Guys only like me now that I've lost weight?

Question

I've recently lost a good amount of weight (and have gained a bit of confidence, but for the most part I've got the same personality) and have noticed all the male attention I've been getting from new guys, but also the same guys I've known for awhile who have never shown a romantic interest in me until now.

I feel a bit resentful towards these guys I know who are just now putting more effort into our relationship because I feel as if all this time my personality hasn't been enough to get them to be attracted to me. I just can't over the feeling that they're all really shallow and I don't want these feelings to hurt my friendships with them. How do I get over this?

anonymous221984 · Accepted Answer

Congrats on being healthier, and I've also been in your boat. Lost a lot of weight years ago, and the bitterness about it was something I too had to deal with. My first advice would be to date outside this pool. Good way to expand your options, move on to the future and also stick it to 'em. And a really good point made earlier was that this is a good way to find out who your real friends are. If you think this is awkward with men, wait till you focus on your female friends and also your family. And no, it's not all "shallowness." It'st he simple concept of change. We are all connected, and when you change, the others around you have to adjust. Whether implants, a nose job or weight loss, your life can alter greatly with a change in appearance, so this adjustment period is to be expected.

Secondly, a bi product of weight loss for me was just dressing up more, smiling more, and sending more confident signals, and so I exuded a sexual energy that was dormant for years. IYour confidence and excitement over a new life/image is also contagious and attractive. As a now "not fat" person, I can also tell you that I've looked back at my life (I'm 28) and realized that I was never really as unnattractive, physically speaking, as I thought. I just had tapes rolling in my head beating myself down to the point that no guy friend would ever consider me or would I consider them, feeling that I wasn't in the "game" anyway. Way to shut down any potentials. You can never know if those guys didn't like you before. What if they secretly did, but you rejected them unintentially by judging yourself as a non contender? Soconsider the tapes in your mind and what they once told you and how that could have affected your reality. Here's a link that helped me through some body issues just this week: mybodygallery.com. Enter your weight and height to learn what you might look like or have once looked like.

You will also discover, once you get really used to your new looks, how much it isn't about looks when it comes to love. Weight loss can lead lot of obsession with your looks and a lot of observations about others and their obsessions (this has been confirmed with many of my former fatty friends :P). But in the end, that becomes a sad place of either mistrust of others or a dependence on looks on your part as you get more comfortable with your own

And as for any harsh answers above, be sure to not only check their ages, but know that the male population is large ;). Also, now that you do "take care of yourself," (one of the most annoying phrases used by mainstream men to describe their preferences, but I'm using it literally), you will also find yourself attracted to me who can contribute to and support your healthier lifestyle. I want someone who loves me for "me," however, if he eats a cheeseburger everyday, I'm not sure how long our relationship will last considering he might be dead a year into it ;P.

rudy37lee · Accepted Answer

You sound like the nerdy guy in high school who never got any attention from the girls, graduates becomes rich and all of a sudden he's got women all over him. He's very resentful for how he was treated in the past and takes it out on the women.

Don't be that person. You have improved yourself, of course people are going to react more favorably to you. You know you're a good person, don't let what other people think of you affect what YOU know about yourself. That's where the real truth is.

People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and sounds like you've moved yourself into a category where you're receiving more advances than you were before, be happy about it don' t look for reasons why it's not right. Men are visual, and how you look is part of the package. I'd even go so far as to say if your man isn't attracted to you in a sexual way, you're really just glorified room mates/friends.

Don't let your new look change who you are on the inside. Would you have dated the guy if he'd asked you out before you lost the weight? If they answer is yes, then your answer should be yes now. Give him a shot, if he turns out to be a d*** then move on, at least you tried. Don't be resentful, don't make men suffer now for your suffering in the past, that is a horrible way to live. You're right, your personality wasn't enough to get them attracted. Now ya got the whole package girl, use it to your advantage, you become resentful you'll scare ALL OF THEM AWAY. No man deserves to be punished for anothers mistakes. Chillax and enjoy your newfound body.

vmw2008 · Accepted Answer

Well first, think about how you would react if a guy who was severely overweight, but had a good personality, suddenly lost a lot of weight and became very physically attractive. It's a sad fact of life, but we all need physical attraction to be romantically interested in someone.

