Why are black girls the least desirable?

Why is it that black girls are the most undesirable? (For non-black guys)I'm seeing a lot of negative things being said about black women in the media (mainly online). I even saw a forum thread dedicated to how black girls are the ugliest. Sure there are racist people that will say that other races are ugly, but black girls get the most heat. I've seen a lot of black girls ask similar questions, and people just think we're imagining things. I mean, look at the marriage rates. Black women are the least married race. I've heard people say that even black guys don't want black women.

This issue is causing my already low-self esteem to plummet to uncharted territories, even though I think I'm pretty compared to most black girls but not so pretty according to regular beauty standards (if that makes sense). My school is mostly white, but the few black girls that go there don't have boyfriends, and to me they are pretty and seem intelligent. Boys aren't everything and at our young age it's better to be more concerned with our academic and career goals, but I feel so discouraged when it comes to dating (keep in mind that I live in a predominately white area).

In conclusion, I would like to know what it is about black girls that's so unattractive? (BE HONEST, answer anonymously if you must, and don't feed me any crap about "preferences" because in most cases I find that there is underlying racism behind this so-called racial preferences).


Most Helpful Guy

  • What is it about black girls that's so unattractive? I wouldn't know, as I am so hot for a lot black gals I know.

    I do understand what this is all about though... When messing around on HotOrNot, I noticed that great looking black gals who would be an 8 or 9 in my books will tend to score a 6 or 7 (rated by predominately white male audience). There is definitely some difference between how my friends and I view the level of attractiveness for most black women. I see hot white gal, my friends see hot white gal. I see hot black gal, my friends are like, NO.

    Far from holding my head up high as a white man and being uppity about the white race on how we have such high quality women among our ranks and high standards for the women we want to be with, I want to take this opportunity to call my friends out for being the morons they are. To me, it doesn't necessarily show they have great taste in gals by having the hots for women who are almost exclusively white (Asian occasionally), but it definitely shows they are missing out on a lot of great gals... Black gals!

    Black ladies, many you are so very fine in my eyes.

    • LOL thanks for the compliment. I feel you on the friends thing. I've dated all races (white included) and my friends are cool and agree with how hot a guy is except when it comes to white guys. They say that they don't "prefer" white guys. I prefer a guy that is respectful, funny and cute no matter his color. :-)

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    • @red5555 He hasn't. Most people here lack a high school degree though, it seems.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey girl,

    I read your question and, if you are asking for absolute honesty, I am going to tell you that I think you're insecure. I am not putting you (nor would I put anyone) down for being insecure (I am insecure too)! But there is no "truth" out there that one race is better or worse looking than another. You're getting too caught up in the nasty, racist opinions of certain people (people who, I'm sure, you'd never want to even associate with; much less respect enough to give their words creedence). There is a lot of hatred out there towards people of color and, I believe, it is easy for that hatred to be soaked up by the people themselves. You might believe it's a "fact" that black women are "less attractive" than other women (whatever that may mean to you), but it is NOT. I am not black, but I am in a very small minority being a Jew and I have felt very negative against my heritage based on what other people say about it. It was eye opening when I finally realized that their hate was now inside of me too! I just began to really love my culture and learn more about it. I finally embraced it, but other people's hate took a long while to shake off. You'll shake it off too. Black women are exceptionally beautiful, just as all women are. Love yourself. There is nothing not to love!


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What Guys Said 281

  • I do not have a lot of experience with black females. I have only seen two of them in reality, for the place where I live in does not have a lot of them (or at least there aren't many black people around here in this city at all.)

    However based on that experience and what I see from the television, it is true - I really don't like black girls physically. I can safely say this is because of the high level of racism that has been around for a long time. Therefore it just does not match my ideal for a girl to have black skin. (In fact, I tend to find the whiter the more attractive, I also have issues with tans and natural summer brownness, but that is just my pickiness.) I'm used to white. We have this saying around here jokingly: "I'm not a racist or anything, but the human skin color is white." We say that as a joke, but it does sort of stay with your expectations.

    And if there are two other really dumb reasons, one of them is that they usually have giant lips which I do not like, and the second is that the experience I've had was ghetto-ish.

    "i jst dnt understand...perfect ryt nw would b if you were here makin me laugh and stuff"

    And she types like that! How can anyone type like that? Ugh.

    So that's basically it.

    • You've never been anywhere in your life have you,your basing your ideas off of sterotypes,the average black family is middle class nowadays and your arguments are based off of woman from poorer neighborhood typically.but then agin you did say that you've never been around blacks.it not smart to use those two woman to base all black woman off of.and white skin is NOT the huamn skin color darker,tanned and brownskin outnumber white by a landslide worldwide,typical of you though,lmao at u,silly

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    • Yeah, if you think that beauty determines by skin color, then you're a complete idiot.

    • @yasminemetayer Everyone has racial preferences. I'm sure you do too.

  • Unattractive?... I have known many black (and white women) in my time. When I went to school, I even dated a few ladies, who happened to be black. And I can tell you this: In our cruel world, there are some hard truths, and one of these is the whole race issue.

    But as far as I am concerned, I never judge any person on this basis. If I liked a girl, it was because she was hot. I don't care if she was white, black or purple. I think race, unfortunately gets too much attention in our Society.

    For instance, who Doesn't like Denzel? He's one of the greatest actors of our time. Yet, I can't stand some of these rapper-punks, because they are not gentleman.

    What kinda guy can't admit that Ms. Beyonce Knowles isn't just delicious?! My God, I would give my right arm to share a pair of whiskeys with her...

    On the other hand, Paris Hilton? Are you freakin' kidding me? The woman looks like she got hit in the ass with a shovel!

    No, it's all about class, not skin color. I say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I like to occasionally steal a glance or two at a healthy, sexy young black chick, when my wife isn't lookin...

    • I liked your answer and I agree with everything you said. It really made me smile.

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    • Very Well Spoken

    • And thank you, Mlle.

  • A lot of people seem to be brain-washed by the media to be attracted to the "perfect Aryan" set of physical traits in a woman.

    Since Black women appear the furthest from this set of genetics, many men are mentally programmed to have an aversion to their physical traits.

    Hitler's words were never louder in the ears of human judgement as they are today in our subconscious interpretation of the world around us.

    Look at the unnatural things Black women feel they need to do to appear just slightly more Aryan.

    -Placing a highly corrosive chemical base in their hair in order to make it do something so unnatural, it has a pH level higher than that of liquid Drano.

    -Skin-bleaching has become an epidemic in many African and Caribbean nations, to the extent that it is socially unacceptable for a woman not to bleach her skin. This is all in spite of the detrimental effects that skin bleach has on the human dermis and lymphatic system. All just to make their skin just a tad bit closer to the perception of what the master "race" of humans should look like?

    They're killing themselves just to look more appealing to a society who's laws of attraction hold their loyalty to Mein Kampf.

    Even non-blacks buy into it.

    People with curly hair straighten it.

    People with "ethnic" noses get nose jobs to appear more "beautiful".

    Colour contacts are worn to project more strongly Aryan traits.

    Hair colour is changed.

    Facial features are altered.

    Identities are lost.

    All to appease a society who, frankly, doesn't know what to believe beauty is.

    Black Women, stop questioning why the society in which you live doesn't accept your natural Beauty.

    You know why.

    You just want constructive criticism, an Itemized list of all the "undesirable" ethnic traits in hopes of "improving your image".

    You can't

    You won't

    You shouldn't try

    It's all in vain, and trying to mesh into a system that works against you will only feed the fire.

    Be Natural, be vigilant, be intelligent, be diligent, be beautiful.

    But do not try to live by adopted standards of beauty.

    Be, within yourself, beautiful, and so the world shall see your true beauty,

    not your attempt at their definition of beauty.

    But you can be sure that only those worthy of your beauty, those with untainted eyes, will see your true beauty.

    This is a statement.

    This is not an arguement,

    Thus, there is no counter-arguement.

    Those feeling Arbitary may have a go at it, though.

    • Well...no I was necessarily looking for constructive criticism in hopes of improving my image. Maybe I was, or maybe I just want to accept the "itemized list of all the undesirable" traits.

      I appreciate your insight and you're one of the few answerers that know where I'm coming from. Or one that at least understands that I'm not completely crazy.

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    • Lol, awww, Jaron91. Don't feel that way. I relax my hair too. But I like the way it looks, and I get a style that's unique to me. And Hunterboyz, very good points. I overstated the entire post intentionally.

    • Very nice +1.. people in general shouldnt alter their image to find the true meaning of beauty.. its already there.. just accept it.

  • ((Disclaimer: I'm not racist, but there are racial GENERALIZATIONS, I will make here. Please keep in mind that this refers to a "large percentage of" the black female population, but not by any means all of them, or even necessarily most of them. Just a lot of people exist that are like the following, thank you.))

    Many black girls can actually be incredibly hot, it's just that many of them often make choices and behave in manners that are simply not attractive. There are several things that can make a black girl undesirable, here's my top 4 things:

    1. The attitude. A little assertiveness can be very sexy indeed, however, yelling and screaming like you're a p*ssed off drunkard is not attractive at all. You know exactly what I'm talking about right? The whole "tough" girl act. "Oh HELL NO YOU DIDN'T!" bits. No one wants to feel like they have to walk on eggshells when they're with a girl, or worry about getting smashed in the face while sleeping. Who would want to date a girl who acts like they're gonna beat the crap out of them.

    2. The hair. Black girls with straight hair is extremely attractive. Or maybe curls that hang down, some girls can even pull off some of the crazier hair styles. However, braids, ESPECIALLY corn rows and similar hair styles that show lots of scalp and/or press your hair extremely tight to your head is NOT attractive at all. It's the EXACT opposite, I'd prefer a girl with an afro, I really would. But even better, if your hair isn't too out of control, use a hair straightener. If it's way out there, go for something like Scary Spice's old school hair style.

    (( Example: link ))

    3.Quiet down please. Some black girls are much too loud. Particularly when on the cell phone but often just in general. You come off as obnoxious and egotistical. Basically, it makes everyone around you think you're a total b*tch when you start screaming on the bus about what your girl did with that guy last night or whatever it is.

    4. Stop pretending to be dumb. No, seriously, I am getting really tired of seeing girls pretending to be stupid. Mind you, this applies to EVERY GIRL ON THE PLANET, tho this is sadly ESPECIALLY prevalent among a lot of black girls. Saying things like, "reading is hard" or "why read a book". When asked something simple, do NOT reply in a dismissive manner, "I dunno", "I don't get it", ignore the subject completely thereafter and then get upset when you get treated like an idiot, because that's how you act. If you really don't know something, maybe try and LEARN the answer or ask questions about it. "I don't know", with no further desire to investigate the subject is NOT attractive.

    Sadly, things like BET and MTV encourage behavior that does black girls such a disservice like it's cool to be freaking retarded. Stop watching those two channels and reality TV shows like they often air and you will be better off.

    • 1. I have met very few girls that have this "attitude" that you just described. I don't know ANY black girls that heavily drink and MOST of the black girls I know don't drink or smoke at all. However, I do think there is some truth to what you said about the "tough girl act". Black girls were conditioned to be very strong and opinionated because a lot of black girls grow up without fathers.

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    • Our reputation has completely been tarnished thanks to a couple of bad apples and the ignorant people that choose to believe all black women are like that.

      I stopped watching tv 3 years ago so I have no idea what's going on on MTV and BET but you seem to watch those channels enough to know. Did you ever stop to think about why black girls are they way they are? No one nowadays bothers to educated themselves on anything, they just go with what the media is brainwashing them with.

    • This is what I find, Black men will date the black girl with the attitude. They don't want the nice girls.

