He said he wants to get to know me little by little? So why is he so intense in other ways?

[Anonymous]

So the first week I met this guy online and he has been texting me daily. Good morning beautiful every day and good night typically also. It seems to me more of a romantic pursuit. So then I asked directly and he said he likes me as a person and wants to get to know me little by little.

But his actions don’t really match that because why are you texting me daily if that’s the case? And why do you keep texting me “Good morning beautiful” always daily?

then he sends 🤗 with everything also! Does this seem slow to you?

To me, he’s already cross the line and into the romantic direction with the daily texting as greetings, calling me beautiful, and all the 🤗 emojis

[SteveSmith1985]

Well... I think you have a point. There does seem to be a disconnect between saying he wants to know you little by little and this extremely intense beginning.

So first of all, yea... this guy came on like a freight train. I am not sure, but something occurred to me.

Is it possible we're both misunderstanding what he intended when he said he likes you as a person and wants to get to know you little by little?

Is it possible he meant... I want to get to know you well... little-by-little. NOT that he wants to get to know you slowly.

This guy has undoubtedly crossed into the romantic. He jumped over that line immediately. There's no question of that.

I think this might be the explanation. That's the best one I've got anyway.

Do you... feel as intensely about him? (I hope so, otherwise...)

[Asker]

Glad you agree! thanks 4 your input.
Yes like a TRAIN. I was so surprised that I was receiving "good morning bella" the first week daily and still. With the 🤗 each time. 🤣

Even when I asked his intentions, he said he only wants to get to know me and doesn't have intentions. 😂😂 Yeah right! Why do you think he won't admit that though?

As you said, he crossed the LINE from day one. It's like I'm receiving text from a boyfriend rather than someone I just met a week ago. I do like him, but I need to dig into his character more. I personally wouldn't be spouting all those emoji and daily greetings so soon. 🤣 It's like he already is in LOVE.

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea the "already in Love" aspect of his behavior is a little concerning. Most guys aren't going to come on that strong (even if just for fear of scaring you off).

I don't know why he is being weird about pretending not to have intentions... while he love-bombs the hell out of you. That is weird... so weird that I feel I (we) must be misunderstanding something he's saying here.

Like could it be he thinks of "intentions" as "sexual intentions"

(I'm reaching here... It just makes no sense for him to be actually trying to tell you he's not trying to get serious... while he is actively texting you all these emojis every day (that made me laugh)

Why not... sit his ass down, and don't let him up until he explains all of this to you. See where he is really coming from (what does he want. no bullshit) and tell him where you're coming from. (maybe don't mention the emoji thing).

Otherwise I think you're going to be left wondering. If i were you, I would go by his actions more than his words. That's what he's actually doing. You may want to tell him to slow down (up to you of course, depending on what you want)

[Asker]

Yes there is a lot of confusion indeed!! 🙄
- I wonder if he’s trying to get me hooked on these good morning text so that I form some kind of bond to him?
It might be extreme, but I really don’t get it honestly. And the worst part is he’s terrible at texting! 🙄
He’s saying he wants to get to know me, but he’s not even asking many questions and I normally have to take the lead. WTH! I understand most guys don’t like texting so I think that’s the issue. He just doesn’t have the skills.

- That’s a good point as well. Maybe he read the word “intentions” as sex-related. That would make more sense actually. I was using the word intentions as “relationship related” As in what do you want for me? And what are you looking for? But I guess the majority of people would read it as something physical or sexual.

- And I would love to confront him in person, but this is a long distance situation. However, I am planning to set up a video call hopefully on the weekend and just figure out what this person is about and what he wants. Texting is not doing any justice.

[SteveSmith1985]

"I wonder if he’s trying to get me hooked on these good morning text so that I form some kind of bond to him?"

I've been asking myself the same question. Maybe. (esp #3, #6-8)

www.womenshealthmag.com/.../

www.webmd.com/.../what-is-love-bombing

(cut and paste... If it shows the whole address... I guess)

Ok so it struck me right away that he;s not the one asking questions. You're forced to take the lead. Thatt seems REALLY weird to me.

