What To Say and What Not to Say to People Battling Eating Disorders

[Anonymous]

What not to say...

1. Just eat

This one is not only aggravating but it also doesn't help anyone. When you say this to someone with anorexia or any other eating disorder it just emphasizes the fact that you don't understand what they are going through. It is extremely difficult to battle an eating disorder and when people say this to me it upsets me because although eating might seem like an easy task to you it is painful and horrifyingly difficult for me.

2. You look sick

Although you are probably trying to help when you say this... you are not. It just adds to my long list of insecurities and actually fuels my anorexia. When someone says this to anyone with an eating disorder it can be not only offensive but actually counterproductive.

3. You are being selfish

I am honestly sorry if my eating disorder is inconvenient for you but I can't control it. You should never say this to someone with an eating disorder. It adds a world of guilt and shame over something they can't control. Eating disorders, like any illness are not a choice. They are a disease and should be treated like one.

4. We need to fatten you up

Yes I have had three people say this to me. This makes me not want to eat at all. When I am about to face all my inner demons and you bring this up it just adds to the thoughts of how eating will make me fat. Please think before you speak. Instead try saying something like food will make you stronger, etc.

5. You don't listen to me

Believe me, when you tell me to eat I do listen. It is more complicated than that. I am trying to change and improve and this is not helping. If you really wanted to help me recover you would not be adding shame and guilt. I will emphasize this one more time. Please think before you speak. This is the opposite of helpful to anyone with an eating disorder.

6. I understand how you are feeling

Nobody understand unless they have lived through an eating disorder so please don't tell me or anyone else with an eating disorder this. It is often said with the best intentions but it is not helpful and it actually shows that you don't understand the excruciating pain of living with an eating disorder.

What to say...

1. I am here for you

This might seem mainstream but it is one of the most helpful things you can tell someone struggling with an eating disorder. Letting someone know that you are here for them is amazing and can give them so much support that they truly need in this difficult time.

2. You are beautiful

I would recommend to avoid commenting on weight specifically ("You are skin and bones" etc.) but saying you are beautiful is incredibly reassuring to the individual suffering from an eating disorder. Even if they don't see their beauty you saying this will give them more confidence and encourage them to be themselves.

3. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you

This shows the individual that although you do not understand what they are going through you are making an effort to support them through it.

4. What can I do to help you

Personally, suffering from anorexia I have always loved control. This gives the victim of an eating disorder control and shows you what you can do to help them.

5. Eating will make you stronger

Personally, my anorexic voices would often comment on how eating would make me weak along with all the other lies they would tell me. This is reassuring, encourages them to eat and challenges the lies of the eating disorder.

6. You deserve to eat

This will challenge the thoughts of their eating disorder and encourage them to eat. This is extremely helpful.

7. You are so strong for battling this

This encourages them to keep battling their eating disorder and shows them that you are recognizing their efforts.

Please think before you speak! Eating disorders are not a choice or a lifestyle. They are a disease and should be treated like one. What you say can have a huge impact on someone with an eating disorder. So please... THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!!

[helloitsmethere]

Is this also a response to all the Eugenia Cooney shit that has been circulating around social media? Tbh... Greg (Onision) should leave the girl alone because he CLEARLY isn't helping the way how he is doing things. He is acting like it is her damn fault for having an eating disorder. He made videos constantly making fun of her and harassing her and made a petition to ban her off YouTube which is obviously making her happy and he needs to be stopped. :/

[myTake Owner]

Tbh I have spent a lot of time focusing on my recovery and not so much on social media so I do not know much about this. I defenitely feel this could apply to any situation though including harassement about an eating disorder.

[kespethdude]

Onision is a fucking moron. Nothing he says makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad to see that you're understating of this we need raise awareness of these things

[Anonymous]

What if you're not sure if your friend or loved one has an eating disorder but she or he looks very thin? My friend always looked thin since I met her so it's difficult to tell if she is naturally thin or may have an eating disorder? When we are out eating she doesn't eat much but neither do I so I can't tell if it's a disorder or if she just gets full fast. I want her to know I care but I don't want to hurt her feelings by asking. What can I do?

[myTake Owner]

I would just try and show her that you care. Try and not accuse her of anything but say something like I'm really worried about you, and is there anything I can do to help. Try not to comment directly on her weight by saying like ur skin and bones. That can be really harmful. Instead say something like you can tell me anything. If things don't seem to improve and she doesn't say anything then I would ask her straight out showing that u care for her. If she denies she has a problem but you are very concerned you could consider talking to a professional also. For me my friends are very honest with me in almost an intervention and although it was terrifying it really benefited me. Hope everything goes well

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for the advice, and glad to know that your friend's were there to help you too.

[Anonymous]

I think people often forget the other end of eating disorders too. Those that overeat and are addicted to food. For them, people just call them lazy or greedy or whatever. It's so bad when anybody has any sort of eating disorder or mental health problem I think, because most people will just think the person can just get over it if only they'd try (insert some magic thing they can do) and they'll be better.

[Luci92]

Thank you for sharing something so personal, I really appreciate the advice and I definitely think this can help a friend of mine a lot.

[myTake Owner]

Glad it could help

[RJGraveyTrain]

Well said.

[Adigelunar]

well donee

[MissSakura]

good job