  • I can't tell you this isn't true for a lot of people but it isn't true for me I am European mostly also a little bit Asian and I find a lot of black girls attractive both African American and Somalian or other countries. I have crushes on lots of African Muslim girls at my school I love the dresses they wear and the hijab and I find a lot of them to be very smart and nice even if they tend to be more religious than most of the people I hang out with. I don't think its accurate to say black girls are the ugliest. To be honest I am not very attracted to white girls myself some are but in general not my preference. I am a very tan European guy partly Gypsy and I'm kind of a nerd so a lot of white people left me out of their social groups but a lot of black people accepted me as a friend and a lot of black girls have had crushes on me while a lot of white girls seem to treat me like I am a freak. So in general I have found African people both male and female to be more friendly with strangers and less judgemental which makes a lot of sense. Races vary a lot some black girls are very curvy some skinny just like all the other races. I tend to be drawn to curvy girls I am dancing around this so I'm just gonna come out and say this I like big butts I cannot lie on a girl of any race but a lot of African girls have them. As for hair I love peoples hair to be what its supposed to be. If you are Norwegian with long blond hair be proud its beautiful. If you are Latina/Native wear that long black hair don't die it. If you are African with black curly hair be proud wear braids or an afro, I have noticed different African people grow different kinds of hair because just like in Europe people in different countries of the same race look a little different. I wish less black girls got their hair straightened to try to look more white. I am not gonna say straight hair isn't beautiful because it can be but curly hair is beautiful too and no one looks beautiful trying to be someone they're not. The guy ChaosPrefect sounds kinda racist assuming all black girls act a certain way its not true. But the small percentage of African girls that do act way to stereotypical hip hop ghetto are annoying and frankly hard to talk to. I can understand most black slang but not if its said really really fast. Yet again racism means a lot of white men don't think of black girls as marriage material but that doesn't mean they don't think your sexy they just want to exploit black women for sex only. Just remember its really racist people who are missing out not you. As for me I have dated black latino and white women and would definitely consider marrying a black girl if that's where things led. I know that's not really an answer to your question but If Ihad to guess it would be not that black girls are considered in any way less beautiful or sexy just that because of racism some of white men don't even consider black women for serious relationships. Their loss

    • I really appreciate your answer because I had a bad day and reading a couple of the answers below made me feel even worse about it.

      Anyway, I was in no way saying black girls are the ugliest. I think all races are equally beautiful but it does seem like people consider black women the least desirable. I've created fake accounts on online dating sites and I've seen pages and pages worth of guys that check off every race except black (I saw that many black men also do this).

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    • I love you... ^_^

    • Thats cool you should hit me up on AIM sometime my name on there is TheMSMKhan

      Sometimes I feel the same way you do about my "race" I am mixed race so when people keep to their own race I get left out. I'm not any girls ideal guy to take home to their mom and my skin makes people nervous at the airport

  • Let me start out by saying that I'm a mutt of mostly Western European and Hispanic, and I find black girls attractive, and I've had 2 black girlfriends.

    Anyway, my explanation for why some non-blacks view black women as "less desirable" would be because they perceive the following to be true:

    - A large percentage of blacks, and thus black women, are "ghetto." While there are more whites who are poor and "trashy/ghetto" than blacks in the US, the RATIO of ghetto to non-ghetto is far higher among blacks than any other demographic (because there are far more whites than blacks in the US). They don't like "ghetto" anything, and blacks are more likely to be that way.

    - Part of the "ghetto" issue is that promiscuity is far higher in such cultures, which is a negative to people who didn't grow up with ghetto values.

    - Many people grew up in very homogeneous neighborhoods, and so they aren't used to being around blacks, or anyone very different from their own race. Thus, their standards of beauty reflect what they are most familiar and comfortable with. Dark skin, kinky hair, and exaggerated curves seem out of place to them, simply because they aren't used to it. Similarly, a white American will look very out of place in Japan, for the same reason (very homogeneous).

    - Many whites are afraid that if they try to date black women, black men will get angry and become violent with them, which does sometimes happen.

    - Black culture can be quite different from white culture, and many people may think they just won't have enough in common to date. They may not date others who have/maintain a strong, separate culture either.

    - Some are simply racist.

    You'll never win over everyone, but IMO, if you present yourself as a person of respect and integrity, and let people get to know your personality, I think you'll overcome most of the people who initially are skeptical or wary.

    • There's a lot of truth in this answer, I think. I really like that you avoid to over-generalize.

    • Im black but i find black girls undesirable. Part of the reasons has to do with intellect compared to most other white girls.. but the main reason is... WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE in the right mind have an attraction for something that looks exactly like them.. same reason wnhy more white men are going for Asians, or white girls going for black.. it's just because same on colors become mundane and boring after a while when you've got a whole lot of other options that brings versatility into the relationship. IN all honest truths however black girls are seemingly usually the least desireable even among bblakc men. Reason why most black men end up with black women is because thats what they are used to or they know they won't have a chance with any of ther race.. no offense lol. But in conclusion i believe there's everyone for everyone, all you have to do is seek in the right direction.. Black women are most certainly not the ugliest women in the world

    • @Mrpsychic - Wow, you must be a black ugly negro. I feel so sorry for you. Being with a white woman will not make you white. You don't know black men who are even interested in black women. This is why the white man treats black with such disdain. You don;t even respect the women of your race. dumb ass.

  • "but I feel so discouraged when it comes to dating (keep in mind that I live in a predominately white area)."

    That right there is one of your problems. You think it's because there aren't that many blacks around that you that you can't be with someone or that your chances are lower. I did a huge project for a psych class that I was in (my term project/paper). I surveyed some 300 guys and 300 girls of varying race, class, and age (18-27). Out of all the other races and genders of those races, black women were the least open to interracial relationships and inter-religious relationships, and several other things which guys listed as unappealing.

    I have no clue (well not a full, complete one anyways) as to why a large amount of black women are afraid of interracial relationships. I've had black women who have said no to me or avoided me and actually told me upfront "I don't get involved with anyone but a Brotha." Then a week later complain about the lack of men. Not saying you or all black women act that way, but a decent amount do, close themselves off to other prospects for one reason or another. Some people of whatever skin color are just more comfortable keeping within their group, clique or whatever you want to call it. I'm currently with a beautiful black woman and she treats me like a prince and I treat her like she is everything in my world. Some are just more comfortable than others being outside their skin, if you will excuse the pun.

    So my best advice is be yourself, take care of yourself physically, mentally, etc., and if no one is approaching you, find someone you like and go after them.

    • No, I'm very open to interracial relationships (I probably wouldn't have asked this question if I wasn't). I'm also a product of an interracial relationship, but I do know what you mean. When ever my cousin and I are together and I say that a non-black guy is cute she just doesn't see it. She's almost repulsed by non-black guys for relationships. You're right I should just go after anyone I like, but I'm afraid that if he's not black he's not going to think I'm attractive.

    • Everyone has their personal tastes, even within the races, some white guys only like red heads or blondes, tall and thin, or curvy, or whatever. Everyone has their preferences, so is skin color. I know guys who prefer not to be with anyone outside their race, but as you mentioned so do women (like your cousin). If you project confidence and think you're attractive, so will he think of you, if he doesn't the old cliche is still true, there are many more fish in the sea...

  • Honestly, I am speaking with all honesty here and I know this might come off as racist but...

    the ones who really find black women undesirable, are many black men.

    Black men, influenced by Kanye West, Snoop Dogg and other famous, influential black men have taken their influence and decided to discard even the most beautiful black women in favor of any white girl they can get their hands on, they see having a black girl with them as something to bring them down, while a white girl is meant to show that they're a "real man"

    Personally I'm a white guy, I have pale skin, my hair shines blonde when in the sun but usually it looks brown, my eyes are a really light shade of blue and I LOVE black girls, when I see a black girl at the night club, I can barely keep my eyes off her, and when I might be confident while talking to an Asian or white girl, my knees get weak and I start stuttering when talking to a black girl.

    Anyway, the only ones who willfully disregard black women and say black women are ugly are black MEN, us non-black men... either we think you're attractive or we don't, that all comes down to preference, we hold no animosity to you, the vast majority of us wouldn't join a forum just to call black girls ugly, if you're a nice girl, with a nice smile and a healthy body, you'll have white, asian, Indian etc... all kinds of guys clambering over each-other just to be with you, while black men are off chasing some overweight white girl.

  • I think that Black and Indian girls are the most beautiful women in the world. I would choose a black lady over any other, nearly every time.

    Black women have the most stunning facial features, and often stunning bodies. Also black ladies have fantastic hairstyles too, much more alluring than white ladies I think (just my opinion).

    For me the most gorgeous celebrity women on this planet are all black - Beyonce, Brandy, Tyra Banks, Naomie Lenoir, Alicia Keys just to name a few!

    • I think women of all races are beautiful, but there's a small part of me that hopes the beauty standard changes in the favor of dark women so that they can finally get chance to feel beautiful.

    • I agree that woman of all races can be beautful, but black and indian women have a little somehing extra in my eyes that attract me to them far more. I think many famous black women have emerged over the last 10 years in the spotlight and showcased to the world just how stunning black women can be.

  • What's so wrong about having preferences? I'm just not attracted to them, period, end of story. Of course, most attraction is on a subconscious level. Of course you're going to call me a 'racist' simply because I don't date black girls. I just don't. You can't force anyone to like something that they're not attracted to, I can't make all girls around the world like Asian men, just as you can't make all men around the world like black girls. It's just that simple.

    If race is truly a social construct, so let's say a white man and a white woman have a child. The baby comes out black. Now there would be two reasons: The wife cheated on her husband with a black man (most likely), or there is no such thing as race, as you have said before. Because if race is truly a social construct, then two white people, then there is a 50/50 chance that the child will either come out white or come out non-white.

    Now, there are plenty of African albinos (meaning that they are racially black but have white skin). I'm not attracted to African albinos either, because they have many of the same features as black people, the only difference is their skin color. In any case, there is much more to race than just skin color.

    Just because I hold a conservative opinion does not mean you can bash me on the basis of some type of racial insensitivity.

    To answer your question, I just have no idea why. It's just the vibes, my intuition, my subconscious.

    You can't force anyone to like a specific race, just because you happen to disagree with me on the basis of egalitarianism.

    Guys are picky. Girls are picky. They're both picky when it comes to a lot of things, especially what they find attractive. It may sound racist, it may sound prejudicial, but that's their choice. In the end, we're all human with different tastes and differences. If we're all the same, we'd be robots. These differences, even genetic differences, makes a person what he is. So I don't have to sing kumbaya with you, because I choose not to. You can't force anyone to sing kumbaya against their will.

    All I have to say now is that I am happy to be myself, that I'm not part of the sheeple.

    • I'm not calling you racist but do you realize that you were conditioned to believe that no black women are attractive? Your comment about unattractive African features says it all. I am 100% sure that I can find an attractive man in every race.How you feel about black women is exactly how those in control want everyone to feel about black people in general.

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    • Who said anything about politics. You just assume the girl who asked the question is "liberal". Its true few people who are black vote Republican but a lot of Democrats are conservative, a lot of black people are conservative, they are the most religious race But you assume, that mixed race people are liberal. So in your mind all black or mixed race people are "liberal" and you obviously don't like liberals so you don't like black people, so your racist. Sounds like you also don't know an

    • This guy is clearly ignorant. there is an overwhelming consensus in the scientific community that race is not biological. having different physical appearances isn't enough to differentiate human dna from one group to another as entirely different "races." 99.9% of all human dna is identical. race as we know it is a social construct. phenotypes are the physical appearances and adaptations to the environment as early humans migrated out to different regions if I'm not mistaken.

  • deep down many of us like black girls but you have to give thanks to rap,reggae and r&b music videos that make black women look like they only like those guys with tappered and fade hair cuts and dressed like clowns. I'm sorry but I dress like a man and feel like black girls wouldn't give me the time of day...drop the media and those ridiculous music videos and you'll start to realize that men in general like women as long as they look good and smell like candy. we're just looking for a little love...there are racist people out there...but not all of us...racism starts from within one's heart...first start believing that race is not an issue and please do not bring it up on a date when going out with a guy from a different race...i dated a black girl and she could not stop reminding me that she was black this black that...i was just looking to spend time with her...skin color is obvious and it was obvious I didn't have a problem with it. The question is, do YOU have a problem with it? Sorry for being blunt...lets go out sometime...he he...j/k

    • Well yeah, a lot of black women do like those kind of guys, and if they're white or asian they have to look like that for them to like them, but if I'm dating I white guy I want a white guy. I actually don't even like rap and raggae (r&b is alright sometimes). Are you asking me if I have a problem with being black or if I have a problem with other races?

    • I'll just answer both. Obviously I don't have a problem with asians since I'm half, and no problem with white because grown up around mostly white people. Definitely no problem with hispanics,etc. Sometimes I do have a problem with being black because I do feel left out and "different" and sometimes unattractive because of it, but for the most part I'm okay with being black. For the longest time I didn't even realize that I was black.

