My Struggles With Body Insecurity

[Anonymous]

Body insecurity, I feel like, is one of those things where many people have experienced it, but not so many people talk about it. We have this idea of beauty from social media and we feel insecure if our bodies don't meet up to those standards. Women suffer the most from body insecurity, but guys suffer from it as well, including me. So today, I will be talking about my experience with body insecurity.

Let's rewind a little bit to my high school years. Such fun times, yet this was where my story began. I was considered very weak among my peers, in fact it was well known to everyone in my grade that I was one of the weakest guys in school (I'm talking physically of course). I was around 98 pounds my freshman year, which caused my peers to tease and poke fun at me. At that time, I didn't really care because it was guys just joking around as usual, but as it started to progress. I found that more and more girls started to ignore me or not take me seriously. The one thing I wanted in high school (and still want) is to date a girl, or at least for a girl to acknowledge that I exist. As more people found out about how weak I was, the less girls wanted to even acknowledge me, and no, this isn't a "woe is me" post (or at least it's not suppose to be), this was how my insecurity formed.

Guys would always ask to arm wrestle me. As innocent this may seem, the reason they would ask me was because they knew that I was weak and wanted to feel better about themselves or they wanted to show off to girls. Why I decided to accept those arm wrestling challenges still questions my mind to this day, but I did end up accepting them, and losing them all. One day, a girl decided to challenge me to an arm wrestle, and I lost to her. She was fit, but not enough to have incredible arm strength. Once this happened, rumors spread about how scrawny and weak I was. This only caused girls to run away from me further and a bottomless pit of jokes about me being too weak. This was the foundation of my body insecurity.

I hated the way my body looked. Hated it. So I decided to change. I started working out around my Junior year of high school. I remember getting my first gym membership at the Planet Fitness down the road. Once people found out I worked out there, they joked about how I would only last probably a month. Little did they know that they only fueled my motivation to go. My main motivation to go, however, was girls. I knew that girls like the muscular type of guys and I wanted to have girls acknowledge me and gossip to their friends about how hot and muscular I was. I also wanted them to stop thinking I was a weakling. That was my goal and still is my goal.

I would start to go to the gym three days a week, then four, then five. I would invest the little money I had to protein powder and pre-workout supplements. Some of my friends offered to help with training me so sometimes I brought them to my gym to help out. I started seeing some results, which fueled me to go further. This seems like the typical beginner gym guy startup right? Well here's where the insecurity part kicks in.

I would take photos of myself in the mirror more often then normal gym goers do. So many photos that it would almost take up all my space on my phone. I had convinced myself that it was to see my progression, but it was more than that. I didn't like how I looked in any of the photos I took. I looked too small. I would say to myself this body is too small for girls to like you, you need to get bigger. This still continues today.

I worked out intensely during my first year of college because I had more time to do so. In college, the girls were hotter and more into muscular dudes, so I knew that the gym had to be a major priority along with my studies. I would get depressed seeing these dudes who were bigger than me, attracting girls who were 10/10. It made me insecure about my own body. I would take more pictures of my body and look at them every week to see if I can get girls with the body that I have. It got to the point where if I knew I was going to go somewhere, where girls would also be there, I would do pushups and curls to get a "pump" because I found it embarrassing to go without one. It didn't matter of those girls all had boyfriends, I COULD NOT let them see me without a pump. The same went for taking pictures. If I knew that they would end up online, I wouldn't take them without getting a pump first. I had to make myself look the best I can in case girls were to see them.

When I came back from college and saw my friends, they all commented on how I looked bigger. I didn't believe them. I still don't believe them. My insecurity was (and still is) still strong within me, so I figured they were lying to spare my feelings. If I were to compare my insecurity to anything, I would compare it to this YouTube video. Yes, it's a buzzfeed video, but I found it informative and comparable to my life.

I have a lot of the same symptoms as this guy, except it's not as extreme. I don't run until I throw up (I barely run at all since that will cause me to lose weight), I don't have that strict of a diet, and I didn't start out fat. So yes, body insecurity is a real thing and it can get extreme like the guy in the video. Please feel free to share your story of body insecurity or comment on my story!

[CubsterShura]

While reading the first part I wanted to link you the buzzfeed video, but you already linked it! Great minds think alike, I guess. XD

I always had some sort of insecurity tbh. But I was most insecure after my first relationship. My ex would compare me with other girls and he would make me feel ugly. On Instagram I would see pics of the kind of girls considered attractive in our country, and I would cry. I starved myself to look skinnier. I wanted to bleach my skin. I felt terrible about how I look, to the point that I used to cry a lot. I'm definitely a lot more comfortable with myself now and I embrace my own positive traits, but I still have moments of feeling like shit.

