Coping with being alone?

[TakeaBreathe]

Well I've come to that realization that I will always be alone. I just turned 21 and I've never had a serious relationship. I'm also pretty embarrassed to say this but I've never kissed a girl, or had any sort of contact ( Held Hands, Hugged, No Prom, Etc).I've tried everything and I mean everything. I tried to become social, I've lost weight, I tried to me, I've tried to be someone else ( acting like someone else). It always fails and I'm fed up with it.

I was a point of deep deep depression. I mean heavy drinking all day, but I knew that I didn't want to go that road. I also have insomnia thanks to the depression. But I'm not asking for pity or anything. I just need to learn a better solution to cope with it. I need to live my life for the better. I'm going down a pretty bad road right now. So I'm just asking something that will help me cope.

[laterskater]

You're 21 and you think you'll ALWAYS be alone? No, you're just being a little melo-dramatic and self absorbed.

The way you "cope" with being alone is by LEAVING THE HOUSE. Go to bed early tonight rather than staying up all night on the internet. If you can't fall asleep, read a book in bed until you do. Get up EARLY tomorrow and take a morning bike ride or walk. Look through the local community calendars for interesting classes, groups, or activities that sound intriguing. Go to the book store and find a book on something you've never understood but always wanted to learn about. Begin planning a trip to go somewhere fascinating.

Get out a blank sheet of paper and make a list of what things YOU would be doing and experiencing in your "perfect"/fantasy life. What types of job you would be proud to tell someone you doing for a living, what type of city you might want to live in, your daily habits, how you want to dress, how you would like people to perceive you, what you would want to be remembered for, etc. Then begin to figure out a plans for how you can have some of those things by the time you're 31. Ten years is a TON of time. Great lives are not handed to people - they are BUILT.

Otherwise, ten years will pass in the blink of an eye and you'll still be sitting around depressed and wishing your life was different.

Also, find a local nonprofit that is helping homeless children, abused kids, etc. and find out how you can volunteer. Being around little children who have truly suffered from circumstances they had no control over will help you learn how to begin counting your blessings and noticing all the good fortune in your life. That's one of the traits of non-depressed, interesting, attractive people.

Do all of these things and I PROMISE you will find love and happiness and be the type of man that women genuinely want to be with. Think about the type of people you're attracted to and admire. Then think about WHY you admire them - what is it about them and the things they do that you find so intriguing? Those are the traits and activities you should work to cultivate in your life.

[TakeaBreathe]

Well I do all the things that you state. I leave the house often, I also do community services for an animal shelter, I write music for my spare time, I have a lot of friends (we go out drinking, concerts,hang out, etc) It's not being melo-dramatic, it's coming to the realization, which are to complete different things. All I guess you never heard of insomnia or suffered from it, it's almost impossible to fall asleep. But I do thank you for taking the time to try and give me advice!

[ButterflyKisses21]

Well I've come to that realization that I will always be alone. - You shouldn't think so negatively. Think positively and your going to attract positive things. When you think positive then you will act positive. This will attract people to you. Trust me no1 wants to be around some1 that's depressed and doesn't think so much of themselves. If you can't love yourself then no1 will kinda thing. So you need to think all the positive qualities you are and what makes you unique.

I've tried everything and I mean everything. I tried to become social, I've lost weight, I tried to me, I've tried to be someone else ( acting like someone else). - how long have you tried these things? You can always do lots of research into being more social. If you have friends and then you can go to new places and all meet new people (if that's easier for you). Putting yourself out there socially is a positive thing. It doesn't matter yet that you havnt experienced those things..you just need to make little changes here and there and you will see a difference. Be persistent.

deep depression. I mean heavy drinking all day. - Definitely try to stay away from being so depressed. Read up on it and try to get away from it and don't start drinking or sleeping less...all this will counteract what you really want. To be involved with someone. I also want to add...although its nice to be with someone ..you should love yourself first and be happy just being an individual.

Everything will b alright you know. Just be positive. I hope my advice helped :)

[TakeaBreathe]

Well I'm a very positive person but when it comes to this whole relationship thing, I have no luck. I'm definitely going to stop drinking less but I can't help with the insomnia thing. When it comes to being social, I'm pretty social. I love meeting new people, I have a ton of guy friends and no girls that are friends though. I don't think I'm very interesting I guess ha. About the whole trying everything, I've tried for about 2 years. So I can't say I wasn't persistent. So thank you for the advice :D

[defytraditiongirl]

So you have never had a boyfriend?

[Bluemonk]

You're way too young to be thinking about being alone forever.

And even if finding some nice solitude is your idea, you're handling the alone time in all the wrong ways.

Solitude or 'being alone' is a time for self reflection, self improvement, self forgiveness [which you're probably in need of].

