Why does he always make out as though he’s looking for something or someone else whenever he sees me?

[Anonymous]

So about 2 years a guy ghosted me. He did it right after I’d sent him a (partial) nude picture (nothing you wouldn’t see at a beach, no face etc) but unfortunately I work in the same building as him, although different departments, so I still run into him. I actually saw him the day after I sent it and he was all naughty grins and solid eye contact so I don’t think the picture was why he ghosted me. Anyway!

He was weird at first, we’d see each other make eye contact and just both stop, staring at each other mutely, until I would get fed-up and walk off. Felt like he wanted to talk to me but wouldn’t and I sure as hell wasn’t going to speak to him first. But after a couple of months of these random encounters I sent him a message to say it was ok I wasn’t going to lose it with him especially not at work, that I didn’t hate him and happy to chat if he ever felt like it. I hoped this would stop his weirdness.

But after that he started giving me patronising “aawwww, isn’t she sweet…” sorts of looks, trying to catch my eye and smiling dumbly.
He still wouldn’t talk to me though.

At that point I gave up and would actively blank him. I would still catch him staring at me, but I just ignored him.

18 months on and now if I ever catch him looking at me, or sometimes if we’re just passing each other he’ll stretch his neck and go on tip toes peering around me as though he’s looking for something or someone else behind me. He does it EVERY time and considering he’s 6’3” and a clear 8 inches taller than me it’s ridiculous.

I just don’t get why he doesn’t just look away and act casual like anyone else would do. I get he’s not interested, neither am I, but why make a big deal of making out he’s looking for someone else?

[Anonymous]

The obvious answer is to talk to him but since that’s always the least desired route, I’d say to stop playing his cat and mouse game. You guys are in your 40s yet he’s acting like a college f-boy which to me is so immature and unattractive.

[Asker]

To be honest I have just been ignoring him, But I’ve had a hard 12 months and I’ve finally run out of patience with people in general. I’m just trying to understand what he’s trying to achieve by this, but I guess the point is it doesn’t matter anyway.

[Opinion Owner]

In an honest way, I do think sending him that picture could be what turned the tides. Not because you didn’t look good, but maybe he thought it signified you wanting more than just being flirty in the workplace and he wasn’t biting. In my opinion, if ghosting was not because he didn’t find you attractive then there’s an ulterior motive and it could be another woman in the picture you aren’t aware of. One thing we have to keep in mind with men is that “nice guy” doesn’t always equate to “good guy”, like he could absolutely suck as a partner but gets away with it because he’s all smiles and politeness. When he goes to work, that woman has no idea what he’s doing when he’s there which is why so many men get away with cheating at work. Their wife/girlfriend doesn’t suspect anything bc they are where they’re supposed to be, nothing suspicious and therefore they can finesse women like yourself at work with no consequences. You sending that picture takes things outside the office and get him in trouble, even if you were texting here and there maybe the picture made it more real.

In any case though, he’s an asshole and if I were you I’d pretend he doesn’t exist. I’m not sure at what capacity you ignore him, but I’d say no more prolonged gazes and things of that nature which give him attention. He couldn’t be bothered to say sorry for ghosting, wasn’t receptive to your message which you really didn’t have to send since you weren’t at fault. Now he’s acting weird and if I were you I wouldn’t even let him think I’m paying attention. This will all blow over eventually but until then keep standing your ground.

[Anonymous]

Don't deal with time-wasters.