As you say... he is supposedly trying to get to know you. I definitely assumed he was asking the questions and taking the lead. Guys are generally bad texters. But this is not usually what that looks like.

Usually a guy is aware he's a bad texter. He know it, because he feels uncomfortable or out-of-his-element whenever he tries to have a chat with the girl he likes.

He doesn't text her and let her take the lead... everyday. No.

He doesn't text her as often as he should for fear of feeling that awkwardness.

This made me think "romance scam"

They are getting extremely sophisticated. Extremely.

Here is my thinking:

1. If he texts you everyday...(the love bombing)

2. And he lets you ask the questions and

3. Doesn't end up hearing/learning about you...

A scammer wouldn't have to keep track of as much to continue to maintain his fraud.

He can talk all day, and keep things straight.

What might be harder is remembering that 2 months ago, you TOLD him your sister in law wasn't able to have kids. TWICE!! Now he doesn't remember. Or some other way it would be hard to keep track of somebody else's life... if you weren't actually interested.

I am not sure about this at all. It just seems to make sense on-its-face. What do you think?

I think at least a video chat is in order. This is seeming fishier and weirder as we go. I think you should begin emotionally un-attaching yourself from this guy. Something or other is off here.

[Asker]

Thanks for the links. Yes I am well aware of love bombing but because this is long distance, I don’t think that he would do that. What would he gain? Certainly not anything physical.

He’s also very busy with working full-time and night classes every weekday. He really is busy.

He's also European and not from some third world country, but if he was from an Eastern culture, I would probably say SCAM! 🤣🤣

I think he’s just a poor Texter in general sadly. He probably wants to maintain some thing daily, but doesn’t really know what to say. I’ve dealt with this kind of bad text her personality many times. At least he sends me some kind of greeting because there were actually guys that will not even initiate that and just hover me online. 🤣 Wait for me to come online and contact them first, that’s even worse than this scenario
. I could also hear in his voice notes that he is a very shy person, and likely an introvert as well.
.

[SteveSmith1985]

The more I think about it the more I'm convinced this is a romance scam.

"At least he sends me some kind of greeting because there were actually guys that will not even initiate that and just hover me online."

This is what guys do when they're bad texters. This makes sense. What he is doing is weird. If a guy is comfortable enough to text you so often, he will also be comfortable taking the lead. Nobody texts somebody expecting them to do the heavy lifting. Not over and over. It's not usual.

He is not a shy person. Shy people couldn't be this forward. It takes either confidence, or social ineptness to text you everyday like he is.

The stupid emojis. Most guys don't do this. On its own its nothing. But they serve to make the sender seem cheerful, non-threatening, and innocent (slow? 😉). If I were scamming it would be a good choice to use them.

Romance scammers never say they're in the third world. THey are sophisticated. They really are. I was talking to a girl for maybe a week (a few years ago) before I started to go "wait a minute." It was similar, texts all the time (or every day anyway).

Ran into a romance scammer on Reddit the other day. Called-them out right away (they weren't sophisticated).

I'm not trying to argue that I'm right if you don't see it that way. It's just all clicking together to make perfect sense if it were a romance scam. I can't make sense of it as a normal guy (things don't fit together right).

I feel like you can't help but have it in the back of your mind... now that I've mentioned it a couple of times. That's good enough for me.

I hope I'm wrong. (I don't think I am though).

[Asker]

I really appreciate your concern. I will definitely keep you posted this weekend if I can lock in a video call. Because I can’t stand text messaging in general, especially with someone so quiet/unskilled. But again texting poorly is the norm these days, so I’m kind of used to it by now.

However, I confirmed that he is, indeed European because his voice note is in a European language. A language I also speak.

I actually heard his voice and so he’s not from the third world. 🤣

[SteveSmith1985]

Cool cool. As long as you've got it in the back of your head... I feel I've done my "due diligence" in warning you of my suspicions.

So, good luck with getting a video call going, and yea keep me posted!

