My boyfriend acts like a child when we fight. How can I handle this situation?

Question

any advice?

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Yes. You need to have a serious talk about this sometime when you're NOT fighting. Sometime when he's in his regular adult mode.

You need to talk the whole thing out. Explain to him what exactly you're problem is: (go into detail about what behavior of his during fights is unacceptable to you).

It shouldn't be too hard to get him to admit that he might need to work on this. Surely if you can get him to understand what the problem is if you're not fighting at the time.

It's way bigger issue if you can't have a sober conversation where he is able to acknowledge his behavior needs to change. Get him to openly admit that you've got a good point, and get him to agree to work on trying to change his problematic behavior during fights.

Don't leave any room for him to misunderstand what EXACTLY it is you're asking him to do. Get a pen and paper and write a list together. Be specific. So don't tell him he needs to stop "acting like a child" that's way too broad. Be specific.

If you can't get him to agree that his behavior is a problem... then that's a problem.

Let's say that conversation goes perfectly... so now you and your boyfriend have an actual written list of what he's agreeing to change. He's basically said: Ok... fair enough. I'm sorry and I will do my best to make those changes.

Then... of course you have to see if he's any different the next time you have a fight. You should be able to SEE that he's making a real effort to not fall into his old habbits of childishness. He won't suddenly be perfect; and immediately stop all the things you talked about. But you should see clear signs that he's tying to do things differently.

Then... the next day or whenever everybody's cooled-off from the fight... You bring that list back out, and you two talk about the fight. If he's made an effort, make sure you acknowledge that you can see that he's trying, and that it's ok that he wasn't 100% able to change all the behaviours on your list YET.

Then... you talk about the stuff he didn't change. You go back to your list, and point out that during that last fight he still did (whatever particular behavior he failed to change) and basically do that over and over each time you fight... until he eventually learns to handle disagreements like an adult.

If, at any point he's not willing to work with you. Or if you're not actually seeing the changes in his behavior he agrees need to change (or a serious effort)... I don't see how you're possibly going to get past this.

Then it comes down to... are you willing to continue a relationship even though you'll have to deal with him acting like a child whenever you fight? (I have no idea. I don't know how often you fight, how much his behavior upsets you, how long/serious your relationship is etc.)

GAGsucksballs89170 · Accepted Answer

Baby's, like their ego's to be stroked, so, as long as you're stroking their ego, while at the same time showing that you're still right, you should be ok.

Trump, is like this, he knows he's wrong, always will be, he just, wants to know he's still right, even though he's wrong, and to be told he's "great"

PavlovsCogk · Answer

Offer him a bubble bath with rubber duckies each night if he behaves.

OneViewpoint · Answer

It would be helpful to hear your boyfriend’s side of this story.

But lacking that, if he’s childish and anywhere near your age, then he hasn’t mature properly. To expect this to happen at age 36-45 is not rational. Either resign yourself to putting up with it or get rid of him. There’s a reason he’s still single at that age.

Salaciousrouge · Answer

I opine that you two spend too much time fighting if you have assessed his tactics and now resort to asking advice how to handle it. A pattern has been established and I sense a serious lack of respect for him from you (prob him as well). It will not get better. Time to move on while he is still in the 'boyfriend' zone. I have been with my fiance for more than 3 years and we have never had a fight. We discuss and inform, agree to a solution, then move on with being best friends. My x-wife and I used to fight every time we disagreed. Then we stopped communicating all together as a solution... note that outcome.

NoDecision · Answer

Give him a lollipop and tell him to sit on the couch until he can behave. People who resort to child tantrums and other behaviors when they are mad don't seem that mature to me. I guess the best advice, for what it's worth, is to not fight. You know, like what do you do when you break your leg in 3 places? What would be the best advice there?

drummer · Answer

Sometimes, guys act immature in fights because they don’t know how to handle emotions properly. If he shuts down, pouts, or gets defensive, try staying calm and setting clear boundaries. Let him know you need a mature conversation, not a tantrum. If it keeps happening, ask yourself if you want to deal with this long-term.

butterfly · Answer

The best approach is to stay calm and set clear boundaries. Let him know that you need a mature conversation, not a tantrum.

Shiprex · Answer

Why do you fight? Do you treat him like a child so expect him to behave like one? Do you respect him as an adult and treat him like one?

bddddd · Answer

I think most people act like children when they fight. Call me crazy if you wish. What can you control? Fewer fights seems like an improvement. Leaving him may be an improvement too.

Rosexøxø · Answer

Use parenting tactics/approaches, or consider either of these: therapy/ couples counseling.

NicholasRedone · Answer

Autism undiagnosed or undiagnosed mental issues he may have? Genuinely putting that out there, perhaps he should consult a medical doctor

bowenw · Answer

Continue to behave like an adult. Remain logical.

Anonymous · Answer

what's his side of the story? are you sure this isn't projection? why post your dirty laundry on the internet then?

DrPepper12 · Answer

Dump him & let someone else babysit the child.

NotLongKindaGirthy · Answer

Like how specifically is he childlike? Does he jump up and down? Throw things? Pee his pants?

Staximus · Answer

Tell him to act like an adult or you're leaving him

Anonymous · Answer

You can't my girlfriend acts the same, she locks herself in a room and doesn't talk with me for days, I find it very childish for her to not communicate and just cut everything like that, makes me feel really alone

Lisaasker · Answer

Try to have someone's help you talk with him maybe.

itsannalee · Answer

What is the exact act like a child?

Pterodon · Answer

Get used to it or leave. Only two choices you have

DCVsMarvel · Answer

How often do you fight?

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him "you're grounded" :P

Effie7 · Answer

It sounds like you need new one.

In_Trance · Answer

Don't fight

Mythbusterwilson · Answer

Slap him

Anonymous · Answer

Slill issue.

My boyfriend acts like a child when we fight. How can I handle this situation?

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