Who Would I Be Without this Shadow?

[Anonymous]

It is important to recognize that depression can affect ANYONE, regardless how put-together or normal they look.

Who Would I Be Without this Shadow?

I wish I could trace back
The path to my unbecoming.
Before I became self-aware.
At what point do we choose
To love ourselves or to hate?
The first time we allow
A hateful hand
To caress our body with pain.
The final straw
Of a careless mistake.
There are moments
Filled with happiness.
But this filth and smog
Has been so suffocating.
For so long
Who would I be
Without this shadow?
I just need to learn
To start over
And seek love
Instead of unworthiness.

I'm done cowering and I want to fight back. I need to figure out where to start.

I just left my counselor's office and I'm feeling supremely drained of energy and emotion. I guess maybe that's a good thing except I don't know where to go from here. I'm supposed to be working on myself. "I deserve to be happy." That's my mantra that I'm supposed to adopt for the next however long. It feels so humiliating to have to be told to say those words to yourself. I just want to be fucking normal. I'm ready to make a change. I need a change. I also need help and wisdom. So if you can, please answer these two things:

- Have you ever known anyone who actually beat depression? I am afraid that it is bigger than me-- that I won't ever get past it .
- What positive things do you acknowledge about yourself? I am supposed to write ONE positive thing about myself every day. Where would you start with yourself?

[lightbulb27]

The "I deserve to be..." must be changed to "I am...". I deserve to be is a request... your internal mind will smack it down because it doesn't want to change. The "I am"" must be repeated until it is believed. The problem being, the pre-recorded sub conscious mind says... oh no you aren't... look what happened, which is a strong emotional recording in your mind, spirit and body! That needs released. It takes reinforcement, repetition, being in the moment, recognition of how fortunate you are, physical release, recognition of your creation, to experience that joy. Then do that over and over. There is a letting go... can't control everything, can't change the past, only have now... that's buddah wisdom, and others. Jesus and others have their value. Jesus gives the doorway out of all this.. faith in him leaps over the old trashed programming to have hope and be renewed, that gets us functioning where we should be. Only one I know of that does that.

In the above is processing old wounds. Losses, failings and re-working those and turning over to God. Cannot erase memories, can re-define those memories so the lies they told about you are corrected, the emotional messages are released from the body. God/Jesus helpful here. I'm working with a counselor, 80yrs old, to help her deliver a program she built over years to help people get past traumas. The tools are out there. She has lot of evidence it works and makes sense given understanding of how we operate. the Problem is we have programming in us that is not of "love", which is what we want, from conception til adulthood... that programming sits inside and controls until it is corrected. We basically adopt our environment, whatever that is, and we become like it to survive in it. But that env is not pristine and the programming is filled with lies we believe, not the truth of what God designed us to be. We are made in the image of God, which is love, unlimited potential. So the false programming, lies, have to be re-worked, then we are freed from those. The depression is thus the internal messages pre-recorded trigging chemicals to bring one down to where the messages say we should be. Internal F#@3ers so to speak. Relationships... are excellent at exposing our inner flaws... and exasperating these flaws, but we do it even on our own.

A) I have not known that many depressed people in person, the two I knew took meds, generally a bad idea I think as it is a crutch and trap that leads to other meds. I think we go through growth spurts, change spirts... chemical release with a new love, or a new challenge creates potential for change, then we level off after a few months. We don't want to change... it takes effort to do so, thus, always have to be challenging yourself and setting new goals. I have ups and downs. Just realizing not everything goes in a straight line helps. The very physical healing process is forward some, back some... a re-tracement of past (e. g. nerve damage repair retraces the pain furthest to closest).

B) Positive things: Self talk is huge. I can find myself saying negative thigns and frustrated as heck about the day. Often, it's just how I feel, it may be certain foods that trigger it. Then I have to re-think... what a beautiful day, love the spring aromas, I'm so lucky, etc.. So I stop my negative and speak positive.
"I am attractive"
"Im in great health", smart, creative, likeable, only 38 years old... sometimes 27, wealthy.
I continually have to re-work the programming... I have deep flaws as well... I'm sick of them, and I'm getting rid of them as they no longer serve me.

Realizing you want to change I think is the first step, that's what I took.

