Asked my boyfriend about my weightloss and he said he didn't like it. Now what?

[Anonymous]

So I lost 20lbs for my boyfriend. He was gone for work and I though it'd be a nice surprise. I cleaned up my eating and tarted working out a lot. I was 120 and now I'm at 100 (I'm actually considering loosing 10 more lbs). Anyways I noticed he seemed upset. He was always pushing food at me, and when he first hugged me he said "wow yours, um really tiny know" with a disappointed face. After asking you guys, you said I should just ask him, so I did.
He said he's afraid I'm unhealthy and he think I have an eating disorder. He told me I was one before and that now I'm too thin.
I just don't know what to do. I lost all this weight because he likes skinny girls, but then he doesn't like it. It hurt a lot. It's almost like no matter what I do, it's not going to good enough. But I just don't really know what to do know; should I try and gain some weight back for him, or just stay thin and hope he was just lying?

[dancerbabe96]

Block out from your mind what your boyfriend is saying. And think about it like I don't know you height but make sure you are not too skinny and if you are not just leave is 100pounds is alright unless you are really really small. Ask your self if you are happy with your body? If you are then ignore him I know it sounds silly but I'll explain why I say this all in a bit. Don't do what he wants if you are happy with your body and like you said he likes skinny girls now why won't he like you skinny. You really should not let your body look how a guys wants it and if you are happy with your look then keep it. It's your body, you are the one who worked so hard for it regardless of the reason and you are the one who walks with that body around town.

, y reasons for what I said just now.
1) you probably look really good he is jealous
2) I always wanted to be a model and I was never happy with my body not being skinny but my boyfriend liked me how I looked so I never changed and when I did a bit he was not too happy about it but never really said much just got moody. Now that he is gone for uni I'm doing what I have to, to achieve my goal!
2) my older sisters best friend was dating a guy who kept feeding her until she went from model like to really fat and I'm jot saying really fat to be mean I'm being honest. He kept feeding her so other guys would not look at her and he would be the only one because he was so insecure about her leaving him. He left her and she is still stuck with weight problems 8 years later and she is on, y in her 20s

So I think your boyfriend might have been the number 3 but that's for you to consider all that and decide. But your body is yours and do what makes you happy and how you feel. Consider not losing another 10pounds in you are like 5'5 as you are gonna be too skinny and sick

[wannabeintellectual]

The fact that your boyfriend, someone who presumably loves you, thinks you have an eating disorder is concerning. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about if your weight loss is healthy or not. Talk about your diet and motivations etc. If it appears you have an eating disorder, you may be referred to a specialist who can diagnose you. If you don't than you're fine. A few people have accused me of having an eating disorder, and the fact that I could bring up my weight and diet with my doctor was pretty much an indicator that I was fine and more concerned about my health than anything else. So if you can't bring up your weight with your doctor, than maybe you should be concerned. The people who thought I did were wrong, but there is peace in mind in knowing that I'm healthy in that respect.

But the question really is, will you really be happy and healthy at 90 lb? If you think it will make you happier, than you're doing it for the wrong reasons and may have an eating disorder. According to your BMI, it will not make you healthier. Ecspecially if you are eating under 1200 calories a day, that will put your body in serious danger.

Also, clearly your boyfriend doesn't find you more attractive at this weight; and obviously if he was dating you at 120lb, he found you attractive at that weight. So do not feel like you should lose weight for him. If anything, maintain or gain back the weight for him.

Stay healthy.

[Mimir]

Your mistake was comparing yourself to other girls. Clearly who you were was already what he wanted, as he was with you. The idea that he would like you more if you were skinnier seems like something you manufactured completely in your head. That said, it shouldn't really matter what he wants. You should be the way that makes you happy and healthy. If you are small enough to be able to pull off 100lbs and still be healthy, and it's what makes you happy, go for it - but don't do it for anyone other than yourself.

[Asker]

Well I just don't see myself as what he wants. If I where 300lbs I'd know he doesn't want me. No one except maybe five people would. So I just applied that to myself, all I had to do was change and I'd be what he wants. But it didn't worl

[Mimir]

At the weight you were, did he express any quarrel with the way you looked?

[Asker]

Not really, but he always talked about how he liked slim girls best. I don't think he ever said anything to me, because he didn't want me to feel bad. he knew I was a little self conscious. But when I lost weight, he seemed really surprised by it; he just didn't seem very happy.

[Mimir]

I'm sorry, but I have to be blunt. You severely misread things. I would almost guarantee he considered you to be the skinny girl he talked about. Know that what a guy classifies as skinny is not at all what you do. What you consider to be fat is probably a good 30lbs into him calling girls skinny.

Since he never expressed a desire for you to lose weight, but has expressed negative feelings towards you losing weight, you have to assume that what he wants, is in fact what you were before.

[Asker]

So should I gain weight back. and if so, how?

[Mimir]

Depends on how you lost the weight. If you actively doing something to lose weight, stop doing it. But again, you have to make sure you're happy and healthy first. If you're healthy and happy being your current weight, it's not his place to ask you to put more on.