    • You are correct, the media (which is even supported by African Americans) has done African American women a major disservice. Still, we've yet to do anything to correct the problem.

  • First, no one can lower your self esteem. You chose to lower your self esteem. Self esteem is a choice. You can chose to let the thoughts and ideas of others bother you, or you can chose to rise above it.

    Second, marriage rates say nothing about attractiveness. They're separate issues. Attractive does not automatically equal married any more than intelligent automatically equals a college degree.

    Third, you seem to see yourself as unattractive, and you're looking for validation of that opinion. Guys will write "Black girls have features X,Y and Z that I don't care for." And you'll think, "I have X and Z, my life is over!"

    Fourth, stop comparing yourself to others. Virtually every woman I know is insecure because she compares herself to other girls. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

    Fifth, stop looking for confirmation of racism. It's not a healthy way to spend your time. I had two Asian friends in high school. One thought he couldn't get a date because girls in our mostly white school were racist. The other Asian guy had more sex than anyone I've ever known. If one Chinese guy can get laid by a dozen white girls a year, it proves that race alone had nothing to do with the other guy's lacking love life. Race is only one part of you.

    Sixth,Asking "Why are black girls the least desirable (for non black guys)" presupposes many questionable or erroneous givens. In short, I think your question is logically flawed.

    Seventh, there's nothing about black girls in general that I find inherently unattractive, just as there's nothing in any other race that I find inherently attractive. I think some black girls are incredibly attractive and sexy. Some I'm neutral towards. Others turn me off. But to me, them as an _individual_ is what matters.

  • Perhaps because black women are substantially more violent towards their boyfriends and husbands than the other way 'round.

    A study of FBI statistic found that of all racial or ethnic groups, black men are the *most* likely to be killed by a spouse [Mercy, J. A., & Saltzman, L. E. (1989). "Fatal violence among spouses in the United States, 1975-85" American Journal of Public Health, 79, 595-599.]

    A 1985 study [Hampton, R. L., Gelles, R. J., & Harrop, J. W. (1989). "Is violence in families increasing?" A comparison of 1975 and 1985 National Survey rates. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 51, 969-980] found that black women exhibit three times the rates of violence towards their partners, compared to white women.

    More recent studies found that black women are more likely to attack their boyfriends/husbands than the boyfriends are to attack their wives/girlfriends. [Caetano, R., Schafter, J., Field, C., & Nelson, S. M. (2002). "Agreement on reports of intimate partner violence among white, Black, and Hispanic couples in the United States." Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 17, 1308-1322.]

    or [Clark, M. L., Beckett, J., Wells, M., & Dungee-Anderson, D. (1994). "Courtship Violence among African-American college students." Journal of Black Psychology, 20 (3), 264-281.]

    or [DeMaris, A. (1992). "Male versus female initiation of aggression: The case of courtship violence." In E. C. Viano (Ed.), Intimate violence: interdisciplinary perspectives. (pp. 111-120). Bristol, PA: Taylor & Francis.]

    or [O'Keeffe, N. K., Brockopp, K., & Chew, E. (1986). "Teen dating violence." Social Work, 31, 465-468.]

    or [Rouse, L. P. (1988). "Abuse in dating relationships: A comparison of Blacks, Whites, and Hispanics." Journal of College Student Development, 29, 312-319]

    or [Sorenson, S. B., Upchurch, D. M., & Shen, H. (1996). "Violence and injury in marital arguments: risk patterns and gender differences." American Journal of Public Health, 66 (1), 35-40]

    or... you get the idea.

    By the way, it's not just black girls who are more likely to attack their partners. Hundreds of studies show women tend to use more physical aggression than men do in dating:


    • Thats absurd! you sound ridiculous. yes, there are white guys who may be intimidated by black girls, but violence is not the primary reason for white guys to find black girls least desirable amongst other races. I'm not a white guy and I know that. Unless you wanna say that most white guys are p****s and afraid of getting their ass beat by a black girl so they don't desire them . I don't think so. Your "statistics" are unneccessary and you're over-exaggerating everything. its simply unreasonable.

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    • Yea timberlake, I agree.. people should stand up for themselves.. no matter what race or how innocent or humble they are.. I'm glad that you don't take shhit from anyone.. that's how all girls should be.. I'm sick of girls breaking up with guys and getting back together over and over because he has an emotional cholkhold on her through physical violence.. I have a sister, she is innocent and naive and I can only hope she can stand up for herself when she get into a relationship or in general.

    • Great answer!

  • personally I find them very attractive, the thing is they seem to be the most isolated group of females, except for the "white washed" ones they usually hang out in their own posse, although they are obviously exceptions , they don't usually venture out of their comfort zone, they wait to be approached by guys instead of approaching them themselves, and if they do , usually only black guys, and the media usually portrays them in a bad light, they are either they crazy ghetto fabulous chicks on the news or they are music video groupies, american media at least european media is a little different with a lot more innterracial dating, me personally I find all ethinicites beautiful, even had a stage where I had a stronger interest in black women , to me gabrielle union and leona lewis are the most beautiful girls in the world, but yea at the end of the day, looking past social stigmas, if a black girl is cute and level headed then most of the time she's going to be considered a hottie, but that doesn't mean that all black women have to be beautfiul, ethnicity doesn't come into play in beauty

    • I love white guys like you, Not because you like black girls but you know have a better understanding of things and you are in touch with your self and you know why you feel the way you do about black womenunlike these men with all the crazy weird excuses for not liking Black girls like hair texture and vagina color! they are just insecure men and have issues. I would rather respect someone that's outright racist that a self hating person that has no real explanation for feeling the way they do.

  • Imo, I feel that black women are the most harshly stereotyped people (race + gender) in this country. For some reason, the masses tend to believe the small sample of black women that he/she interacted with in their lives, or seen on TV, embodies ALL black women. :-X

    Sure, there are definitely some black women that I find un-datable...but then again, there are many women that I would find un-datable, regardless of race.

    I'm very attracted to black women. I love the physical features of a black woman. I usually go for the thicker ones, since I'm a big guy.

    I like their mental strength. I need a woman like that because I can tend to dominate a recessive person. However, she has to be feminine (as in "girly") at the same time. Nails done, makeup, feminine clothing style, effeminate demeanor, etc.

    Since I'm a pretentious college graduate (lol), she needs to stimulate my mind in an intellectual manner. I'm quite an analytical person, so I need someone who can mentally "hang" with me.

    I'm in love with a cutesy, smart, dark-skinned, thick & effeminate black woman. I'm lucky to have her. :)

  • Black girls have a big PR problem, and since most social circles are quite racially segregated, many guys will never even befriend a black girl in their lives. So all they have to go on are the immensely negative stereotypes.

    If it makes you feel any better, I like black girls.

    • What do you mean by PR problem? Many guys will befriend black guys in their lives, so why are they unable to befriend black girls? Black girls are far more unlikely to be accepted by other races. We are the outcasts in American society. There are so many negative stereotypes about black guys but they are more accepted for some reason. At least black guys aren't desexualized in the way that black girls are. Well black girls were hypersexualized in the not so distant past but now it has changed.

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    • While guys may not like the idea of a black girl in the abstract, individuals can often overcome negative stereotypes. While there may be an initial barrier and you may have to work harder than a typical cheerleader blonde type who gets a free pass, I doubt guys would turn you down if you had some universally attractive traits (toned body, symmetrical face, fun personality). If they still can't see beyond your race, then they're weak sh*t and not worth a girl's time.

    • "big PR problem" lol

  • But anyway today I met the sweetest girl and she happened to be black. Of course due to my perpetual shyness towards any female of the human species...after all the flirting and question asking, all I did was shake her hand and tell her "you are so nice" and walked away. She was a true ray of sunshine in my usual gloomy cloud covered day. lol. Yep, I;m a dick sometimes. sad but true.

    • Yeah, I think we all see that ad.

      Aww, you should have asked for her number. If I was her I would have been happy if you did.

      Well if you got a chance to see her again what would you do?

      Oh and I noticed that it says you're from New York. I'm from a predominantly white neighborhood complete with racists and everything. So that could be it. Well I appreciate your answer.

  • I totally agree with Taylor415! Look, I'm a black guy, and I'm not proud of myself when I say it is mostly a matter of sexual features. The straight analysis of Taylor415 is exactly how I feel, those features are just what turns me off from black girls. But I know they turn on some other dudes, there's every taste in the nature. Maybe because I've been exposed (Like many people I know) to the white beauty standard in movies and to be more exact, p*rn, I tend to associate beauty with some of the physical features more common in white girls. Because, yeah, there are physical differences between white girls and blacks. Not for all, but for the most part, certain obvious differences like nose shape, lips, hips, hair. I like the caucasian type of hair, and I've never met a black girl, or asian who had that kind of hair that so much turns me on! Never! I think it's just unique to Caucasian girls. And as far as I'm concerned, the great diversity that comes with white girls is really great. Consider this: they have dark black hair, brown(brunettes), yellow, red, and even in those categories, there are different shades as well, and then the diversity with the eyes: blue, green, brown, black... I think that's just really attractive.

    Ok, I'm way off topic(We're talking abt Black girls, aren't we?). I still find some Black girls attractive (I don't mind dating a Black girl who has many of the features I look at in a girl). But then, what is a turnoff is the attitude. Most Black women I meet carry that nasty attitude that just says "Trouble" wherever they go. There is a difference between a strong woman and a nasty woman, and more often Black chicks fall in the latter category. For me, a woman needs to be soft and feminine. That may sound ridiculous and outdated, but in fact, I think many guys are like me. We want women, not dudes, to have romance with. We want them not to be violent, as it is a trait well too characteristic of the male genre. But most of the Black girls I see around aren't like that. Another thing that is a must to me is for the girl to have some "culture". I mean, she doesn't have to know quantum physics on her fingertips or have written books on abstract impressionism, but be able to engage in some profound discussion about something and be able to speak properly (No ghetto-talk). If a girl is good-looking, soft and feminine, and has culture, I don't give a f**k if she's black, white, yellow, red or blue, I'll go for her. But once again, I don't usually meet black girls having that mix of features, which is why, by experience, I don't usually go after them

    • Hmm...well I wasn't really looking for your opinion since you're a black guy, but I'm really confused. You do know you're black right? So you have the same features that are a turnoff lol. I think black girls and asian girls have way more diversity than white girls. Black girls specifically can have skin colors from light tan to pretty much black. Black girls can have wavy, curly, and kinky hair. Blonde, red, brown, and black hair too.

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    • you have the same nose ass we do! so you dis-like yourself

    • LOL Ya know its funny, its all relative, attraction is relative and subjective. I know white dudes who said they can't stand white women, say they are plain, sneaky, face alien like wrinkle early, look old early, All of you are funny! I think all people are beautiful depending on their individual features. Well the white guys I know laugh and tell me they must be black in a white body so my dear I guess you are really a white man in a black body LOL but I get you though some blk girls are harsh.

  • Wow, some of these comments are incredibly hurtful or even downright racist. And some of the entitled girls here who don't have to deal with this bullsh*t are accusing you of making this up when it is a very real problem.

    You are right, on average, men are less willing to date a Black woman. Women are also less willing to date an Asian man (I'm an Asian man). One way to see this is the interracial marriage data gathered in the last census show that there are way more Black men / Asian women in interracial marriages than their opposite sex counterparts. But I think a lot of it is a result of negative stereotypes perpetuated by society, mainly media. Black women are commonly portrayed as loud, attitude-y, uneducated, and overall masculine. Asian men are commonly portrayed as nerdy, weak, bad with women, submissive, and overall feminine. It's fine to have preference but it's not okay to be like "I don't date Black girls," that's called being racist. There are obviously differences on average, mainly in physical appearance. But they are not different enough to justify completely discounting an entire race of women. For instance, you can't say you don't like Black girls at all just because a lot of them are obese. A lot does not mean all. And like you said, many of these preferences are racist ideas people got from the media.

    Speaking of physical differences, I am actually an Asian man that has a preference for Black women. Here is what I (generally) find physically attractive about them. Black girls...