I think understanding your mind and self helps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gks6ceq4eQ

The old programming is there, that's the bugger. So it is repetition of new and reinforcing it that helps.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you thank you ❤

[myTake Owner]

I really appreciate the part where you said you're getting rid of those negative thoughts because they no longer serve you. I'm working on the positive speak but it's hard to dredge up the positives. So I'm borrowing them from the people who care about me because, for the most part, I trust their judgement.

[lightbulb27]

Thank you, that to me is the motivator, they at one time defined me... they were other peoples insecurity pushed onto me, not the real me. I see what's going on now with me (and the human race), and I'm working on me, and others to my ability. It's layers of an onion for sure... built up over childhood and passed down in generations. I think in every trauma is a learning and a growing and rebirth. But when we are hurt, we record a message about ourselves that was not true... it was a lie projected by a person who was unloving (sin) and projected their stuff onto us. Bible:Fall of man started that way, so true! Could just be in an instant from a person that does care for you, but a lapse of judgement. I see who is screwing me... me.. my false programming!:) God has the higher view and purpose of me, and you.

this is really good. see how you operate, helps.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB-vh6VWdcM

Yes, so you have a blind spot to your gifts and value. That's interesting itself... self limiting worth, oppression... continual re-processing is exhausting... depression! That strikes me as someone telling you you weren't good enough, or feeling that way, and you being a sensitive person, probably high empathy, with spiritual gifts yet uncovered. You have great presence and passion and power and much to give as you rise above... the butterfly emerges from the cocoon so to speak! One of my favorite thoughts... how does that thought feel?

[lightbulb27]

I asked a counselor about what is the root of depression and is it solvable, as someone else asked the same I can no longer find. Answer: "I am nobody", "I can't..." "Nobody wants me..." all the self-talk that creates emotions of hopelessness and helplessness. This is learned from early childhood, and they need to ask God to take them back to the root event (s)." There is a process to take back to the developmental stages, that will expose the lies, and thus heal those lies. It's deeper recorded messages that need healed. Note, this is Christian counselor and her program is all God based, which makes sense to me. God is love, that's our design, that is what we want and want returned to. hope that helps...

[coachTanthony]

My brother deals with anxiety and depression. I somehow never got it even though most my family members do. He takes medicine and still complains he is depressed. I don't have any answers for him or anybody that does. I do watch a ton of self help because I may not be depressed but I am certainly not happy all the time so I struggle to find tools. I did find one which is incredible and has helped me a lot. Check out the video below. I love this woman for everything she has done to help others in all aspects of their life. Such an amazing story.

I hope it gets better for you and you do fine that "sense of normal" sometime soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaBg1XzDnSU

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for sharing.
I like how you phrased that-- not happy all of the time. No one is, so I shouldn't expect that. I just need to not dwell on the bad things that no longer exist.
I was ready to make the change in 5 seconds but then I saw it was a 45 minute video. I AM going to carve out time in my day for wellness.

Thank you.

[spuitkaas]

I feel like I almost beat depression, however I'm taking a small dosis of antidepressants to I can't say I completely beat it. When I feel ready and life is a bit less stressful, I want to stop my meds. Before that, I can't say I fully beat it, but I definitely don't feel depressed anymore.
One thing I really struggled with during depression was the thought it would always be like this and I won't be happy because it became part of my personality. This is just a completely distorted view your negagivity has created in hope to comfort you. Think realistically about the time you actually felt happy. Maybe childhood, maybe just for 2 seconds when you felt like the weather was nice. This will set a goal. To be like that again.
Also something I discovered with my therapist was that I was always very harsh on myself. Way harsher than I was on other people and I always blamed myself. Other people could make mistakes, but I couldn't I thought, but that's not true. Look at yourself from a different perspective. Is it fair how you treat yourself? Because not everything is your fault. Sometimes it's bad luck. Sometimes it's other people treating you badly and that's on them, not you.
Other than that, I noticed how a lot of my depression derived from my anxiety. I've had social anxiety since I was 5 years old. It's something I've always struggled with and I was at a point where I could deal with it and was the extraverted person I actually am, but it was always a struggle to take that overcoming my anxiety step and it always took a lot of energy. I also struggled with some general anxiety, which didn't make things better. That's where the antidepressants help mostly for me. Just to take the anxiety away a bit and dare to do things that make you happy and not being held back by some extreme emotions.
I don't want to promote antidepressants, because they worked for me very well, they might not work for you, but these are just some experiences. I do always recommend people to take therapy. It can only get better when you're on your lowest.

