Why Do I Always Feel I'm Not Enough?

[Rachel_SK]

I guess when a relationship is new, like few weeks into it, you are all into each other, happy, you have that whole honeymoon period thing. While I know guys can stay in that gear as long as sex is great, but for me, I always start to think that I'm not enough. I think that I'm not skinny enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not like other cute girls.

Girls - Do you ever feel like that too? What do you do you when you get that way?

Guys - Do guys ever feel like that at all? Why do guys assume everything is fine as long as we are having good sex?

It's sort of a simple question, but I struggle with it all the time.

Thanks for your time!

Rachel

[superdudeman]

You are not pretty enough. And you are probably not skinny enough either.

For what?

To not worry that some guy is going to trade you for some other, hotter, younger, woman.

Women come in two stages.

A: Young and beautiful. Which means that they worry that someday their looks will fade. and that men only want them for sex. Which eventually they think they are going to be used a lot because they are beautiful.

B: Old and declining. Which means they worry that no man really wants them or that they can now find someone hotter. Which means they think that they are going to be used a lot for sex, and then discarded because they are ugly.

Which means no matter what you do, you are going to worry about your looks in some form.

Women are going to worry about that and men are going to worry about all sorts of different things.

The problem with worrying is that its thinking in the future about something that will probably never happen, and actually almost never does. People generally worry all the time about stuff that never happens.

If you are only lasting a few weeks then something else is seriously wrong. Most good relationships last about a year and then they fizzle and die.

Ok as far as the sex thing goes for guys here's the truth.

There is good sex and then there is great sex, and then there is bad sex.

Good sex is average sex, meaning there is probably some technique and very little connection if any.

Bad sex is no technique, no connection.

Great sex is a deep connection and lots of technique.

Believe me, if you were having great sex, you would feel that you were skinny enough, smart enough and dog gone it, people liked you!

Sex is a physical manifestation of the connection two people have for each other. If that connection is not there it feels off. The deeper the connection the better the sex. Which is why sometimes when couples fight the sex suffers. If you felt a deep longing, lustful connection to your man, you would not be thinking this. And believe me men feel great when there is a connection as well.

Guys assume everything is good because we relate sex to emotional connection. For instance, when you pet a puppy and it wags it tail you assume the puppy likes you and everything is fine.

You want to show that you care for the puppy so you reach down and pet it.

The feeling you have is also very natural. Its natures way of keeping you in check. Imagine if you didn't have this. You would probably run around getting all fat and never taking showers.

The desire for self improvement and the feeling of something missing is normal.

Right now its a sign that you are missing something out of your life. You need to ponder what that is.

Sometimes its that your man isn't treating you right and making you feel loved.

Sometimes its that you are not happy with your life.

Whatever it is, talk to your man, or get a new one and improve on your life.

You are not happy until you have a balance of health, wealth, and relationships.

Find that balance.

[Rachel_SK]

Thank you all for sharing your comments. I think they are all true. I will do something about it, whether it be a new man, a different living, a diffferent environment. It's about time that I did something. Thanks again!

[cjwright79]

'Why do guys assume everything is fine as long as we are having good sex? ' -- perhaps a man like this is a simple creature, not in touch with the richer and more subtle fabric of life that you may experience. In other words, he sees the relationship as a means to have sex, but you are on a higher level and want more than just that. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

You are definately not alone. I tend to always feel the same things. With guys, I think it is definately correct that if they don't have good sex, they will be gone and on to the next girl.