That being said, it does not mean you now have to date the guys who ignored you in the past. You have every right to feel a "snooze you lose" mentality about them, as you can't start a relationship with resentment anyway. You are still in control of who you date. So find a guy who makes you feel that he's putting your personality first, and date him. These guys are obviously making you feel as if they don't value your personality as much, so they're clearly not the guys for you.

In the meantime, reap the benefits of your hard work. Not just in a dating sense, but in a healthier you sense. Many more options are open to you now (as well as men if we're being honest), and it's better to enjoy the attention rather than feel bad about it. You don't have to date the ones who are clearly shallow, date the ones who make it clear they care about your mind more.

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

I would reframe your belief. It's my interpretation that you are feeling like these guys knowingly rejected you because you didn't have a fit body, but I think it's more-likely the case that they didn't give your personality the time of day. Take my example for a second, and see what you think.

Physical attraction can be spotted across the room. A person is always taking risks by approaching another person, if not physical harm (e.g. a protective boyfriend/girlfriend), there are emotional risks involved too (e.g. social discomfort / emotional rejection / etc). In turn, people need to compensate a value for their action, the "value" would be that they can initially understand that there is at least one trait that they want in their partner (health), which shows them that there is a reason to approach and learn more. Most guys in the dating field don't just fall over dead for a woman with a smoking body because most of them give an uptight front which chases any potential suitors away, later showing through repetition that attractive people may not be so attractive on the inside (because of an actively practiced bias). Am I saying that there aren't any beautiful people (Both in, and out, or anything inbetween)? No, I am not. I am merely explaining the concept that "beauty" can be indicated as a desirable trait from across the room, while your personality is not as easily noticed for most of us guys (e.g. we can tell if you are approachable, not if your a social bug / study-nerd / etc).

And who says you should turn out like them? These guys didn't give you the chance to open up, but you are feeling a bias which naturally rejects others who try to open up to you. I always maintain the philosophy that says I will not reject someone until I have a reason to. If their first few words to me are about my ass, I will probably think their intelligence is too low to maintain a solid conversation - in which I have a reason to reject them. But until they have shown me that reason, I will not turn them away.

I hope it sheds some light on your situation, just my own interpretation of events :)

~ ArtistBBoy

jdcpa · Accepted Answer

How do you get over what? Life?

I guess guys go through that phase too. They expect hot girls to swarm around them and take turns blowing him because of his amazing personality. Then, when women go for hot guys, they're sluts, and when they go for guys with money, they're whores. In reality, they should snap out of la la land and hit the gym and get a real job. Life doesn't reward the lazy, and men don't either.

Being unfit sends a message, that you're lazy. That's fine if you are OK with being with an equally lazy partner. Being in shape and looking good sends a message that you care. Men want a woman who cares. Not just about herself, but understands and doesn't resist or deny or is angry about what is important to men - looks and sex. That kind of woman is more likely to be with a guy who understands what's important to women - money, status, looks, communication, sex, affection, appreciation, emotional understanding, connection, and closeness. What do you think those guys are looking for? Rosanne with a sweet personality? Sorry, life doesn't work that way.

Forgetable · Answer

When you care about you, others tend to care more about you too. Losing weight and showing you care about yourself does two things one, it makes an individual more attractive (in general, obviously most men don't fancy anorexia), and two it shows you likely have an interest in putting effort into your health which says a multitude of things.

If you care about maintaining your body then prospective mates are more likely to think that you will put effort into them, confidence is HUGE, I never used to put a lot of stock into that as I didn't have a whole lot of it, especially when I was heavier and because I tend(ed) to appreciate those who lack(ed) it that much more. I enjoy helping people find their self-confidence. Self-confidence is a special glow about a person that lets others know they are capable of handling things, they sincerely care about someone or something be it themselves a particular subject or what have you.

Think about this for a moment, if you were paying someone to work on let's say building you a custom bed to your specifications (maybe you want a bed to look like a tiger) then would you rather hirer the individual that says "I think I might be able to do something like that" or the one whom says "yeah I can get that done no problem and I can get it to you in a month or two"?

I think the best way to deal with something like this is, if you weren't already doing so, only let the people into your life who show they are worth letting in, if they're just a shallow jerk it'll show, but remember pretty much everyone is at least a little shallow, men are more prone to it statistically speaking. But it's more important that someone's HEART is in the right place and that you have more common ground than not, despite the saying "opposites attract" it's vastly untrue, individuals that seek opposites generally find interest in their opposites, because it's new to them, they may not have ever experienced "their world" but in the end it generally ends in clashing, because if you or they don't understand the others world it makes it difficult to communicate and even get along.