[lightbulb27]

It's good you could trac the anxiety trigger back to 5yr old. what do you think was the cause of that? you don't have to share it. find that, resolve it emotionally, and the anxiety is resolved... no longer in control.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for sharing. Does it feel like something you can conquer? That's the scary part for me--- it feels completely out of my control.
I was on some meds for a little while but it made things worse.
The most relatable part here is how harsh you are with yourself. I do the same thing. If I do something silly, like a small mistake at work, I feel like a complete failure. But I allow errors for others without criticism.

[spuitkaas]

@lightbulb27 I don't think it's an event that made me anxious. I think I'm a person prone to anxiety and my childhood helped me develop social anxiety. I say 5 years old, because that's the earliest memory I have from being anxious in a social situation. I think my social anxiety might have something to do with my older sister. She was articulate from a young age, while I wasn't. My older sister also suffered a lot from sister envy for attantion from my parents so she would push me down in anything to get attention she used to get before I was born. My parents often fell for it and gave conditional love for me. I was loved when I did something better or as good as my sister. Since being articulate was her strong point and my weak point, I developed a low social-image and that executed itself into stuttering when I was young and feeling like I was being judged everytime I said something.
I don't think it's easy to overcome something you've grown up with for years. Also because this is one of the reasons I have social anxiety, but there are probably many more reasons.

[spuitkaas]

@StingRayxoxo at the time I didn't feel like that at all. Right now I do feel like I could conquer it, but it definitely takes hard work.
Yeah meds don't work for everyone and not every med is the same. I take sertraline (zoloft) of 25mg, which is more specialized in treating anxiety. I think antidepressants work well if you really have a lack of energy or you have anxiety to do anything. They're meant as a tool, rather than a solution, for you to really work on things and experience better things in life.
I feel like I blamed myself all the time, because I felt like I had more control over the things happening to me, however, it's not fair to yourself to blame everything on you. Try to blame other things. One example I have is when I did my driver's test the first time, it was a complete disaster. I had a panic attack out of nowhere, so I pulled over and my examinator scolded me for crying about nothing. Mind you it was a special "failing anxiety examination". So yeah I didn't make it because I was too insecure on the road. At first I thought it was all my fault for crying over nothing and acting too insecure, but later I could also think of it as 'well that examinator was a real dick for not comforting me and scolding me for having failure anxiety of a failure anxiety examination'. Also I was in a bad period at the time where I just broke up with my emotionally abusive boyfriend and he still texting me for benefits and such and other things happening.
Take things out of yourself, because if someone else told me the story of that driving test, I would say to that person as well that the examinator was a dick anyways etc. Imagine how you would treat others and treat yourself like that, because you can't blame yourself for everything and can't control life.

[lightbulb27]

Interesting, you are fortunate to be ontop of the issue. What you write makes so much sense, the anxiety (I'll call that excess stress and thought) burns out the energy. so you are youngest? Your sister had better verbal skills and you being younger, and maybe personality attributes... and not developed in that way, it set you back more. Ability to express yourself. That's similar to me, except I didn't go anxiety, I went shy, withdrawn, and socially withdraw. I developed adrenal fatigue in 20's. Solutions for me were reducing stress, meditation, diet changes help, lots of exercise outdoors... the emotional part was Christ. I never thought about a counselor back then, that was for crazy people. Now I know better and would have benefited. I think it's like weeding a garden to some extent to correct the flawed emotional programming and lies we believe about ourselves. Correct that, the emotional and physical problems are resolved. Never took meds other than vitamins, which I question the validity of.