[Asker]

It’s not a romance scam because he NEVER asked me for $$$. BUT, the problem is he hasn’t video called me in a month! I asked him two weekends in a row and he said he’s too busy between studying for exams and his “errands.” This is what I find shady is that he hasn’t called me in a video call YET. He said “I’m sorry you don’t understand me, but we will talk soon.” WTF?

Now I’ll be honest I’m really concerned he’s not the hot guy in the photo or something else shady… I don't know why on earth he would bother texting daily good morning/sweet dreams and countless emojis and then never call. I’d say most guys would want to do a video call in 1-2 weeks. It’s so damn shady I told him I need to evidence of his identity or I can’t do this daily text BS. I mean why would he even bother? What is the purpose?

[SteveSmith1985]

To me, this seems more and more likely to be a romance scam with the update you just gave. They don't ask for money until they've spent time (often a couple of months) gaining trust. IF it is a romance scam, they realize it's not going according to plan. (again, we can disagree about the romance scam, this is just how it seems to me).

I agree that it's EXTREMELY shady that he hasn't video called. It's as shady as you worry it is. Any guy is going to be as eager as you are, to make sure that you are who he believes you to be. He should want this video call as badly as you do, for the same exact reasons. He's investing all this time and effort... he should want to know you're not actual Tony the bricklayer. Its fishy as fishy gets.

How no call? What's the "reason" for that? Come to think of it, what is the "reason" the video calls didn't happen?

You are smart to get that verification of who he is before you continue. I wholeheartedly agree.

The "why on earth" is where I keep coming back to romance scam. If you were more credulous, he would be able to ask for money a month or two from now, because his mother is sick or whateverthefuck. That's the only explanation that I can come up with myself, and it does fit the MO of a romance scam. (please don't feel like you need to even address this. I know we see this differently. That's fine. I'm again, just trying to do my due diligence in pointing out how it seems to me. You can take it or leave it as it suits you. I just had to mention it) 🙂

[Asker]

Yes correct! He should have the same desire to SEE ME! Most people would want to confirm identities quickly and in my previous LDR, we saw each other on video in 1-2 weeks…

I forget to mention that his data or phone is OFF for 5-6 hours a day on the weekend (most in the evenings! Wtf!! The message literally doesn’t get delivered on the app for that many hours and then he checks my message late at midnight/1 am…

Now he does this weekdays also if he’s busy with work or school and that didn’t bother me because I would too if I’m in class etc. BUT the weekend also wtf? So suspicious!!! Then, the last Sunday he DID NOT turn his data on till 6-7 pm in his time zone.

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok... that data or phone being off like that is sketchy shit. This is... not looking promising. I hope you've already got one-foot out the door emotionally. This is no good. Honestly, I think you should just cut-and-run right now. There's no way this is going to turn into something acceptable. There's too much super-fishy stuff with this guy. Fuck the verification. I would call this over now if I were you.

[Asker]

For real!! Thank you for your honest help!

Right now, his phone or data has been off 24 hours since I called him out! SMELLS GUILTY to me! If anything else happens will update! God bless!

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm so glad you're not missing any of his bullshit. Yea, I gotta recommend ending it. It's not any problem if you don't. You see through this guy. I'm not worried he's going to somehow put-one-over on you. Please do let me know what happens. I'm curious

[Asker]

Hi! So I did report him, and the stupid app didn’t do anything to ban him unfortunately. Even though he love bomb me from the start. It’s a language learning app by the way, so I’m even more pissed that I had to deal with this…

Then, I did not get any reply, which tells me that he is lying and some area but I don’t know which one. I decided to leave him a reference because you’re allowed to do that with your language partner. I basically outright said that he was an emotional manipulator and a fake person and fake profile picture. I also called him an attention seeker. And the only way he can delete my poor reference is if you block me so that’s what he did at the moment, but I’m planning to re-join the app and confront us.

[SteveSmith1985]

I am so glad that you've decided you've had enough. I am shocked to hear that this wasn't over a dating app. That makes it even more fishy that he'd do everything he did.