    -look good without makeup. This is like the biggest thing; it's always shocking how much more attractive White and especially Asian women can look with the right makeup. If all girls looked as they do when waking up (without makeup), I think more people would see the beauty in Black women. It's nice when your woman looks good all the time, not just with her makeup on.

    -have big beautiful lips

    -have beautiful eyes

    -are curvy and thick. I'm not a fan of skinny girls. I don't like belly fat and I'm not a chubby chaser, I just like fat in the right places.

    -have proportionally longer legs

    -have beautiful skin tone (I like dark skin)

    I hope this helps.

  • I know this is an old post but people are still finding and reading it so here:

    Black women are some of the most desirable women in the world. That is why we have been mixed with so many races, French, Spanish, Dutch, etc. Why did so many Slave Masters visit the black woman's coveted vagina? Even in her raw beauty of uncombed hair and ragged cloths made from hemp men of all races found her irresistible. Just take a look at history, not His -Story.

    Did white mother raise her little white children? No sir, guess who raise her little white babies? Mamie. You want to know why? Not only was the black woman most desirable for her beauty and sexuality but she was also thought to be better suited as mother to young offspring's of little white children. I could go on and on but I don't have the time. I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of hate but just look at history, it tells it's own story. No hot irons, no make up, in some cases not even a bath! so how did some of us get light and damn near white is she is so undesirable.

    It's a part of mental slavery and mental bondage that we need to break away from and recognize the black woman for everything she was, everything she is, and everything she will be. Big Dre

  • I'm a 34 year old white guy.

    It's probably NOT because they aren't attracted to the color of your skin, facial features, body type, etc.

    Some guys (especially non-black guys) are afraid of what other people might think, because of racists that they've encountered in the past who have made them feel insecure about admitting that they are attracted to black women. I think the same thing goes for black women when it comes to dating outside of their own race too. The general population of blacks are just as racist as whites when it comes to seeing their women date outside of their race.

    The reason black guys go for white women, Asian women, etc instead of black women, is because they have a fetish. Plain and simple.

    Or, they want to try something that they think is taboo (especially considering how racism made white girls etc unattainable to black men for so long in the past). It builds their self esteem to know that they can have women of other races. But although it has become more accepted for black men to date outside of their race, black men still expect black women to keep to their own - which isn't fair.

    Finally, there's the whole 'ghetto' stereotype that stops some people from dating black women. Also, some guys are afraid because they've heard how high the AIDS rate is in the black community and guys love to sleep around - so it scares them. That could be a factor as well. Even though realistically, the chances of getting AIDS from ANYONE is about 1 in 2000. Even if you sleep with someone who has AIDS unprotected, the odds of getting it are 1 in 200. (Of course these figures are only estimates made by researchers).

    However, I personally think black girls are superior to all other women. Because they are the most unique women on the planet. You can't get much more different than a black girl. So beautiful. So exotic. Black women just drive me crazy. If I met you I would probably be all over you.

    So don't feel bad. You're actually the MOST attractive of all women. It's just that non-blacks are still "insecure" about dating black women because of racist bullsh*t, and black guys are too busy chasing the exotic (women of other races that they know were once unattainable to black men). I really think some black men are still insecure about being black because of America's past, so they date other races because it's empowering to them to know that they can get from a white girl for example. To their minds, it's like driving a rolls royce. Little do they know it's the black women who are the rolls royce. :)

    So there you have it. That's why I think black women have gotten the short end of the stick in all directions. If you want to change it, start actively seeking men outside your own race and encourage your friends to do the same. (not just for my personal gain haha). Because if more black women did that, the lines between race would start to blur. Putting black girls on a more level playing field.

    • totally agree it comes from white males that live in predominately white society are afraid of what their friends might think a lot of the time

  • God made black women first, and made the rest outta what was left over! I'm a white guy, but I wouldn't even consider dating, or marrying, anyone but a black woman. Maybe I'm all wet, but I find in most black women a great amount of inner strength yet a certain unique sensitivity or vunerablility. It's hard to explain, but it's there in Aces. For what ever reason, I just feel more at ease, more comfortable, with black people in general. I'm one of only two white guys at my church of over 300, but I'm always treated as jan equal. Actually, I may get a little more attention, as folks don't want me to feel like a minority. LOL

    • Thanks for your kind words.

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    • I grew up in a Midwest town full of African Americans. From a social stand point I noticed many were more interested in sex than being educated so I never felt a spark with most. The ones I have dated were rude and aggressive in the relationship. Speaking physically I find that the vast majority have strange, large, unappealing proportions. Ass, hips, breasts, lips, either fat or bulky muscle build. What bothers me the most is the hair, always greesier than most, thick, and rough. I like the feeling of silky hair and gentle features. But this is my issue.

    • Two racist morons, with noggins full of lard and wanting the whole world to know it! TWEEDLEDUMB and TWEEDLEDUMBER!!

  • Guys, like girls, have their individual ideas of what they find attractive in the opposite sex. As for me, being a Black man, I have dated Black women and can honestly say that the stereotype of Black women being "ghetto fabulous" is not true. Yes there are some who fit the criteria, but I know it doesn't fit the mold for the women I dated. When I was dating black women, I tend to go for the light skinned educated Black woman. Unfortunately, many other Black men seem to go after these type of Black women as well (light skinned.) Many of the Black women I dated often knew this and it created a "diva" like mentality and they often milked it for what it was worth. Once I realized that dating this type of woman was more about how much you were willing to spend on them and not about the romance, I decided to expand my dating pool to other races. I dated White, Hispanic and Asian women, all which have their own set of positives and negatives. I also know that people think Black women have attitudes and other women don't. Let me educate you guys on a little something. If you piss off any woman, she will make it known she is unhappy, though some Black women tend to be a little louder, more confrontational and combative when doing it. Point is all women, and men have attitude. Its part of our personality traits. It just may take a little more to set some of us off than others, but its there.

    When I started dating other women besides Black, I found that I saw physical facial features I love in each ethnic group. Don't get me wrong, I think each ethnicity has beautiful women within it, but for the features I was drawn more, led me to lean more toward foreign ethnic women, mostly Asian and Hispanic.

    As I see it, with all I have learned I decided that if all women can possess attitude, I wanted to go for the woman who possessed the most facial features I am attracted to. I tend to love women who don't require or use excessive make-up, don't wear contacts to change the color of their eyes, wear their own natural nails instead of the cosmetic nails and wear their own natural hair, instead of weaves.

    My best friend, who is also my girlfriend, now fiancée and soon to be wife is Asian and I would ever consider dating anyone else as she completes me. not only does she possess the facial features I love, but our personalities are so close to each other naturally, that we seldom have disagreements.

    The bottom line is, since there is beauty in everyone, you need to seek out what makes you look and feel most beautiful about yourself. Once you find that, your esteem will rise and that will resonate to those around you. You can't expect for others to find you beautiful if you have low self esteem. Find what makes you happy and let that be your baseline. It will also help you find out who is most important to you because those who don't like it won't like you any better or worse and those who do will be more than glad to be around and court you

    • You state there's beauty in everyone but you never attempted to date darker hues of black women. Doesn't that sound a bit redundant coming from you? I'm not knocking your preference but i find it funny you choose to use both sides of your mouth.

    • Actually Cicime84 he clearly stated that he has dated quite a few black women in the past.

  • iight foreal if anything I find black women to be more desirable over all other races I always have and I'm puerto rican there's jus something about them, they seem more confident and independent and I love that about them they don't take bullsh*t they're fly and they're more real than any other race I've been wit straight up (no offense) that's why I'm wit a black girl right now yooo! forget what everybody else gotta say I love black women

  • That’s a fascinating question.

    I guess it comes down to biology. We are just socializing mammals, and for most of human existence, we’ve only lived in small groups. It’s only been in the last 10,000 years or so (a mere blink of the eye in geological timescales) that we’ve started to live in gatherings of more than a few hundred. Back then every group was competing for the same resources, so it made evolutionary sense to be wary of strangers. If somebody wandered into your village, who looked different from your people, they were considered a threat.

    So we are genetically predisposed to be attracted to people who look somewhat like us. And to fear those who are different.

    In more recent times we’ve been forced to live in bigger and bigger groups and during the last hundred years, in far more diverse groups. Which means that a lot of us have managed to overcome that predisposition,

    Personally, I am a white guy living in a very multi-cultural city. I consider myself to be very liberal, and have friends from all races. I have seen plenty of beautiful Black women, Asian women, Mediterranean women, Arabic women... And I recognise their beauty. But I’m not sexually attracted to it.

    But there’s absolutely no denying that deep down inside my brain, that I find girls who look like me more attractive than girls who don’t.

    I’m sure that black guys find black girls hotter than others

    And Asian dudes dig on Asian chicks.

    That’s not to say that some people can’t overcome this programming –thank goodness they do. It makes the world a far more interesting place.

    • ooh BULLSHIT. If you fear those who are different why do you love gingers? I don't see brunettes having issues with blond folk? Bc incase you haven't noticed; many white dudes bitch about Latinas being sexy. So why is that not the same for black women? They are all sick and you are all twisted

  • I'm a white male republican, very conservative, and don't find black girls hideous or anything like that. People who say stuff like that are just being petty, taking out their anger on an online forum because it can't be traced back to them. I have met a few attractive black girls I wanted to date very badly - one was a cowgirl from TX - problem is they didn't want to date me hahahaha.

    Black guys not wanting black women? Eh I hear that from white girls when they see a white guy with an asian girlfriend - like he's "going the easy route" or some sh*t like that. I was with an asian girl for quite awhile and heard those sorts of things from lots of girls.

    As far as school goes, schools are war zones and whichever group is least represented will be the most ostracized. It's just a fact of life that you'll have to deal with - it's not fun but that's just the way things are.

    To be honest you shouldn't be worrying about stuff like that, racial statistics, what weirdos say on message boards, that sort of thing. It's all a bunch of BS. Just be yourself - being black doesn't doom you to failure any more than being short, tall, thin, fat, whatever.

    • That was extremley rude. You need to get a life. I honestly feel bad for you. "Human skin color is white? You must have be blind!!!

    • @Luvglee: you are an idiot. This man had a perfectly reasonable answer and explanation. Next time, comment on the right f'ing answer.

    • Im a black girl and I think you are very educated like some of the guys here. It makes sense what you say. I think its the nasty ghetto loud" Loquishas with the unstable necks and man attitudes" that give refined black girls a bad rep. But please remember the same way some guys take out anger on these forums and say bad things about these girls is the same reason some black girls are so effeminate. It has to do with history, being ostracized and having to "bear a heavy load in life.

  • its going to sound racist, because it is. my idea female image is slender with a tight rear and small chest. reverse that image and you have the general black women shown by the media and usual films. I live in n.h., and here we don't have much ethnic diversity, so any other races seem truly exotic, and not all of us like exotic. I don't dislike AA women, they just don't excite me

    • You allow the media to shape your perceptions? Black girls come in every size and body shape just like all of the other races of women! I don't understand why people can't even see black women as human beings. We're just like everyone else.When I went to class today I noticed something...there are no fat black girls in my class. All of the fat girls are white. I'm slender and I have a small chest. Actually white girls are known for having big chests. Black girls are known for having big butts.

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    • Hmm odd, until I answered you I never really considered it, I've grown up in an interesting way, family is entirely odd, no 2 people the same. race has never truly been something I even cared enough to notice, until it came to dateing. problem with America today, people like me. the sad part, nothing I can do to change it, its how I've been programmed.

    • At least this guy admits he's racist. I would have a bit more respect for racists (okay not really) if they were just honest with themselves. own that sh*t guys lol just be real with yourselves and everyone else.

  • They're not the least attractive. But you're talking about a predominantly white nation having a preference towards predominantly white women.

    It's interesting all the generalizations about black women. A lot of such generalization, like the attitude or the weight, come from how black Americans are socialized by each other and the media. They are still recovering from a past so traumatic is sends ripples through the entire race.

    But it's rather ironic to generalize blacks: Nearly all of the genetic variety in the human species is in Africa and in blacks around the world. Europe, for instance, is the most genetically-homogeneous continent on the planet. The Germanic nations even more so.

    So you can expect that white people would have a preference for white features. And TBH, the stereotypical black woman (Loud-mouthed, KFC-eating, finger-waving, generously-sized woman.) repulses me to no end. But since when were all black women like that?