So my advice to you is keep those close even closer, know people by their heart condition and try your best to be understanding. It may suck seeing people that you used to like now liking you when they didn't before, but you did give them a reason to take more interest, just be careful not to become resentful and harden your heart, but also be careful that they are now interested in you for the RIGHT reasons and not superficial ones.

Best of luck to you and God bless.

JohnSanDiego · Answer

Get over it..I'm a man, who use to be in excellent shape. I use to get more women by accident than most men get on purpose. I use to be so handsome / "cute" / "fine" that I really never had to learn how to approach women..They would make it so easy for me, by either approaching me or giving me a clear sign that they wanted me to approach them. Well, that's when I was a 200 pound fitness freak, in the military, and a few years after that..Now I'm a 285 pound PC-potato.

I'm a website developing / coder geek that spends many hours sitting in front of a computer, developing websites, php scripts, among other things I get hired to do..I haven't set foot in a gym or jogged for about 5 years. I love what I do for a living but it's taken a toll on my health / fitness and my looks. Women don't treat me the same now, even though I'm still the same person I was back a few years ago when I was a so called "hunk". Do I feel resentful? Yeah, kind of, but I understand. I personally, even now as a fat dude, don't find my self attracted to fat women. So I can't judge..I have to get over it and get fit again.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but you're going to have to get over it, if you want to be happy and enjoy your new body. It's only natural for men to be more romantically / sexually attracted to you now with your new fit body, just as it is only natural for women NOT to be romantically / sexually attracted to me as a 285 pound lard butt couch potato.

Cheers

John

MrOracle · Answer

Have you ever considered that a good portion of the reason they see you as being more attractive now is because you are more CONFIDENT now? Girls tend to find confident guys sexy, right? Well, it's true for guys too: a confident girl is sexier than a depressed or self-conscious girl, and much more attractive.

SURE, there's no doubt that your body is more attractive now, and that helps too, but girls NEVER value their personalities or weight them as they should when trying to figure out why a guy is or is not attracted to them. They always thing it's ALL about looks, but it really isn't.

As you yourself admit, your body was not the only issue: you lacked confidence before, and you have that now, or are starting to anyway. If you don't think that isn't a HUGE difference, then consider how YOU feel, or your friends feel, about a guy who turns from being shy and awkward into being confident and outgoing. It's like a switch was thrown, and now all the girls are suddenly interested in him. It's the same thing here.

LaLa19Inu7 · Answer

Well this depends. Were you as confident when you were heavier as you are now? Maybe your confidence level was what the problem was. Also..how did you dress? has your dressing style changed? And yeah..that happens...alot of girls tend to think that once they lose a lot of weight or get bigger boobs or get a nose job or change their hair...the changes around them won't blow them away or surprise them that much but this isn't the case. It's not just get a boob job (for example...I'm not encouraging surgery but it does happen) and I'm set...it's getting used to my new boobs, getting my confidence in check, dealing with the new/different kind of attention or lack thereof...who knows...it's being confident in myself before I even got the surgery because the surgery doesn't give you confidence..it is how think and feel about yourself, it's realizing though pros are present...there can also be cons to this new part of yourself...and etc..

You lost weight girl...you look good and you are confident...of course people will notice and might act different around you...now you just have to get used to the attention/ accept it...and use your judgment to figure out who the real guys are who liked you for you and still do or the ones that are shallow losers. Let's face it...maybe you just happen to look prettier and shine more/ have way more confidence now and guys have noticed...this doesn't mean they are shallow...it is just they are your friends and are happy that you set a goal to change something to make you happier and it worked...and did it ever cross your mind that there was something in your personality that was turning them off before...but you just did not notice it? And also you assuming they are all shallow kind of shows your shallowness...why are you so quick to assume that your looks are the only reason they are acting differently toward you? Think about it.

TheChristian · Answer

Hi there, first of all, congratulations on losing the weight, being more confident and happy with yourself. Next I will tell you something thst you probably wouldn't expect from me but maybe you are not supposed to get over it. Everything in our lives happen for a reason. I was a virgin for quite some time and felt resentment because I either met guys who were into me and when they found out were scared away or the opppsite, guys that were not so into me and when they found out all of a sudden they wanted to be the first lol. Well at first I thought it was wrong of me for not wanting to talk to those guys but then I realized the blessing in disguise that it was. Either way, unlike other girls, I had something that made guys show me their true feelings. So I will say the same to you. You now know that there are some very shallow men out there. You are one of few who gets to experience dating from both sides of the scale so now its you're opportunity to use what you know. You probably now have a shallow radar that allows you to distinguish between the men that wouldve dated you even when you were bigger and those are the guys that you give the time of day. You should not malicious dismiss or seek out revenge or anything of the sort against the other men but now you know who to just say no to. Hope this helps. Wish you the best.

