Out of touch with my own generation makes for no love life?

[Anonymous]

I don't have any ambitions to go out and drink or smoke

I have gone to clubs a few times and found them boring. It felt like the same 5 people constantly trying to impress another same 5 people.

I don't care for hardly any music that has come out the last 5 year.

I don't use sites like Facebook or twitter to let everyone know what I'm doing constantly.

I don’t watch popular TV shows people my age watch.

I don’t buy designer cloths

I don’t use slang terms like dog, foo, or most the others that are around today

I am happy with how I live. I like my job, I like my parents, I even like my old car that gets 15 miles a gallon. I like talking to people, and I like sports. A lot of people my age think I'm boring and they don’t like to invite me on adventures. I have accepted this but the one thing I always want is a girl friend. I know this all sounds very unappealing to women and trust me I know because a lot of them don’t even give me the time of day. The problem is I am happy with how I live and act accept for the no girl friend part really gets to me. I don’t want to change or put on a show for people to accept me or get a girl friend but what is happening know doesn’t work.

Any opinions, ideas or advice?

[Middleman]

I find I'm in the exact same position as you are.

I'm not overly into 'clubs and pubs' as they say like my friends, and like you I hit mostly all the same points except Facebook. I do like to use it to keep in touch with my friends. I also can be outgoing if I want (considering where I live in Asia), but where I mainly differ is I also have an active interest in the arts and entertainment fields.

Despite others suggesting going online with likes of match.com, I would think for you the likely chances of meeting a girl would probably be local. You're a 'down-to-earth' guy and to compliment you, you'd probably need someone with similar interests as you. If you're into sports, you have a good chance there.

Despite you saying you don't want to change what you do, I was thinking you maybe have to try at least and expand your interests a little more. It doesn't have to be a lot and it could still be relevant to your field of interest (ie. sports), but just enough so that it gets you to meet girls. For example you like sports. You'd probably go to a sports gym, race track, swimming pool, etc. I was thinking maybe if you got good friends/neighbors or sisters/cousins that can partner with you you could potentially meet people by doing golf, tennis, running, volleyball, bowling etc. Even Ultimate Frisbee! There are groups that play in teams that you could join if you're in the States and Canada, and these could potentially help you meet up with the right kinds of people.

[Ouellet222]

Hi,
I just wanted to say you've spelled out my situation exactly. I know it's not much of a comfort to constantly hear from others, that they feel exactly the same but I just had to say something.
I've been trying a bunch of things. Like expanding my interests and the like even tried to go to bar with my friends more. Nothings feels like it works...
Sometimes, it gets me thinking that maybe I'm the issue, you ever get that? Anyways, thanks for sharing. It may not help you to hear this but I gotta say it help to see I'm not alone in this kind of situation. Thanks man.

[ConfusedAboutAGuy]

Actually, I'm in quite possibly the exact same situation as you. I don't really go clubbing or to parties because, as you said, it always seems to be the same people trying to get with more of the same people...and people like you or I don't usually fit their requirements.

(That... and I don't usually have the time due to work, uni or travelling to/from uni)

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

One suggestion I have for you is to think about the things you enjoy doing and exaggerate them. By this I mean find a way to make them more social - give yourself the opportunity to meet people whilst doing them.

Take reading for an example, instead of reading at home etc, why not go to a library or sit in a café whilst reading? You never know..you might get someone commenting/asking you about the book or something.

I hope this helps.[...and I'm now thinking I should start taking my own advice.]

Good luck!

[Asker]

Im 20. I do try to put myself out their but I just don't get people that seem that interestead in me. I also go to work and college so its hard to make time for that as well.

[ConfusedAboutAGuy]

Yeah I get what you mean. I have the same problem. Maybe if you sit in your college library or something? You could always ask to sit/study with someone on your course..make friends that way.

Just an idea. :)

[Anonymous]

Well don't feel out of place because I know TONS of people like you. What it all gets down to is finding a girl that's right for you! Just because a lot of people your age think you are boring does not mean a girl will think your boring. You need to find a girl who has the same interests as you, and it will NOT be easy. I'm on the other end of the spectrum as you, I buy designer cloths, watch popular TV shows, use Facebook, etc., but guess what I'm single too and its the one thing that gets to me. One thing you might want to try doing is internet dating. I know it sounds crazy but I have seen it work a lot of times. The main reason is because your connecting with so many people than you normally would on a daily basis, or out in a bar/club.

[Asker]

I have actualy thought about that but one problem I would have with internet dating is you don't really know who your talking to.

[Opinion Owner]

Well on Match.com and Eharmony your paying so ifs rare that a fake person will pay to be on it. I've used Match before its not that bad.

[Becky_kate]

Dont change for anyone. You sound like a genuine nice guy and given time you will find a girl that you deserve, (and is mature enough to deserve you). Don't put too much emphasis on finding somebody, enjoy your life and focus on the good things you already have. If your thinking too much of finding someone you sometimes miss them =)

[KatieisGirlie]

Is fitting in with your generation really “normal” and would you be happier if you did fit in? You really wouldn’t be you then you would be something else. Not fake but not your real self and what girl wants a guy who isn’t being true to himself? Don't change for anyone even if you feel like you’re out of touch with your generation. You know who you are and what you like and that’s what matters. Don’t fake with people and pretend to like something else just because others do. Waiting is hard and really long. My only suggestion is just to get out there and do the things you like to do. The more you are out there the greater the opportunity you have of meeting more people like yourself. At some point you will meet someone who shares at lease some of your interest and likes to do the same as you.

[Asker]

Thanks. It just gets frustrating sometimes though.