[spuitkaas]

@lightbulb27 I also dug deep to find a causation, however, this is just a theory derived from my desperation to find something. Maybe it's not even true.
I'm the middle kid. My younger sister is almost 5 years younger than me and has Down Syndrome so she and I never had that competition. She just needed a lot of attention but I was fine with that.
Yeah personality definetly attributes. My sister is fiery and very extraverted and will let the whole world know if something is bothering her. I'm definitely more reserved and calm.
I feel like the line between social anxiety and shyness/socially withdrawn is very fine.
I personally don't believe in adrenal fatigue. As someone that studies neuroscience and knows quite a lot about endocrinology, I don't think it's possible to have adrenal glands drained. Especially because this phenomenon has never been scientifically proven.
I feel like curing depression or anxiety can't be completely done by reducing stress, meditation etc. Maybe if you're lucky, but most people don't. When I was depressed, I tried everything to get rid of it, also working out, eating healthy etc, but if you're really depressed, that doesn't work. Also I'm not religious and never been. It's not something for me and neither for many other people.
I do believe there are many false assumptions we have about ourselves, however the older we get, the less prominent they get. That's how some people can kind of' grow out' of their mental issues, but not everyone is depressed or anxious because of those assumptions.
I don't believe in vitamins. Maybe if you really have a deficiency, but that doesn't happen very often if you eat and live normally.

[midnightmoon05]

Thank you for sharing Missy...
I don't know anyone who beat depression.

One positive thing for yourself, your amazing healthy self, able to get up to go to work.
2. Have a beautiful daughter.
3. A lovely family
and many more... a great job.. etc..
__________________
I don't have depression, but am challenged by being a woman. The hormonal changes each month to the extreme.
The worse... I can hurt others.
I am trying to avoid/take control taking baby steps.
It's like a heavy dark cloud cast over me all day and sick to my stomach, cry for no reason... everything just negative... makes me wonder why such suffering.
I know soon, I will be all happy and bubbly again...
I have a lot to look forward to with my life, and with what I have.
xoxo

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for your encouragement.
It is such a scary thing to consider that no one knows someone who has beaten it.

I know what you mean. I have hurt some, pushed them away, scared them away. And I don't blame them.

Hang in there ❤

[ChiTown33]

I guess i'm fortunate then that i've never dealt with depression. Sure i've gotten depressed but to quote Tupac I always knew "Through every dark night there's a bright day after that, so keep your head up, stick your chest out, and handle it".
I guess my strength comes from knowing i have family that loves me unconditionally ( which surprises me because sometimes i can't understand why, what it is they see in me that i don't)
But beyond that your born into this world alone, you leave this world alone, So if i'm alone throughout life why am i here. It has ro be for a purpose. I have faith it's because i'm where god wants me to be. I am here to do his will. And apparently he feels this is how i best serve him.

Where would i start? Think of yourself as a candle you bring light to a dark world. Think about how much light you provide to people in pain just on G@G. That's a gift even if you don't realize it. A well timed word can change someones day completely. And you probably do this repeatedly in real life without even knowing it. All these people whether you know it or not huddle around your candle for light. And if you weren't here they'd be left in darkness. And the world in turn eould be that much darker.

[myTake Owner]

❤Man, you got me with that last part.

You're a wise man, @ChiTown33. I'm glad to hear that you're strong in your path of what God wants you to be doing. And to quote the man, Tupac!

Thank you.

[Robertcw]

Hey, maybe take a look at some of my takes on rumination, inner voices and self image.

I write on psychology based in what I learn in the classroom— applying it to my life and others.

Often anxieties like you describe are caused by a conditionally loving parenting style. Meaning they only loved you if you did something they wanted, if not then they punished or scorned.

The feeling arises out of an internalized external view of the self. Ie. The self in relation to those demands placed on you growing up, this causes your ideal self to be incongruent with your actual self — and this is the exact cause of feelings of anxiety and poor self-esteem.

The way to fix this is to bring your ideal self in-line with your actual self by 1. Working on self-improvement in the best way you can and 2. When you hit your limits accept them and continue onwards.

It’s an act of exploration to start living by your intrinsic sense of self and desires via learning healthy assertiveness, defined as respectfully stating your wishes firmly and honestly.

By trial and error you can embrace who you are and align your ideal self and your actual self, and *that* is how to beat depression, via congruence.

[myTake Owner]

You're definitely on the right track. My parents really loved me-- it was more my own perception that thought they would only love me if I was xyz. They both had a rough childhood and worked hard to provide for us. It felt like I couldnt mess up or make a mistake or even have any problems because of how good we had it. It felt like so much pressure to be perfect. So when I fell short (even in something minuscule), I belittled myself because I wasn't good enough.

I like that though-- accepting my limits and continuing.

Thank you for your response.