[Asker]

We'll I looked up my HMO and every thing and they say it's not very healthy. But I do t really know what to do, I'm not really hungry anymore. Considering either just keeping things the same.
But he does have a right to ask me to change I guess. Making him happy makes me happy. Even if that means it's unhealthy

[Mimir]

But it sounds like what would make him happy is if you gained weight. The reason you aren't hungry is because you haven't been eating enough. You stomach has shrunk and hunger is much less common and the feeling of full comes faster. If you do end up trying to gain some of he weight back, just start eating in a routine, even if you're not hungry. Eventually your appetite will come back.

[TadCurious]

I would advise you to stop thinking about your body, and your weight, in terms of what you think will please your boyfriend. That's the first thing. Second, come to your own conclusion about what you think is a healthy weight for you. I will say that I'm a little concerned that you want to lose 10 more pounds when you're already down to 100. Are you sure about that?

[Asker]

Yeah. I think it would look good. Everyone loves slimy girls ya know. But yeah I mainly wants to do it or my boyfriend. Pleasing him makes me happy and doing that physically seems easiest. So if I have to drop 10 I'll try to do it

[PhiOmega]

U have to focus on yourself, he loves you and appreciates your body, but the sexiest thing you can do is be comfortable in your own skin

Look at yourself in the mirror, and asks, is this the body YOU want

Go to the gym, exercise, eat healthy, be healthy, I'm not telling you to gain or lose weight

[Prettygurl12]

How tall are you? 120 could have been perfectly healthy and fit looking for you. 100 is very thin. It is possible to cross the line. He may like thin girls but not anorexic girls.

[Asker]

I'm only 5'2 so I think it's fine

[Prettygurl12]

Yeah but still be careful.

[Anonymous]

God don't go down to 90 unless you're about 5'3". He liked who you were, and didn't expect you to change and that's a good thing to head from a guy.

Women should have a body fat percentage of about 20% and a 5'5" woman should weigh about 130-140.

[Asker]

I'm 5'2. It's small, but that's what I thought he liked. Apparently not, so I'm going to figure out what to do

[Opinion Owner]

You should probably weigh between 110-120 lbs. he liked you the way you were for a good reason, you were a healthy weight.

[Asker]

Haha I didn't feel healthy. My thighs where huge. But know everything is smaller (yay) my boobs, my butt, my hips, just everything. I've never felt so small in my life

[Opinion Owner]

At 90 lbs you will have a BMI of 12.2 and at 100 it is 13.6, which is severely thin. Healthy begins as 15.8. As in health-risk thin. You need body fat to cushion your internal organs, you know.

[Asker]

I heard to never trust bmis because they're not very accurate

[Opinion Owner]

Yes they're very inaccurate- if you're build like a professional reality restling star. You heard not to trust BMIs because that's what you want to beleieve.

[Asker]

We'll growing up my dad lifted a lot of weights, and was in really good shape. But his BMI said he was at risk of being obese. They don't really take into account muscle mass or body build, just height and weight

[Opinion Owner]

BMIs estimate body mass per volume based on height and weight. High BMIs can indicate muscular builds or obesity. You are suffering from neither. Your unhealthily low BMI is both accurate and an indicator that you should see a doctor about your body image issues if you persist in thinking the advice you've asked for here is incorrect.

[Powdude43]

100 pounds is really light, definitely do not drop that extra ten. He's concerned for you- he knows that you lost that weight for him but he may also be worrying about you being unhealthy about it.

[bdeakol]

I think it's time for you to break up with him. If anything you do isn't good enough for him then perhaps he isn't good enough for you.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just do as YOU want, and look how YOU want to look? I wouldn't change myself for a guy, have some self respect.

[Asker]

I do have self respect. But honestly loosing weight was probably good for me. Also I know a relationship is also about doing things to make the other person happy. And doing things physically is easy, so I'm willing to do it

[SomethingWicked]

She's making the excuse it was for him, but really it was for herself. This is seen by the fact that her boyfriend is concerned by the weight loss.

[Asker]

@SomethingWicked but I really did do this for him. He's always liked slim girls, so I tried to give him that fantasy. But that obviously didn't work and now I don't know what to do

[Opinion Owner]

Now you do what you should have done from the beginning. You weight what YOU want to weight. If that means gaining 10-20 pounds back, then thats what you do. If it means losing 10 more, then thats what you do (although I would not recommend it, it wouldn't look good, or be healthy)

[beastman88]

what are you a midget?

[Asker]

Lol no I'm 5'2 I beat being a midget by 5 inches I think

[beastman88]

definitely underweight. lift weights, get some mass on that frame. sounds like you're starving yourself

[Asker]

I used to, but I don't lift weights much anymore. I'm not starving myself, I just don't feel a need to eat much.

[beastman88]

so you are starving then

[Asker]

I'm not starving or anything, I just don't eat much anymore. I just haven't been getting very hungry recently

[beastman88]

just because you dont feel hunger or are ignoring the feelings you need to eat. get help if you need it

[Asker]

We'll I heard that most hunger is thirst, so I drink water whenever I feel hungry. And if that occasionally doesn't work, do I eat something

[SomethingWicked]

He thinks you're anorexic.

[Anonymous]

I thought girls didn't "do things for men"

[Asker]

I do. I've never not (well sometimes). I just wanted to make him happy and it didn't work

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just sayin'