To sum it up, I got anger problems. Granted not as severe as some, but still a issue. Do you know or have you tried something that helps dealing with that? If so what? I hear many things, like yoga, meditation, medical stuff and so on. Bring me ideas, I want a change. Small details, im going to a psychologist, figure out i got full score on ADHD and going on meds that sort of makes me a tiny bit less over the top. You don't need to read the next part if this short sum up is enough.
Long story summed up. My entire life have just been issues, violence and problems. My mother was 16 and my father 18, they splitt to each their own life before I was 2 years old and left me with my grandmother. Both my parents have Anger issues also, my mother still to this day, but my father less so. Growing up with my grandmother was no picnic, her husband died when i was 2 years old, and she was left alone with me and her adopted son. This son that is my uncle was extremely violent and would beat her up weekly, trow her down the stairs, lock her out of the house, break stuff, hold me hostage. So i slept in my grandmothers bed til i was about 7 years old because he would get up at night to see of the bedroom door was locked, the idea was to kill us in our sleep. Growing up i know no other life. A grieving grandmother using me as her comfort "pet" sort of, and the constant fear of violence. That was my education, my blueprint of life. The child protection services sent the police to take him away and put him in a home. So i grow up in a violent home, with violent people, never got any help, they never got any help. I got bullied severely at school. Had a few failed attempt of suicide, first time when i was 11 years old. I became a really angry teenager, angry at the world. I would sometimes get physical, but i would always stop myself after one "action" sort of a warning for people to stop and get away. I'm a lot less angry now, and a lot less violent. But it's still in me the anger.
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What scares me is i know that in the right conditions, if pushed to far i would get physical. And it have happen in my adult years a handful of times. I just want it to stop. And i know it all comes from this "education" that was my childhood. I want to reeducate my brain, reset myself.
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Ps. Can ONLY the onset with some experience in this reply to this.
For me, I tried changing my habits, mindset, influences in my life, and I genuinely decided to make a change. It just required a lot of reflection and time. I imagine through your POV, the answer I just gave sounds like the corniest shit you'd find when googling this and broad/vague. If I read that while angry it'd probably just piss me off more, but it is the truth. For you, those things are going to be different in what you need and I imagine how much you've healed from childhood trauma will impact that too.
Anyway, I researched about my coping methods I had just for life in general and reflected on them, so that way I could figure out which ones were shit.
For example, people say hitting a punching bag helps you let off steam, but it actually reinforces the idea in your brain that you must hit something in order to vent. This in return just makes you more impulsive in every regard. Punching shit led to me getting bloody knuckles often as a form of self-harm, which became a nasty habit and being abusive towards my pets (by the way, I stopped both habits three years ago). I am young, so I still have a lot to learn about this, but for me it's about controlling the factors in my life that contribute to it. You just need to find yours and actively decide on stopping habits of yours that are shit. It's fine if you slip up once in a while, but it CANNOT be a habit
For examples, I'll just state a list of shit I changed within myself: - Stopped putting myself in situations that caused my to lash out at others if I know I'm in that potential kind of mood today
- No longer punch or destroy shit most of the time if I am angry/upset about something
- Chose acitvely to stop yelling as much, since habits like that reinforce anger issues (it was a bitch to do)
- If you start doing more calm/content things, then your expectation of yourself and how other's see you will change. For me, growing up I did stupid shit like pulling a knife on my brother, got in fights at school, etc. and I got punished for it. Afterwards out of fear I stopped doing it as much to others, but I also acted better because I felt other's expectations of me with time got better. So improving your actions will help what you self-identify with
- Processed and healed more from childhood trauma shit (this is an individual thing, so it's different for everyone)
- Start healthy habits even if they sound cliche like exercising, enough sleep, eat better, etc. (It genuinely helps)
- Got rid of a lot of negative influences in my life (reflect on yours, so it could be a job, person, or whatever the fuck)
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Thanks for a genuine and reflective answer. This helps to read. Thank you 🙂
I wish it was as simple as saying find your center and be able to withdraw into that center... but it takes a shit load of practice. My center is completely emotionless and I reduce everything to pure logic. The idea is to get rid of that emotional part. How does it go in cognitive psychology... Perception = thought + feeling... It's the feeling part that usually causes us to not think so clearly. It's what causes people to panic or lash out when it was uncalled for. Somewhere along the line you've picked up using that feeling (the anger) to deal with situations... that could've been adults, peers, or even alone. It's effective to a point so it is important you control that shit. The man lesson most of us men get taught more than our female counterparts... control over your emotions. I mean sometimes crying like a fucking baby isn't going to solve shit and it's the same with anger. When I used to watch my Mom have an adult hissy fit of anger, flipping over furniture and breaking dishes against the wall, I was actually watching a grown adult cry like a sulking little baby trying to will what they want into existence through emotional expression. Not really crying... but it's the same shit when you look at it in the same way.
So you got to figure out a way to control your inner crybaby boo hoo response. I'm sure you don't break down and cry over some shit right? Start to view that anger as the same thing as breaking down and crying in front of people. Going back to that cognitive psychology formula... a lot of the response can be changed by changing your perception of the thing that's making you want to break someone's face. Perception is a big part of it because that will change how you think about out (thoughts) and the feelings part will be a bit more calm and calculative... you might even learn how to use feelings to motivate others into your desired actions.
Fact check me on that formula. Perception... thoughts... feelings... and I really think reaction/action was another part of what results out of that shit.
Hey thanks for MHO and I hope you find some success. It's a struggle I've had to deal with myself, and I feel it was gifted to me by my very abusive Mother. Once I found myself in a relationship and with kids, I became determined to stop that cycle. Everything I laid out here is how got it under control for myself. It's like Aristotle pointed out... our soul, is actually our virtue... and our virtues are not innate, but are what we practice. He went on to point out that what we practice becomes habits and that's when it becomes our virtue which is our soul. He used the example of how people aren't just born great warriors or something else great, it is done by first 'pretending' basically that we are something we currently are not, and then with practice, we eventually become that thing we started out pretending to be.
That dude had all that written long before the Bible and he taught Alexander the Great... wise shit if you ask me... and makes more sense to me than most of the Bible stuff I've read. Good luck on your journy.
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