Guy friend doesn't see me as a potential girlfriend, doesn't make plans to see me but treats me as a therapist etc. What should I do?

[baddiska]

So I have a guy friend who lives in a different city than me. He has some trouble with his everyday life, we're both 21, I'm studying medicine and he has no idea what to do with his life - he changed his major but still hates it, has terrible job he can't quit and lives with his toxic mom and sister in a small city. He has many opportunities but he does nothing. He literally sabotages his own life. As I said we live in different cities so we mostly text, he asks me advice for everything, I'm his therapist, he even sent me his resume so I can check it for him. His ex girlfriend dumped him and he literally talked with me on the phone for a few hours and whined about it, asked me for advice etc while I was having exams at that time. I just had two weeks off of uni and wanted to meet, he said something that he's open to that but made no plans. At the same time he's going on dates with some girls and at the end of the day it never works, they all dump him. But he still tries to get their attention. He's acting like a loser. So he chose driving to some other city to meet with some random girl but did nothing to see me after a year.

My mom tells me that I should ignore him because this friendship doesn't benefit me at all. I'm always there for him, I need to listen to him complaining about everything, I give him advice how to change it but he still acts the same and then complains again and that's how it is. He doesn't try to make plans with me while I'm available. He's looking for a girl he can take to a wedding but didn't even ask me. What should I do? Should I drop him?

[Fanfare690]

You deserve someone better. he's using you for emotional support and there's nothing you can do about it. He won't magically fall in love with you either... unless you ditch him. But he'll only miss your attention. This connection is no good. Find someone worthy of your attention. y'all are just friends

[baddiska]

i know but just looking at this friendship - is it healthy? why doesn't he make plans to see me (his friend and therapist lol) but drives to a different city just to see some random girl?

[Fanfare690]

he's not actually into you... you're just a pen pal

[baddiska]

i know he's not into me, i also treat him as a friend, but the question is does he treat me like a friend or just a pen pal

[Fanfare690]

Just a pen pal... you should see it too

[serious]

Well, you know what you have to do. He might see you as his potential girlfriend but from your description it is clear that as a woman you are losing respect for him. No woman likes a man who shows way too much vulnerability or whines about things. If he is seeing you as a therapist then it will be energy draining for you to do this.

It is best to just forget about him. Your mom is right in this case, keeping contact with him is not to benefit you in any meaningful way

[Alex-Snow]

It sounds like u are a good friend but I think he might be using you a bit. U said he is dating other girls so I am assuming that you two have not or will not be sexually involved? I think ur priority should be on uni and focusing on your career. I'm a sophomore and am in a pre-med program. I look forward to a good career in the field.

[slatyb]

Listen to your mother. He's a waste of your time -- he takes and takes and takes and gives nothing. You are studying medicine? You will meet someone who has something to offer.

[Sal_Monella]

Find the nearest...

[baddiska]

may you explain why?

[Sal_Monella]

You are not a therapist. You are a developing wife and mother. Stick with that.

[Heusus]

B a gud therapist