Seems one of my guy friends has caught "girl next door" fever... WT* am I supposed to do?

[DishLady]

A guy friend I've known forever calls at the crack of dawn. We have a regular shtick since the dawn of Tinder. He regales me with his latest dating misadventure, I heckle him for having the worst taste in women ever, he whines about the apps while actively swiping right/left till he's found his "flavor of the week" chippy. (He's the player of the group... always has been. We're all used to him bringing a mystery chick with him to everything.)

But this morning he was being weird. What am I doing tonight? Apparently he saw me earlier this week; says he was walking with a friend who commented that I looked nice.

I thank him and ask which friend it was. (I actually know most of his friends.)

Suddenly he's pissed. Why do I want to know who it is?

I let out a breath, apologize and point out that he is the one who brought it up.

He calms down, mumbles something pissy I don't catch.

I can't tell why he's mad but I change the subject. Who he's bringing to next week's Valentine's Potluck?

This sets him off again. Why would I think he'd bring someone?

Finally I tell him to calm tf down. In the 10+ years we've hosted ANYTHING he's always brought some little chippy into my home. Of course it's natural to presume he's just calling to confirm for two.

He grumbles a bit longer. I roll my eyes, set the phone down and put it on speaker bc I have shit to do in the early mornings. Finally he stops and asks if I'll be making the risotto he likes.

I laugh. Such a foodie. Yeah, it will be on the table 6pm sharp as always.

Then he asks if I'm bringing anyone new... if I'm seeing anyone.

I eyeball the phone. (Is he drunk?) He knows the answer's no, so why ask? I can't tell if he's just being stupid or if he's trying to make me feel bad, so I ask him outright.

He gets quiet then finally says something about how I deserve better... to just save him a seat... and he hangs up. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know this guy 40+ years... This is new. Maybe he is drunk.

[Summeroflove]

What happens is that people sleep around too much and end up with new partners all the time not being able to hold down a relationship. Many are dark personalities where nothings good enough and the only connection they have is sex. They get bored and do everything there is to do so they move on.

A lot of people who have a horrible taste aren’t the best people themselves. It's not to say good people don’t get carried away by bad people pretending to be someone they’re not. Irs the ones intentionally seeking bad people most people the time are not the best people themselves.

Dating apps are worthless because most people who are on there are there because either A: They can’t find someone in real life who wants them. B:They are just looking to have sex. C: They are there to get their ego massaged. Or D: They are there for shits and giggles. The people who are a exception to the rule many times then not don’t stay long on there because it’s a waste of time and just find it easier to meet people in real life.

[exitseven]

I read this twice. I really dont know. I have had friendships wirh women. Sometimes things would get a little weird from time to time. One of us would get confused about their feelings. Give it sone time

[DishLady]

That’s what I’m thinking. I think it’s smarter not to take it seriously.

[exitseven]

Unless you want to take it serious

[DishLady]

Nah, I’m good.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[DishLady]

NP☺️

[TheRealPepperPotts]

You're smart and I know you already know what to do, but for fun I'll say what I think.

He's a player, like you said, and players have to win. His friend put value on you as being an attractive catch. Now, you're a target because players can't stand losing on something others view as valuable. You shutting him down just makes it a more appealing game for him, plus his ego is now at stake.

I'd enlist help from a guy I knew wouldn't get weird and ask that person to join the dinner party. Then, I'd invite some gal to be the other guest and company for Mr. Lovelorn, if he confirmed he wasn't bringing anyone.

If necessary, I'd tell Mr. Lovelorn that it's never going to happen and to not make it weird. I'd say it with conviction. :)

[DishLady]

He’s not the guy I’d knowingly expose to any of my female friends, Pepper. Actually, two girls I know openly refuse to go anywhere if they know he’s coming. You’re right, though, perhaps inviting a few more people is a good idea… make sure one of them shows up first. ;)

[DishLady]

He knows nothings happening here.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@DishLady Took me a bit to respond. I'm with you with not exposing my friends to guys like that. I guess it makes me wonder if this is a relationship that really adds value to your life, you know? But that's up to you. Otherwise, best of luck. I can't stand guys like that!

[DishLady]

No worries. I did consider that as part of my 2025 resolutions, actually. It does add value -- and I hope we genuinely add value to one another's lives -- but he's not someone I chat with often. He's part and parcel of a small group of single friends who reconnected. Shaking him off would mean shaking off everyone else. I think giving the guy time and space will allow this one awkward patch to pass. It's not like each of us in the group hasn't had our moment of saying something stupid from time to time. Nobody's perfect.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@DishLady That's very true. It would make life very difficult if no one could make a single mistake! :D

[7Phoenix7]

Sounds like you've known him forever lol. But you say this behavior of his is new. So i am just as confused as you are 😅.

I'd let time pass and continue to watch his behavior. Maybe he had something to drink that day. Maybe not, who knows.

Be sure to update though. Hehe

[DishLady]

I have... He's a decent "guy's guy" but around women he's always been a player. The earliest girl I remember him getting with was around the 4th/5th grade and he's been running strong ever since. I always thought it was a little funny bc he's super low key about it and not chasing all these women. He doesn't even see them one at a time. He's just all over the place. I'm surprised he has time for his actual job.

The *new* part is his getting upset that one of his pals apparently thought I looked nice, which makes no sense. I always make an effort to look nice for work or whatever. Nothing special, but I make sure I'm well put together, you know? So what's the big deal? Maybe it's the way his friend said it? I don't know. He won't tell me which friend it was and I know all his buddies at least a little. If he told me which one it was I'd know right off if the guy was serious or just joking.