    Here are some women I find quite attractive:

    Aisha Tyler:


    Halle Berry:


    Michelle Obama:

    Not as much physically, but I think she's awesome.

    Esperanza Spalding:


    To finish it off, I have a question for women, then. What do WOMEN have against Asian men? Asian men seem to be viewed as the least desirable men.

    I've heard enough times "How did that Asian guy end up with a white girl? Like THAT can ever happen." To which I reply "Okay, sure...but they get Asian women!"

    • I PERSONALLY DO NOT have a problem with Asian men. In fact, I am absolutely crazy for them!!! From personal experiences, I have been ridiculed for obsessing with Asian men, from women of different backgrounds. Basically, the stereotypes fall into place. It's sickening... It's from the same women that say, "Men don't like me because I'm too fat, I'm too ugly..." But you just did the same external thinking to that Asian man that could have been amazing, etc. I don't get it. I want my future husband to be Asian, I don't want to talk a lot, but my heart is in Korea; both North and South and I plan I marrying someone from there too <3

    • Asian men are super sexy, it's just that most of them cannot date outside of their race because of their heritage, so I just assume he's unavailable. It's hard for me to find an Asian boyfriend, and believe me... I want one!

    • Hah michelle is an intersex person and she's got a penis

  • I think in general most people are attracted to people that look similar to themselves. Of course there are tons of exceptions, but as a general rule I think that holds. This probably holds true in terms of the way we act and the like also. I don't mean to stereotype all black people because I know there is a large diversity, but for many there is a distinctive black culture. For most people today I don't think it is a conscious racism, just that it is natural to be more attracted to people we see and think are the same as us.

    You noted in your question and I think it is accurate that media portrayal of beauty standards has something to do with that--even black models seem to have more "white" characteristics (Tyra Banks, Vanessa Williams, Rihanna, etc.).

    The marriage thing has a lot to do with history and policy that have led to single mothers being more common than among other racial groups. Under slavery marital unions were often broken up among slaves for business and other reasons. In more modern times the former welfare laws contributed to higher rates of single mothers. Up until welfare reform happened under Bill Clinton it was much more difficult for a family to obtain welfare assistance if there was a man in the house. And because of socioeconomic issues it was not uncommon that black men were not able to obtain and maintain high enough paying jobs to adequately support a family. These factors provided incentives against getting married.

    I think the history of racism does also hold some sway as far as interracial marriages are concerned. Just two generations ago interracial marriages were strongly discouraged in many areas of the country. It takes at least 2-3 generations for those kinds of ideas to change.

    If it means anything from a self-esteem point of view, I dated black girl and I find many black women very attractive. I would date more if I hadn't already met and married the love of my life (who happens to be hispanic).

    • Asian cultures are distinctive too but there's not that much negativity towards those cultures. People will even turn positive characteristics of black culture into negatives. Why are black men more attractive to people outside of their race than black women?

      Also, I don't think Tyra and Rihanna have white characteristics. Vanessa Williams yes.

      Well everything seems to work against black women. I guess it sucks to be born a black girl.

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    • Ahhh, I'm sorry. That was not my intention. I don't get the Asian fascination because it doesn't register for me. I don't find Asian girls especially attractive, and culturally they are just too dissimilar for there to be a connection for me. There are beautiful Asian people, true, but there are also many beautiful black people. I see beautiful black girls everyday at the university. You will find somebody that is attracted to you and loves you for you.

    • I've asked why black men are more likely to date outside of their race than black women to my friends. They said something interesting: black men exhibit a lot of the stereotypical manly ideals: strength, masculinity, power. Women are ideally supposed to be delicate and fair, and black women tend to fall at the opposite of this spectrum. Socially, we just get certain things beaten into us and it will take a long time for these unjust archetypes to be undone.

  • first off I would presume you live in the "good ole us of a"...=tons of racism. not so much here in canada and I can speak for myself when I say I LOVE black women. send me a pic if you REALLY want me to judge funstuff01@hotmail.com but seriously, fk em if they ain't into you, racist bastards

  • More from Guys

What Girls Said 233

  • I think that's ridiculous to say an entire group of people are ugly. Everyone looks different. Of course there are similarities. Black women have their assets just like any other race. Full lips, dark eyes, curvy figure. That sounds like today's ideal beauty to me. And I wouldn't worry about fitting in with the ideal beauty anyway, we all know they are impossible standards. What's more ideal is to accept our own beauty, no matter what.

    I've not experienced this thing about black women not being as beautiful. Partly because I'm white, so I'm just oblivious to it. But maybe being in a predominately white area they see you as different and unfamiliar and are afraid. When you are at a point in your life to move, look for a place with lots of diversity, you will find accepting people that won't think being black is so different.

    My best friend in college was a black girl and she preferred white men. And we noticed that typically white men see black women as "exotic". And she had many dates and boyfriends, but rarely long term relationships because these men were looking to get to have sex with "the black girl".

    I really have no clue why all this is, but I wanted to give my most honest answer. I'm sorry you have to experience this, I think black women do have a hard role to play in life, and it makes them stronger and more independent and perhaps superior women.

    • I also forgot to add my friend is currently in a serious long-term relationship with a white man. So, while in her youth she had more trouble, as she got older men weren't so superficial I guess.

    • No...they are not afraid of me. They'll be nice to me and be my friend but they won't even consider me or another black girl for a girlfriend.

  • The anonymous under 18 female is very accurate.

    Studies have shown we go for people that look like us, e.g. I myself as a dark haired white dominant facial features female go for males who fit the same type. Its not deliberate, I just do. Though I do sometimes go for darker men too, I find some Turkish, Persian and Arab men physically attractive but cultural differences put me off.

    Best way to assess this is thinking about people born in your country. I think I'd date British Indians no questions asked, British Carribeans and Jamaicans again, I like their features and skin colour is not what puts me off. I once got with a pretty dark Indian guy cos he was south Indian. I go for features like mine though, so yeah, a straight, dominant nose is part of what I like. But I reject as many Celtic looking white men for that as I would non whites.

    Now to answer why others find black girls unattractive... I will be honest and repeat discussions I have had with friends:

    Man 1: (white british, 24) He adores Zambians and African women in general. He just thinks they posess a natural beauty, striking big eyes and full smiles that white, asian or Indian women cannot compete with.

    Man 2: (white british, 25) Says northern Africans are the most beautiful. He has never got with a black woman though and generally prefers white women, he finds them "safer" and less likely to have other issues.

    Man 3: (academic indian living in europe, 31) Says Indian women are the most beautiful, he goes completely for the face and thinks Indian women represent the artistic ideal. He has also got with white women too when he likes their faces. He doesn't like black women and he has no real explanation for it, they just fail to turn him on. He also doesn't like oriental/asian women because he says they look androgenous and have small breasts and bums.

    Man 4: (white german, 30) Has only got with white women, he is not opposed, its just never happened any other way.

    Various other men from various places have said that they would only get with their own race plus white. I think the anon answer is correct, it is just because the white woman has become idealised because of the white dominated media and porn industry. Also in many cultures, pale is seen as better, so whites automatically escape any colour prejudice. Also yeah there is this kinky dominance thing. In Germany I saw some ok looking Turkish boys with hideous German girlfriends - its just a status thing. I find it weird, the assumption we are better I am assuming cos they think we are richer and higher in status, when in actual fact a lot of the girls these guys pick are lower than themselves.

    I'm no white supremecist or nationalist, but I say stick to your own nation, culture, class and religion wherever possible. I lived in Germany for two years, and there are a lot of guys out there just wanting to tick a box on their world map. Don't be someone's novelty, be with an equal.

    If there are nice black guys, date them.

    • Well what do you have to say about the people who have limited or no racial preference? I can't help but think that the whole racial preference idea is flawed.

      Hmm, well I'm a product of an interracial relationship and I'm sure there were some mixing further back in family tree too, so technically I'm only black because white people say so. So I'm already screwed up. My features aren't even african at all, the only thing black about me is my hair and skin. So where does that leave me?

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    • When you say someone should "be with an equal" it makes me wonder. All humans are equal regardless of national origin, skin color, religion, or what ever.

    • Yeah, and it would be nice if the rest of the world thought that way.

      I mean someone who views you as an equal. I've fallen foul of people who only really wanted me for either my personality or the fact they find England cool. They didn't view me as an equal, they viewed me as a novelty.

      The only way to avoid this is to stick with people of the same background.

      Which is shit for me because I have a thing for Arab guys... I just find them the most physically attractive....!

  • There are attractive black woman and unattractive white women. I think black women get a lot of BS put on them from the way media portrays African American women. Like look and Beyonce and Tyra Banks. Yes both are beautiful black women but both have very white features and work very hard to obtain that type of look. Then you have a beautiful black woman like Alex Wek ( a runway model) who is straight out of Africa and one of the most strikingly beautiful women I have ever seen IMO. I think the media takes so many beautiful black women and tries to fit them into a white mold. Therefore other black women that don't look white enough question their beauty because of it. I have many black friends that are drop-dead gorgeous and a lot of them don't realize it because they feel like they don't fit societies standards. I even have a half and half friend that people do double takes at and she still straightens her beautiful curly hair and wears blue contacts to cover her honey colored eyes. I just don't get it. The world is just messed up today. I love people who look unique and different. I think women just have it bad no matter what with all the pressure put on us. Black women have it even worse because of stereotypes place on them and the pressure to look white. Again though, black woman are just as beautiful as white woman, as are Hispanics and every race in between. Everyone race has beautiful and unique features and needs to embrace them not matter what pressures society puts on them.

    • Beyonce & tyra don't have "white features".

      Full lips. Nice butts. Curves.

      Where are the white features you speak of in these woman?

      They seem to have positive attitudes with nice bodies.

      You may not have meant it the way I'm taking it, but that was kind of racist.

      I agree that the media puts a strain on some features, but what makes them features of white females?

      Because the majority of white females don't even have these features.


      A Loving Black Man

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    • So you'd argue that by her getting a nose job, which many blacks don't often do, is her attempting to "look" more white? And this is factual information?

      Oh I get it, she doesn't want to enhance her looks, she wants to be more white?

      So some how you feel she wants a "whiter" nose?

      She's not trying to meet the mold of "white", but rather perfection.

      White women don't have perfect noses. That's why the are always getting a nose job. Its not a white feature.


      A Loving Black Man

    • Yer beyonce has completely changed and looks more "white" or "superficial" : https://news.makemeheal.com/images/beyonce-plastic-surgery3.jpg

  • I'm white, and I've seen many black girls whose beauty I envied. But any man who would not date a woman based on her appearances alone is shallow.

    I've noticed something about the black community, however, and I don't mean to generalize--many times, it seems that black women are viewed in a more demeaning and less respectful way by their own families and communities, with young girls being raised with the mentality that they have to catch a man and keep him happy. This is somewhat less true for whites. Again, I'm generalizing, and correct me if I'm wrong. But I'm a salesclerk and I see and deal with all kinds of people. I've seen black men treat their girlfriends like they were lucky to have any kind of male attention at all. This is as much her problem as it is his. Her acceptance of his treatment of her just perpetuates it.

    For an intelligent, educated, and pretty black woman such as you seem to be, you should not have any problem finding someone who values you for who you are.

    One last thing--for every rule, there is an exception. For instance, it's thought that most men prefer women with big breasts. And maybe they do, but that isn't stopping the millions of small-breasted women in the world from finding people who love them and value their beauty. So even though you may think that many men find black women unattractive, there are just as many men who think they're beautiful--or who, most importantly, judge women on an individual basis rather than as a group.

  • As a black girl in the suburbs, I see where you're coming from. I'm more likely to get called fat because I have a big ass, even though I would even if I was really skinny (people in my family are really skinny and have the same problem; it's a genetic thing, I guess). As for the facial structure comments I've been hearing, enough with the generalizations. People can't control their gene pool, or their skin color. And the attitude/accent thing. Seriously? I know a black girl who got into both Dartmouth and Yale, and not just because she's a minority female. She has impeccable English and is one of the smartest and nicest people I know. And I spend my days surrounded by mostly white people, and she goes to school in the city. Plenty of black girls don't look like apes. As for skin color, well, it's a matter of preference, but I really hope that's not the only reason someone would turn down someone else.