Anonymous · Answer

unfortunately that is how it is. Most guys would prefer to meet a girl like link over link and most girls link over link

I do think it's shallow, but everyone has some sort of standards for the opposite gender whether they be physical appearance or personality or financial etc. I know that it does hurt that once you improve an area of your life that was once lacking, that people change the view on you. Almost like a lottery winner who all of a sudden has so many friends. I say keep the friends as friends and rather look outside your circle for a s/o. if you can't and someone inside could be then so be it

Anonymous · Answer

Admitting the hard realities of life is always a struggle. Just get to know the guys that talk to you ... some of them may not be as shallow as you think -- some may just not have noticed because we come across thousands of people a year ... SOMETHING has to stand out to make us shine against the backdrop. Yeah ... guys are visual. You've gotta deal with it and find the best of them who can balance their obsession with sex and good looks with bigger goals and qualities. EVERYONE wants a sexually attractive partner (it's our inherent biology)... but many people will balance having a moderately attractive spouse that they get along with and connect with over a superficially perfect one they don't.

That being said, dating your friends never really works well anyway. Just brush aside your friends who are suddenly wanting to bed you and try to meet some new romantic interests. Trying to find a guy who doesn't value your looks is impossible, though. Humans are "shallow" for a reason. It's painful for those of us who aren't top tier, but it's as true as the fact that we have to fight our instinct to eat high-calorie foods all day.

thesexyyone · Answer

well, I'm gonna give it to you straight, there are two reasons why this is one could be considered shallow the other maybe not so much.

1. they may have been attracted to your personality before but would have been embarrassed to be romantically involved with what could be considered a 'larger girl" this society doesn't necessarily glorify larger women so the opinions of what others think may have played a role in this

2. the other answer is because a guy may want a girl who takes care of herself and being overweight is a signal that you may not necessarily be giving enough attention to that issue,

for most guys a girl that is "overweight" sends a signal to them that the girl has let herself go

so to speak and may not necessarily tend to hygiene, grooming and other personal matters.

doesn't mean its true just perception, guys that are percieved to be overweight have the same problem.

so in order to get over this, my suggestion is this...

be thankful your efforts are paying off and garnering attention, and now this affords you the ability to pick the guy you so choose and will open up the availability pool so to speak!

hope this helps :-)

NMMan · Answer

Some good points made here below, I'd just like to combine a few of them for my answer.

1) Maybe the extra attention is due to your changed appearance, but perhaps it's also due to the more confident nature you've recently gained. That can be as much of an aphrodisiac as anything else.

2) For there to be potential with a partner, people need to be attracted to who you are as a person, certainly, but physical attraction does play a significant role too. I'd be completely lying if I said that wasn't a factor, because for better or worse, that's just life.

The timing may seem convenient for the increased attention to be there, but you've put in the work and made a positive effort to live a healthier life...why not enjoy the rewards?

udolipixie · Answer

Guys only like me now that I've lost weight? c

Not surprising to me as that's how physical attraction for men works.

How do I get over this?

Probably best to not have some idealistic view of men and regard them as loving women's bodies not women.

"I feel as if all this time my personality hasn't been enough to get them to be attracted to me."

That feeling is correct as guys aren't like gals who can grow attraction over time or overlook physical apperance. Though it's probably best not to tell guys about that feeling or expect sympathy if the situation was reversed as most likely guys will defend not wanting you when you were overweight while balking at a gal who didn't want a guy when he was broke but wants him when he's stable or wealthy.

AndyWes · Answer

Sorry, but personality is not enough for the vast majority of people. Men are attracted mostly by looks. You could have a great personality, but if your looks don't attract us sexually, we'll probably just want to be friends. We're not going to suddenly fall in love with a girl we don't find attractive.

That's just the straight facts. Your personality and charm will make a guy want to get to know you better and help keep a relationship together, but if he's not sexually attracted, if he doesn't find you hot/cute/beautiful, he won't want anything more than friendship. Like a girl who meets a "nice, sweet guy" who lacks confidence and game. She won't want anything but friendship.