I think it's great that you're following up on trying to make sure the site knows this guy is sketchy and there's something wrong with him.

I think that if the site doesn't seem to care, warning other users is exactly right. Including re-joining the app.

You weren't a woman who this was going to work on (whatever his sketchy intentions).

There are so many people who he would be successful in harming. If someone is lonely and in a vulnerable place, a guy like that can really do someone serious harm. I think its important to do what you can to warn women about this guy. Especially since its a language learning app.

You can confront him if that's what you want to do. Just... don't expect to get answers or satisfaction from confronting him. He'll either not engage (block you); or he'll just bullshit you. I get why you want to confront him. And you should. Just, don't expect it to be satisfying like it would be in most situations.

I'm so glad you're done.

[Asker]

I know! That’s why it’s so aggravating because I came to practice my European language and this is the kind of BS that happened here. He immediately went on with the daily texting, and I still don’t know what he was getting out of it being that he’s so busy. The attention of a good morning and sweet dreams is not really worth wasting a month of somebody’s life for? I’m still trying to figure this out.

[SteveSmith1985]

I don't think you're going to ever get a satisfactory answer. He won't give you enough information for you to ever know. You are right... it's not for the sake of attention. There is more to it. I'm still convinced this is a romance scam situation. It could be a weird catfish kinda thing, but that doesn't seem to fit right (to me).

I know you dislike the romance scam explanation. But... every single piece of evidence fits romance scammer MO perfectly (all the sketchy shit you've noticed). I'm never going to know whether or not that's correct either.

I think you should certainly find out whatever you can. But... this is probably going to remain a mystery to both of us.

The most important part is: Whatever his sketchy intentions, he didn't do you any harm. He may have wasted some of your time; and confused you... but nothing more (I don't think anyway)

[Asker]

I agree with you that it’s going to be difficult to find a legit explanation. I understand your position with the scam. But I do have the proof that at least he’s European through a voice note he left… And supposedly he is an engineer, so I don’t think he needs the money.

Still, I don’t know what his objective is other than maybe needing daily validation from a female. He also mentioned once that he was thinking about me. He also said that he was so happy because I’m sweet and bring him serenity. I forgot to mention those comments he said…
He likely said that because I was very supportive about his career and studies. I encouraged him with what he was doing. So he probably appreciated that. That is why this is so disturbing…

And another crazy thing is that many other people on the app were ready to call me on audio or video immediately (for language practice) without talking to me or even more than a day. YET this dude was texting me daily, even if it was brief greetings, and he could not get on an audio/ video call. It’s completely insane. All I ever got was one 10 second voice bite and he sounded incredibly shy actually…

[SteveSmith1985]

The more I learn... the more I'm convinced. I just don't want to start arguing with you about your own life (that would be kinda crazy of me. You do have the full context, I don't). So I will hold my tongue, but just say that I am not the least bit shaken in my view of what I think this is.

(but would definitely like to know if you find out anything that helps settle that one way or the other. which, I know we both acknowledge is unlikely.)

🙂

[Asker]

Well, I happen to find him on another similar language app. I did attempt to confront him, but he was extremely angry, because I reported him on the other app. He also said what I claimed about him is false, but I don’t think so because he’s actually looking more like a narcissist than a scammer.

He refused to engage with me because he was very hurt and offended that I reported him, and I wrote a negative review, calling him, an attention seeker and an emotional manipulator. 🤣

He only said that he enjoys talking to me and every day and that he doesn’t have any intention. Well, I don’t want somebody wasting my time with daily greetings and emojis expressions of affection etc. if they don’t want anything serious. So I am even more serious. I didn’t really get any answers other than he enjoys chatting daily. That’s why he contacts me every day. Not really a satisfactory answer based on all the love bombing. So I actually called him a narcissist, and he blocked me a moment later. He refused to forgive me for what I wrote about him and reporting him. Then reacted in anger when I called him a narcissist by blocking me. But I’m pretty sure he’s just a narcissist and not a scammer. Still extremely pissed off to waste a month of my life like that. I guess he’s so busy in his life that he just use this app for attention and validation. The conversations were never really deep and he never really was getting to know me personally. Plus he would text me 30 days straight and then never actually call me. I still find it really shady that I never got a phone call so it’s like he wanted to keep some distance at the same time. So I just reported him on the second half as well because this is really sick.

