Guys, Am I asking too much?

[Anonymous]

I got upset earlier about a job rejection. I’ve been getting a lot of rejections in my job hunt and it just triggered me so I was very upset. My boyfriend did comfort me in the beginning but I just kept crying. I couldn’t cheer up. Then my boyfriend just started fiddling with his phone and the TV. Meanwhile I’m still crying. I told him that I still need comforting, you can’t just leave me to cry and go fiddle with your phone or whatever else. Then I went and did some chores, still upset. I came back in and he had closed his eyes. He does this thing when he is overstimulated. We could be in the middle of an argument and he will just close down. Close his eyes and look asleep. He isn’t but he looks it. For me, as someone who needs to talk things through, I find it infuriating. Knowing he does this when he is upset or overstimulated made me ask him what’s wrong (when I was the one upset originally). He is so hard to get info out of when he is upset, so after some prodding he finally said ‘nothing I do is enough’. I felt bad that I’ve made him feel like that. But all I was trying to say to him is that I love how he comforts me, I just need him to keep doing it until I at least stop crying, he should be trying to cheer me up, asking me if I want a cup of tea, if I want to go out and get ice cream, anything! You can’t just go through a ticklist of things and then just stop comforting someone when you run out of ideas. It’s so weird to me. I wouldn’t dream of going about my business while my partner is upset. It’s weird. I need words of affirmation, effort, show you care. You can’t just stop halfway. I apologised for perhaps being a tad aggressive in telling him what I need. But I needed to tell him either way because he needs to know how to comfort me when I’m upset. Am I asking too much? Do any of you just need to take a nap when emotions are high? Genuinely curious because I’m so the opposite - I can’t shut down when I’m upset!

[ohsheeT]

My answer is yes and no

I understand what you're looking for and what you need and there's nothing wrong with that and he should do it for you

But then you have another problem when he closes his eyes he's thinking to himself just calm down everything's going to be okay everything's going to work out please don't pull me into this right now because he might be going through something

So in order for you to both get what you're looking for you need to pout a little bit go over and sit on his lap sit down next to him put your arm around him and tell him to hold you you don't need to cry about it just say I need you right now

Have a little chat with him like I don't know why this is happening I know I'll get a job it'll all work out it just pisses me off

And then see I think you should take me to get some ice cream so I feel better and then smile.

When you get angry or crying about he doesn't want to see or feel you that way and he doesn't know what to do maybe so he just let you be until you get over it

So if that's the case then you're going to have to train him don't take that type of rejection so personal there's a reason for everything in this world and I guarantee it if you got the job you probably would hate it anyway six months down the road you got to look at the positives not always the negatives

. And remember this you are the only one in this world that lives inside of you so you're the only one in this world it can calm yourself down they can make yourself happy and change your attitude..

He can use some words but that's about it he can hold you but that's about it you're the one that has the final say in the way that you feel...

I don't know your whole situation so I'm laughing right now the same none of the above even matters LOL but reading between the lines you'll get what I'm saying try it that way once see what happens I hope you don't have to try it for a long time though

[Makeushiver]

I'm guessing that he has needed comforting before. Unfortunately the only times men provide comforting is when they fix something. If it's just listening men are unable- The way the judge how much of a problem anything is by using this rationale. Is the problem mine? In that case we can talk about nothing but him and his problem. Is problem someone else's it's could you please stop complaining, I'm trying to watch some porn. If your going to hang out and complain than I'm going to call my friends to see if they want to get drunk tonight and hit on some women. You can go to sleep because I'm going to try fucking someone who doesn't spend all their time whining. What do you mean when you say, "compassion" I never heard of it
before is it a violent TV show? Hold on. I bet I know what this is all about. You're on the rag, did I get or did I get it

[spartan55]

Serenity now!

[In_Trance]

A tad aggressive...