Chances are you need to love yourself before someone will come along and love you.

There are SO many things out there that you have yet to try, I feel almost embarrassed to be your peer because you seem so blind to your own personal potential!

Haha I mean come on man, you've got to stick this one out longer, finding love takes some people their entire life.

Hell, I bet some people would rather be in your position, imagine the guys/girls who date tons and tons of people and always end up with massive heartache.

All your situation means is that you'll be more appreciative, more receptive, more willing and more able to hold onto a healthy and stable relationship when you meet someone and those sparks fly.

Six billion people on the planet man. Change cities if you must, but love is out there for you. Some girl out there is just waiting for you [Her Mr. Right] to ask her out for a cup of coffee, all you have to do is make sure there's no food in your teeth, step up and smile at the world.

Do not give up. Love is everywhere.

[azzhole725]

Read "The Game" It's a book about a pick up artist and his strategies. Ultimately, it depends on the type of girls you want. You have to be realistic with yourself. Maybe the girls that you have chased in the past are "out of your league." Drinking won't solve your problem. It's just time and money down the drain. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or someone you trust.

[TakeaBreathe]

I'm always down to read a book so I'll def. check it out.

[seasleeper]

Some people find relationships early, others' don't till they are into the settling stages sometime after college and jobs have been found etc.

You might have just not bumped into that someone that you can connect with? I mean I found my first boyfriend online at the age of 17 and I'd never had contact with a guy before that. Of course we both played online games and he came to my prom and stuff.

I know that he had troubles with past relationships too and he thought he wouldn't be able to get with another girl after try 3. Yet he did, and I'm sure he'll keep looking for his someone.

You shouldn't ever act like someone that you aren't. That could just get people hurt on both sides.

Have patience ._. and a lot of it...also try eating chocolate...its always good...unless yu don't like it...then yu can give it to me because I like chocolate ._.

hope I was of some help..

[TakeaBreathe]

I find it quite actually difficult to think like this. Trust me when I say I have a lot of patience ha. It's just that I've come to the terms with it. And I can't eat chocolate thanks to my diet -_-' but thank you for trying to help.

[seasleeper]

Thats why yu only eat in moderation and it won't affect you at all ^.^ its not like your going to gorge yerself on it. Just have a bit :P every once in a while~ one bit of chocolate won't hurt

[the_cheshire_cat]

Try to cut out the drinking for one some girls won't go near a guy who drinks (I know I wont).

It's great you're into community service and all that good stuff. Keep it up.

Focus as well on some of your hobbies and or take up some new ones. You'll meet a whole new genre of people that way who are interested in the same thing.

i know being single sucks... it hurts and some nights you just stare at the ceiling with tears in your eyes. But the one for you IS out there.

Try joining a singles site online for giggles. Be honest there and see if anyone comes along in the meantime. (i've not had much luck with such sites but others have)

In the end just hang in there. You're still very young.

About the insomnia... see a doctor. They may refer you to a therapist or whatever. You'll find peace one way or another.

[missbecca1989]

first of all I know what you mean for sure, I'm almost 21 and I'm in the same situation. never held hands, kissed and all of that. the thought of being alone is hard to deal with and it can consume you, but my biggest piece of advice is to become really busy with school or a job. that's what I have done and everything has fallen into place including a relationship. it's a cliche answer to say but your future is mapped out for you already, and there is someone special out there. drinking and all of that is not the path you should take to cope, prescription medication was what I used and that didn't work out well. You have to focus your mind on something that will bring you happiness and that you have great control over. being successful at school or work is the best feeling in the world. once you feel like you have self worth and a sense of value,

I promise you the relationship will come. your a cute guy with a big heart, your time will come I promise you :)

[kmhco]

21 is still really young. Just because you haven't had a relationship yet, doesn't mean that you won't. First, you have to love yourself. Then others will love you. You don't have to cope, if you don't like it change it. Get out there and talk to girls. Make friends with them, join a dating site, etc. Don't be someone you're not. You'll just end up hating yourself. Don't drink. Get on a normal sleep schedule, etc.

[flower1000]

ok priv messg me I will have a chat to you please :)

[scar1]

learn some game and take of your self and you will have to worry about being alone

[reinis133]

You should have not only lost weight, but also built big muscles.

[TakeaBreathe]

I use to play football, D-line so weight lighting was a must. But since then I stopped playing, I still have the affect of the weight lifting and I still do little lifting here and there. So that is not the problem.

[reinis133]

You must build big huge muscles. Here and there won't do.

[TakeaBreathe]

I meant by here and there as in my workout regime ha. Ex. One day I do cardio, 2nd day I do weight lighting. etc.

[reinis133]

And why then do you worry about girls? I don't know any muscular guy that has problems with that.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

If you kep up that mindset, you will be.