Why are single men labeled 'losers'?

[Anonymous]

Isn't this so annoying? If a woman is single, people appreciate her and say things like "she's focusing on her career", "she's waiting for the right man" etc. But if a man is single, he is almost always labeled a "loser" and people believe that he has some serious flaw due to which he is unable to find a partner.

I'm a 28 year old man, University graduate with a reasonably good job. I had been involved in a few relationships earlier (which most people don't know), but I have been single since more than 5 years. Right now, I don't feel that I'm ready for a relationship or even dating. And if I force myself into a relationship just because this stupid society expects me, then I won't be able to do justice to the relationship. It would be totally unfair for me, and even more so for the woman. I'm sick and tired of people asking me "How could you be single for so long?", "When will you introduce us to your special someone?" and even "If you're having trouble finding a girlfriend, I can set you up with someone". Why the hell can't they understand that its MY life and MY choice about when I want to date? Why do they have to poke their nose into my personal matters?

On the other hand, my female cousin who's 26 and single, actually gets so much praise on a daily basis. Everyone lauds her for controlling herself before finding the 'right man'. What the hell.

Its not only about me or my female cousin, but I'm saying in general. So is it mandatory for all adult men to be either in a relationship or married? Don't they have the liberty to remain single until they feel they are ready for a relationship, without every other person saying nasty or irritating stuff about them?

[Theguyoverthere]

There are situations where women not having a partner can be viewed negatively but it depends on the crowd. If you have a bar scene for example and the table is a girls' table and they are all bragging about the boyfriends, the single girl will feel left out while all the materialistic girls are saying junk like "Well my boyfriend has a house" while the next is "well my boyfriend is a CEO" and all that.

But at the same time you can have a crowd of girls and they are all in school focusing on their studies like you said. So it can go either way.

As for guys not being in a relationship, most don't care. I've been single a majority of my life and get many shocked reactions. I just haven't found a girl who is serious with dating and have been constantly bumping into trash over the years. It's not something I can control as I cannot control the actions of others. I don't see much of a loser vibe with it though and all it takes to shut up someone who is judgmental is simply say "my life, my choices." There are many women out there who if I dated, would easily lower my standards of living. My last girlfriend wanted to jeopardize my financial situation and make stupid choices in an attempt to "change" me. She's single now. Fuck that.

[Cheeseburgers]

"If a woman is single, people appreciate her and say things like "she's focusing on her career", "she's waiting for the right man" etc."

That's because women can find a mate whenever they want, if they so chose.

Will it be the most ideal male? Who knows.

Conversely, a single man is synonymous with a male who cannot seduce women. It displays a lack of skill.

It is also why men who can sleep with lots of women are celebrated. It displays great skill.

[Asker]

You speak the truth, but the truth is nasty. So this stupid society wants me to date or be in a relationship whether I'm ready for it or not. But later when things go wrong (obviously it will never work when I'm not ready for it), these same people obviously won't do anything to help me out.

[Conviction]

The truth is always nasty, my friend.

[Anonymous]

As an often single woman, I feel like this goes the opposite direction and that single men are seen as "doing their own thing" and single women are seen as sad sacks.

As for you and your cousin, it's possible that she just gets more praise in general. That happens in most families. And if she ends up being still single at 28 ... the tune might change.

Single people, in general, aren't looked upon well. We're kind of outliers - which explains why we're single more often than average to begin with.

[Asker]

Well...you do make a valid point, but just have a look at CheeseBugers' answer to the right of your answer. His point seems to be valid as well.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree some but would add the disclaimer that it depends on the person in question, of course. Many women can't find a mate whenever they choose - much less one that they actively enjoy (the same as men). For some reason, people just tend to give more advice to people who stick to themselves. Perhaps they mistake introversion for lack of personal thought?

[Asker]

Yeah, exactly! Although I'm not really an introvert because I do go out quite often and have a a few selected friends with whom I enjoy quality time. Its just that I have a certain focus in my mind, and until i achieve that goal, I feel that a woman in my life would actually be a distraction rather than an asset. Also, I'm quite busy with my career, so right now I'm not in a position to invest even the minimum amount of time required to sustain a relationship. So tell me, aren't these valid reasons for me to remain single?

[Opinion Owner]

I think they are, but you're preaching to the choir. I'm more independent (not in the way that it conventionally applies to women) than most and take a lot of flack for it from people who don't understand. You are who you are. Don't let people get you down because they don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Who says a man who is single a loser? It doesn't.