He ended things because he’s not well. What do I do?

[RavenWing057]

In short my boyfriend and I had a chat tonight, after he broke things off between us last night over something insignificant.

He explained he’s mentally unwell. That he hears voices in his head, the conversations in his head pretty much leads to death. I’ve asked him some questions to clarify and I think it’s just his mind talking negatively to himself, hopefully. He loves me, but he loves me so much to let me go before he drags me down with him. He’s not where he’s at with his career. He said that if by 35 he isn’t stable in his career, then there’s no point. It’s too late. He’s 33.

He has a hard lump on his stomach for 2yrs, it hurts and makes him puke if it’s pushed with the tiniest pressure. It started off small. But he’s never got it looked at. he's made attempts to have it looked at. But none were ever successful. I also feel like he’s not trying hard enough at all to have it looked at. It’s making him sick and messing with his immune system. He’s constantly tired, cranky, and in pain.

He has other worries too that are quite serious.

He told me he gave up a few months ago. He’s tired. He doesn’t see things getting better. That he’s just going to see what happens with his stomach.

I’m really worried for him. I’m currently accepting the breakup, I know a part of him doesn’t want to, I don’t want to. I know there even may be a chance that we will remain together. He wants me to keep wearing the ring he gave me, still wants to do everything like nothing happened. He knows and apologizes for being confusing. We also work together as managers, so seeing each other everyday is inevitable.

How can I do to help him mentally?

How do I convince him to see the doctor?

No matter what happens, I love this man. And I know he loves me. He’s made an impact on me and has made me a better and healthier person. But I just want him to feel better right now.

What do I do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, I'm really sorry to hear your boyfriend is going through such a tough time. It sounds like he's dealing with some serious mental health and physical health issues, and that must be so overwhelming for him. I can understand why he felt the need to end things, even though it's gotta be so hard for both of you.

The fact that he's hearing voices in his head and struggling with severe negative self-talk is really concerning. That's definitely not something he should be trying to handle on his own. He really needs to talk to a professional and get the support he needs.

And that lump on his stomach that's causing him so much pain and sickness - that's not something he can just ignore either. He has to get that checked out, even if it's scary. His health has to be the priority right now.

I know it's not easy, but you've gotta keep pushing him to see a doctor. Maybe offer to go with him to appointments so he has that support. Or see if there are any free or low-cost health clinics in your area that could at least evaluate him.

And in terms of his mental health, just be there for him as much as you can. Listen without judgment, encourage him to open up, and remind him that you care about him no matter what. But also set some firm boundaries - you can't sacrifice your own wellbeing trying to "fix" him.

Suggest he look into therapy, support groups, or even an online counselor that he can talk to. Having an outside professional to confide in might really help. And you could even offer to do relaxing activities together, like going for walks or trying meditation, to help ease his mind.

I know this is all really tough and scary. But please don't give up on him. He needs your support right now, even if he's pushing you away. Just keep trying to get him the help he so clearly needs. With the right treatment, his situation could improve.

Wishing you both all the best. Let me know if you need any other advice on how to support him through this. I'm here for you, girl.

[katiesmuff]

Unless he is willing to get some help professionally it's likely a lost cause.