Guys, why would you string a girl along?

[Anonymous]

A guy hadn't texted me in a week and a half so I texted him and told him we hadn't talked in awhile and that I would be in town in a couple weeks and asked if he would like to hang out. He replied saying "(My name), you know I wanna see you when you come down just a time and place babe ;)". I then asked him if he would want to go to this one place on Friday and he never replied, it's been a couple days.

Guys, why do you string a girl along? Is he keeping me on the back burner as an option (especially since I go to school a few hours away? Any advice on what to do or why he's all of a sudden acting like this?

(He used to text everyday and told me he likes me. He would hold my hand in public or put his arm around my shoulder, when I was in town-now he acts like this).

[ElijahCynicism]

Maybe he's got some hang-ups, or problems. I did this recently - I agreed to hang out with a girl, and then two weeks went by and I never contacted her to schedule. Now she's lost interest in me, and I admit I was wrong, but I went into a fairly strange place, mentally, and forgot about her. There have been times before I've tried to meet up with girls, but been unable to do so due to my... Well, relative to my mental illness. So I'd end up arranging things, getting freaked out and cancelling that day.

Of course, that's only in context of friendship, not whatever he's looking for, but it's possible he's got some kind of deal like that. It's possible he's stringing you along, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. You should just text him, say 'Hey man, what's the deal? How come you never got back to me?' - in your own diction, of course. You'll have a fuller picture when he replies, wether you believe what he says or not.

[Asker]

Yeah that sounds like its very frustrating for you. So he could be doing something similar? I'm just very confused on why he would occasionally tell me he misses me and is excited to see me then not talk to me at all when he used to all the time for two months. How would I casually ask him why he's acting thar way? I don't want to seem clingy or desperate.

[ElijahCynicism]

For me? What do you mean? And hm, over that time period, it sounds like it's definitely something more than 'keeping you on the back burner'.

I already said what you should say to him, just asking him is perfect. You were about to ignore the **** completely, 4 hours ago, so you shouldn't worry much about coming off as clingy, hahah.

[Asker]

It's frustrating for you because it seems like you lost a good opportunity to see that girl. OK thanks haha, I'll have to ask him. Of course we were never actually dating officially, so I can't act like we were, but it certainly seemed to be heading in the direction of a solid relationship till he started being flaky (he even told his grandma about me and wanted me to come to his parents house) I'm also wondering if he was annoyed by my last text that said "ok :) I never know, you're so busy."

[Asker]

then the rest of the text I sent him was basically asking if he would want to go out with my friends and I on Friday. Then of course he didn't reply.

[blacknwhitephoto]

Did you want to hang out with that girl at a later date? I am facing a similar issue where it appears that the guy I am seeing is just in need of space, but at the same time doesn't know if he wants to be with me. He has issues like yours where he just gets flaky with everyone and needs alone time. What ended up happening?

[ElijahCynicism]

I don't even remember who I'm talking about in this post. I don't know what happened. I am as interested as you are, now. Although, uhm... Well, the thing is, you see, in her instance it isn't that I haven't thought about hanging out with her, it's that by the time I realized I am to do something two weeks have passed and it shocks me. I am, less so now my mental health has improved, but then, was not aware of time or my surroundings. His situation---

[ElijahCynicism]

probably isn't quite due to that? But, if he cancels a lot and doesn't say anything for long periods of time... Did he ever say explicitly he needed space? Regardless, needing space means nothing, nobody needs space, it's mythology. People say it to avoid saying what they mean - usually 'I'm messing around with your brother', or something. I dunno. But using it to stand instead of some other, more serious insecurity, seems right to. I'd have said stuff like that too. Usually 'busy'----

[ElijahCynicism]

(I'm never busy) just to get around saying disastrous things like 'I've spent the past month masturbating and crying.' If you really think he's similar to me, chase the f***er down. Say, spontaneously, 'Hey, listen... Can I call around?' or something. Be casual and hip. Let yourself take it down a notch just to spend time with him, in a way that he's comfortable with. In his house or his hangout, whatever. Then he'll be more comfortable going anywhere with----

[ElijahCynicism]

you, because he's also king of you but more than that, more important than that, you're queen of him... I would have loved it so, so much if someone had taken the time to care for me so, when I was like that, but of course that never happens. Anyway, good luck, and I hope things go well and I hope he isn't like me very much because you don't want me at all =]

[rockingpianoman]

why do people ( male or female) string someone along? most of the times indeed because they keep them as options , back ups , because they are not totally sure what they want with them.

[Asker]

So does it seem like he is putting me on the back burner? It never seemed like it before, but maybe he figured since I'm so far away during school, he could talk to other people and use me as an option. I'm just very confused as to his intentions.

[rockingpianoman]

well I don't know the guy ,but I can tell you this : when a guy likes a girl sincerely , he will not ignore you like he seems to do , and certainly not when you ask to meet him ... so , to me it looks like he keeps you as an option , a possibility , but he isn't putting effort into it ..

[Asker]

Ok thanks. I probably will ignore him now. It was just very confusing because all of our mutual friends were saying he was in love with me just recently, and a couple months ago, he would make future plans and say he would cook for me or bring me places. He even said I could visit his parents house a couple weekends ago since his grandparents were in town. But you're right he probably would be talking to me like he used to be if he really liked me.