Let me tell you one thing. Us girls definitely like strong guys, and every time I am out alone I feel like I'd feel much safer if I had a strong dude with me. Buuuttt strong doesn't have to equal muscle only. Physical strength is a good thing, but without mental strength it's nothing. Guys who boast about their bulging muscles are honestly annoying.

Ask them did they ever truly use all their strength for a good cause? Did they ever save someone in danger with it? I bet when such a guy's wife would be attacked by kidnappers he would actually be the first one to run away from there. I definitely don't want that sort of guy. I know that you don't need a lot of muscle to be strong. You need courage.

So don't fret about it, it's just silly. I know it's hard to believe it, I've been there guys telling me that I am pretty but I was in denial. Still never stop thinking positively cause eventually you will feel better. ❤

[4nication]

^^Preach

[englisc]

I think a lot of guys get like this, in fact it's true of a large number of bodybuilders and is usually their main motivation. At one point I was the same, when I was in my teens at least. Every time I saw my reflection I'd look at myself and think I was too small.

What you have to realise is that looks are the be all and end all. They matter of course but you don't need to be huge to attract women. In fact studies show that when asked, men over-estimate the size that women prefer men to be by about 30lbs. Only very few prefer the steroid look, most just prefer an athletic physique, so the obsession with being huge is silly.

I also realised that it's more important what you can do with your body than how it looks. A lot of bodybuilders are also what are known as "empty boxes" - they look strong but in relation to their size they aren't really. Women look for signs of strength in men (muscle, height) because it signals that a man can protect them. Those guys are often phonies - they're neither as strong as they look nor can they fight, they're just pretty boys. What do you think women think of them when they get into a situation and they either get beat up because they're useless or they pussy out of it? When you think of it like that, you should care more about your actual strength and ability. Obsession over appearance should be left to women.

[4nication]

Dude, I want to commend you for sharing this. That is so fucking brave, and I sympathize with what you have gone through. I am naturally slim/skinny myself, so your feelings aren't 100% foreign to me. I struggle to add muscle.

But here is the thing, dude: Women are not so much attracted to muscle as they are attracted to strength. The types of bodies they are attracted to are CrossFit bodies, swimmer bodies. Not bodybuilder bodies. Think FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH. That means strength that is actually useful in the real world. Not muscles so big it makes it awkward for the guy to move around. Not men so lean you can see every vein.

Either sign up for CrossFit (also a great way to meet girls) or do calisthenics (bodyweight exercises) at home. There is an awesome ebook on Amazon called Convict Conditioning. Check it out!

thematinggrounds. com/how-to-be-attractive-to-women-pt-12-get-in-shape-physical-health/

Good luck!

[Dihiya]

Honestly speaking, I know a lot of girls (Including me) who have dated or had being attracted to fat/or skinny guys, really is not a matter of body shape it's more about charisma and personalite (me for example, I like intelligent and I mean really intelligentquit guys , egoistic extroverts guys are not my cup of tea).
I used to hate my face because of acne/acne scars (although they weren't bad but the faces of the models I saw on social media made me think "that's how I should look"), but 'halas' I could do nothing about my hormonal acne and scars
Then someday I got up and looked in the mirror and thought F**** that S**, beauty industry, and social media who am'i trying to impress? men? society? I don't give a dam about them!!! so why am'i doing this to myself ? , there are peoples who suffer real problems and I'm here bitching about my face so I started embracing and liking myself more, naw when I look at the mirror, I'm satisfied and I don't want to change a damn thing (if i get rid of the acne, it would be good though), the guys how approaches me are fully aware of what my face looks like without any "camouflage" and are genuinely interested in knowing and bounding with me.
So try thinking of the positive things in your life and how lucky you are to have them, try doing some benevolent work (it would take your mind of your insecurities, and give you something worth bragging about).

Good luck

[TheBigSoftie]

I'm not all that insecure about my body.
I'm chubby and weak and that is caused by poor diet, not exercising, and a crazy irregular sleep schedule. Some days I'll sleep at midnight and wake up at 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning, other times I'll sleep at 10:00 at night and wake up one to four times either to go to the bathroom or just wake up for no reason that I am aware of. Other times I'll fall asleep between 10:00 and 11:30 and wake up at around 6:30 and 7:30 in the morning.
The way I eat doesn't help either. I usually eat a lot of junk food or cheap generic meals (mac and cheese, hot dogs, cheddar broccoli noodles, etc.), OR fast food, because I am too lazy and forbidden to change my diet. The lazy part comes from having fruits and veggies in the house and me eating junk afterwards, and the fact that my mother doesn't care about my health enough to let me apply for a gym membership, or continue to buy fruits and veggies so I can be healthier. Also, my mother will cook whenever she feels like cooking, which is usually once or twice, sometimes three or four times a week.
Her excuses include, "I'm tired", "I don't feel like cooking", "I don't have enough money to buy food", whenever, she makes $1,400 a month on SSI and blows money on stupid shit, like checking out shit online, paying $50-75 a week on daily psychic readings and $10-20 a week on cigarettes, and God knows what else.
But frankly, I'm not insecure of being chubby, but I am a little disappointed in myself that I am basically a weakling. It would be cool to go to a gym and build some muscle.

