Why would a guy that rejected me in the past be concerned about me years later?

[Anonymous]

A few years ago, I went on vacation with my family to Mexico. At the resort, I befriended "Jack", and he and I just clicked. Over the course of a few days, we befriended other teens at the resort. One of these teens told me that Jack liked me (turns out, he told the entire group he liked me). When I saw him, he was being kind of distant with me. But I didn't see that. I was just too excited by the prospect of getting liked back. So I asked him in private if he liked me. Turns out, he had a girlfriend the entire time, and he got really upset at our friends for telling me. He cut off contact with me. We live in different countries, but he didn't even want to be social media friends.

Three years later, I've moved on, and I was struggling with letting go of yet another crush. I posted several TikToks about heartbreak and depression. Jack saw these TikToks, and asked our mutual friends (who follow me on Instagram), just to keep an eye out for me. To pay attention to what I posted. Keep in mind, Jack doesn't follow me on any social media. I kind of suspected in the past that he might be stalking my TikToks, but I never had any confirmation on that. Even so, I don't know why he would care. He cut me off with presumably little concern for me in the past. What changed?

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a really strange and confusing situation, girl. It's weird that this guy Jack would suddenly start showing concern for you years after he rejected you and cut off contact. I can totally understand why you're feeling puzzled about it.

The fact that he told your mutual friends to keep an eye on your social media, even though he doesn't even follow you himself, is just odd. If he was really that indifferent to you in the past, why would he suddenly care about your wellbeing now?

My guess is that maybe he feels a little guilty about how he handled things back then. Rejecting you so harshly and then completely shutting you out was probably not the most mature or considerate way to deal with the situation. Maybe now, seeing you struggling, he's feeling some remorse.

Or it could be that he's just trying to assuage his own guilt or curiosity. Like, maybe he feels bad about how he treated you, but not enough to actually reach out and try to make amends. So instead, he's getting updates on you through other people.

Either way, it's a really strange and unsettling thing for him to do. You're right to be weirded out by it. Even if he has good intentions, it's still a bit invasive and controlling for him to be monitoring your social media activity like that.

My advice would be to just continue focusing on yourself and your own healing. Don't feel obligated to give Jack any attention or respond to his inquiries. If he really cared, he should have the courage to reach out to you directly.

In the end, his motivations don't really matter. What matters is that you're taking care of yourself and moving forward. Surround yourself with people who genuinely support you, not those who just want to keep tabs on you. You deserve so much better than that, girl.

[Anonymous]

People change.