Guys, My boyfriend was leaving me on read & not replying to my messages. I focused on other things & now he is paying attention to me. What changed?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend works out of town for two weeks out of the month and during that time we communicate a lot by Facebook messenger. We talk in the morning before he goes to work and then again when he gets off. I’ve noticed lately that he is online during his lunch breaks, so I message him and just ask how his day is going or just to say I love you and wish him well. He will sometimes reply, but other times just leave me on read even though he is online. It kind of hurts my feelings, and now I have noticed that he does it at nighttime too. I wait to talk to him all day and he reads my messages at night and doesn’t reply right away or seems disinterested in talking with me or and in the conversation. This week, I decided that I just needed a break from looking at Facebook all night and feeling bad about him being online and not messaging me or replying. I have been focusing on other things and though I still message him in the morning and at night, I am not desperately waiting by the phone. Well since I started doing this, I have noticed that now he is putting in way more effort. He not only is messaging me in the morning, during his breaks, and at night but he is actively telling me that he loves me and misses me. I am just curious why this sudden change took place? Can anyone explain what happened and why he is suddenly putting in more effort? What can I do to keep this newfound attention? Thanks in advance.

[ManOnFire]

It's the same kind of reaction when you use No Contact. When you stop trying to get the other person's attention or you go silent, it triggers them to wonder why or to get your attention now. It's a classic psychological response that does work a lot of the time. Relationship "coaches" advise doing this to get your ex back, but I no longer agree with trying to get your ex back, but yes this does work on lots of people whether they're your lover or not.

But just a piece of advice: don't feel like you need to have to hear from him every minute of every day. That can and does drive a person away. It's like smothering them. Just keep doing what you started doing by lessening your reach-outs and things should stay okay.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice! :)

[ManOnFire]

He's responding back so you want to keep it that way.

[spartan55]

You were too clingy. Then you became less clingy and he responded. See how that works?