Is it reasonable if a guy wants to see where things go if it’s long distance?

[Anonymous]

I’ve already seen him in person. Things went well we went out had fun. He kind of was distant a little bit 2nd night but it was all good after. I came back home and he still calls and texts me every single day. It’s been 5 months and I’ve asked him what are we? Are we? I just wanted him to define what we are so boundaries can be placed so if we aren’t anything more then I will not put my self in deeper. He said he doesn’t know what to call us yet but wants to see what happends with us. Is it reasonable for a guy to say that if he lives at a distance? No a far distance but like 200miles away

[SteveSmith1985]

No, it's not reasonable after 5 months. You are right to expect him to be willing to define what this is (together).

You are not going to "see what happens" if you're looking for something more committed. What are the rules? Can you see other people too? How often do you think you'll be able to see each other in person going forward? What does he want this to be? Is this casual? Serious? What? You deserve to know these things after 5 months. Otherwise you might just be wasting your time.

No he is not being reasonable. That is a bullshit answer, and I think you are right to have a problem with it. It's been 5 months. You need to make sure you're both on the same page. "let's see what happens" is acceptable if you're just starting to talk to someone. Not after 5 moths.

My only suggestion is: Don't ask him what you are. Tell him what you'd like it to be. Ask if he wants the same thing, or some other type of relationship (which you can talk about).

But no, he is not being reasonable.

[HollyK21]

LDR is meant to be a short term solution, not a way to hang on to something that isn’t feasible IRL.


In your case I don’t even think it’s about distance so much as willingness to make that trip to see one another. If he really wants to see you and put in the effort he would. I know that because when me and my fiancé started dating and we were living about 1hr 30mins apart, he would get off at 11pm from a 10 hr shift and drive down to see me. First it was once a week, then it increased to 4-5 times and now we live together. His car at the time was in bad shape and had become a money pit, yet he still would come see me, consistently.


That’s what a man does when he wants to make something work, and unless the guy you’re dealing with is ready to make you that much of a priority then don’t waste your time on an LDR. Don’t put yourself through the heartache of wanting to see him but you can’t or the sadness you’d feel when you want his company even in small moments. That sort of connection is a lot to sacrifice.

[236color]

Long distance can be difficult, especially early in a relationship. I won't say it's impossible, but it is, unlikely. When my wife and I were dating we did live almost the same distance apart for a couple of years, but we were F2F usually every 2 or 3 weeks and worked a summer job together for 2 years. We met attending the same college and were quite committed before we lived apart (I had proposed). Longest period I remember not seeing her in person was 7 weeks, I remember because it was tough.