[spuitkaas]

Even though I love Rogers and psychology theories like these, I think applying a theory on real life is a bit too simplistic. One critique I and many other have on Rogers is that I feel like he puts too much emphasis on events happening in childhood and not so much on later in life and I think events later in life can have a great impact as well. So you can be unconditionally loved by your parents, but still have issues developed later. Same goes I think for conditional love and later having no issues at all. It depends on the person how they are affected by it and that goes back to the differential susceptibility theory by Jay Belsky where some people are more affected by negative and positive experiences and stress than others. In Dutch we call it the orchid /dandelion theory where the dandelion is strong and can grow anywhere and the orchid is fragile, but once well fed, it could grow into something exceptionally beautiful.

[AndrewMG]

Just a Beautiful take!
I'm wary about talking about mental health/depression as there are far more better people qualified and more insightful then I'll ever be on this subject. I've lost friends who have been affected and been lucky enough to manage to intervene in time and prevent the worst case scenario repeating itself when a friend took what would of been a fatal overdose. The lesson I learnt from the friend who survived was with the right medical help (and mental illness is no different than a physical illness-it's a chemical imbalance in the brain and can affect anyone, the myth is that this illness discriminates... It doesn't... rich/poor, male/female, introvert/extrovert... anyone can be affected) and support it can be beaten. His life has transformed massively since the suicide attempt and he has two extra children and a new wife, which at his lowest point he could never imagine having. I wouldn't want to risk his anonymity by giving too much away but he has conquered his depression and is now a very important figure in the local community I live in.
As for positive things about myself, well I'm naturally self deprecating lol, so lets focus on yourself. Even as someone who obviously only can use your words/answers/questions etc to get an idea of who you are, what's clear is the only problem you should have about writing one positive thing about your personality each day is the fact you've got too many positive qualities to round it down to just one.

[myTake Owner]

I'm REALLY glad to hear that he has transformed so much. It's very scary to consider how many people have not conquered it. I HAVE to. I hate this and I don't want to live this way anymore. It's exhausting to feel so much. I need to stop CHOOSING to be weighed down by negatives and allow the good things to flood my life.
So how does a self-deprecating person consider the positive things? I'm not self-deprecating, I'm literally self-hating. But today's a new day and I'm choosing to not be that anymore so now I need to figure out some positives.
It's kind of humiliating to admit all this. And I have generally tuned people out when they say stuff about me that's nice because I reject it so much.
I'm good at "talking" a lot. Typing thoughts I mean.
I did it.

[myTake Owner]

Also, thank you for the kind words and encouragement. ❤

[loveslongnails]

Perhaps it's time you realized that the vast majority of "nice stuff" and compliments about your character (or attractiveness) coming your way, are genuinely given because that's what people see in you. So when someone says "I think you're a caring person with a good heart, because I see that you care about people, life, animals, etc", and you say "no, I'm not", you should stop right there. You should say to yourself.. "Actually, I DO care about those things. It's an accurate statement to say I care". People view that kind of caring as something a person with a "good heart" would do. YOU don't think to yourself "hey, I have a good heart so I'm going to do all these things, or be a certain way"... no, you just do what you do. You don't pat yourself on the back, you just keep doing the right thing. And THAT is about as positive a life thing as you can have. I'm certainly no expert on "clinical depression" and the extent to which it may be chemically induced in the brain. That's beyond my scope. I can only observe how you treat people and what you've said and portrayed. From that, I've seen nothing but good things.

[AndrewMG]

It certainly should not be considered humiliating to open yourself up, it's incredibly brave instead. Importantly realising it's an illness as opposed to a reflection on who/what you are is vital. I've met people in life who have been massively narcissistic when they've had little reason to be and an increasing amount of people who have been dominated by self hating/self loathing when they've had no reason. Every bit of evidence I've seen/read from yourself suggest that accepting/acknowledging the good stuff people say about you is a far more accurate reflection on yourself then what any black dog on your shoulder may try to say.

[myTake Owner]

@loveslongnails
I've rejected those things for so long, when people say things about how am or look. But someone recently gave me a different perspective-- I trust the judgement of many of these people so it's almost insulting to attempt to discredit them. I'm trying not to do that anymore. It's an accurate statement to say that I care.