Blobb · Answer

Well I mean that's normal it's like you see a bum on the street you're not like omg hot! I so wanna f*** him for his personality. Probably you won't have any interest in getting to know him either. Give that bum a shave, shower and some nice clothes and suddenly you're probably going to be willing to get to know him. And you might even be attracted to him.

Goes the same way for you. If you make yourself more attractive, good on you! But you can't blame people for not being able to show attraction to you when you weren't attractive to them.

How to get over it, I dunno. I mean it's actually natural that you feel this way a bit. I guess either cut them off and move onto new relations and you won't have any strains on the relations due to a "bad past". Or whenever that resentment comes up just calm yourself down and contradict it in thought, you probably wouldn't go toward an unattractive person either. It's just most people aren't that extroverted.

kirstentaylorc · Answer

Truth to the matter is, guys will probably pay more attention to you when you're in better physical condition. BUT I will say, I'm sure some of the attention is that they noticed you're taking better care of yourself now. Taking care of yourself is a positive quality for somebody to have as well as the confidence you've gained. Confidence is attractive (not to be confused with cocky).

It does suck seeing how the friends you've had are shallow enough to only be interested because of your weight loss but don't sweat it, don't let them get the 'best' of you. You probably began to lose weight for yourself so don't let them get to you, you did this for yourself, you should be proud and now they notice. Congrats on your weight loss by the way! Good luck with everything else!

Anonymous · Answer

There is nothing wrong with only being attracted to good looking people. If we were not attracted to good looking people, then there would be no such thing as someone that is good looking, since what determines if someone is good looking, is the person"s ability to attract. Good looking people tend to be healthier, and produce healthier children. How is it shallow to be attracted to the same traits that have kept the human race alive all these years?

Can you honestly tell me you can look at a 350 pound man and think to yourself, "Oh yeah! I want me some of that hot ass!"? ha ha Of course not. Everyone is attracted to, what they are designed to be attracted to.

kambo_trick3y · Answer

Join the club. I used to be 200+ pounds. Well, you now face the dilemma that I had to go through many years ago. You can take two roads.

1 - In the event that you have refined your ability to read the superficiality in people, you can now cut all ties with people you perceive as shallow.

2 - Keep your friendship connection and humor the people who you now know are very shallow.

I took option 1. I don't have many friends, or that many romantic attachments, you'll find people in general are very superficial and shallow. It's hard wired into their brain. You'll probably have to hold out for someone who can understand this mentality as well as you do. Which is rare because they have to genuinely experience it.

Just giving you my way of the road.

shacodraco · Answer

you can't blame anyone for wanting to date someone that is in shape. personally I keep myself in good shape and I expect anyone I'm seeing to do the same or I wouldn't be with them. a pretty face helps sometimes but its not always enough. I'm not gonna try to force myself to be attracted to someone just because I like their personality. you can't have an intimate relationship with someone you are not attracted to.

its not being shallow, its just biology. deep down its about the kids you will have with that person.

Longshot · Answer

In the long run personality will count more, but let's be truthful -- looks are what attracts us. Another point is that looks are a sign of whether the person takes care of themself or not. I was overweight for quite a while and recently lost a lot of weight. I have seen some of the same things you are seeing, but as one woman put it to me, "I see you decided to take care of yourself."

Yes, some of it is shallow because there is a bias against fat people. However, it is a sign of whether you are into taking care of your own health.

why-makoto-kun · Answer

Congrats on losing the weight! I think most guys prefer a healthy weight. When I was in middle school I was right on the edge of being overweight (BMI of like 24.9). And I kind of struggled with it, losing 10 lbs, getting more attention, then about 10 more lbs to an ideal weight (BMI of around 20).

Now, a lot of people may say, "20 lbs? Big deal; that's shallow blah blah blah" but I'm short and have a small frame, so that little amount of weight made me look way bigger than I was. Some women carry extra weight well (it, um, goes to the right places) but for me I just get a big ol' belly and a chubby face, with only slightly bigger thighs, hips, and butt.

So what I'm saying is that these guys may be shallow for not giving your personality a chance, but the animal attraction must be there, and many guys do not go for the beach-ball look like I had.

Heck, I won't even date a beach-ball guy myself. Not my preference, and it's unfair to date someone you're not attracted to.