Anyway, I'm sitting this out and ignoring it. I'm just not bringing it up again. I do think there was a 10-15% chance he was drunk and just calling to whine about his guy friend or something.

[7Phoenix7]

From reading this, it sounds like he is into you lol.

Which scenario makes you feel better? Him being a little drunk and saying that... or him not being drunk and actually genuinely into you?

[NathanDavis]

what... what is this Girl Next Door fever about?

[DishLady]

Oh, my friend of 30+ years had an unanticipated mental glitch and thought he was into me... I convined him it was just the flu that's been going around... It's passed, thankfully. He's one of the people I count on for "real talk" and I'm apparently the only person he knows who isn't on a dating app of any kind, so he was momentarily intrigued, I think.

[NathanDavis]

oh...

I never had the flu doing that to me, lmfao

but why is this not possible, why can't he just be into you?

[molonski2]

I've read the entire thing.. Go out with him , why not? Sometimes the GND was the one , there is nothing to loose , you are both hardly kids..

No harm done , take it as a compliment.

[DishLady]

It's just weird.

[molonski2]

Maybe? But does that matter? Whats to loose?

[DishLady]

I don't know. I just don't see him that way. It's like picking teams and your siblings' the last one in the lineup so you HAVE to pick him. It's not like he's not coming over. But I have a feeling he'll recover his senses by then and bring some Tinder Tramp as usual.

[molonski2]

Hahahaha.. Who knows maybe?

[katiesmuff]

Seems to me people your age and his would have better things to do with your time than this teen type BS.

[DishLady]

Thanks, Madame Troll. Perhaps get your brains out of your muff.

[OlderAndWiser]

Perhaps he has had an epiphany and realized that the treasure was always within reach. Are you interested in anything more with him?

[DishLady]

No. He’s a very old friend. No sparks and I’m happy that way. I also know I’m not his type.

[OlderAndWiser]

My type is the cute, smart, petite blonde girl-next-door, My wife is a 61 year old petite Chinese woman, and I am quite happy with her.

Are you being honest with yourself that you have no interest in him? You don't need to respond to me but you should ask yourself that question.

[DishLady]

Very honest, OW! I’m sure it’s just some form of spring fever or something on his part. We’ve never been even remotely attracted to one another, even “in captivity” (elementary school, covid, Lord of the Ring marathons…). Maybe his dating apps are glitching this week bc of the snow. I don't know.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe he is gettild older and wiser and realizing that dating the flavor of the week isn't going to satisfy him in the long term.

[DishLady]

🤷🏻‍♀️

[OlderAndWiser]

Why not ask him to meet you for coffee and talk about it openly?

[DishLady]

Coffee in these parts is considered a date. I don’t want him getting ideas… presuming he’s getting ideas. If I give him space between now and next Friday perhaps his fleeting thoughts will evaporate and everything will be fine…

[HungTexan]

Have you ever had a date with him? Might be interesting. If not your thing, then just let it go. He’s obviously interested in you.

[DishLady]

Nope. He’s a very frequent dater. I think it’s a passing whim for him if anything.

[HungTexan]

@DishLady I’m sure you’re right.

[KrakenAttackin]

Maybe he has finally realized what is important in n a significant other? Perhaps give him a chance.

[DishLady]

Kraken, you’re full of surprises… In all sincerity I don’t think I should encourage this line of thinking with him. I wouldn’t wish this guy on myself for anything… In 40+ years I can’t even tell you the buckets of women I’ve seen enter and exit his life. I know him… It’s very highly unlikely he’s even *a little* serious. It’s more likely either a hangover or indigestion than a genuine thought in his head.

[beefcakebradybatson]

"Ch*ppy?" Haven't heard that one in quite some time.(What's the boy equivalent of "ch*ppy?")

[DishLady]

Ooh… I don't know. We’ll have to find one.

[DishLady]

https://youtu.be/uY-EzZPzCv8?feature=shared

[DishLady]

Omg wait… David Lee Roth version… WAY funnier… https://youtu.be/RdENpDj69SE?feature=shared

[beefcakebradybatson]

Strange how there's no male version of "mistress."

[beefcakebradybatson]

OK, you got me, Diamond Dave !!!

[DishLady]

Well… “mistress” historically has had a sexy cache to it. It’s a term coined by guys for an activity for guys in a world that prioritized guys… There didn’t need to be a male equivalent.

[DishLady]

Diamond Dave… I like it… but it’s a little long, no?

[DishLady]

I think there’s “Chad” now for serial daters. But that doesn’t really sound too bad.

[beefcakebradybatson]

As long as they don't call themselves "Brady!!!"(Taylor Swift's slamming as "Dads, Brads and Chads" meatheads who spend their time criticizing the few times she's shown on TV during Chiefs games is a hoot!!!)

[DishLady]

Hahaha. I think you’re safe.

She’s always coming up with stuff… too much to follow.

Looking forward to the weekend? Big game….

[Ironco]

I'm going to stick with he still wants the girl he's never had.

Just saying...

[DishLady]

Smh.

[Ironco]

Or he's still drunk...😜

[DishLady]

That’s what I think, tbh. He’ll sleep it off, charge his phone and find his Super Bowl chippy, who should last him till Friday, no?

[CubaPirate]

He's obviously developing feelings for you

[DishLady]

It will pass. I've known the guy basically our whole lives. I'm not his type.

[CubaPirate]

Okay you know best but things can change

[DishLady]

Hmm. I'd rather he maintain his "big brother" status, though. That's way less common for either of us than just another date, you know?

[CubaPirate]

👍😊👍