Are all confident, extremely attractive guys players?

[dalila19]

I didn't mean to stereotype but it seems like it became common sense that if a guy is hot and confident is a player.

Is this truth ?

[Anonymous]

Not sure why you got voted down. It's not like you asked the question maliciously or anything. It was an honest question.

For most guys, their self-esteem doesn't come "just" from how they look. For women, yes, the bulk of their value to men comes from how they look. So, appearances account for 70%+ of a woman's self-esteem. But that's not the case for guys. For guys, appearances account for about 30% of a guy's self-esteem. The big one is what the guy is doing with his life. Why is he in society? Status and power account for the majority of a guy's self-esteem.

Money, education, intelligence . . . they all fall under the status and power umbrella. Unfortunately, so do things like (1) having sex with hot girls, (2) having sex with a lot of girls, (3) having sex with multiple women at the same time, (4) being involved with multiple women at the same time, etc.

Being extremely attractive gives guys the "opportunity" to have what he wants sexually. If you subscribe to the stereotype that all guys care about is sex, then I could see why it's perfectly rational to infer that these guys would therefore make it their life's purpose to be players.

But that's not how players are made. Being a player starts in junior high or high school. Two things happen: (1) a guy's narcissitic trait kicks in and he starts competing with other men sexually in order to prove to himself and to others that he's the "top male" in a sexual sense, or (2) a little boy's insecurities kick in and he wants to prove to himself and to others that "he's not that loser that can't get a girlfriend, or gets a girlfriend that doesn't want to have sex with him, or is one of those guys that women don't really feel any sort of real powerful sexual attraction for." The first kind is "the fault of" (by that I mean, within the control of) the other boys this guy finds himself part of. His male peers will ultimately shape to what extent this problem continues throughout this guy's lifetime. The second kind is "the fault of" (again, within the control of) the girls this guy finds himself part of. The girls in his high school or life will ultimately shape to what extent this problem continues throughout this guy's lifetime.

Looks just give a guy the "opportunity" to have sex. The "emotional desire" or "psychological need" to be a player is really just a product of that guy's environment, regardless how he looks. You could have a hot guy who went to a public high school with 600 girls in his class, got laid, and grew up never feeling the need to be a player. You could have an average guy who went to Catholic private school, with only 12 girls in his class, where nobody had sex with him. At some point, his life purpose is to wash away those feelings that girls don't want him sexually, or to prove to himself that he's sexually desirable to women.

[toulouse]

@For women, yes, the bulk of their value to men comes from how they look.

False anywhere except in your dreams.

[Opinion Owner]

okay toulous, your female opinion on how men this is as greatly appreciated as my male opinion in my new book, "What to Expect In Your Third Trimester"

[kambo_trick3y]

Hm, how to put this in a nerdy, yet understandable fashion.

Being a hot and confident guy is kind of like being on the Dark Side of the force.

On the one hand, you have incredible power, and if you allow all that power to go to your head, you can let it overcome you and you'll end up as one of the Sith.

However, if your heart is strong and virtuous, you'll be TEMPTED to become one of the Sith, but ultimately, your good heart will prevail and you will stay the good guy, your powers will not overcome you (like Anakin Skywalker in the end!). Needless to say, this is very difficult, and requires strict upbringing and an ingrained respect for females.

Ta-da, wisdom in nerd fashion.

[Anonymous]

Nope, not true. My guy has confidence for days and he's sexy as all hell. He's a very faithful, a loving partner, and just wants someone special to share his life with.

[Anonymous]

no I have good frinedships with the hot guy "club" in my school and most are just looking for a girlfrined to spoil and they are super corny. only 3 of them are players.

[kheserthorpe]

What does 'player' mean to you?

A significant proportion will not commit and just play the field.

Some commit and play the field anyway.

Some commit but know exactly what they want and are not going to sit there if they aren getting it. These guys are generally open to committing but in no rush to - the woman needs to really impress them.

Some aren't interested in dating - they are religious and not ready to get married, or they simply aren't very interested in women. These guys can seem confident quite easily because they are never trying to impress.

[UnderDriven]

While it may be true that most players are confident and attractive, that does not mean that all (or even most) men who are confident and attractive are players. On the other hand, it may be difficult for a confident and attractive man to resist being a player. Still there have to be exceptions. Look at Gregory Peck, the famous actor--by all accounts he was totally faithful to his wife, even though he was surrounded by beautiful women in Hollywood...

[AndyWes]

Not all, but plenty. The confidence is more telling than looks, though good looks+confidence is player. Of course, we don't all get what we want. Even a great looking guy with great game probably gets shot down at least half the time. That's where confidence comes in. You have to shrug it off, and not care. That's a key difference between what girls call a "player" and what they call the dateless "sweet, nice guys", haha.

[DutchAtheist]

"All", no of course not.

But I do think a lot of them are. Your emphasis seems to be on appearance though, I'd say confidence leaning towards arrogance is more of a giveaway, no matter what he looks like.

I know some unattractive guys that play heaps of unattractive, insecure girls. Cocky as can be of course.

[ladsin]

typically because he can get what he wants, similar to good looking girls that are confident being bitches... they are typically pampered by the other sex and as a result internalize it and assume they deserve it. guys typically become players, girls typically will just start freaking out over every little thing because link

[Anonymous]

No, of course not.

From my observations, male looks have very little to do with male confidence. And good looks aren't required to be super successful with women, though they do help.

Nor is confidence by itself enough. A guy needs what I call confidence/charm.

But, even if a guy is successful with women, he isn't guaranteed to be a player, though he will be tempted to be one.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

It depends on what you're calling a 'player'. Usually confident, attractive guys have multiple options...so they're less likely to put up with a girl giving him sh*t.

[Anonymous]

not all but a sizable chunk. they will have options and women give it up now days so why wouldn't theyn

[HungryJones]

Nah it's not always true, anyone can be a player.

[Anonymous]

No some of them look like peadophiles.

[diegoD]

ha ha I didn't know you could spot peadophiles by their looks

[Dealinginreality]

Yes. We have many choices on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

If they're also outgoing almost always

[Anonymous]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Anonymous]

Yes