    The attractiveness thing really comes from stereotypes that are portrayed through music videos, especially rap videos. Fun fact: 70% of rap is bought by white men. So, all those guys that are saying all this crap about black women, it's probably your fault they're portrayed like this, because the media conforms to its customers. Ok, I'm black, a virgin, no STDS, and I won't have sex until I'm married. I know the STD rate is high in black women. Look where slavery and racism put us. Black women are in the ghetto, with several siblings, and parents that are too busy working to pay attention to what they do. In Europe, there is not this problem, especially not in France, because they've heard of a little thing called "tolerance." Some people need to get some, on both sides of the racism issue. It's not the skin color; it's the demographic. In the ghettos and slums, there's always going to be vice, and there just happens to be a lot of black people in the ghettos and slums. Thank you, racist idiots. You are causing a cycle that cannot be broken between racism, horrible portrayal of the black community, and people conforming to the stereotypes.

    I have only dated white guys, but only because I don't know a lot of black guys. I mean, I look for personality before skin color. And I'm VERY selective, because there are so many arrogant guys in general. Of all races. And there are bitchy annoying girls of all races. It depends who you ask for preference, but I think the real reason is that white guys in the suburbs hear all the stereotypes, and believe them. It sucks, but what can we do? If you're gonna be rejected for your skin color, then the guys aren't worth it.

    • I completely agree with you. Black women definitely have it the hardest. I'm not even full black and I feel that way. I really hope things change...but I don't see that happening any time soon.

  • The world has become an awful sh*t show in some aspects and you shouldn't let it get to you...trust me. I'm african and I have heard it all. Dark skin just has a baddd rap. Media and overall ignorance is to blame.I think it's awful to watch shows( that project a very stereotypical black character)and then base your opinions of AAs off of that. Just like it's ignorant to live in a small town and say,"The couple of black people I came across had attitudes and now I'm just not attracted to black girls. Personalities are based on so many factors..environment,life experiences etc..and that goes for everyone of every race. Then you have those who talk about the way we LOOK. They don't like our boobs,butts,noses,skin color etc. Fine.Thats your preference. But the irony is

    natural dark skin gets a thumbs down,meanwhile folks are roasting in the sun to become DARKER. Only to know that their skin is going to become permanently damaged as they age but who cares eh? Folks are flocking to the doc to get collagen injections to make their lip larger! Would ya look at that?! Butt implants,Boob implants etc. Things that a lot of dark women naturally have,others covet and they buy it. But because of our dark skin,we aren't necessarily acknowledged for a lot of positive attributes..physically or otherwise. Enough with the superficial physical aspect,i just had to address it. Racism/prejudice is unfortunately buried deep into the Americas soil. Dark skin has always been thought of as the "lesser". But other parts of the world is different...more receptive even. It's unfortunate that some folks are using this forum to express their racism and predjudices,but at least they are being honest. I say,learn to love every inch of you! You are Gods creation so you are beautiful.

  • im part black and I just want to say thank you for this question. I don't usually have a problem attracting the guys I want but I know it is an issue - narrow views on beauty and racism toward us. seriously though this question is astounding. I've never read so much anti-black women bashing and open racism in one place in a long time. bravo kids lol it really just shows you how far off we are from being the post racial utopia some people think we live in. racism is very real and in the hearts of many (dare I say most?) people who wouldn't usually admit to it in person. so that's why we have the internet :D

    i think european standards of beauty and the degrading of african beauty is at the heart of it. its everywhere. nappy hair? fix it? darker skin? ew. p*rn allows men to examine womens bodies easier and see the image of sexiness being promoted I think. also racism in the form of stereotypes and cultural superiority come in. we are stereotyped as having certain attitudes, certain habits. traditional ideas on female submissiveness and docility also play a part and how many bw these days don't fit that mold. lots of things. ironically, white women with the same personality traits that are stereotyped as being common in bw won't be judged as harshly. its just reality I guess in a world build on racism.

    • Thanks for your answer. I guess I just have to accept it because I don't see anything changing (it actually seems to get worse). That's why I get so angry when people say that racism doesn't exist and everyone's equal now. Only people that aren't affected by it would say that.

  • oh good god. girl with your self esteem you really shouldn't have asked this question. I can definitely relate to how you're feeling. I'm a black girl (half white though) and I went to predominantly white schools and I remember feeling the exact same way. once I learned more about our history in this country, racism, blacks in the media, etc. I started to love myself more because I understood things a bit better. I have dated several white guys but I'm not so foolish to think most of them are into black girls. a hell of a lot of them are not attracted to us.

    you can see the racism in like half the answers on this page girl. that should speak loudly enough for you to understand that not everyone is on the same level mentally and ignorance is like a cancer pretty much killing one mind at a time when it comes to race and culture. do not obsess over this because it will break you. I know. the thing you have to accept is that there is virtually nothing you can do about it. just be yourself. sure, present yourself well enough but don't feel like every action has to be a direct contradiction to the stereotype held high for us. I'm very loud. I know this is a stereotype but its how I am and I'm not going to change that just because a bunch of ignoramuses think we are the loudest. if there aren't any white guys who like you for you then you'll just have to accept that. I'm sure one will though. almost all my black girl friends are or have dated white guys. no kidding. one of my black friends is obsessed with asian guys and dates them like crazy. I've seen it all really.

    • Thanks for your answer. I'm not loud but don't really seen what's so bad about being loud in the first place. Most people that are loud have a lot of confidence and guys are always saying they love confident girls. I'm not like eager to get white guys or any guy. I just notice an overwhelming amount of black women around me are single, and at school I notice not a lot of guys socialize with black girls. At my school I've only seen one interracial couple involving black girl.

    • Where are you from if you don't mind me asking? if you do that's okay lol

  • First off, you're young and once you move out of your town, if you decide to you'll see a difference. I grew up in a predominately black neighborhood. I had white friends but never white boyfriends. I wasn't all that sure if white guys found me attractive but I figured it was their loss if they didn't.

    I went into the military and found out that they did. Some white guys like black girls but they do not voice it. I had a white boyfriend and had just as many white and Asian guys hit on me as black guys. Some liked me as a novelty; others liked me because of their personal preference. Most of them liked me for me.

    When you describe guys that you like, do you describe their skin tone as dark, pale or tanned. You are stating a preference just like most of us do. The fact that you ask about your question about your Asian half is astounding and racist in itself. Please just deal with the fact that people have preferences and the American media does not do much for African and African American females' self esteem; let alone any women's . Love yourself. Clothes and music choice don't make you white or black and the fact that you will not date a white man because he embraces "urban culture" is a preference and slightly racist as well.

    • Guys that I like come in various skin tones. I'm not exclusive to just one. I do have preferences in guys but my preferences aren't "racial preferences". I could say 'oh I love brown hair" but brown hair can apply to all races.

      And I think you misconstrued a lot of what I said. What was racist about me talking about my asian half? I can and have dealt with people having preferences, I just think that it's a totally illogical way of thinking, but that's just my opinion on it.

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    • But so many non-black (and even a lot black guys) put black women on the bottom of their list of "preferences". Some guys will even say "everything except black". I am not making this up. Look around the web, youtube, televisions shows such as tyra banks, or even pay a visit to where I live and you'd see why I'm saying this. I could say a lot of good things about being black & black people as a whole, & I could say a lot of bad about being asian, but this topic is specifically about black girls.

    • What I've noticed is that when people find/realize I'm 1/2 asian they want to be my friend, and my non-black friends always have something nice to say about me being asian, but I never get any compliments about being black ever. I think black women are extremely beautiful (that might be a bit of bias since I am considered black), but the whole reason why I ask this question is because most people don't seem to think the same.

  • I don't think this is a very educated question. I am a black girl and I've had nothing but white and latino boyfriends my whole life, all of them good looking. I'm told by all races that I'm beautiful and I'm not saying this out of conceit but because it's obviously not about my race with them. Some people who have posted before me said it has to do with personality and I agree. I'm not the typical black girl but if you listen to pop culture, black culture, hip hop culture, black men and women are conditioned to look for all the wrong things in a potential partner. It goes much deeper than that of course...

    I see what you mean at the same time, one of my ex's who I just posted a question about ( link had a similar issue with me. He would tell me at the beginning of our relationship that none of his white friends had ever dated a black girl but 'no that never bothered him' and I excused it as him just being insecure about it because it's new... I just realized that there are some people who aren't cultured enough as children and therefore can't let go of preconceived notions, even if there heart is in it.

    Idk if you are black or not, I don't know if you specified but if you wanna date outside of your race, pursue it with rash abandon. Not everyone is a negative prick so if you ever wanna talk, add me and message me.

    • How is it not an educated question? Of course there are many black girls that do date interracially (my mom being one of them, because I'm only 1/2 black but I consider myself black), but in my area at least, the interracial couples involving a black girl are far less common than than the ones involving a non-black girl. In fact, I don't even see black girls with black guys as much anymore.

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    • Yeah I live in LA area and I have a friend that lives in San Diego area and she's black too and we only date white guys yet I haven't seen it very often I just know if it's something you want just go out and get it, be involved in all social groups but I really don't know. When my friend lived in Santa Barbara, a predominantly white area, white guys liked her but were afraid to date her. She still unapologetically went after what she wanted. Sorry if my post was insulting but what are you trying

    • To achieve from this question? if you really want to date interracially it shouldn't matter what other people think. just do what you want and have confidence in yourself and not some statistics you heard. if everyone listened to other people we'd be nowhere in this world.

  • Well,I think that the reason most white guys stick to a girl of their race is because they are more similiar.A lot of times,when you like someone its for the qualities that match your own.As for the black guys,I have no idea what is going on inside their heads and have no explanation for their actions.Black girls are most defidentally NOT ugly.I've seen many beautiful black women.Dont degrade yourself by comparing yourself to todays beauty standards because what they call 'beautiful' is sometimes mud ugly.If they said roadkill was beautiful people would believe them.And it is not just black girls that catch the crap,its anyone that looks different in general.It could be the way you dress,the color of your skin,facial shape,hell,it could even be your socks! But,people are shallow and judgemental,just ignore them.I know its hard,trust me,I know.You know what though? You are better off in the end.Its not just racism its shallow-ness(if that's a word).I am white and I know there is no excuse for what they are doing.Just remember we are not all like that.Boost your confidence up,girl,it'll get better!

    I really hope I helped.

    • You are so nice.! :))

    • I guess you're right about the similarities thing, but honestly most of the black girls in my neighborhood are like the white girls. We all grew up in the same environment so other that appearance, we are all the same.

      Actually, I've moved on past this whole complex of mine. I still think about it sometimes but it's not a big deal to me anymore. My self-esteem is much better now even though nothing has really changed other than that (I still don't have a bf), but thanks so much for your answer

    • No problem and I'm glad your self-esteem is better. =)

  • BLACK GIRLS A BEAUTIFUL! I'm latino and you have full lips curves that are just amazing! I think the whole black race is gorgeous! I prefer black men over any other race, and as I said before black women are gorgeous so sassy and just sexy. Keep your head up girl stand up for you and others don't listen to idiots!

    • Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.


    We’ve been targeted since we were brought over here to be enslaved. People try to eliminate what they fear which is why they do everything in their power to eliminate us. Our history contains people who have fought against injustice and those in charge don’t like that. They hate us because historically, we’re a strong people and they know that we have the power to defeat injustice if we stuck together. Because of this knowledge many vices were introduced to our communities that we now use to eliminate ourselves. You see, they are just sitting back and laughing at us (figuratively speaking) while we parade around like buffoons, using the tools that they gave us to annihilate our race. They give us the labels as uneducated, promiscuous, lazy, nappy head, etc to make everyone including us believe that we are of lesser quality than our white counterparts. So when someone fits the stereotype, they are put under the spotlight. So a pregnant black girl is viewed as a loose sex-feign because of the jezebel stereotype; whereas, a pregnant Hispanic girl may not be focused on as much. Everyone is conditioned to hate us directly and indirectly. No one understands what black people face in this society which is why many of them get frustrated when the question of race arises. We live in a land built by us but a society that was constructed to defeat us and those benefitting from it expect us to “let it go” like the problem has been solved. Regardless of what people say, we are not given the same opportunities and those that we do have, we had to jump through 400 hoops to obtain. It is true that Maury’s show needs to be discontinued but making a mockery out of minorities is what makes the money so it will continue to be shown. Modern day minstrel shows which should also be removed from television is anything related to Flavor Flav, New York aka Janice the Muppet, For the Love of Ray J (even though that’s my god brother, I hate that show), the Cleveland Show, Rap videos that glamorize the ghetto and “the splash life” and the list goes on. The truth is, as long as black people continue this fight against each other and the desperate struggle to fit in with mainstream society by allowing themselves to be molded into what Anglo America wants them to be, we will continue to be pimped by this society. We should be able to be who we are and not let anyone else make us feel ashamed of it. We should be able to speak how we want, dress how we want, and act how we want etc because if I’m not mistaken, society is not whose judgment that matters. People need to learn to accept each other for who they are and not for what one thinks one should be.

