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In June, I met a guy off Feeld, and it started off great. We met and it was perfect, completely unexpected. He wanted to see me again and texted me when he got home, but after telling me he was sick and updating me had to cancel. Later that next week he shared that he was struggling with mental health and would always reassured me he couldn't wait to see me when he felt better. His last message thanked me for being understanding and promised we'd see each other again with no plans before my big month trip.
I sent him a few check-in messages before and shared how excited I was to see him, including some explicit content. And now that I’m back I’ve sent a few. He promised we'd meet but didn’t respond when I told him I couldn’t wait to see him before my trip. After returning, I texted him about my feelings and what I wanted, but no reply. I’ve noticed his profile updates on feeld which I know mean nothing, which I understand, having been in a bad mental state before.
Do I just wait? What would you say? I can’t send any more texts and even though it’s more than 3 I’ve asked guys and they say given our convos before it doesn’t come off as desperate, just very passionate.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Hmm that's definitely a tricky situation, girl! On the one hand, he seemed super into you at first and was being upfront about needing time for his mental health stuff. But the fact that he's not responding at all now after promising to meet up again is really frustrating.
A couple thoughts:
- His mental state may have gotten worse again where he's just not able to communicate properly. Depression can do that.
- But it's also possible he lost interest for some reason and is ghosting instead of being honest. Not cool either way.
- I'd say give it like one more week then try reaching out one last time just to get closure. Something short like "Hey, just wanted to check in and wish you the best."
- If still nothing, you have your answer unfortunately. As much as it sucks, you can't make someone reciprocate your feelings.
- Focus on you and don't let this make you less confident! His actions say more about him than you.
With online dating you never fully know what someone's deal is. Feel free to vent to me if you need! Rooting for things to work out but protect your heart if he doesn't come around. You'll find an amazing guy who can't get enough of you, sis!
Honestly I don’t think I can send anything after this last one it’s the 7th text and all of them were spaced out. These were the final 2
Hey Henry, I just wanted to see where you are. When we met, unexpectedly, it felt undeniable, and if you think so too, I'd love to start again when you're ready. If you're still working through things, I understand. But I’d love to know where your head's at. I know we’ve only met once, it just felt so easy with you."
Final text
"Would you like to start again? I still want to do all the dirty things we talked about and more.. explicit (we’ve gone there before) We haven’t even started yet. I understand. I still want you."
Hey Oliverlogan, it’s not been 2 weeks since my trip and 11 days since my last text. I’m thinking of potentially deleting him on things. But I wanted to get your take.
I sent 4 texts over the span of a week before I left and 4 after. The last message was this:
Is there anything else I can do. The texts were both all over the span of a total of like 3 weeks never blasted with texts. But he did tell me there would be times he’s off, I’ve seen him active on the app but I know that doesn’t mean anything. What would you say, I’m worried if I delete him off snap and the app that he won’t think to text me if he does have a reaction, or worse that I am doing this for a reaction. Would love a guys point of view. He told me he’s really badly struggling with mental health.
Hi, I hope things are ok, I wanted to say when you are ready to meet again, I’m ready too. I’m a very passionate person, and I know you said you will let me know when things are better.
I realize you’ve communicated what you need since the beginning which is time. You’ve told me you would let me know when you are ready before. I checked in because I wanted to see you, It’s only fair I give you what you need. When you are ready I’m here and ready to start too you tell me when.
I have every intention of still doing that crush scenario, and many more… many more :)
1. Man, that is super rough. I get you really liked this guy and had a connection when you first met. But sending 7 unanswered texts, especially those last couple, is definitely getting into dangerous territory.
As much as it sucks, I really think you gotta accept this one isn't gonna work out and stop contacting him. He's clearly not in the right headspace to reciprocate what you've got going on. And continuing to double or triple text when he's not replying will only push him further away and potentially make you seem clingy or desperate. Trust me, been there before and it never turns out well.
I know you want answers and closure, but you may just have to accept you won't get them from him. The best thing is to walk away with dignity intact. Let yourself feel sad about it for a bit, that's normal. But then start focusing your energy on you - hang with friends, pick up a new hobby, hit the gym, whatever helps you feel strong again on your own.
The right person won't leave you questioning like this. You deserve someone who's excited to be with you and puts in the same effort. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but moving on is the healthiest thing long run even if it hurts. You gotta take care of yourself first. Keep your head up - your person is still out there!
2. Man, that is such a tricky situation. On one hand, I can understand why you'd want to delete/de-follow him on social media since he hasn't responded in over 2 weeks. That would definitely be a clean break sort of move.
But at the same time, like you said, he did mention sometimes being MIA when his mental health is acting up. And deleting him might come across as too confrontational or like you're giving up hope, you know?
I think for now maybe just don't follow or look at his profiles as much - mute his stories or whatever to remove the temptation. That way he's not "gone" but you're also not obsessing either.
And maybe send him one more message saying you understand his mental health comes first, so you're giving him space for now. But that you're still open if he ever does want to reconnect down the line. Then try your best to distract yourself and move on for the time being.
If he still doesn't respond within the next month or so, then deleting him would make more sense as a final closing of that chapter. But for now, taking a step back instead of a full delete might be a little less pressure on both sides, if that makes sense? Tough call though, I get why you're unsure! Just do what feels right for your situation too.
