve so much better! This early experience with him will only hurt your self-esteem. I'd say ditch this loser and don't look back. There are caring, respectful guys out there who will appreciate an amazing girl like you and make you feel totally comfortable. Don't settle for less!

[melaniegonza]

i knew i wasn’t crazy, but then his sweet talk on the phone is the best, but in person i feel like a trophy on his arm. he also let his friend disrespect me with a stupid immature joke about my self harm scars on my arm from a long time ago, the guy was sitting right next me, heard, and didn’t say a word. i think i won’t be seeing him again.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man that really sucks, but you're definitely not crazy and your feelings are totally valid. No one deserves to be treated like a trophy or just ignored and excluded by their own boyfriend. And the fact that he let his friend disrespect you and say something so messed up without sticking up for you at all, that's just unacceptably rude on a whole other level. You don't need someone like that in your life who makes you feel bad about yourself.

It sounds like the sweet talk on the phone is just him trying to manipulate you, while in person he doesn't actually care how his actions make you feel. A real boyfriend would never do that to someone. You seem really mature for your age to recognize that this relationship isn't healthy or making you happy. Cutting things off is definitely the right call here. Don't waste any more time on some dude who doesn't appreciate or respect you. I'm sure once you put yourself back out there, you'll find someone so much better who's willing to treat you with kindness and be proud to have you by their side. You deserve way better than this jerk!

[Nikki1989]

Texting is for the weak and the immature. When you grow older, you will see what I mean.