How do I get my boyfriend to lose some weight?

[Anonymous]

When we go on dates, we usually go to an ice cream shop or a coffee shop and while that's fine, I don't want to send across the message that I wouldn't mind if he gained some weight. I think he would look amazing if he lost like ten-fifteen pounds, but I don't know how to tell him this without offending him. Also, a few times I've suggested that we work out together (I work out everyday and I'm kinda a work out freak) but he's always made up an excuse, whether it's that he was lifting the other day and his shoulder hurts or that his knee hurts or something.

So how should I tell him? Should I even bother telling him?

Updates

+1 y

Why is everyone attacking me? I'm not shallow; I love him for who he is. I just think, for general health reasons, it would be a good idea to lose a little weight.

[katzie105]

Yeah I'm sorry but you're coming off completely shallow here. You started dating him and knew what he looked like. Why are you trying to change that? "He'd look amazing if he lost 10-15lbs." So you don't think he looks amazing as is? Flip the tables here. How would YOU feel if he came to you and was like, "So... you're really great and all... but I think you need to lose weight. You'd look great if you lost 15 pounds." How offended would you be? How unsexy and unattractive would you feel? You're a workout freak? That's fine. Whatever blows your hair back. That does NOT mean you push your lifestyle onto someone else. What if he just doesn't care to work out? That's his right! Get over it and stop forcing the issue. He's a grown boy and I'm sure if he was unhappy with his appearance or if he wanted to work out more, he would. Loving someone means loving them for who they are. Not what you want them to look like. My boyfriend has fluctuated up and down. But to me, he always looks the same no matter how much weight he puts on. I love him regardless.

[Maria92]

Don't even bother saying anything. It won't do any good. One of my ex's gained an obscene amount of weight, and thought he looked good. I did the whole lets work out together and he made up excuse after excuse. Finally, I called him fat. He said I hurt his feelings, and so I told him to go f*** a fat girl, and then I dumped him. Unless, you can look past his weight maybe you shouldn't be with him. From what I've heard, love goes past the physical aspects of someone. You love someone for who they are. I have never loved anyone obviously. Best wishes.

[Prof_Don]

You initially started dating him the way he was...

...and NOW you want to "change" him somehow?

You're making the #1 dating mistake here. You can't change a person. What you're doing is not much better than dating an attractive yet obvious jackass and trying to make him a sweet boyfriend.

I say don't tell him. If you can't accept him as he was when you first started dating, you need to stop dating him.

[Asker]

I don't want to change him... I just want to encourage him to look better.

[Anonymous]

You can't really change anyone. He needs to see himself and be disgusted by what he sees. Hey - take lots of pics whenever you're out. He'll see some unflattering views of himself and not like what it looks like

[starlight124]

you can't change him