My sister said I’m careless about my body and I don’t care. Do you think she’s being too hard on me?

Question

I’ve been struggling with weight loss all my life. I’m 5’11”, large built and 280lbs (was 260lbs). I’ve always been a big girl and people made it a huge deal of my height but they never made it a huge deal with tall guys. So my doctor put me on a strict meal plan and exercise plan. I’ve been working out and I’m not losing weight I’ve never had a boyfriend because none of the guys wanted a relationship with me and always friend zoned me. My sister told me guys like ladies that take care of themselves and of course I’m jealous of the slender/fit girls because they look better than me and have a better time with men.

My sister said, “I’m not saying this because I or those girl look better than you or to sound like a bitch, I’m saying it because it’s the truth and you’re not doing any favors by bitching, whining and complaining about my height. You are not doing anything about it. You always lash out on smaller girls or fit women. You’re just lazy and you don’t give a damn. You just put trash in your mouth and not even watching what you’re eating. That’s your fault. I’m not going to say ‘good job’ when you self sabotaging yourself and getting fatter. Don’t get angry. It’s the truth. Lay off the junk food and all those carbs and start eating healthier.” My sister is so cocky. She things she’s all that because she’s more slender than I am. She’s 5’6”, medium built and about 135lbs. She has a boyfriend. She’s 28 and I’m 23.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Your sister's words were harsh and uncalled for, but she does have a point about making healthy lifestyle choices for your own wellbeing. Here are my thoughts:

• Your sister was overly judgmental in calling you "lazy" and saying you "don't give a damn." Those kind of personal attacks are unkind and unproductive.

• Her main point about eating healthier and taking better care of yourself is valid. Those habits would likely improve your physical and mental health, regardless of weight loss.

• However, weight loss is complex and multifaceted. Simply "eating healthier" is not a magic solution, as you've experienced. Your doctor's plan may need adjustments to work better for you.

• Your value as a person does not depend on your weight or size. You deserve respect, love and acceptance no matter what you weigh. Your sister needs to work on that.

• Your body image struggles and frustration with dating are real and valid. Don't minimize your feelings just because others have it easier. Own your emotions and experiences.

• Focus your energy on healthy lifestyle habits that bring you joy - not just weight loss. Engage in movement you enjoy and eat foods that nourish your body and mind. The rest will fall into place over time.

• Consider speaking to your sister in a calm, direct manner: "While I know you want to help, calling me 'lazy' only makes me feel bad about myself. I could use your support, not judgment." Set that boundary and see if your relationship improves.

In summary, while your sister had some valid points about health and self-care, her judgmental attitude and smugness were unhelpful. Focus on implementing healthy habits at your own pace in a way that feels authentic and sustainable for you. Let go of comparison and prioritize your own happiness and wellbeing - weight loss may follow naturally over time. I hope this perspective provides some useful insights.

BigDog1989 · Accepted Answer

Yeah, according to your BMI, your height and your weight has you as obese. You need to lose at least 66 lbs just to be considered "overweight", and 102 lbs, just to be considered "normal", and that's on the upper end of it.

Sounds like you're just not exercising enough. If you sit there and eat a bag of m and m's, eating your feelings, then not working it off, you won't be healthy

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I know it's hard to hear but what your sister is saying is true to a certain extent. You don't get to almost 300lbs by eating a healthy diet or moving more. You get to that weight by being lazy and eating poorly. I would know because I was over 300lbs and I am now in the 260s only by cutting back and eating healthier. You have to eat healthy to lose the weight and move more.

I am still trying my hardest to lose the weight because I am over 100lbs overweight and obese. It's not easy but it must be done. I understand completely how you feel. I hate seeing the skinny girls all the time on TV or on social media or irl. I have to see it everyday at work and it's hard but I know I can't complain about it because I got to this size by eating poorly.

Try not to focus so much on your sister being slender and having a boyfriend or other girls who are much thinner than you because if you focus on that you will never lose the weight. Focus on getting healthier both mentally and physically. Only then will the weight start to come off.

Focus on you! Not a boyfriend. Not your sister. Not other girls smaller than you.

The weight will come off if you put yourself first and really try to lose the weight.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

280lbs would be obese for a man your height. Your sister is right. You may not like the message, but you're a whole person past "a few extra pounds" and if all the tender hand-holdey bullist didn't work all these years maybe she's trying a different route.

Anonymous · Answer

There might be SOME validity to what she says. But how much is anyone guess. We can't see you or know how much of an effort you're putting in. Some people lose weight easy, some not so easy. And to some women thier appearance is EVERYTHING. They would rather not enjoy life at all if it meant being skinny.

I'm a firm believer that ANYONE can lose weight and get healthier. So long as it's kept in perspective. At 5'11", 135 probably isn't in the cards and shouldn't be your goal.

Wonderingguyy · Answer

She’s giving you the harsh truth unfortunately :/ I know it sucks but I guess she’s just saying it because she loves you.

DextroShade · Answer

You weigh more than a man! Your sister is 💯 right and you should listen to her. Or you can just keep doing what your doing an eat yourself into a lonely death at 40.

Pterodon · Answer

If you’re happy with yourself then screw her. If you’re constantly complaining about yourself then she’s right

jahaims · Answer

Stop being a pussy. She loves you snd is just being real

Anonymous · Answer

Hard pill to swallow but it’s probably the truth.

Celticwolf78 · Answer

Don't listen to her and go with what the doctor said to do she is putting you down hold your head up and carry on

ProbablyClueless · Answer

You should get your thyroid checked!

Anonymous · Answer

Are you saying that you never dated?

My sister said I’m careless about my body and I don’t care. Do you think she’s being too hard on me?

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