How do I politely get a gay guy to stop messaging me before he catches feelings?

[Hiker_011]

[CriminallyInsane]

If you're ok being friends with him, try it for a bit and anytime he's getting sexual or romantic, remind him by telling you it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe he thinks he's going to convert you if he tries, maybe he doesn't. It's not your fault if he does get feelings because you told him you're not into guys. Blocking him later can be a last resort.

[Hiker_011]

Thanks, it's just complicated because I'm not homophobic at all, I just don't have any attraction towards men in reality. It doesn't bother me when he says sexual things, and I've even asked him why he finds me attractive. I kinda like learning what he sees and experiences being gay. Lately I just feel like we're headed towards some kind of one-sided attachment that could potentially get really unhealthy. I low-key feel frustrated when he messages me like he's wasting my time because I'm attracted to women. Initially I thought I could be his friend, but I'm starting to think it doesn't work that way. He's gonna get feelings, and I'm gonna have to hurt him emotionally. I fear this situation is gonna get out of control.

[CriminallyInsane]

Then it's time to explain it exactly how you're explaining it here. Tell him you feel bad he's attracted to you but it's clear to you he's not really interested in being just friends. You kinda have to turn it around on him a bit and make him realize he's wasting his own time because it's never going to be what he wants it to be and it's for his own good. Then you're the good guy for not coming across as homophobic or that you're rejecting him so neither of you should feel bad about it.

[Hiker_011]

Yeah, I agree that I should help him to understand that he's wasting his time. I think my problem here is that I'm a people pleaser. Iwant to maje him happy in this situation somehow even though I can't.

[CriminallyInsane]

You can't, no, so you are forced to settle for making it the least uncomfortable for him. You have to view being honest as the way to make him happiest so he can accept reality. It only gets harder for him if you drag it out anymore. Rip it off like a bandaid. It's unfortunately the nicest thing you can do.

[Hiker_011]

That's true. Thanks for your help. I just gotta figure out how to word it. I feel like he's gonna try to keep the friendship going, and that's not realistic if he's truly attracted to me. He doesn't talk like a guy friend, he talks to me kinda like it's a date.

[CriminallyInsane]

Yeah, that's why you have to point out that when he says he wants to be friends, he doesn't really mean it even if he thinks he does.

[Hiker_011]

From now on I'm gonna have to react differently whenever guys message me there. I gotta set boundaries from the start, before any kind of attachment can develop. This is a learning experience for sure.

[CriminallyInsane]

What place are you talking about if you don't mind me asking?

[Hiker_011]

It's called Similar Worlds. It's another Q&A platform, but you can post any random thoughts or feelings, it doesn't have to be a question. They also have a really good system there that encourages people to be welcoming, and to allow everyone to have an opinion without being harassed. It's a good place where people can show pictures of themselves and post pictures in their profiles. You can use it as a dating app too if you want to. They also allow nudity in the NSFW sections. It's a really peaceful place to interact. It feels far less stressful and confrontational than other Q&A sites.

[CriminallyInsane]

Hmm, never heard of it. Sounds like an improvement over here though.

[Hiker_011]

Yeah I prefer Similar Worlds to GaG and Reddit. I can't take the stress of arguing with anonymous people that just want to be miserable. There they really encourage people to be better to each other. I could sense it as soon as I got there.

[CriminallyInsane]

Maybe I'll have to check that out today. I'm a little bored around here.

[Hiker_011]

Yeah, I hope you do. I would rather invest my time into a platform that isn't so abusive to it's users. I just had to ask this one question here.

[CriminallyInsane]

I swear within like 30 seconds of trying to sign up, I am getting barraged with notifications and stuff. Do they announce new people with a megaphone or something? 😂 And how long do they take to verify you?

[CriminallyInsane]

That place must have too many people. All I did was add 5 pictures and fill out my profile a tiny bit and change some setting and in an hour, I have 21 notifications about people liking pictures and commenting, 10 followers and messages from 13 people... too chaotic

[Hiker_011]

I do remember getting some messages right away. I think I just had to verify my account through my email. I'm still really new there myself, but I didn't seem to have any issues getting started. There's a lot of different settings to experiment with to make the site more comfortable for you. It takes a bit of getting used to, but the more explored the site, and the features, the more impressed I was. It kinda has everything I'm looking for as far as a place where I can interact and keep my mind thinking. I still use YouTube and Instagram for scrolling through videos, and listening to music etc. but Similar Worlds is gonna be where I go to actually engage in conversations with people. I hope it can work out for you as well.

[CriminallyInsane]

The one other guy I was talking to over there told me my account is suspended and yours seems like it's gone too?

[jazzy34]

Block him. Sometimes, that’s the only way of getting people to leave you alone.

[Hiker_011]

I want to, but I feel bad about it. I can tell how hard he's trying to get close to me. It's kinda how I am with women.

[jazzy34]

Do you want to continue to lead him on or not? Again, blocking someone is sometimes the only way someone will get the message that you're not interested.

[Hiker_011]

Somehow I feel guilty about it this time. It's easier when it's just some fake looking profile of a woman that's probably a catfish. I stop talking to them left and right. With this person, he seems real and I've just gotta rip the Band-Aid off I guess before I get frustrated and start saying crazy things to him.

[OneViewpoint]

Tell him you're not a fan of the Hershey Highway and never will be so, knock it off.

[Hiker_011]

I just feel bad for him. I try to empathize and imagine if I liked someone, and they told me that the thought of us being together is revolting to them. It would make me feel horrible about myself.

[OneViewpoint]

It's the truth. If you're not gay and he is, that's the way it's always gonna be. Everyone had better get used to that reality rather than politely dodging the elephant in the room.

[OneViewpoint]

Estimates are about 2.0% of guys are gay and 1.4% of women are lesbian. Do the math. Those people need to cope with the fact that 98 out of 100 guys and gals are not gonna be playing for their team. That is their reality. Not great odds but that's not straight people's problem.

[Hiker_011]

That's part of why I feel sympathy for him in this situation. Gay people don't have options everywhere around them. It must be difficult to find people they're attracted to that are also gay.

[ShadyPants]

This is you:

(

This is me:

I

[Hiker_011]

He knows I'm straight, but he still messages me every night like clockwork. He"s told me that he finds me attractive. He wants to be friends, but I feel like this is headed towards a trainwreck because I don't feel anything about him.

[ShadyPants]

Tell him it is never gonna happen.

[Hiker_011]

I hate hurting people that like me, and make a consistent effort to get to know me. This is more difficult than I thought it would be.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Ask him if you’re his type first. For all we know, you just remind him of his dad and he wants a father/son bond with you. I don't know why straight men keep assuming every gay man wants to fuck them.

[Hiker_011]

I asked him if he's attracted to me and he said yes. I did actually ask him if he looks at me and wants to fuck me in the ass or something. He said that he doesn't know, but he has had anal sex with guys before. I asked what his type was and he said White and Hispanic men. The more he keeps messaging me, the more I ask him why.

[Sammy098]

Be honest

[Hiker_011]

How should I word it? I really enjoy the new online community I'm in now, and I don't want to hurt anybody there.

[Sammy098]

Say that you are straight and you not looking for anything more

[Hiker_011]

I know he's just gonna say "I understand, but I just like getting to know people here." Then I'm gonna eventually end up blocking him or something harsh. I care about his feelings. This is a weird situation for me. It's something new that I need to navigate.

[Sammy098]

If you warned him already then it's not your fault. You can't control what other people think and feel.

[Hiker_011]

I just feel like shit about it. He's so nice to me.

[Jeff51]

Don't know. I dont hang with guy people.

[In_Trance]

Block him