Protectiveness vs Jealousy. Are they the same thing?

Question

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

It's complicated most of the time it's a mix of both. I know a lot of woman think it's toxic when they're boyfriend beats up a guy for hitting on them but there's actually a few reasons behind it.

1. It's disrespectful to us. You have to be a special kind of POS to hit on another mans girl in front of him. Doing that is like counting coup on another guy so you should expect them to check you if you do that. It's the exact same as punching him in the face for punching you in the face.

It's not all about you and I think it's actually kind of shows that a lot of women are really self-centered when they see things like that. It happened over you not necessary because of you. It doesn't mean he's doesn't trust you not to cheat it means the guy is being a jack ass and he's putting the POS back in his place.

2. They're insulting you because by hitting on you while you're dating it means they think your slutty and they can trick you into his pants. If a guy hits on you and knows you have a boyfriend just remember he's basically saying, "I think you're a dumb slut."

3. Jealousy is definitely a factor and there are certain touch boundaries that shouldn't be crossed once you're dating with anyone that isn't you're partner or family members. Hugs and stuff are fine but once you're dating someone neither you or your partner should be having long hugs with non-family members especially if they are like a guy/girl friend they have.

Hands also shouldn't go further down than the middle back and kisses should be completely off the table even on the cheek with the exception of your SO and close family like your mom/dad kissing your cheek goodbye when you're leaving. Even then I always felt at a certain age that got a little weird though.

Also, there is one circumstance where a long hug is acceptable, if they're friend is having a mental breakdown like they're crying or something that's completely different and in fact at that point in my opinion you should be trying to help their friend to since they're an important person to your SO. That means they should be important to you.

It's also less of a problem if they're straight and they're giving their friend who is a girl a long hug. Also keep in mind these rules all apply to guys too. If you're dating a guy that doesn't follow these same boundaries for you that's a bad sign in my opinion. Little things like that can be signs of loose physical loyalty's to your partner because certain kinds of touch are too intimate to share for non SOS/family once you're no longer single.

Zack-Bann · Accepted Answer

I think it’s a matter of positioning.

You can be protective over the things or people that you’ve earned the “right” to protect

But when it’s someone who owes you nothing it’s more jealousy

It’s a bit more complicated of course
Because even those who are closely linked to you still have free will and your desire yo protect them shouldn’t outweigh their freedom to make decisions

But I’ve come to learn that it’s not black and white.
Jealousy seems like such a bad and ugly thing until someone actively tries to muscle in on your territory.

If someone was courting your partner and you let it happen you’ll open the doors to lose that person.
Sure as your partner it’s their duty to remain faithful but humans don’t work so simply

So in a way, feeding that parasite his teeth becomes an act of protectiveness and not jealousy

But the other way around: pining after someone who’s taken. That’s jealousy and a toxic kind at that

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

No, not at all. Jealousy is a means of controlling someone else, it’s limiting interactions with “competition” because they believe they’ll lose when push comes to shove (and they’re right 90% of the time, fuck that noise). Protectiveness is just making sure someone is okay, they have the means to take care of themselves but there’s no issue with being their back-up if they need it.

katiesmuff · Accepted Answer

No there is a huge difference! Protectiveness would come from someone who wants to keep you out of danger or making a huge wrong decision, whereas jealousy your watched and questioned about almost every move you make and usually very hard to do anything outside of his or her eyesight.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

How come I feel like I'm never going to die. Even though I've spent many nights wishing for death or even contemplating how to end this, I can't! Why? Because I'm so fucking awesome. I like doing drugs and alcohol and then answering a question without actually bothering with a question because that's how fucking awesome I am.

Anyways, I think the fine line between those two (Jealousy and protectiveness) are just our desire to get the best outcome for ourselves.

Summeroflove · Answer

They aren’t the same thing being protective means loving someone and wanting to protect them as well as wanting to protect what’s yours. If you can trust someone then you don’t have to worry about them with other men or women because even if the opportunity arose they wouldn’t ever act on it.

Being jealous sometimes is someone projecting who they are onto you. Other times it’s because you legitimately can’t trust someone in that case leave the person or communicate until trust is built. But jealousy is controlling and someone whose loyal shouldn’t have t to be subjected to that. Especially if the jealous one turns out to be the one cheating.

Tarifa · Answer

Protectiveness is the desire to protect someone from harm or imminent danger. Within a relationship - but not exclusively - you aim to make sure that person is safe.

Jealousy is a logical follow-up to protectiveness, but it can quickly become excessive and inappropriate. It is mostly based on assumptions, not real facts. When jealousy involves controlling behaviour, it becomes problematic. I'd say it's typical of someone who is unsure about himself/herself and needs the other partner to boost his/her ego.

serious · Answer

No, it is not the same thing. There is definitely a difference. Protectiveness is healthy while jealousy is completely unhealthy.

Protectiveness is natural for a man towards the one he loves. However, there are boundaries on this and this protectiveness is displayed only in certain situations. For a man it is important that he is protective towards the one he loves. Protectiveness towards can be from physical dangers, or even him displaying logical and genuine concerns regarding her decisions or her thoughts etc.

Jealousy on the other hand arises out of insecurities and lack of self confidence. Hence it is unhealthy and such a person will always try to question the other or behave in weird ways.

Protectiveness does not lead to a controlling behaviour whereas there are high chances that jealousy will lead to a controlling behaviour.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

no
I saw a video by emiy king the other day, the famous youtuber/tik toker who's always defending mens rights. She recently got married, and when she was about to go out for dinner, with her new husband, she noticed that a mosquito had bit her, right where her dress showed bare skin, she was pissed, and tried to hit the bug, in vengeance, much like trump is trying to do, cause he feels "persecuted" for being an asshole

Anyway, her husband came along, and just simply grabbed it out of thin air
She goes on to talk about how, girls, want a guy who's going to protect her, not annoy her. if you catch my drift

OneViewpoint · Answer

No, they are the opposite thing.