Anonymous · Answer

It never ceases to amaze me how people buy into the non-sense that somehow it's only "ok" to be attracted to someone because of their personality, and how it's somehow "not ok" to be physically attracted to them. Human attraction is complex and multifaceted. You need to have BOTH for it to really work.

And there's nothing at all "shallow" about being physically and sexually attracted to someone. One major point of a relationship is to have sex and eventually have kids. And you want those kids to be as physically strong as possible. That happens when your partner is in great shape. And that's why their bodies turn us on so much and make us want to have sex with them.

Anonymous · Answer

You were sexually unattractive before, there's no debating that. Why would a guy pursue something he found repulsive? He at least kept you as a friend.

Furthermore, do you think girls willingly throw themselves at guys that haven't learned game? There are countless guys out there who aren't that good with women, but that women will never give them a chance.

The bottom line is, women want a finished product ever bit as much as guys do. You're just finding this out now that women and men have low tolerances for what they find unattractive in a partner.

Konnour · Answer

What people who don't know you, strangers, people in mundane, random situations - what do they know about you?

Can they tell what kind of personality you have just by looking at you?

We can tell something only and only about looks when it comes to people we don't know.

You can't just look at a stranger and tell: "It seems like they have a good personality, so I'm attracted to them"

You HAVE.to.understand.this.

This is not shallow. Everyone is that way. Shallow is caring only and only about looks and being ignorant & oblivious even if the other person is very promiscuous, using drugs, very argumentative, hates animals or anything like that - shallow is as long as the looks are there, nothing else matters.

Caring about looks first and then ALSO about other things later - aka getting to know you is not shallow.

NoOneListens21 · Answer

It's good that you are feeling better about yourself ^_^

Well for the guys who you know now the ones who haven't been paying attention to you I would just write them off because it seems that it bothered you that they didn't feel those things then and now they do given the circumstances. It's your choice if you want to give them a chance or not. But you should be more concerned or focused on the guys who liked you before hand that no matter what, you were enough. Some people are more shallow than others. Just depends on the person. I believe you should forget the ones who are only about one thing or too shallow and get with guys who know how to treat you properly. Hope it helps. =)

Ada-Fae · Answer

Some guys can be shallow (not all are, though).

I'd be upset at the guys you've known for a while too, if I were you.

Honestly, though, I think you have to forgive them. Yeah, it'll be difficult, but it's worth it, no?

Obviously you were friends with them before, and I think it's safe to assume that you didn't like all of them (if any) in a romantic sense. So just brush it off, and continue to think of them as just friends, because they don't seem like they are worth the effort you'd put into a romantic relationship. 'Cause you'd want them to find you attractive at any size, right?

Anonymous · Answer

This is shallow,

...in the same way, it makes sense why a girl would find a guy more attractive once she finds out he's a successful surgeon, or very rich, naturally she wants a guy who can provide her with comforts...it's understandable, natural even, but still shallow.

Guys on here are always asking "can a hot girl like a less good looking guy" but it's OK that they won't even give you the time of day until you're hot? That they can't find anythIng deeper than the surface attractive?

No, This is a case of "didn't want me then can't have me now"

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't call it shallow. Everyone is attracted to something different. I myself would not date a heavy guy because I am simply not attracted to it. The guys who have known you in both situations are attracted to thinner girls. In that case, yeah I can see how it hurts. Don't fall for them. Let them see what they can't have.

Don't be hurt...be happy in your new body. Those guys who you knew before-- tell them if they didn't want you then, they can't have you now.

Really though, Don't be upset. Everyone is attracted to different body types. Most guys like thin girls but there are many who prefer girls who are bigger. It's just how people work. Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

I had this happen to me. I was kind of pissed about it at first. I was fine with the attention but I turned them down and told them I just wanted to be friends. It was really hard for me to get past the sudden change of attention from them. If you do have an interest in any of them maybe you should just ask them why the sudden change. If you really would just rather look for a different guy then I would go for that.

It might not be that they are shallow, but that they overlooked you. I know that sounds horrible but when my guy friends started hitting on me I asked one of them why and he told me it was like the scene from Miss Congeniality where Sandra Bullock walks out of the hanger after she had her makeover. He told me it made it hard for him to think of me as one of the guys anymore.

I eventually just accepted that I was new and I wasn't the same girl they were used to. Enjoy the attention!