  • So many have responded but I won't shy away from contributing because you're obviously searching for feedback.

    As an American born Nigerian, I can say that this society is highly obsessed with race (which was created around the mid 1800's by whites to maintain a sense of social order meaning it's a standard that was invented aka imaginary) and it's sad because the stereotypes that come with each color can be limiting. With that said, you claim there are many negative things being put in the media, noting the aforementioned, who controls most of the media? Naturally, aren't they going to portray black females as the antithesis of everything beautiful and attractive? With that said, it's not that hard to figure out why the non-blacks who have never come in contact with black females wouldn't want to and those who have the chance, approach with caution. The ones who do cross the line are the ones who learn for themselves what is fact and fiction when it comes to black females.

    If you disregard the comments from those who obviously are basing their impressions of black females on slanted/bias mainstream media (and maybe a little BET) you'll find that those who have given black females a try either like or dislike them based on their PERSONALITY (yes, some are going on looks ok =] ). You admit to having low self esteem and if it's pervasive in person as it is in your comments, then more than likely, guys detect that and may be turned off by it. I can't tell you to be a stronger person because it's not enough to instruct someone to do something, they have to recognize the need for change.

    You go to a school where you are the minority and I can only imagine how draining it must be to try to conform yet never fit in must be but take heart. You can still be you and be A OK. You appear to be in an environment that lacks balance and being from New York City, diversity is everywhere so I'm never really overwhelmed with one race over another and it's a beautiful thing and as a result there isn't one particular standard per se. Short of being able to change your environment, I think you should talk to your parents, and turn to your family for strength and affirmations that you are a beautiful individual as I'm sure you are.

    Not to joke but put India Arie's Brown Skin on repeat each morning if you need a reminder of how beautiful your assets are ... take care =] Feel free to message me privately.

    • One thing that I don't quite understand is that black males are also portrayed negatively in the media but they still have women of all races lining up to date them. The same can't be said for black women. Yeah of course there are many black women that are so beautiful that they can attract anyone, but why does the media have a more negative effect on black women?

      I can't talk to my parents about anything because my mom also has self esteem issues and my father isn't black.

  • I know where you're coming from. I feel the same way. My school is just like yours and it is discouraging when we don't get recognition from men. And no, the media isn't helping one bit. Like only a small percentage of black women actually act like that. So why should we all have to suffer for their actions? You know? It's really frustrating. And then we have to hear that if we resembled celebrities then we wouldn't have any problems. Yeah they have natural beauty and everything, but if I had someone to do my hair and makeup everyday I would be looking fabulous as well lol. But still, why doesn't that statement apply to women of other races? Anyway to answer this question: I have no idea, but I personally believe that all people of color are attractive. I'm not saying it because I'm black, but I'm saying it because I think brown skin is beautiful. I don't have a problem with white people either because one, I'm half white and two, I'm attracted to white men as well, but I'm just saying.

    • Thanks for your answer! People are trying to make it seem like I've totally gone crazy and don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I hate that a few black women ruin it for all of us. I guess that's life. Maybe people are just more critical of black women. If a black isn't a 10/10 then she's not good enough, but a 5/10 white girl is totally fine. I'm mixed too, but I'm not half white. Alll of my white guy friends say their really not into black girls, but they have no problem being just friends

  • Well I am HORRIFIED that you want to hear a list of unattractive traits of black women.

    I am one! and I don't give a f**k what other people could or do think of me. I know who I am, I love myself and people can or can't its that simple. I grew up in a small town and was the only black chick in my school. I didn't date a lot of men in my high school days for my own insecurities as well, but started to a lot more in my late teens. The midset that your thinking you will be one of those ladys. LOVE YOURSELF were all different, many men don't like pencil thin women some do etc. there was a post on here a few weeks ago about a black women who was affraid to go for another race of man and how white men don't like us, and how other black people will look down upon her for not being with one. I'm with a white male and we LOVe each other. Sure we get looks but I don't care they don't know me or him, or how he treats me and if they want to be simple minded than LET THEM. Just the other day I was talking with my boyfriend about rascism and he looked and me and said IT NEVER really occurs to me your black. That's how it should be I'm a person REGARDLESS of my apperience! Were the next generation and do you want our generation to repeat? CHANGE your midset and BE YOUR OWN PERSON. I'm half black and I remember in my teenage years feeling the urge to hang out with more black people, they TOTALLY insulted me callin me white and that the only black thing about me was my hair, and I thought to myself who do you think you are? Its sooo not true that were not desirable to other races because we are! after all a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman!

    • Yeah, I wish people would judge me by who I am & not my race. I understand how you feel about black people insulting you because I'm actually mixed too. It's like I never really fit in with any group, but I tend to lean more to the black side because that's what most people perceive me as.

      Well if we are desirable to other races, I'm really not seeing it. I mean, I see it on tv and stuff but I see so many black women where I live without husbands or boyfriends, my very own aunt is 38 & single.

    • Be your own identity, you don't have to conform.

      you considered travelling? that might broaden your perspective a bit.

    • You have to remember (Question Asker) that they are individuals.

      They aren't single because of their race.

      It had something to do with their personality.

      They just happen to be black.

      I'm sure every female that's not black in your town isn't married.

      So why point out how the black women aren't married?

      Some women period just aren't attractive or desired, not the whole race.

      Those forums only have opinions.


      A Loving Black Man

  • Like some people say, they might not have ever dated anyone who is outside of thier race, or maybe even black girls. They could be intimidated. They might thing that you aren't interested in them. I am sure that you have a couple of white guy friends in school. Why don't you ask them if they find you attractive or if they would ever consider dating you. :))

    • I asked one of my white guy friends if he found black girls attractive and he said that black girls that look like Beyonce are attractive and he that I was pretty for a black girl, but then he said black girls weren't his thing. So I don't know why he wouldn't date a black girl if he is attracted to some of them. I think there's a reason but I don't think he would say why for fear of offending me.

  • Ok I'm going to be completely honest with you now and I don't want any hateful comments. I'm black (Nigerian) and I live in a predominantly white area that is adjacent to a really diverse area. I also go to a predominantly white school. I think the reputation of black women has been tainted. We are seen in such a negative light because of the way we are portrayed in the media. Shows like Jerry Springer and Maury make us look like we are promiscuous and low down and also unintelligent. Also, have you noticed how movies always show black people in the ghetto or show black women as saying things like "um hmm sister girl" "oh no he didn't" and rolling their heads and smacking their teeth. It's ignorance and people that don't really understand black people are going to say and do things because of what they've seen from a few black people. The media also has a greater affect on people than they know. I think it really depends on the people you are around because I'm black but I get attention from all color guys and I like guys of all different races including my own. It's just the way things are in the world you're always going to get the ignorant people and the more open minded.

    Also, it's the way some black girls act that causes them to be seen that way honestly there are some black girls that don't know how to act and people seeing that makes everyone think we are the same. I advise you to do what makes you happy and date whoever makes you happy. I know a whole bunch of white girls my friends included who are single so it's not just black girls (I blame it on the guys of today but whatevs haha). I definitely wouldn't judge all black girls because of what a handful do. It all depends on who raised you and where you were raised. Black girls usually have the hardest lives and go through a lot so they sometimes come off a little stronger than others. They don't mean to but you are a product of your environment. I'm Nigerian so I wasn't really taught to act the way other black girls around me usually do and I also live around a lot of white people so I'm also a product of my environment.

    Don't feel bad about how you look because of your skin color because let me tell you black is beautiful. If you carry yourself well, take care of yourself people notice no matter what color you are and if their are racists then screw them they don't matter because they're stuck in a fantasy world where they haven't realized that yeah there are other races other than mine and they are no different than mine it's ignorance that's in these people and that's the way they will always be. Do what's best for you and celebrate being black because that's part of what makes you beautiful : )

  • Another person who commented mentioned poor hygiene and another commented on the attitudes of black women. I think hygiene and attitude are attributable to the fact that black women are the least desired women, but there are other reasons as well. The vast majority of black women are jealous of and despise white women and that reflects in their attitude. In the movie, "Precious," the morbidly overweight dark skinned black girl looks in the mirror and fantasizes she's white, thin, blond haired, blue eyed. That was a moment of truth for black women everywhere. Suggest that to any black woman and she will fly into a ghetto rage or raise her hand and adopt the typical black girl ghetto attitude of "listen to the hand". Black women vehemently deny that they are unattractive and that even their own men prefer white women over black women. That's not to say black men and other men won't have sex with black women, but it's usually for sex only with no hint of a relationship. Black women live in denial even tho' the vast majority will never experience having a loving husband and legitimate children. The whole world knows this but black women will fly into rage if anyone suggests this. Black women will NOT accept the truth. Rather than work on their appearance, lose weight, practice hygiene (I have never heard anyone say black women smell good), become educated so they can carry on an intelligent conversation, they choose to stay the same. White women and women of other races work on improving their appearance and toning their physiques. They educate themselves about good hygiene, makeup, etc. and if they have an unpleasant odor about them, they will go to a doctor to find a cure for the odor. Black women in general have defensive, combative dispositions. The majority are loud and unlady-like. Many black girls physically fight, hit, punch, slap. Even black mothers do this to their children. All of those attributes and demonstrations are usually associated with male behavior and with men rather than women. Black women exhibit masculine traits. Because ALL males have egos, men in general prefer women of other races who have been taught to respect themselves, to be kind, to be feminine -- and all of those traits compliment the male ego rather than compete with it. No man wants to be married to a woman who looks, acts, talks and smells like a man. It's more a matter of what men, in general, need from a woman that they can't find in the average black woman.

    • I honestly don't know where this poor hygiene thing is coming from. Other than one of the comments on here I've never heard anyone say that black women have poor hygiene, but perhaps this idea comes from the fact that most of us don't wash our hair everyday. The reason for that is because we can afford not to wash our hair everyday because we don't produce as much sebum as other races, but just because many of us may not wash our hair everyday doesn't mean we don't bathe/shower everyday.

    • Show All
    • So if a black girl gets angry it's a "ghetto rage"? Black women are definitely getting their educations and climbing the corperate ladder. There are more black women in higher education now than ever before. White women have no room to talk about black women being fat because they're not too far behind themselves. Americans are fat in general. On a global scale white women are fatter than black women. Personally I wear makeup but I think it's great that many black women do not wear makeup.

    • Men do not like women that wear a lot of makeup. Natural is always best.

      Your answer just seems very extreme...I can't even properly reply to it because it makes absolutely no sense. I understand that many women (not just black) can be as you described in your answer but I seriously think that your opinion is biased. You obviously have a strong disdain for black women and black women only. You answer isn't very kind at all...so I guess that makes you masculine by your logic.

  • I would be inclined to think that black women are the least desirable if I hadn't run a little "experiment" just the other day to see for myself what kinds of results I'd get if I specifically put it out there that I (a black woman), was single in search of a white man. I've posted ads on craigslist before saying something like "cute college SBF seeks nice guy" or something like that, and I'd get quite a few responses but ALL were from black guys. I kid you not, I posted the same ad with the same pictures and said "cute SBF seeks SWM" and within two hours I had 91 responses from ALL white guys. It was so bad that I had to take the ad down. I had some really nice dates too :) I think the guys here who say it may seem that way because they think black girls don't like them, or that black girls only want to date black guys may be on to something...