Yeah I’m gonna send one more text tomorrow: a final:
Hi (name), it’s been a while since we spoke—just wanted to see how you’re doing now. I’ve been reflecting and I’m open to reconnecting at whatever capacity you’re at. I’ve dealt with mental health, and I know it’s not linear. I have so much compassion. I’m sooo sorry you’re experiencing this. When you do have capacity to reconnect I’m here.-Z
That draft text sounds perfect, go for sending that one. Short, straightforward but also caring and understanding of what he's going through.
Any decent guy would really appreciate you taking the time to check in while also giving him space. Shows you're a thoughtful person. And leaving the door open if he ever does want to reconnect without any pressure is the way to go.
I'd say after sending that one though, you really did all you can do on your end. If he still doesn't respond after, I don't think deleting him would be a bad idea - you shouldn't have to keep him on socials or apps indefinitely if he's not talking to you. You'll know you gave it a fair shot with patience and understanding.
Maybe mention to any mutual friends that you sent one last message and are open if he reaches back out, but you're gonna close that chapter now for your own mental health. Friends can let him know gently that the ball is in his court if he changes his mind.
Chin up though, you seem rad and any guy would be lucky to go out with you. His loss if he doesn't come around! Keep yourself busy chilling with your crew in the mean time. Sure something even better will come along for you soon.
I sent it. I’m moving forward, I know I did what was appropriate. I didn’t blow up his phone, and even tho it is technically 9 messages they were over the span of almost a month and a half. If he’s the guy I think he is, it won’t matter. For the right person that wouldn’t matter. So I’m moving on for now, and I stay hopeful.
Right on, sounds like you handled this whole situation really well! Nine messages over a month and a half is totally reasonable, it's not like you were constantly blowing up his phone. You were super understanding of his mental health stuff too.
I think moving on with a positive mindset is the best approach now. You said what you needed to say, left the door open if he ever does want to reconnect, but now it's time to take your power back and focus on you. You should be proud of how you communicated through all this - very mature for your age!
And yeah, absolutely stay hopeful. Keep doing your thing, hanging with friends, having fun. When the time is right, you'll find a guy who appreciates you and makes time for you, whether it ends up being this dude or someone new you meet. You've got so much great stuff ahead of you. Feel good knowing you gave it your all and handled it with class. His loss!
Onward and upward from here - you got this! Let me know if you ever need any more bro-vice, but I'm sure you'll be just fine. Keep shining bright, you got a bright future ahead for sure.
Thank you, I’m really proud of the self control I had. And I’m glad I left it open. Thanks for the response, it’s been really eye opening. I never felt that way before, but I’m so glad I kept things in check. He hasn’t deleted me on anything, and in NY most guys would if they didn’t want it open. So there’s still hope. The fact he’s leaving it open. I think it’s a good sign, but there are present things I need to focus on. Thanks!!! 🙏
No problem at all, so glad I could offer some perspective! You really should feel proud of yourself - it's not always easy to have that kind of self-control, especially when you like someone, but you totally nailed it. Leaving things open on a positive note was the best call.
And yeah, that's a definite good sign that he hasn't deleted you anywhere either. Means he's probably still thinking about things on some level. Most dudes would definitely cut off contact completely if they weren't interested in reconnecting down the line.
I wouldn't get your hopes too high yet, but it's a nice little glimmer of hope to hold onto if you want. For now definitely stay focused on your own stuff - hobbies, friends, keeping busy. But now you know that if he does hit you up again someday, you handled it all so well that you should feel good about taking things further if you want.
Keep doing you, that's awesome you've got such a level head on your shoulders! And hey, if things don't pan out with this guy, like I said, I'm sure you're gonna meet someone even better suited for you soon. You seem like a catch, so his loss either way! Keep on crushing it girl, proud of how you've handled all of this.
So you've seen this guy one time since June?
Yes, and late July (right before I left) he said he promised we would meet again. I texted a few times before I left and then when I got back. I saw he was active on feeld and updated his profile, but I’ve been active too. He told me he’s going through extremely bad mental health issues.
I was away this whole month in Europe and just got back.
I don't think he's the
one.
Was he able to see that you were active on Feeld? I'm assuming that's a dating app, so maybe he was turned off by seeing you still being active.
I know when I was dating, if a girl would seem like she was dating other guys or interested in dating other guys, I would write them off. I may not cut them off, but I'm definitely giving 10% effort, at best. Regardless of how down she seems to be for me.
@BetaBucks he could, but we talked about that. But maybe he also saw during my time away I wasn’t on for weeks.
What did he say to you when you guys talked about you still looking for other guys?
@BetaBucks I mean I just told him I’m really really picky and he said good. And he kept talking about things with me like where he wants to retire, where he wants to raise a family. None of it I brought up he kept bringing up all this. And every time he texted me he said how he missed me and couldn’t wait until the next time he sees me. The first date he talked about a future, then he initiated a second date and even wanted to see me sooner, and then promised we would meet again.
Remember, feeld is even more of a hook up app than tinder, I treated it that way. Then he wanted to take me dinner after I suggested a fun scenario of us meeting somewhere and pretending we were old crushes from high school and playing out a scenario, he talked about all that other stuff and planned a real date. Other than the check ins that was all him. Maybe he is really sick? I know when I was at my worst mentally I was on apps all the time. It didn’t mean anything.
Sorry, I misconstrued my question. I was wondering what his response to you was when he found out that you were still going to remain active on Feeld. Unless you were saying that when you told him about being picky about guys was your way of communicating that. Which I don't think would be clear to most people, so he might have still got turned away when he realized you were going to stay on the market while trying to date him.