Protectiveness is concern for someone else. Being willing to put yourself at risk on their behalf.

Jealousy is concern about yourself. It's about isolating and controlling someone else because of your own insecurities.

One is benevolent and one is toxic.

RavVid · Answer

Ownership, control, protectiveness & jealousy have the same source i. e You're mine.

I'm putting ownership first as I think that comes first. Girls seem to think badly of that now but in reality lust and ownership are precursors of love. Control is too because the sub text is you're with me and acceptance of that.

Lalalove11 · Answer

No ! You'll notice because when people are jealous it usually comes out in nasty ways; silent treatment, undermining, anything to subtly control the person... But if you were genuinely protecting someone you wouldn't feel the need to act that way. Also depends on the ages of the people involved and their relationship. If it's parent-child the protective aspect will be more controlling until hopefully the child gains independence to look after themselves.

NathanDavis · Answer

I don't think so, no...

and it depends on how you see the concept of what being protective is... some are just controlling people who claim to want to "protect" you, but they're just acting up on made-up scenarios and often very wrong

I'm not a fan of either attitudes... if I can't be trusted then we should just not be together

ManOnFire · Answer

Great question. Protectiveness is a partner not feeling good about someone making clear moves on their lover and wanting to stand in the way of that.

Jealousy is not wanting their partner to talk to anyone of the opposite sex out of insecurity and a fear that they could be pulled away by said person of the opposite sex.

AviatorTom · Answer

No, they are totally different. You can be protective of people you love and still give them the freedom to be friends, or more, with others. If you are jealous, you want them for yourself and you get upset when they interact with others, even when it's done innocently.

Protective means you don't want them hurt; Jealous means you want them only to be with you.

Caroline91 · Answer

I think protectiveness is more guarding and keeping safe something or someone you value, that is precious to you. On the other hand, jealousy tends to have elements of insecurity, resentment, suspicion and possessiveness to it.

RingOfFire · Answer

I think enough people have described the differences well in the comments I read. But I didn't see any of them that mentioned this, so I will throw it in the mix.

Jealousy is selfish whereas protectiveness is selfless.

avery58 · Answer

A little jealousy or precaution is normal, but being overly jealous and controlling is emotional abuse. Why be with someone that you don't trust in the first place? There should be respect in a relationship.

Shiprex · Answer

No, I'd say protection is actions that keep another out of harms way for their own benefit. Jealousy is about behaviour caused by disliking another's behaviour because it's not centred around you.

Anonymous · Answer

I used to work with a woman that her (eventual) husband would drive past out place of work several times a day. And if she was gone (she had to drop the deposit off at the bank) he would grill her about where she was. And make sure her times added up.

Does that sound like jealousy or protectiveness.

By the way. He eventually walked out on HER. How bout now? Is that protectiveness or jealousy?

dustybiker2 · Answer

Not the same.  Protective doesn't disrespect you. The line is drawn where you made it and they won't overstep that without asking.  Jealously is purely self motivaed from past hurts.

genericname85 · Answer

they can be the same defending to whom the "protectiveness" concerns. like being controlling and jealous, attemting to make your partner not cheat on you is certainly a self protection thing but it doesn't protect the partner at all.

sawno · Answer

No, jelousy in some people can even cause the opposite of being protective in that they wanna harm their partner.

Miristheiss · Answer

Mmmmm, if you are feeling jealous a lot with someone, that is your clue you two shouldn't be together.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

I wouldn’t say they are the same. Not remotely. I can be awfully damn protective. At the same time, my faith in someone I get involved with to be discerning is also very high. I just truth them.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Nope, although it's possible to be protective and jealous at the same time usually they happen separately

ProbablyClueless · Answer

No, but they can look similar. Protectiveness is about opening doors together while jealousy is about keeping them closed.

Bad2daBone22 · Answer

Yeah I think it depends on what the situation is at the time. You could b more protective over someone because you’d b jealous if someone else showed interest in them too.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel like they can be the same but they are also different my husband is very protective of me due to past abuse but he doesn't get jealous when I talk to other men

lilBigPotato · Answer

No. One is something good (in a healthy amount) and the other is poison

Raam1994 · Answer

Nope. Protectiveness is gentle it may not harm anything or anyone. But jealousy is harmful to everyone and everything.

Anonymous · Answer

Jealousy is a more selfish version of protectiveness. It’s also protectiveness taken to an extreme.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No. Protectiovenss is rooted in reasonable protection of danger while jealously is often rooted in deep unreasonable insecurity.

notCryHONEY · Answer

well, No!

Anonymous · Answer

No, I don't think they are the same, but they are similar sometimes.

BrainsAndBeauty · Answer

No but both can be annoying and over ehelming emotional abuse

anon1903 · Answer

Ownership weirds me out

soe11 · Answer

Chock and cheese

WonderingManII · Answer

No, I don't think so.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

They are different...

LiamJHayden · Answer

No. Jealousy is "me centered."

Jeff51 · Answer

No but might be similar

loveslongnails · Answer

Not even close.

jahaims · Answer

Not even close to the same

Dongie · Answer

Nah. The one may lead to the other tho.

DishLady · Answer

Nope.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Nope.

Chocolatetwopointtwo · Answer

yeah

Asgard356 · Answer

Nope

Anonymous · Answer

Yes they are

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

No….

Justagirl29 · Answer

Nope

Protectiveness vs Jealousy. Are they the same thing?

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Protectiveness vs Jealousy. Are they the same thing?

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