@AndrewMG I think the humiliation is just an overthinking on my part. I'd be proud of a friend who opened up and bared their soul. But somehow the standard for myself is that I shouldn't be this way. That's almost arrogant, right? To feel like I should be stronger than this.

To both of you, thank you. I don't have a lot of supportive guys in my life, so thank you.

[BlackRoseFairy]

I was diagnosed with major depression 6 years ago, after 2 suicide attempts. And admitted myself into a clinic.
The shock of the persons around me was a relief. Because I could finally take off my mask and stop pretending that I'm ok. I was hospitalised for 3 months. It went through bad to worse and finally got a bit better... Took me years of therapy and medication to start feeling truly happy again.
The first counselor that was appointed to me was a disaster. I felt like we had no connection, I didn't think that he could understand me at all. So I asked my psychiatrist to change counselor and she agreed. The second one was much better. Later I ended up seeing only my psychiatrist and went to group therapy.
There are still times that I feel like I am sinking back, but then I look back at how I was then and say "No. I refuse to go back to that. That was not me." And I pull myself together. I am still in contact with my psychiatrist and visit her whenever I feel the need to. So I can not say that I beat it, rather that I put it in a closet and locked the door. When it tries to lurk out, which happens less nowadays, I just slam the door close again.
As for your second question, try to look back, go back 5 years, 10 years and think about how you were then, what did you like about yourself back then? Those are maybe the things you need to start acknowledging about yourself again.

[IndyGuy]

The reality here is that there is no such thing as "Beating" depression. The idea of beating it means you have conquered it without it's returning. But there is no such thing. No more then conquering love, you are in love or you are not. It can change at any moment.

Depression is caused by the brain not dispursing the right chemicals at the right time. This stems from the stimulation the brain recieves.

EXAMPLE : When we laugh, our brain gives us a kind of chemical morphene that makes us feel good.

Environment, stress, people around you... these are just some of the directions that can cause your brain to "protect" itself. Depression is your brains way of saying "Hey, something is wrong!". This is not a bad thing. How you handle it is where this matters. And in a lot of cases, it's very hard for the person going through depression to see it. So you need a doctor or someone in your life to help you see it.

Medication is not the end all answer to depression either. In a lot of cases, it's a crutch, and only makes matters worse. You basically are avoiding what is causing your brain to try to protect itself in the first place. And when you come out from under the influence of drugs, you still end up back where you were with your brain again trying to protect itself.

There is a reason you are depressed. If you want to get out of depression, then you have to find out what is wrong in the first place, and then change it. Even if that means completly changing your world around you. If you can't, then you will always have to "fight" depression.

I'm talking from experience.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Beautiful myTake, it's very brave and strong if you to come out with those themes and personal issues.
From what I see and read, you are doing wonderfully and your best, and you deserve to be happy!

To answer your question - one of my best friends had depression, but sadly it didn't end well.
Still, it served as stimulus to appreciate life and reach out to people that matter in my life.
A quality I'm supposed to write down, would be my organizational skills and listening.

[myTake Owner]

My counselor said I'm not working hard enough, that I'm not showing I want to get better.
So here I am, in all my glory. For the world of gag to see. I'm grateful to have an outlet, at least.
You do seem to be a great listener! I think I'm good at that too.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It doesn't seem to me that you aren't putting in work!
Granted, I'm not there snooping in your private life, but from what I see on here you are putting a lot of effort.
I'd just say to keep going and not give up!

[Evil_Chuck]

"I deserve to be happy." My therapist tells me the same thing, more or less. Problem is, they can't make me believe it. I have to believe it myself and I don't, not really. I may not be a girl, but I know what that feels like.

While I haven't beaten depression yet, my brother has. He pulled himself out of it by pursuing a career. At first it was just something to get him out of bed in the morning, but he enjoyed the work and became quite successful. He has a family of his own now.

And if I had to write one positive thing about myself I would start with, "I haven't given up on life yet."

[myTake Owner]

That's a great positive! Thank you for sharing.