    I also think beyond that it has a lot to do with media and population. There is a far larger pool of white people period than blacks, meaning there are more communities full of white people who have no knowledge of black people outside of the media, which glorifies negative stereotypes of black women AND leads to the assumption that black women only date black men. Sure, they may find themselves attracted to black women every blue moon, but if they work under the assumption that black girls don't like them, and there are 12,394,382,384 white girls running around to choose from... why bother?

    • Wow, you must be really beautiful then (like on Halle Barry's level). Or maybe it's just where I live, but most of the black girls/women I see never have a man on their arm. At places like restaurants and movies, I usually see them with their girlfriends. Every now and then I'll see a black woman with a black man, but VERY rarely a man of any other race. However, I see many black guys with girls of other races.

  • here's my advice:

    1. be girly, sounds stupid but I mean don’t be loud, its quiet intimidating. Honestly, the key is to listen and respond. All it takes is a great conversation and people are usually hooked. Talk calmly and gently

    2. relax, I mean don’t look like your in a rush, pull back your shoulders, ALWAYS look happy, the key is ‘confidence doesn’t come from sexiness’ unlike botox, confidence can't be bought and something of worth doesn’t have a price cause it’s never sold. Be open minded and don’t be defensive because it subconsciously produces this barrier between you and the person.

    3. guys like to feel wanted, it sounds so cliché but if you take anything from this article this is it; majority of guys like to protect there girls, DON’T TAKE THAT AWAY- I really can't stress this enough-so tell them your fears, what ever they might be-be there damsel!

    4. tease, this is the crunch factor. Teasing is an art-the key to this form of art is that the guy is kept guessing, like a seesaw trying to balance itself-its sometimes close to the ground but doesn’t hit it and sometimes it’s close to the sky but it doesn’t go all the way up.

    5. make them laugh!

    6. be seen with the right people, it sounds harsh but at times being seen all the time with a group of black women can be intimidating?

    7. never wear lipgloss, by nature we have big full lips putting lipgloss on them makes them look even bigger and its not attractive, I put foundation on my lips, to give them an even colour and put on a bit of gloss, it shouldn’t look ‘greasy’

    8. never wear fur, make sure what ever you wear either compliments your shape, your boobs or your legs and the colour compliments your skintone

    9. I personally don’t wear braids cause it can whip people unintentionally! So I wear a weave but it has to look natural-really natural, like its your own hair.

    Good luck


    • I already do #1 and #2. I'm glad that you told me about #3 because I didn't know that. I don't know how to tease. Actually, I don't even know what that is. I'm never in groups of black women. Usually I'm with only one black woman (my best friend). Omg! I wear lip gloss, but my lips are big. Is it okay if my lips aren't big? I actually wish my lips were a little bigger. Oh, and I just started wearing foundation on my lips too (saw it on youtube), it gives that nude look.

    • I don't have any fur clothes, but why do you say no fur? I wear my hair natural (flat ironed sometimes), but in the summer I wear braids so that my hair will have 3 months to recover and grow. Is that good enough?

    • Sorry, I meant to say my lips aren't big. How should makeup be done for a black girl? Most of the black girls I know don't wear any makeup at all. What colors compliment our skin tone?

  • I still believe that it is an issue of preference. This is because, I am 100% asian yet not the least interested in them physically (they can win me through their personality though) Their physical appearance is not so applealing for me.

    • Preference is just the PC way of saying A is better than B

  • Oh honey, don't let this get to you. I think you need to understand that there is a difference for a man between being attracted to a woman physically and being attracted to a woman where you want to date her.

    Some of the white guys around you would loss their minds at the thought of having sex with you. Men love variety. They really are curious what all women look like naked. So a man can be immensely attracted to a woman, regardless of race, but he may not ever pursue a relationship with her.

    Men hate rejection. Women do too but men have to face it more since they are the ones asking out the other person. So what happens? Men become very logical about what choices they have to make. A guy may see you, think you are beautiful, but logically he thinks you only date black guys or their is a "cultural difference" (even if you grew up in the same culture) or he thinks that you may not be attracted to him. Men go for women they think they can get. Black women are very hard for most men to approach because they are stereotypically strong, confident, ball busters. And a lot of men, especially those in white culture, don't know how to handle it.

    A perfect example of this is my best friend and her sister. They are half black and live in a white community. Everyone says they look alike so physically they really aren't too different. And before you assume they are both models, they aren't. They are both pretty but average also. But my friend has been asked out by white men, Mexican men, black men, and Asian men. And she is currently with a Jewish guy. While her sister has never been asked out. Why? Because my friend is sweeter in personality. She is kind and gentle and compassionate. When we go out together, I just see her flash that sweet smile and those doe eyes at a guy and he melts. He doesn't care if she is purple, you can tell he is thinking up how he can pick up on her cause he thinks he has a chance now. But her sister is a hard ass. Guys are afraid to ask her out.

    I'm not saying you should change your personality. Just understand that a lot of the guys that know you may think you would never date them in a million years even if they find you stunning.

    So hang in there. One day a guy who is brave enough will step up.

  • Don't believe that crap sweetheart! I am a black girl and I have dated outside of my race and inside of my race and every guy I've dated has thought that me and my friends were all beautiful. I even dated a white guy that had never dated a black girl before and he said his whole opinion on black women changed and we are still friends to this day! Yes, society dictates that black women are "less pretty" but I 100% disagree. What about the Angela Basset's and the Sanaa Lathan's or the Halle Berry's? Gorgeous black women! I could go on and on! This one black guy (and he is fine as all get up) that I've been seeing has dated white women, asian women, hispanic women you name it, and he told me that the only reason why a lot of men are intimidated by black women is because you have to come at us in a "real" way. Meaning, we usually see right through all the crap they try to give and so you have to come corrected. He said that's the fun part though because you do have to be on your A-game. Feel proud of who you are.I am not "ghetto" at all. I was raised by both parents in a suburbian home, went to college and am proud of who I am. I went to a mainly white college but white guys still talked to me because I exuded confidence. When you are confident and secure in your beauty ANY guy will want you. I think all women are beautiful (every race) and black women are in that list as well! Keep your head up sweetie! :-)

  • Black people have strong personalities. They are confident and outspoken. I think its because black people have to deal with coming from poor backgrounds than the other race counterparts and thus have to have a stronger personality to deal with difficulties in life. Things are not handed to them on a silver platter. They have to work hard to get out of the hood, get an education and a job and build life for themselves. Nothing is given to them or is made easy for them.

    They also have to face racism and preference being shown to others who are white or have naturally strait hair and fair skin. This is genetic for them but black people have to work for all of that by putting on relaxers and weaves.

    People should understand that's why black people have strong personality. Because of economic reasons caused by history and genetically they have course hair, dark skin, are curvy and have thick lips.

    Even if they are not beautiful in society's standards they are the ones with the most HEART and are SOULFUL. Black people are REAL. Sharing a black persons life journey can only make you more compassionate and appreciate life more. Live life to the fullest and savour every moment.

    Black people are beautiful and have beautiful souls! That's why they are rappers, poets and they are emotionally deep.. They have a lot to tell about life. They are gorgeous and magnificent.
    I should know I am black, intelligent, kind and just too beautiful.

  • The posts you're seeing online about black women being unattractive are from people with extreme views who feel strongly enough about the matter to broadcast their opinions. The people who don't feel as strongly won't feel the need to post such things, which means you're rarely ever getting their side of the argument.

    Plus, there are a lot of negative stereotypes about black women. I've heard plenty of people (including black women) say that black women have attitudes, and white women are more submissive--that's an insult to women of both races. The media doesn't do much to stop the stereotypes either.

    But I'm white, and I live in a predominantly black area. I know plenty of really attractive black girls, and plenty who are in relationships. When I was in high school, the white kids mostly dated people from outside of school or each other since no one else really showed interest. In cases like that and the one you described at your school, I think it's a matter of being in the minority, and the minority just happens to be a particular race.

  • i don't know much about being attracted to any female because I am not gay buT I am a white female and I only date black men and I have asked the same question to a lot of black men and most of them say most black females have smart allek attitudes and are too loud and obnoxious an are gold diggers. (REMEMBER THIS WAS THIER ANSWER NOT MINE) I also think white men are too worried about what other white folks will say if they were to date a black female but where I live a lot of white men date black females well actually where I live all sorts of different people date different races. I feel like this wether you believe in god or you don't we all came from the same place so it shouldnt matter who you date as long as they treat you respectfully and love you . I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can find some one who likes you for you and not just what you look like even though you are probably beautiful and I agree no matter what color boys shold be last on the list of importance when in school.

  • Me too...I don't understand why we're SO hated by basically everybody...even people in our own race.

    It seriously messes with my self-esteem sometimes...like, we're NOT ALL THE SAME!

    I wish people would just open their eyes and look past what's fed to us by the media...

    • Hey, thanks for your answer. People think I'm crazy and I'm trying to tell them I'm not the only one that feels this way.

      Yeah, I understand. It does mess with our self esteems. People expect us to somehow be not affected by what we're hearing about black women.

    • You're welcome :)

      But yeah, It's frustrating when people just don't get it. It's like, why don't YOU try and keep your head up and self-esteem high when you're CONSTANTLY being judged and hated by essentially everyone??

      I appreciate the people who do try and help, but it doesn't change the ignorance and hatred of others. I try to ignore the people who bring me down, but how can I ignore the people who surround me?

  • i think you should watch White Chicks to compare blond dumb bitches to african american girls who tend to say "I'M GONNA BUST YO MUTHAF()CKIN ASS", and see which one is more approachable and therefore more desirable xD

    But yet, there are many black girls that are very beautiful and desirable in this industry.

    Look at Halle Berry and Beyonce for example. They are beautiful, gorgeous and sexy women that men of all nationalities drool over.

    I also think that Alicia Keys is very beautiful, but she is half white.

    What do most of these women have in common? They have class.

    Thanks to comedians and tv, the media has portrayed african american women to be ghetto, and unmannered people.

    I believe that there are A LOT of intelligent, talented and or beautiful african american girls there, and if you let it shine through, you'll be very desirable.

    Being black is not a factor in what men seeks as a partner. I've seen many black people hanging out with whites and having white boyfriends.

    therefore I think its also based on the culture and who you hang out with. If you hang out with your own race, you are definitely going to date someone black. Chinese date chinese if chinese people is the only race they hang out with. However, if you mix with the whites, chances are very high that you will date a nice caucasian male.

    Good luck

  • I am a girl, so I don't know why men don't seem to like black women, but I would like to tell a story about something that happened in high school to me. I was raised to judge each individual individually to decide whether or not they were a worthwhile person. I was raised that there is no difference between people with different color skin, we just have different color skin, that's all. I was also raised to have no clue that there was any difference between religions. Different people believe different things is what my mom used to tell me, and that whatever works for you is what you should believe.

    One day in school when I was a junior, we were doing some kind of election for something. There were 4 girls up for election. Two white girls, a mexican girl, and a black girl. The black girl just happened to be one of the sweetest friendliest people ever, and was pretty much liked by every single person in the school, so we all knew she was going to win. Everyone had been asking everyone who they voted for all day long...yeah yeah yeah, we weren't supposed to and blah blah blah, but we did anyway. I had asked all my friends already, and we had all voted for Sharifa. EVERYONE I asked had voted for her. So I asked the girl who sat in front of me in math class who she voted for, and when she said Sharifa, I smiled and said "that's what I thought". I was about to add that there was pretty much no way she was going to lose because we all like her so much when this girl stood up and screamed at me for being a rascist bitch, and challenged me to fight right there in the classroom. I had no freakin clue what she was talking about until she screamed at me some more about "that's what you thought huh? that's what you thought because I'm black I'm gonna vote for the black girl?" That wasn't what I meant at all...Sharifa was my friend. I thought she would vote for her because we all did, not because she was black. It actually still hurts my feelings when I think about how angry she got and what she thought I meant. Unfortunately, that is the type of thing that is shown about black women in the media. Black women always get portrayed as "strong" and "powerful" they are never "sweet" or "the girl next door". The media promotes this view of strong powerful black women and I think lots of men get that confused with cold and dominating. Men are intimidated by women that could kick their ass, and that is how black women in the media are portrayed. I don't know why that is, but that is what I have seen. I myself am white, and am not particularly attracted to white men at all. I prefer Asian men...I don't know why but to me, they are more handsome than other men. I don't know if that answers anything you asked, but I think so.

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