[lord_chilled]

i can kinda relate.
i mean, i wasn't ever obsessed with it, never took pics etc. but when i looked at myself in the mirror i didn't like how i looked. i focussed on the good areas, my developed parts, but the rest wasn't satisfactory. and my size was always small, i was much too skinny, so even if i felt i got in better shape, i would still look to small in group pics, so i tried to avoid them.

being skinny and weak is very unattractive to women. lean and athletic is a very different thing , those guys are much stronger and faster. they have impressive bodies , even if they don't have a huge body.

but being weak and skinny is a lack of muscles, not just more defined ones. and being tall doesn't help there.

lifting weights and getting stronger has helped tough. not there yet, but at least im progressing.
for me actually i think gaining strength has given me more confidence than size

[Al666]

I'm working out these days and feel comfortable with my body shape. The only regret is my height. I'm 6 feet but I could be taller, I remember when I was in school I was taller than others because I grew faster than them and wasn't comfortable with that. So I didn't like to grow more, but today I wish I was taller.

[Anonymous]

I struggled with anorexia for about 7 years. While body insecurity was part of it, it was more out of the need to control the one thing I had a choice in. I remember purging everytime I was upset after having arguments with my overbearing mother. It was pretty sick, I could have only eaten an orange and I still felt the need to purge.

[Anonymous]

I've been around 120-140lb boxers & they were never fucked with because of course their boxing abilities but tbh those narrow minded youngsters who you've been dealing with probably aren't as tough as they seem if they care too much about strength

you would of been better off learning how to kick ass then to look "good"
you would of been able to not only learn real self defense but also be much more physically stronger & as well as mentally

[lord_chilled]

if people know you know martial arts, or even that you can fight, they won't mess with you.
but once you get over high school, or college in some places, you won't get into any real fights anyway.

for most adults, regular or trained martial artists, they never had a fight as adults, outside of competition.
when i was a kid and taking judo classes, i asked my master how many guys he had beat. he said many in tournaments, but no one on the streets.

later when i took up kung fu, i asked my instructor the same thing, and he also said he never had a real fight, the closest thing was him de escalating situations. i admit you can't do that without confidence in your abilities and mental strength.

but the point is that in modern society, being strong and looking good is more important than knowing how to fight.

plus, for most people, being big and strong is still more of a deterrent anyway.
people stop messing with a smallmartial artists after they know or have tested him.
big , strong dudes

[lord_chilled]

RARELY , if ever get tested in the first place.
there is an untouchability factor when it comes to size.

im a skinny guy, and when i go out with a new group of guys they might test me just kick me on the butt or something, but i will see it coming and cath their foot. something as simple as that will put it in their minds that im not "easy" and they stop. and im actually an average or slightly above average fighter at best, since i haven't sparred or trained in so long.
people are just easily impressed.

but if i were a big guy, they wouldn't try that shit in the first place.
im not very talkative and somewhat stoic in person. as a skinny guy, that makes you more approachable ( at least for males) but if i were big, that would for certain lead other dudes to avoid me.

so he was right in his approach for strength and size.
surviving an attack is not a daily concern for most.
but being popular or attractive is.

[Juxtapose]

Orrrr you could just not give a fuck what small minded idiots think of your body..

You people constantly surprise me.. does it ever occur to you how tribal you are acting?

[myTake Owner]

This is not a case of tribalism, but a case of insecurity, something most people suffer from.

[Juxtapose]

Let me put it this way..

The people worth feeling insecure around won't give you a reason to feel insecure, they'll just accept you.

If you be yourself and mean nobody any harm, then only assholes will judge you.

[Anon-ymous1]

Nice man. I like that you turned your frustration into real action and real results. The problem a lot of people have is that they don't do that, and they then just sit on their asses. That's not you, and that's awesome. Keep up the good work.

[Malita55]

I know how awful it can be to have body insecurity, keep your head high.

[DacryAdrianna]

I have body insecurities, but I'm just to lazy to fix my problems.

[Shydude91]

I know girls like guys with some flesh on but trust me they don't like really muscular guys either, they find it disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Being hung up on your body is a dead end... whether guy or girl. What are you going to do when you get older?

[Anonymous]

then work out and do exercise
both female and male

I promise it will go way up

[CarpetDenim]

Interesting

[Anonymous]

do exercise that simple

[LeaLee]

I am very insecure

[jacquesvol]

Nobody is perfect

[LegateLanius]

Thank you.

[CT_CD]

Great myTake

[BOUNTYGUY9]

l am my temple