Anonymous · Answer

Remind yourself about how you are not attracted to fat people. How many physically unattractive people have you put effort into having a relationship with because their personality was enough to get you to be attracted to them?

I think you are only entitled to feel the way you do if you have regularly persued unattractive people because their personalities where so attractive. I doubt you have. If you haven't, you are just the same as most people--you are attracted to good looking people, and not attracted to unattractive people. That is the human condition, get used to it.

martyfellow · Answer

Don't get over it!    Go with guys who liked you and paid attention to you when you were overweight.  The other guys ARE shallow, and you don't need to apologize for CALLING them shallow!

prophecy · Answer

it's nothing shallow demanding a normal looking human being.

from when is it acceptable to be fat? of course I'm not going to be with you if you're fat - even if you have THE BEST personality in the world.

i mean, do you really think I have no self-respect that I would hang around with a FAT girlfriend? you're insane. it's just disgusting.

Alexeiv · Answer

Thing is, fat women in a relationship often don't lose weight because they settle and don't want to work on it.

Understand you did better for yourself and you should be proud you are receiving this attention.

I didn't get as many looks either when I was skinny before I started exercising and building muscle.

Hal2002 · Answer

Good for you, if you were not good enough for them when you had a few extra pounds. They are not good enough for you now, that you have lost them.

Ask yourself, now that you have seen how they are. Do you think they would stay with you, if you put that weigh back on. As you say, you are still the same person inside, the outside package has just changed a little bit.

JohnWhilkins · Answer

That's a good question. I think I'd just see the situation as... if you're comfortable looking the way you look now then that's how you're supposed to look. If this is the case right now and people are first now starting to pay interest then it is still for the right reasons?

Men and women are shallow regardless if you just lost weight or not, so that should be out of the question.

Anonymous · Answer

As much as people say looks don't matter, I think they do. Personality only gets you so far but they've got to have some physical attraction too. And I think that's the main reason for people being friend zoned when it comes to meeting potential partners. I know I had the same thing when I started going to the gym as I was really scrawny. It was just what I needed to get out of certain friend zones. I don't hold anything against them for it.

I'd say everyone has a certain degree of shallowness

BlueX · Answer

Not to sound cruel, but let me ask you this.  Did you find men attractive who were overweight?  Did you give them attention, or did the fit/in shape men catch your attention?

Eddieguitar · Answer

Well... just because a guy becomes attracted to you romantically after you losing weight doesn't make him shallow. They were friends with you when you were overweight right? So the only difference between friends and lovers is looks. Either way you care about the other person, but in different ways. Am I right? :)

the88nus · Answer

unfortunately this is one of those "guys are *&&$%#@!" moments. its not that none of them noticed you before, in fact I can almost guarantee that at least one has been noticing for a while.

BUT

all it takes is one "damn man, _____ is looking pretty good today" and the game is on… so to speak. Once one of us notices something we all want that, whatever it may be.

My advise is let them drool and look for the one who isn't saying anything, he noticed you before.

as for the rest of them, its hormones. I have two friends that are girls I don't flirt with constantly, depending on how old you are your going to start seeing your friendships turn into big flirting matches. at least that's what happened to me

fairNsquare · Answer

Unfortunately, I don't think it's just something you get over because you feel they should have made an effort to get to know you when you were heavier. I would feel the same way so those guys are just guys you tell you prefer to remain friends. tell them you don't want to ruin the friendship by now trying to go out on date with him. Just say that you are flattered and be the bigger person. Don't waste your time on a guy that likes you now while you're thinner because if it all worked out and you were in a serious relationship, would that guy bail out if you happened to gain some weight?

My advice for you is to only date "new" guys and don't focus on the recent weight loss. Forget about what size you were months or years ago, just think of the moment that you're in with that one guy and enjoy life!

You have a right to be happy. You have a right to be (more) confident. Just go for it and don't look back and don't focus on the negative.

Good luck and don't look back! :0)

FastAndFurious27 · Answer

Don't become interested in them, since they clearly like you just because of your new looks.

Maybe they only want to have sex with you, which is clearly not right, except if you'd like to have sex with them of course.

By The Way, happy for you that you lost weigh :) Congrats :D

duvexy · Answer

You start by being your best person you have to take care of yourself. You are the only one who will be able to accept you for who you are. These people who are shallow are no longer worth your time and effort. Love yourself first and then be sure to put expectations for the next person that they will have to accept you for who you are. If they care about you they will.