[boostedbeaner]

Yea I actually do know someone who is no longer tied down by the heavy chains of depression. You have to look for the things that fundamentally matter, maybe you don't live in a big house, maybe you don't have a super hot significant other maybe you don't even have someone to lean on. The things that matter are things like, do you spend the time with those that need it. Do you try to improve the lives of others even if it's only slightly. Focus on the attributes of yourself that you are proud of. For example I like to do things for my neighbors and the dickheads I work with. Could be bringing an extra coffee for someone, driving my neighbor to work. Spending time with my buddy to help him figure his stuff out. Focus on the positivity you can contribute to life in general

[justsay333]

I'm fighting depression right now. Right now, I think it's just minor depression, but I can feel it taking over more each day. I have no friends Everyday I just have shit thoughts in my head and it makes me not want to do anything. Like I literally see no point in living life. And now Im cutting myself off from people because I feel like they don't want to be around me, and that may or may not be true, but it makes me feel worse and hate myself more and blame myself for why I feel like shit in the first place. And I cry every day, like three times a day, and if I'm happy for one second, all the thoughts come back and I feel stupid for thinking I deserve to be happy.
I don't know what to do and I don't know what's to become of me, but you're gorgeous stingyray, and I hope you overcome this monster x

[StellarDrift]

Don't cut yourself off. If you can, find some outlets, and get help if you can. I lived like that since at least 9.. well I started at least around then and got increasingly worse. Now I feel like I'm damaged and have to accept it and it sucks. The best thing I ever did was pick up a crapload of hobbies, and went to therapy for three years (I stopped 2 years ago because I moved for a bit). Now I'm back because I didn't address all my issues apparently... which was really bad last week. I think one thing that helped was my roommates dog I was watching, thinking to myself "this thing deoends on me to feed it and take it out, it even wants to cuddle up next to me" I guess in that moment I felt/realized like/that I mattered. Anyway, I hope you find a way through this too. I know what it's like and how much it sucks. And I hope you don't have to keep living like this for years.

[KissesAndKiwis]

You deserve to be happy. You are wanted. I’ve felt every word you said and ever emotion you’ve described. Please don’t cut yourself. I know you may not want to live and neither did I but you must know you’ll get through this because you’re stronger than you actually think and slowly but very slowly you’ll finally be happy, It will be worth it.

I use to also cry everyday wondering why I was still here and alive, Why did I have to be born? I felt as if nobody really wanted me around, i felt as if I was their burden. I would always ask myself as stupid as it sounds “It doesn’t really matter if I die, Right?” And i convinced myself that it didn’t each time. But I really really really want you to be strong because you’ll get through this!

[frozenx]

I have beaten Anxiety to the point I no longer have to medicate for it. Depression comes and goes for me. I often find the weather heavily influences my mood particularly lack of sunshine and blue skies.

Positives things I can acknowledge about myself, I am a good person. I have a good heart. I am supportive and empathetic to others problems. I am a good listener. I am in touch with my emotions and feelings.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for sharing.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Yes I struggle with it and honestly some days are better than others sometimes its a string of days you feel depressed but just dont focus on it make yourself busy so you dont have time to think! Honestly I recommend coloring concentrating on the picture as you color and creating a beautiful masterpiece! Your a very gifted writer!! Thats absolutely amazing!!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Also try more walking in nature in the woods unplug from society it helps me enormously

[myTake Owner]

I love your suggestion of being in nature unplugged. The coloring--- I know this sounds silly but coloring kind of stresses me out. I'm colorblind so I get frustrated and can't figure out what colors look good together, especially the ones with lots of patterns.
Thank you for saying that about my writing. It is something that I really enjoy, so that makes me smile that you enjoy it. My mother was a writer as well. I lost her two years ago but writing brings her spirit closer.

I really appreciate your words. ❤

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Im sorry about the loss of your mother! I wish I was gifted in writting I am not.. I would love to read other stuff you have done.. and I understand of how coloring would do that.. I also find going to a place there's no cell phone connection or anything going to a beach closing your eyes just listening to the waves.. nature in itself is absolutely amazes me

[myTake Owner]

Thank you ❤ I miss her very much. Today I had to do a Mother's Day Craft with my students and it was a bit painful.

