My boyfriend don’t understand when my ”no” is serious?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and have lived together for over a year. We have a great relationship, but I often overanalyze his behavior and try to find reasons to think he’s a bad person. For example, it’s never been a problem that we play around, like tickling each other and so on. But lately, I’ve started to think that he doesn’t listen when I say no. For instance, if he kisses me all over and I say no, he’ll respond with “yes” and continue. I think it’s because I usually don’t mean it and laugh when I say no. But if I say no and he clearly notices that I’m irritated or not laughing, then he stops immediately. When I brought it up with him, instead of taking responsibility he said, “How am I supposed to know that you mean it? You usually laugh and want me to continue.”

I think it really just comes down to me wanting him to respect me and not question my no, even if I’m laughing.

[Genie23]

After reading the whole thing, I didn't find anything wrong/problematic in your boyfriend's behaviour. You said it yourself "I often overanalyze his behavior and try to find reasons to think he’s a bad person." Why are you trying to push him away? Are you scared of commitment or have trust issues? He sounds like a good guy and he does seem to respect you. You said when you clearly seem irritated, he stops right there. If you say no while laughing, can you blame him for not taking you seriously?

"I think it really just comes down to me wanting him to respect me and not question my no, even if I’m laughing"

I'm sorry but you're being bit unfair. You're right to expect respect from your partner (you deserve that) but expecting him to understand you when your no actually means no even when you're laughing, that guy is going to leave him feeling so confused. The next time you don't like something or don't want something, just don't laugh or smile because then you're giving mixed signals. Be serious. He'll listen to you because it sounds like he does respect you and isn't pushy.

[Genie23]

That is going to leave him feeling so confused*

[Abbycado]

Have you told him what you are telling us when he isn't goofing around?

[Asker]

No not really, he have always been like this and it have never been a problem. It was I week ago i started to think that he should take a no even if I am laughing, he didn’t really take responsibility and just said ”you should be more clear when you say no”

[Abbycado]

Well, that is BS when he says you need to be more clear. How can someone be more clear than "no"?

Still, you need to tell him this at a time that he isn't messing around and have a serious conversation about it. That is on you.

Last piece of advice is don't listen to the blue anon fuckwits advice I just saw down below me.

[BriamG22]

You could consider agreeing on a dfferent word that; when used, indicates that you seriously want him to stop.

I agree that he should take responsibility, its really not that difficult to discern whether you long time partner is in a playful mood. But in this case, he's not entirely wrong eitber with his reasoning.

If even after a word has been establishednand he stilll continues with his antics despite the word being used then you'll have every right to shit on him.

Also, why are you finding reasons to think he's a bad person? You guys are already living together, isn't it a bit too late for that? 🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

"... I often overanalyze his behavior and try to find reasons to think he’s a bad person" <--This is toxic, self-sabotaging behavior driven by your insecurity. You need to figure this out before you destroy your relationship. This is a you problem.

[Asker]

I know! I am working on it. But do you don’t find it a problem if your partner doesn’t take your no even your smiling etc?

[Opinion Owner]

If I have set the precedent that my smiling "no" is not serious, then I can't fault her for not taking it seriously. If this is a problem for you, you need to end the smiling nos and talk to him about your expectations. But I would highly recommend you make sure he understands that you know it is a problem you yourself created, and not his fault. Good luck.

[Twalli]

Your "no" when you're laughing isn't a real one. You just said, " I usually don’t mean it and laugh when I say no". Any problems with that seem to be of your own makng.

[sirderpsalot123]

It sounds like you aren't mature enough for a relationship.

[spartan55]

Yeah, you sound like a fun one.

[jahaims]

He is doing nothing wrong. Learn to communicate

[In_Trance]

Your communication skills are the problem

[Anonymous]

Explain to him in more details.

[Cheerfull009]

He knows that you are not serious