How do I make my daughter lose weight?

Question

So you see, my daughter is 16 and she is obese. There’s no other way to call her. I admit it’s partly my fault, because I often gave her candies when I wanted her to shut up. But the real problem is her father. He’s the one that usually cooks dinner and she always makes sure her “little baby” can eat as much as she wants. Which is way she is so fat.

I’ve been trying to get her to diet and eat less. But she always goes running to her father for validation. I’ve tried shaming, talking with her, exercising with her, but nothing works. So please, I hope you have some tips for me.

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

Yes. Stop trying. The more you try, shame, talk, and do what you've been doing, the more that she will push back. She won't lose weight; you will lose her.

You need to fix the relationship with your husband first so that you are both aligned. After that, you can change the food that's in the house. Finally, you and your husband MODEL the exercise behavior. But stop talking about it.

At the end of the day, this is a choice. If there's healthy food in the house and she has time and space to exercise and do healthy things and she chooses differently, that's on her.

But, one other thing: do you love your daughter? If you do, stop pushing her away. That's what all this weight loss stuff is doing. It's possible the damage is permanent and you don't hear from her after she's 18 and gets out of your house, but try loving her unconditionally and staying quiet about her weight. You may think that your concern about her weight is love (and in a way it is) but all she's hearing is that she's not good enough for you.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

That's going to be hard when you have another adult working against you. My step-son wasn't manageable because there was always an adult there to slip him candy or worse... buy him Monster energy drinks. He was a fiend for that stuff as well... give him an apple juice and he would slam it like his life depended on it and then puke it up on himself. Because of the outside influences, I was never able to get it under control... thankfully he wasn't fat but damn.

My kid on the other hand likes snacks like broccoli and he simply never learned to go ape shit with candy. He never had the other adults in the mix slipping him a Monster energy drink as if that's just cool. I still have my battles because he won't eat eggs, mushrooms, or shrimp... but it's fine because I'm not in a battle to get him to eat real food.

I hate to say this, but it might be best if you just give up. Those habits are already learned now at this point. You'd have to undo a bunch of conditioned responses.

Thatpearl26 · Accepted Answer

My advice would be to sit her down and have a conversation with her and then her father. First have separate conversations and then talk about it with both your daughter and your husband. You would need to tell your daughter that you’re worried about her current weight and that it could create potential health risks. Then you should look for some exercises and healthy foods for her. What you shouldn’t do is shame her because that will lower her self esteem and give her more insecurities, instead encourage her to have a healthy lifestyle and whenever she seems lacking talk to her about how she can do better. Remember communication is key.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Stop being a bitch. Most chubby girls have baby fat. It's TRUE. Once they hit 18 or even 21 they can and will most likely lose a bit of weight.
she's 16 for christ sake. she's going to grow up with insecurity, purging and etc if you dont straighten up! Have her love her self for how she is but also you can try letting her know about the disease of weight gain and weighing too much can do. Tell your daughter you just want a healthy daughter whose happy and loves herself so she can take care of momma when she gets older. But trust me the more you keep it up... nursing home you go. I can guarentee it

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Is she rlly "obese" or do u just think she looks ugly. Cuz fuck you. Is she having any actual health problems? Is it impacting her health daily in a negative way? N what does SHE think about all this, does she think she's too fat, or unhealthy, and want to lose weight? Does she want to lose weight by eating less, or by exercising more? Does she know how to lose weight? Do YOU know how to lose weight? Cuz eating doesn't always work.

Would u rather set her up to know how to get healthier once she decides to, and maybe even come to u for help at that time. Or set her up to have EDs, more health problems, and hide her weight from u and resent u? Cuz fucking pushing this shit on a 16yo is how u do the 2nd. Not good. Not "healthy" on ur part.

If u rlly care about her then do some research on eating habits and how to form and shit, educate urself about it. N check on her once in a while make sure she is doing ok and she doesn't fucking hate her body like u do, and she isn't having like heart issues. N she should be fine. Leave her alone.

CateM · Answer

"I often gave her candies when I wanted her to shut up... I’ve tried shaming..." Do you even hear yourself? Did you really think bodyshaming your daughter is gonna work? No wonder she runs to her father for validation. What you're doing is unhealthy, counterproductive, and damaging to her mental health and body image. It also depends on how long this has been going on as well. Girls and women also don't lose weight as easily as boys and men. Shame on you

Sour-rose · Answer

Well, you could show her the future of those who stay fat until they're 23 and they end up in heaven from eating that one more pizza whole.

I'm sour, it's my job but this is actual advice. As people go faster than that and those that don't... it is not a bright road.

Anonymous · Answer

i'm glad you realize your faults. you should think things through before considering on how to raise your child or how to deal with their emotions. because what you did set her up for some emotional eating in the long run.

do not shame her... like seriously that makes it worse.

i'd say you all need a good family therapist. and to start making eating healthy more fun.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

It's entirely you and your husband's fault. The both of you need to come together and decide from this point on no junk food and fast food are to be allowed in the house. Cook all your food and balance everything out. If you're overweight and start losing weight, it'll inspire her.
If not, then she'll lose weight when everyone else she knows talk about her size. Especially if it's a boy she likes

Anonymous · Answer

You need to talk to your husband and come to an agreement about how to handle it, maybe he does this because it keeps her from having boyfriends or something.

If you do the shopping don’t buy any unhealthy snacks or simple carbs or any sugary drinks you know if it’s in the house it’s a problem.
Unfortunately the older she gets the harder it is to break bad habits if she goes into being an adult obese chances are she will stay obese.

Anonymous · Answer

Quote: I often gave her candies when I wanted her to shut up. You are a fucking horror show.

AviatorTom · Answer

You need to get her father to stop enabling her. There's not much you can do unless he stops enabling her overeating.

Paul09 · Answer

Wow, that's messed up that the father doesn't care about her health? Only cares that it tastes good? Doesn't seem like you can do much, unless you talked to your man about?

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Chain her onto a stationary bike that she can't stop using and only feed her bread and water.

Iron_Man · Answer

Just have her eating real good foods not fattening foods and have her exercise

exitseven · Answer

Your daughter has to want to lose the weight.

Saamee · Answer

Add something bitter in candies so she left it

How do I make my daughter lose weight?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How do I make my daughter lose weight?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.