I have actually written a couple other MyTakes that I'm pretty proud of. Thank you for your encouragement.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Your outstanding! The amount of strength you have to do a craft like that! Wow! If you want to send some my way ill read them.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

This was very well written well i been mentally ill
since age 21 and it's been a struggle i missed out
on lot things in life cause i was so mentally ill and
i suffered many dissocialized disorders where i could
not feel i existed it happened many times i am on many
different medications Seroquel , Klonopin, Depakote
i can say i feel better as long as i stay on my medications
yes i have faced many depression times and it wasn't easy
i wish you the best and thanks for sharing this with us :) :)

[pizzalovershouse]

lots of people do so hang in their my close friends had depression for years an then got better goid foods can help led lamp that they use on people with altzhimers an depression helps by 50 percent so you can get 1 of those but it gets better we all at some time deal with it I had it even hapoen to me when my 1 best friend died a took some time to stop blaming my self even though i wasn't their st his accident I learnt he would want me to forgive my self it last a few years but I pulled through with people helping me i learnt to let my family in that's close to me

[Exterminatore]

I have beat depression. You can beat it too. I assure you of that.

I acknowledge many positive things about myself as well as many negative things. For myself I’d probably say I’m helpful. You can start there. You helped me the other day, so it’s true of you to say that about yourself.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you. You're right--- people do ask me for advice so I must be alright at giving it.

[Exterminatore]

I think you do it well. I’m glad you recognize this in yourself.

[StellarDrift]

1. Beat it? I don't know. But I know someone who dealt with it. Now she's married, has 3 children, and says she's happy and go through it. Granted the depression likely stemmed from a past abusive relationship, which is why she's happier now.
2. One positive thing about myself: I genuinely care about other people, and couldn't not even if I tried and even when I shut down, I still care - sometimes I hate that I care do much because I'd rather be apsthetic/uncaring (defense mechsmism), but it's who I am.. can't change it.

[JaydaMan]

One thing that I love about myself is my compassion for others. Especially the less fortunate. I love helping people when they are down and need someone.
But some things that I hate about myself is that I have anxiety, trust issues, im antisocial, not athletic at all and a list of other things.
Its good to acknowledge the things you dont like about yourself so you can know and have a better idea of the things you want to change and work on.
If you ever need someone to talk to you can pm/dm me

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for reaching out. I'm trying not to focus on the things I hate. There are too many.

I like that you focused on your compassion.

[Straight_Shooter]

You don't know me and I don't know you, but please know I'm pulling for you and I'm praying for you. I enjoy reading your posts even if I don't respond to many of them. When you're in your deepest darkest moments, I hope it provides you a touch of hope knowing there are people out here who care about you.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, really. Your words are very meaningful and appreciated. ❤

[Anonymous]

Treatment can help but it can't be cure fully. It depends on people and their mental wiring. A patient with depression can deal with his/her lifestyle. You need to practice the therapy a lot for months years even. Only practice can saves you. Hot tips for depressed people 1) you have to erase your shame, guilt, ego ( in a right and positive way) 2) ignore delusive thought and delusive people. 3) Stay away from superstrition. 4) Do meditation but always trust on doctor. 5) Exercise daily especially cardio. 6) Find some friends who always support you.

[SexyAshh]

Legitmiatly changing your diet helps significantly! I still have mild depression occasionally but always notice when i go through times of heavy drinking/ partying and eating a bad diet i find myself in an extreme depressive state.

[lightbulb27]

alcohol is a depressant, makes sense!

[SexyAshh]

Im a nutrionist,... im aware

[myTake Owner]

I don't really drink. I think my diet doesn't help. I actually think it intensifies my nightmares that I have. Like if I eat junk food and not enough water, I wake up from a nightmare, totally parched or heart racing-- probably from sugar.

Good call. I need to attack my diet straight on as well.

Thank you for your insight. ❤

[SexyAshh]

Yes paleo helps alot! Because of all the b vitamins in meat. But people do it wrong. It actually is more like 80 percent veggies/ 20% meats. Amd the dairy products need to find an alternative (almond milk, goat cheese). Dairy has tons of added hormones from processing, so its not good for us as women at all despite media pushing it...

Also juice fasts, like one week are great. Doing some type of detox is great. You will get on it and feel worse before great though.

But yes depressions in my eyes from what I've seen and seen in people I've changed there diets it has helped tremendously.

Best of luck to you🥰

[Logorithim]

Start with your best traits- what others appreciate most about you.

I honestly don't know anyone who has slayed depression, but surely someone has.

[myTake Owner]

It is hard to do that when I've rejected (tuned) those traits out for so long because I couldn't accept it.

I don't know anyone who has either.