TheUglyOne · Answer

If I were you I wouldn't go with those guys. If they didn't want you then, why should they have you now? Wait until other guys come along.

Anonymous · Answer

When you look at yourself now do you think you look better than before? If yes then why are you being resentful toward guys for thinking the same thing. And sorry but personality isn't everything there are so many factors that attract ppl. And appearance is one of them. Fact.

Anonymous · Answer

Think of it this way: a guy can have the same personality, but just smile more and stand more confidently -- everything else the same -- and girls will talk to him more. It's the same concept. To truly eliminate all forms of "shallowness" you need pure love. Very few experience this.

Double_O_69 · Answer

Put it like this, (example) why don't girls approach me? All of a sudden I became a body builder and I have girls all over the place. If you were a big girl all you had to do is make the moves yourself and you would have attracted them. That's manual game, and looking spectacular is automatic game.

XcessiveDreamer · Answer

I think you should just find other people outside your pool. Looks and attractions out the window there are levels of shallow I'm just going off your description but they do sound like they are leaning on the very shallow end.

I sorry I can't give better advice it sounds like you are in a very difficult position. But this could be the opportunity to see who were your real friends our.

Anonymous · Answer

yes.  its shallow.  particularly from the guys you already know. the vast majority of guys are shallow at the same level they would charge women--its just shallowness for different things..  just make sure not to date any of those guys who 'flipped," from cold to hot.   bcs if you gained it back, they'd be history.

motobe · Answer

You can't fault someone for not being attracted to you. Is it your fault that you're not attracted to everyone guy you meet? Attraction is combination of things including a chemical reaction. It takes more than looks to like someone. Did you like these guys before? If so then it's good news that they are attracted to you now. :)

ImperfectDVM · Answer

I went through that.

I felt that same way, then I loved it!

Just don't let it get to you.

Do you have any guy friends that where there before and after the weight loss?

Or just revel in the positive attention?

Anonymous · Answer

Because looks matter! Get the f*** over it. That's why you lost weight right? So you could feel better about yourself, look better, so guys will like you. No guy will solely like you on your personality, that's what friends are for, there needs to be attraction. And if you don't like guys for this reason...good luck.

hastings69 · Answer

Hi there, I did the same as you have done, all I did was stay friends with the ones I already new, The ones that started to look and want to go out with me I said no thanks to. I beleave that if people don't want to know you when you are bigger then they are not worth knowing, They are the ones that have missed out on a really fine lady, you have not lost out on anything, keep your head high you have done well.

Juker · Answer

Whoa, you mean to tell me that people are more attracted to people who are in shape!? Its sorcery I tell ya.

posted · Answer

Well honestly for most guys there has to be some kind of physical attraction, if you just lost a bit and weren't really obese Idk, with that said you should find someone you don't know because it won't work well with those guys.

Anonymous · Answer

And nice guys treat women well but get sh*tted on too. Why? Because he doesn't have a flock of other women chasing him? Because he doesn't have a chizzled jawline? Because he doesn't have status? Because he doesn't have resources?

Same sh*t. Humans are selfish, cruel little bitches like that. :)

DutchAtheist · Answer

Well, what is 'superficial'? Are you superficial for wanting to loose the weight in the first place? What was wrong with you before?

markopolo · Answer

well for a lot of people it takes them good looking person on the outside for them to decide to that they are worth getting to know or flirt with but others don't mind and if your still beautiful and wonderful outside it makes outside more comfortable around you and socializing with you but when I was little before my parents died my mother always to me that the appearance of the blossom shouldn't matter as long as you get to see the flower its bloomed into on the inside~

Little-Hippie · Answer

People aren't attracted to personalities. Romance is not an unconditional relationship.

bDizzie · Answer

It's no different than a guy becoming more confident, having a better personality, and getting more attention from girls.

upood · Answer

It's not just you look better but with weight loss comes a newfound confidence and comfort with yourself and you radiate that which IS attractive.

septimus · Answer

you don't have to get over it. find someone outside of your usual pool of men.

Anonymous · Answer

You've matured and now you take care of your health that can gain respect from some guys and it doesn't hurt to look better either. Coming from someone who did the same I'm now more into girls who workout

Anonymous · Answer

Don't change YOUR attitude to them. If they grow interested in you, and you end up liking one of them, make them notice you haven't changed, your body has. I understand the feeling.

Guys only like me now that I've lost weight?

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