[Asker]

He refused to answer almost anything and was VERY DEFLECTIVE! He said things like “live your life if you don’t believe me” . He was completely avoidant. Then had the nerve to call me a stalker when he was contacting me daily for a month. lol

[SteveSmith1985]

This actually changes my mind about it being a scam. This reaction suggests you're right. He's a narcissist or attention freak or weirdo, or something shady.

I am glad that he's pissed off that you called him out. His behavior is really sick. I think that's an accurate description. He may have been someone with hidden intent, or he could have just been doing it for validation (without knowing how fucked up that is. Socially inept). I don't think it matters which. I think it's good that you reported him on both sites. He was shady as hell in so many ways. You and I agreed on like a dozen different red-flags. He was shady, and sketchy and love bombed.

He picked a woman who happened to be someone who was going to catch onto all his inconsistencies, inappropriate behavior, and sketchy behavior.

I talk to women who are shockingly naive, lonely, and vulnerable on GAG... regularly. This guy could have really fucked up somebody who didn't have your bullshit-detecting skills. I don't know what his deal was. But I am so glad that you only wasted a month.

I am not saying that doesn't suck. It does. Imagine though, that you had never had a boyfriend, had always felt ugly, and this guy swept you off your feet with his daily attention. That girl is going to be over-the-moon. She'll be goofy-smile smitten. I don't know how that would end. I know it would be bad though.

You wasted a month. But you took a bullet for somebody else who this would have scarred emotionally. I don't know if that helps make you feel better, or if it makes you feel worse. (sorry if it does). That's how I'd try and look at it.

[SteveSmith1985]

I didn't see your shorter message. Now I'm really not an expert on narcissism. But isn't that just one of several classic narcissistic reactions? To be dismissive and avoidant. Refusing to acknowledge or engage with points you try and question him on. That's some bullshit.

[Asker]

Yes, it has been an awful experience and slightly traumatic event. I cannot stand people wasting my time, even if it’s one month. But thank you for your help throughout the situation and yes, thank God it was only one month. I usually try to nail down a persons intentions, within a month or less, for this very reason!! I hope he does get banned off both apps because this is super shady and narcissistic…

I am a no nonsense person, so he probably was shocked that I was so confrontational and couldn’t handle it? It blows my mind that somebody so busy like him that goes to work and school and studies all weekend would waste his time texting me daily without wanting a serious relationship. He said that I’m on the other side of the world I want nothing from you, which I don’t fully believe because he wouldn’t be texting me daily. Then, the conversation was way too basic, and he wasn’t knowing me in depth. Plus to never get on a call? One month later, no call at all and also zero conversation skills by text. Oh, but let’s waste time writing good morning/sweet dreams/ I hope you’re well generic crap!! Ugh!

He said that I brought him peace and was sweet (till now lol) because I was VERY supportive of his busy schedule and sympathetic. All he would tell me is how busy and tired he was daily and it was getting OLD! The funny part is I honestly thought he was boring and lacked conversation skills by text at the start. After the basic conversations about work and school, he really had nothing to say or add. He never was asking me anything about myself beyond work and where I’m from, etc.. I was the one asking all the questions the first couple weeks then I got tired of it.

[Asker]

Absolutely right dude! That’s why I hope these apps BAN him so he doesn’t waste people’s time!

. I was the one asking all the questions the first couple weeks then I got tired of it. The only reason I didn’t write him off, was because he was initiating the texting every day. But again I don’t know who the hell would waste their time being and work in school so busy as he is doing this to a person. You’re not having any real substantial conversation. I’m not complementing him either so he’s not getting the ego boost. So it really makes no dang sense at all.

[dudeinohio]

He's definitely sending mixed signals that make no sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Beware of catfish!